A/N: This chapter is written from Joon-myun's point of view. 

Joon-myun’s POV

I can still remember the day when Kyungsoo first joined us. November 24.

That was about one and a half years ago. The weather had begun to turn chilly. The number of us living at Heaven had whittled down to just Chanyeol, Himchan, myself and of course Baekhyun.  

I remember how frail and willowy Kyungsoo looked as Kyuhyun-appa and Yesung ushered him into the living room. His large round orbs were almost popping out of its sockets. They were listless and downcast.

I wondered what his story was. He looked troubled and depressed.

The entire family came round and one by one Kyuhyun-appa introduced us to Kyungsoo. He nodded his head shyly and then introduced himself in a soft voice.

Kyungsoo was 17 years old going on 18 in January.

Following that, Yesung led Kyungsoo into the study room while the rest of us remained with appa.

And it was then that I found out more about Kyungsoo – he is suffering from depression as he is unable to come to accept his boyfriend’s death which he feels he had caused. He had attempted suicide several times. His parents were always busy and had no time to keep a close eye on him. They felt drained by their child’s antics and ashamed that he is gay. So they decided to dump their responsibility on others. They came to know about Heaven and so wanted Heaven to take their son in. They would still pay for his expenses and education. They would call and visit from time to time. But the calls and visits started to dwindle with time. I could observe that they really hated visiting this place. It is like they have forgotten about this son. I don’t understand. Which parents would just abandon their responsibility and child to others just like that?

Appa asked me to share my room with Kyungsoo since Chanyeol and Baekhyun are sharing one room. Although Himchan is on his own, I guess appa trusts that I would take good care of Kyungsoo during the nights. No matter what, all of us made a collective effort to ensure that Kyungsoo would be alright.

I remember our first night together was awkward. I tried to strike a conversation with Kyungsoo by asking some questions about him, and telling him a little bit about myself like my hobbies, interests and favourite things, but he didn’t respond to me. He just sat on the side of his bed and stared into space. I tried to persuade him to go to sleep but he just refused to budge. There was nothing much I could do but to take one of my jackets and place it on his back to keep him warm. And I went to sleep.

He must have gotten tired and fallen asleep on his own. I only found out when I woke up about two to three hours to use the toilet and get a drink of water. Kyungsoo looks so peaceful asleep. The sadness in him seems to have vanished just for the moment.

I woke up early the next morning. Kyungsoo was still asleep. Perhaps he is one who likes to sleep a lot or perhaps that was his medication taking effect. I sat on the edge of Kyungsoo’s bed for a while and I pitied him. He might have been a bit wilful then, but that doesn’t mean he needs to be punished like this. It’s so unfair to him.

I noticed Kyungsoo stirring and slowly opening his eyes. “Good morning, did you sleep well?” I greeted him.

He just replied with a blank stare at me. The mood was awkward. I quickly put on my brightest smile. “I’m sorry about my morning breath. I haven’t brushed my teeth yet. Let me go brush my teeth and get your medicine for you.”

I quickly brushed my teeth, then ran to the kitchen to get him a glass of water, took out the medicines from a drawer in our shared room, and ensured the right dosage to be administered. Kyungsoo was still sitting in a daze on the bed.

“Time for your medicine,” I said. He opened his palm and I placed the pills on it and he robotically swallowed them with a gulp of water.

“Do you want some breakfast?” I asked.

Figuring that he would probably not give me an answer, I dragged him out of bed to the dining room and sat him down for some breakfast.

I fumbled around as I tried to fix breakfast for Kyungsoo. I didn’t know what he likes to eat and I’m not much of a cook myself. I could only cook ramen, toast bread even though I work downstairs during lunch hours. I’m more in charge of drink preparation, serving and waiting on tables since we hired a cook.

I buttered two slices of toast and slap on some jam, put them on a plate and set it down in front of Kyungsoo. I brought him a glass of banana milk.

“Do you want anything else to eat?” I asked, hoping that he would not ask for anything more complicated.

He shook his head and I felt really relieved. He took slow bites of his food. He only ate once slice of bread and declined the second slice when I tried to get him to it. I did not want to force him to eat so I just told him to help himself to any of the food if he feels hungry later.

Since I had to watch over Kyungsoo to make sure he does not do anything stupid, I brought him downstairs to the café which doubles up as the nightclub. I started cleaning some of the glasses to prepare for business. Kyungsoo just sat there to watch. Unexpectedly, Kyungsoo got up, walked next to me, took a cloth and started to follow my lead.

We returned upstairs after lunch hours to rest. It was around five when Chanyeol and Baekhyun returned from school and they hollered out in unison, “Hey, is there anything to eat? We’re starving.”

Those two guys are like hungry ghosts. Did they die feeling hungry in their previous lives?

“Why don’t you guys learn how to cook instead of asking for food all the time?” I suggested. “You don’t expect umma to cook your meals. He’s already busy and tired out from the club. You were on your way home. You could have always bought food or something like that.”

“We got it gramps,” Chanyeol replied. “Don’t nag.”

“We’re just tired of eating outside,” Baekhyun chimed in.

“Then you guys should learn to cook,” I chided them.

“I’ll cook something for both of you,” a voice said softly.

It was Kyungsoo. The three of us were surprised at his offer.

“Do you have any pasta around?” Kyungsoo asked softly.

“I don’t think we have anything up here. The kitchen downstairs has some pasta. I can bring it up. What else do you need?”

“Olive oil,” Kyungsoo replied. “Do you mind if I look through the kitchen?”

I gave him the go ahead. After I brought the pasta up, Kyungsoo began to cook immediately. It wasn’t too long before he finished preparing a simple pasta dish of aglio olio with shrimp and mushroom.

Chanyeol and Baekhyun dug into the food voraciously. As for me, I took my own time to savour Kyungsoo’s cooking. The spaghetti was al-dente with a nice bite. It was tasty and nicely flavoured. His cooking could rival our cook downstairs.

“It was delicious. The pasta was perfectly cooked,” I complimented.

And Kyungsoo smiled. It wasn’t a wide smile, just a small smile with his lips arching up slightly.

Chanyeol and Baekhyun also praised Kyungsoo for a wonderful dinner as they let out a burp of contentment.

“Do you think I could help prepare the meals around here?” Kyungsoo asked. His voice was still rather soft and trembling. He sounded pretty unsure about himself.

I told him that I would get the approval from Kyuhyun-appa and Sungmin-umma and he nodded his head. I’m glad that Kyungsoo has offered to do something. At least, this would serve as a distraction for him.

I obtained the approval from Kyuhyun-appa and Sungmin-umma who were both supportive and happy with the idea. When I told him about their decision, he just smiled in response. There were no loud shouts of joy. It was just subdued.

Before we went to sleep that night, I made sure that he took his medicine.

The routine was like this for a week or so. I would ensure Kyungsoo takes his medicine twice a day, watched over him to ensure that he doesn’t do anything silly. He would prepare breakfast and dinner for us. He still didn’t talk much to the rest of us.

Anyway, Kyungsoo looked better. There was some glow in his cheeks. He appeared less spaced out than when he first came. He started helping out in Heaven and he returned to school. We were all happy for him. He started to talk a little to the rest of us, though we were all careful to avoid certain topics such as depression, his family or anything related to his ex-boyfriend’s death.

Kyungsoo was such a caring and neat person. He would help me tidy up the room by arranging the things neatly, folding my clothes, ironing them, and hanging them up in the cupboard. I was really grateful for him for doing that. He didn’t have to do that, but he did. And whenever I thanked him, he would shyly mutter that he’s doing it because he is thankful for me taking such good care of him all along. 

I don’t know if I have done much for him. I am just doing what a leader and brother should do – looking after the younger ones. There were times when Kyungsoo would have nightmares and shout in his sleep, or he would wake up feeling emotionally distressed. I would then hug up and comfort him. I would then share the bed with him until I make sure he falls asleep even though he would decline profusely. I would watch out for him in Heaven and made sure none of the customers would bully him. There were times when he was feeling awkward with the customers, and I would always step in. I taught him how to make cocktails and interact with people, and slowly he regained a little confidence in himself though he wasn’t the most outgoing of sorts. Spending most of my waking hours with him made me develop feelings for him. I always have urges to pull him into a tight hug, or ruffle his hair playfully.

I remember that one time when both of us went out window shopping with Baekhyun and Chanyeol, a watch caught his attention. His old one was starting to wear out. He refused to throw away because of sentimental value; it was a gift from his dead boyfriend – Jino. He then walked away saying he would save up to buy the watch as a birthday present to himself.

I knew that what I had to do. I took note of the model and I returned to the shop the next day and bought the watch for him. It was the first time I had bought such an expensive gift for someone with my hard-earned money. And I felt good. He was in shock and tears when he received the present from me. He wanted to pay me for the watch but I refused. And he hugged me. This was the first time he took the initiative to hug me. It was the first time he hugged any of the guys here. It was a tight hug. And I felt really good. I felt really loved. I knew he felt really bad about it. I just told him to buy me something I like during my birthday instead. But he promised me that he would use the watch well and take good care of it. I know that watch became his most precious treasure, making sure that it remains in a tip top condition and unscratched. And I was secretly happy. He would only take it out to use when he goes to school. He refused to use it when he was at work or engaging in any physical activity. And on my birthday, he bought me a bottle of perfume and some golf balls because he knew I like golf. He even baked me a cake for my birthday celebration with the rest at Heaven. By then, he had begun to open arm to me a little. He told me about his love for cooking and singing. He would experiment with recipes and I would be the first to try. He would smile at me more so than Baekhyun, Chanyeol or Himchan, and even sang a little for me in the private of our room. He did feel uneasy when I slept on the same bed with him due to his nightmares. 

By then, I have deeply fallen for Kyungsoo. Perhaps spending a lot of time with help caused me to develop feelings for him. And I know that he is the correct one for me. Somehow, I thought that he would feel the same way too through his gestures and care for me. Perhaps I may have misread him or just believed what I wanted to believe in what I thought was true. I did try sounding him out gently and cautiously over whether he was ready to be in another relationship, but he would shudder with fright saying that he caused the death of his ex and he does not deserve another chance in love. He would then break down in tears and I would end up hugging him. And so, I decided not to push it. The only thing I could do is to always be there for him, watch over and protect him, hoping that he realises one day that I really love him, and that he would be able to accept me as a boyfriend. But he still remained cautious and treated me like an older brother and not opening his heart to me. I was burning inside, but I told myself to be patient, that he would get it one day.

And then the biggest in our relationship – Oh Sehun – arrived. Appa and umma wanted me to take care of Sehun. By now, Kyungsoo was much better. There were times when he thought of suicide, felt moody or had hallucinations, but he was generally fine. But I could not protest. To me, there was nothing wrong with Sehun but appa and umma worried that he would be some problematic kid since he did run away from home. If there is anyone that wasn’t fine in my eyes, it would be Kyungsoo. So Kyungsoo got to occupy the room with Himchan while I shared the room with Sehun to make sure he stays out of trouble. But I would check on Kyungsoo regularly. But I know deep within, a little gap has begun between me and Kyungsoo.

Come to think of it, maybe the gap between us had always been there, even before Sehun or Kai appeared. Maybe it was all just one-sided wishful thinking on my part. And I was just too stubborn to acknowledge it and face up to reality. 

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I hope you guys are okay with me writing about Joon-myun from his point of view. This chapter focuses on his interest in Kyungsoo. So at least we understand a little why he likes Kyungsoo so much. There will be another chapter about Joon-myun which I will update next week. This would be about his past. Do look forward to it. I won't give away the plot or his experience, but do stay tune for it. 

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And once again, what kind of coupling do you like to see for my next fic? I'm already conceptualising the story for my next fiction. In fact I have a number of ideas. Do share your thoughts on the comments section.

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My other fan fics

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