With her empty gaze, she seemed lost in time as she recollected her memories. She wished she could turn back the time. She wished she had never parted from him. She wished the last picture of him kissing another girl wasn’t the last thing to remember him by.

            At least she remembers the color of the night for her days are all just made of that. It was just nights without the stars she used to count under the moonlight when she confessed her heartaches and joys.

             She tried to remember the colors of the flowers , but now darkness seemed to overshadow the last glimpses of her favorite colors around. She thought she could remember the balloons she used to see when she walked down the Han River. She thought she could remember the flowers of spring she caressed when she walked in the early mornings; at least she still remembers their scent. This scent always reminded her of the gentleness of their love.   Those colors of love, she thought; were the colors of life as she has seen it. Now, those colors just faded away, just lost in the lightless tunnel of her sorrow and heartbreak. Then, she remembered that she also missed the faces of the strangers walking by her and how she used to smile at the old couple sitting side by side at the same place, at the same time celebrating their endless love. She used to love watching them holding hands embracing their love so affectionately. She was amused by the children running around being loud within their own age of innocence.

          Now she can never be the same again, she thought; she has lost the most important part of her … She can no longer enjoy all of these because they were part of what made her smile.

            As the sadness began to grow and get heavier over her chest a face crossed her mind…the face she would never forget no matter how  darkness tried to sweep her memories away … No, she could never afford living without remembering his smile, his gaze when he used to talk to her about his dance battles, that sparkle she could never see in an other’s eyes whenever he talked about his dreams and plans: “JAY…”, she ,sighed desperately but silently; as she tried to breathe again - there was so much to deal with for one heart -So much pain to handle. So much resentment and regret - She could no longer hold her tears as she felt them falling down her cheeks unstoppable. No matter how noisy the world was around her, she could only feel the loneliness. The more she thought of him, the more she felt the pain crashing her inside out. How can she forget this burning love? How can she get over him after all these years?, she had no answer. Did she do the right thing leaving him without telling him the truth? She chose him over herself, she chose him living his dream over their love? Did she have the right to make this decision on behalf of both of them?, drowned in doubt … Absorbed in those endless thoughts, she forgot about time as she heard the bus arriving, it was time to go! But she felt she was never ready to make that one step and leave her past.  

             She reached her hand to feel the breeze as if she was seeking for his hand. All she wanted was to feel his warm hand like she used back then. She restrained herself from crying again, it became hard for her to breathe again; she was suffocating… Now thinking of him just became unbearably painful. But she did not dare to try to forget him … “Those painful memories are part of me now”, she thought silently. Those souvenirs were all that was left from him now!

She reached for her cane as she stood when she heard her brother’s voice: “Angel…!!”

    (Now her brother brings her not only support but also hope …he became the only light that guides her in her darkness …as much as she felt grateful, she also felt regretful being such a burden for him. She felt sorry but most of the time she could find gleams of happiness through her suffering. She could not tell her brother about her lost love. She could not complain to him, she felt it was best for her to suffer alone. This was her way, the only way she knew about protecting the ones she loves.)

           As she took her brother’s arm she felt the warmth of his long arm that made her pain lessen.  Oh! she really loved her brother thinking as she leant her head on his shoulder. She listened to her brother’s accounts about his patients and she really felt how devoted he was. She was proud of her brother, of the man he turned out to be despite the hardships he faced. He came a long way… At times she prayed for him to find someone who would love him and take greater care of him …someone who would do better than her…

              (Smiling Jaejoong could not take his eyes off his little sister… ‘angel’,  he calls her … He was always thankful she was by his side…she meant the world to him … He would do anything for her.)

(As they arrived home, they found Taeyang and Minzy waiting for them at the door-step … Hyosung could recognize their voices even if they tried to talk low to surprise her but she always played dumb not to spoil their surprise.)

Taeyang: “Hyosung ah …!!”

Minzy: “oh onnie …you’re back … I missed you!!”, hugging her tightly.

Hyosung: “I missed you too …come in guys…!!”

         …………………………………………………………………………………………………….

            The idea of moving from the city came from her older brother who recently got a job at the suburb in a small and quiet village after graduating from medical school. Jaejoong loved his little sister so dearly after all she’s all he’s got after their parents passed away when they were pretty young …no relative left but one to each other … He had to learn to take care of himself and his sister… He had tough times for his share but he never complained … His sister was much important to him.  She was happier and livelier back then. He always knew that was another reason for Hyosung’s sadness rather her blindness because she always had a fighting spirit and never gave up when she ever faced obstacles in her life. He knew his sister very well but he never dared to ask her about what changed her so drastically.

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