If you lose him and you feel like part of you died, get him back and marry him, because that means you've found someone you truly love.

"Stay here," you ordered Victoria and Ryeowook.

"Is it Kibum?" Ryeowook questioned worriedly.

"I'll call you when I can, but right now I have to just get there," you said, your words coming out chopped and harried. "I have to get him—find him—"

Song Qian called out after you, "But _____, where are you go—"

Her words were cut off when you slammed the door, rushing out without really hearing Ryeowook or Qian.

"I hope everything's all right," she murmured to Ryeowook. He could only furrow his brows and bite his lip, fearing the worst.

~*~

You dashed to the train station like mad, tapping your feet with incredible impatience, gnawing your bottom lip with intense worry as the train finally pulled away from the station. You were bursting, fear shooting adrenaline through your entire body. It can't be true. He can't be hurt. Not Kibum...not again.

After what felt like years—but was really only just a twenty-minute trip thanks to your desperate pace—you arrived at the hospital Yoona had instructed you to go to. In fact, she was waiting at the door, her eyes widening when she caught sight of you.

"_____!" she said, dashing over to you when you had burst through the hospital's main doors.

"Where's Kibum?" you asked, brushing manners and formalities aside. "Is he okay?"

Yoona shook her head sorrowfully, "Let me walk you to his room...I'll explain more on the way."

~*~

Earlier that day...

Yoona hopped into the seat of the van next to Kibum. "Annyeong!" She greeted him brightly. "Are you excited for our final fanmeet for our drama?"

Kibum eyed her warily for a second, unsure of how to respond to her blatant enthusiasm. "I am. Are you?"

"Yeah! Jehyun oppa is going to be there too," she added with a shy smile. "He said he bought a ticket for the front row."

Ah, Kibum thought to himself. "That was stupid of him. We could've gotten him a ticket for free."

Yoona shrugged, the shy smile still persistently hanging onto her lips. "I offered, but he said he liked supporting me—uh, us."

Kibum chuckled. "No, definitely just you. So things are going well?"

Yoona buckled up her seatbelt as the van started moving out. "He's just...really nice. And sweet. I like him a lot...and Kibum?"

"Eh?"

"Thanks," she said, smiling warmly at her old friend. "You know...for everything."

"Yeah," he said, grinning back. "It's fine. I'm glad you're happy."

"I wish you could be happy too," she sighed, leaning back into her seat. Kibum did the same, gazing at the Seoul cityscape as it flashed by. 

"Who's the lucky girl?"

Kibum glanced hesitantly at Yoona before saying, "Remember Heechul's girlfriend, our old family friend?"

"Her?" Yoona's eyes widened. "Really? How's she been? I haven't seen her since Heechul oppa's funeral."

"She's been bad. But we've stuck together since then..."

"And she doesn't see you the way you see her," Yoona finished for him. He only nodded in reply.

"Kibum oppa, man up!" Yoona said, half-jokingly. "You just need to grab her and kiss her and tell her how you feel!"

Kibum snorted. "I'm serious!" Yoona insisted.

"I know you are," Kibum said, gracing her again with another one of his rare smiles. "You're a good friend, Yoona. We've known each other for a long time now. I promise, I'll try and figure something out."

"I just feel like I owe you, you know?" she said, looking him in the eye. "For how I've acted, for Jehyun oppa..."

"You don't owe me anything," Kibum shook his head. "Honestly. I'm happy you're happy, and I'm thankful you're supportive of _____. That's all I ask for."

"So are we really friends now?" Yoona said hopefully. 

"Yeah," Kibum agreed. "Now sleep. So you have energy for our fanmeet."

She smiled to herself and closed her eyes. 

What felt like only a minute of dreaming later, Kibum was jolted awake by the sudden screeching stop of the van. Yoona let out a high-pitched terrified shriek, and they could both hear their driver curse up front.

"Hyung, is everything okay?" Kibum leaned forward to ask. 

"No," he growled in response. "Those damn sasaengs have been tailing us for the past few miles, and when the guy up there cut me off, the sasaengs crashed into our back."

Kibum rubbed his eyes in frustration. Goddamnit, they were going to be late for work, and Kibum did not appreciate it. He inhaled deeply and said, "Alright, hyung, how about you check out the car and see if the damage is manageable. Hyung," he said in turn to Yoona's manager who was in the front seat, "Please call the police and make sure you get the license plate numbers of the guy who cut us off, and of the sasaengs." Kibum fixed his gaze on Yoona and the few wide-eyed coordi noonas sitting in the back row. "Are you all okay?" They just nodded, still slightly in shock. 

Kibum unbuckled his seatbelt and told Yoona to call the event planner of the fanmeet. "Tell them we got into a slight accident and we might be a little late." 

She nodded and pulled out her phone with a shaky hand. "But where are you going?"

"I'm just going to talk to the fans back there really quick."

"Oppa, don't!" Yoona said, reaching out to grab him. "They're sasaengs. Who knows what they might do?"

"They're probably just confused and scared. It'll be fine." He smiled slightly at her before hopping out of the car.

He strode over to the car behind them and was met by two ahjussi. He greeted them pleasantly. "May I ask why you were following us so closely?"

"We wanted to see Yoona," the skinnier one said, wiping sweat from his forehead.

"Well I'm afraid you've nearly hurt her," Kibum told the two men.

"Yah, who are you?" the other, stockier man demanded. "You're so young; why are you so rude?"

"My name is Kibum, and I just wanted to talk to you about stalking—"

The stocky man interrupted Kibum, swearing, "You insolent little er, we weren't stalking. Who do you think you are, anyway?"

The skinny one tugged on his friend's sleeve. "Don't you recognize him? He's the co-star, the one that thinks he can kiss our Yoona."

The other man looked Kibum up and down and smirked. "So you're the one."

Kibum mentally facepalmed. Idiots. "Ahjussi, we really need to. Yoona and I have work now, so if you could please just cooperate when the police come, I won't press any charges. Just promise you'll leave Yoona alone, and we can go on with our lives in peace."

"Ahjussi? Cooperate? Police? And why are you referring to our Yoona so informally, huh? You really have no manners, kid." He rolled up his sleeves. "I should teach you a lesson."

"Uh, I really think we should just..." the skinnier man trailed off when he saw his friend pull out a gun from under the driver's seat. The gun gleamed underneath the fading sunlight, and the world around Kibum seemed to freeze as he caught sight of the deadly weapon.

Kibum tried to steady his breathing. "Hey, man, put that down. Alright? Let's just try and converse like adults."

The older man just sneered, and then without warning, he punched Kibum in the face with one hand, keeping the gun ready in the other.

Kibum grimaced at the pain, and some silly part of his mind couldn't help but wonder if that were karma for how he hit Hyukjae the other day. The more sensible part of his mind tried to get his body to fight back—after all, he had lived with an older brother for nearly 20 years, and you can't live that long with a brother without learning to defend yourself. He managed to land a good hit in the stocky man's plentiful gut before he felt a fist hit his eye.

Jesus, Kibum thought as he staggered backwards. I definitely did not deserve that one.

He attempted to incapacitate the man by sweeping a kick to his shins, trying to bring him to his knees, when he heard a shout,

"KIBUM!" It was the driver, racing over to help.

"Enough playing aroud," the man with the gun roared. He pulled out the deadly weapon and lined it up in front of Kibum's face.

"NO!"

And in a flash, he swung the gun straight at Kibum's head, hitting his forehead so hard that he drew blood. Grinning maliciously, he shoved Kibum to the ground, so that he fell, causing the back of his smacked the ground with a terrifying crack.  

By the time their driver reached them, it was too late. Kibum was lying motionless on the ground. The police finally arrived, and the triumphant smirk fell of the attacker's face. "Go," he ordered his friend. They both jumped into the car and sped off, but not before one of the police cars raced after it, lights flashing and sirens wailing. 

"Kibum!" Yoona screamed, launching herself at him. Their driver grabbed her arm, keeping her from touching him. "If you move him, you might make his injuries worse!"

"NO!" She screamed again, horror gripping her heart as she stared at her motionless friend. "We have to help him!"

"The ambulance is already on its way," he said quietly.

~*~

"He didn't get shot...the police say the gun was unloaded...but he was hit pretty hard, _____," Yoona warned.

"Oh, God," you said, gripping your mouth fiercely to keep yourself from screaming. In the middle of the story, you had reached Kibum's room, but you couldn't bring yourself to go in and look at him. 

"I can't go in there," you told Yoona, feeling thoroughly drained. 

"He's not actually in there," Yoona murmured.

You gasped.

"I just meant he's still in surgery," she reassured you quickly, realizing her mistake. "They had to stop the swelling in his brain and prevent him from getting more internal bleeding."

"What'd they say? About his condition?" you managed to choke out. 

"They're worried because it's a head injury..."

There are just some things medicine can’t fix.

The words the doctors had said about Heechul before he died echoed in your brain. "No. He's going to be fine. He's going to be fine. They're operating on him right now, and they're going to make him all better."

Yoona hugged you, but in your numbness, you couldn't even respond. "I have to go," she told you softly. "I have to work things out with our staff. But you'll stay, won't you? He would want you here. He needs you."

You could only nod. Yoona then departed quickly, her footsteps fading and leaving you in silence while a war waged loudly in your head.

You don't know how long you stood in front of his door, motionless and raging, quiet and screaming, numb and in panic, somehow all at once. Only when you saw a familiar body being rolled towards did you feel something stir inside you.

"Kim Kibum!" you shouted, running towards his side as nurses and doctors wheeled him to his room in the ICU. Machines beeped all around him, but all you could hear and see was Kibum. "Why isn't he moving?!" you cried desperately to the nearest nurse.

"Agassi, please quiet down," she said.

"No!" you screamed. "Kim Kibum, you better wake up right now! You can't do this again. Don't do this to me again!"

"Nurse, please remove her. The noise is not good for the patient."

"No, please! I'm begging you, let me stay with him!" you begged, falling to the doctor's feet. "Let me stay with him, please!"

The doctor looked down at you pitifully, gently lifting you up by your elbow. "But you must be quiet. It isn't good for your..."

"Husband!" you said quickly, without thinking about it. "He's my husband, I'm his wife, and you can't separate us!" You don't know where those thoughts came from, but if they allowed you to be with Kibum then they were fine by you.

They wheeled Kibum carefully into his room, and once they had set him up, you gently placed your hand over his. You ignored the bustling around you and only looked at his seemingly peaceful face.

There was a bandage wrapped around the top of his hand, and bruises around his left eye and near his jaw. Oh God, Kibum, what did that man do to you? You thought as tears fell. You didn't even move to wipe them, because both of your hand were now fastened, immovable, over his. How could anyone hurt you like this?

You wanted to faint at the sight of his wounds. They brought back too many horrible memories. Every horrible thing that had happened at the car accident came running into your heart, claws bared, ready to rip you apart. Looking at his still body now, you remembered how bloody his arms had been at the first accident, the tears in his flesh from the shattered glass leaking his blood onto the bandages. You remembered the way they had had to brace his neck, how it had made him look so vulnerable. You remembered the way you had stood at his bedside and how you n't say a word, just silently hoping he wouldn't  leave you like his brother had, that you wouldn't lose your best friend the same way you had lost your boyfriend. And most of all, you remmeber how when he had finally woken up, all he could do was cry in pain, how your favorite smile never once appeared, and how you prayed he would never  have to experience pain like that again. The memories tore at you, torturing you, taking your heart and twisting it so painfully until you believed he would never wake up.

The doctor touched your arm gently. "I assume as his wife, you know his medical history?"

You nodded wordlessly, still not taking your eyes off Kibum's face. 

"Well then you would know he suffered from some trauma to the head within the past few years."

"Yes, he always used to get so dizzy," you said with a faint smile at some of your old memories of his clumsiness.

"Usually slight trauma to the head can be overcome and even healed, but since this is the second time his brain has experienced such an impact, and because he was hit twice by his attacker, his injuries bled really quite severely in his brain."

You felt your eyes glaze over at the doctor's words. Let him be alright, let him be alright, oh please, he has to be alright, you thought in your head, unable to bring yourself to say the words aloud. 

"We did our best to stop the bleeding and lessen the swelling and pressure on his brain, but until he wakes up, we can't guarantee there won't be damage to his motor skills or possibly even his memory."

"He will wake up, though, right?" you croaked.

The doctor smiled tightly. "We can hope. But for now, we can only wait." The doctor and nurses left the room after setting up his heart and brain monitos and IV drip, leaving you alone.

"Bummie," you whispered, the unbruised portion of his face ever-so-lightly, "Bummie, you have to wake up. You have to see me again. I'm right here."

"Kim Kibum," you said after another moment of looking at his face, unable to stop the tears from choking your tears, "I'm right here, and I love you. I love you so much. Please don't leave me!"

~*~

It's been nearly a week since Kibum's accident, and he still hadn't woken up. You were there every day, until finally Kibum's parents intervened and insisted you go home, shower, study, rest, and just take a break from the hospital, for the sake of your own sanity.

You didn't want to leave. You would have gladly stayed at his side, simply staring at him, ocassionally brushing your fingers against his skin, gently squeezing his hand, talking to him though he never responded, if you could. You would've done anything to make him wake up, anything to see him smile again, anything to tell him how much you loved him. Anything.

But you couldn't bring yourself to fight with his parents, so you left. You didn't go back to school like they had asked, and instead went to visit Heechul. If the Kims had known you were just jumping from hospital to cemetery, they would've thrown a fit, but you didn't care. You felt something pulling you to talk to Heechul.

"Chullie oppa, I'm here," you said weakly, kneeling at his grave. You ran your hand across his smooth gravestone. "You've probably been watching us from up there all this time, haven't you? It's good I don't need to tell you, because I don't think I can talk about it."

Tears sprung into your eyes. "Heechul, how am I supposed to live without Kibum? This is what it feels like to lose someone you love, isn't it?"

"When you died, I loved you. I was so heartbroken, Heechul, and you were my first love and I lost you. But this...what I feel for Kibum...is something else. It's more than pain; it's unbearable. I want to die, too, Heechul. I can't stand losing Kibum, I just can't!

"He's been there for me longer than you have...two more years," you smiled ruefully. "Don't be jealous because you know it's true. Bummie brought me to life when you died, and if he dies, I know I can't do it again. I can't do anything, because of how much I love him. It's like losing my brother, my best friend, my husband all at once.

"You knew, didn't you? That Kibum could make me happier than you could. Even Han Geng knew. You said the same thing to me: that love is simply right before my eyes. I was foolish to look for it, stupid to think I had to find it when it was staring me in the face all along.

"Do you remember your list, Heechul-ah? Because I do. I have it memorized.

"First, you said I can't fall in love at first sight. Well I did the opposite of that with Kibum, didn't I? So he passes the first test.

"Then you said he can't use cheesy pick-up lines, and you and I both know Kibum barely talks, let alone picks up girls.

"Third rule was that he had to dress well. He isn't the helpless little boy we had to dress for his first date. He's an actor now, and he looks very cool.

"You told me that if he's jealous he has to fight for me. Did you know he beat up Hyukjae the other day? Our Kibum got into a fist fight," you said with a slight chuckle.

"You said he had to be a gentleman and a good kisser. Well I don't know how he kisses, but based on his kiss scenes...well, more importantly, Kibum has done nothing but care for me.

"He told Yoona he cared about me, and he gives me the gift of his time even when I'm just being a brat. He really does care, Heechul. He cares about me so much.

"And to answer your next few rules, I do lust after him. He's the most handsome guy I know, but he's also my best friend. He understands me, he can make me laugh, I love him and he loves me, I know it.

"This is how I know, Heechul. He's everything I asked for, everything you asked for.

"And I don't just realize that just because of a list. It's because I can't stand a life without him. I can't stand the thought of anyone else, not Henry, not Siwon, not even Hyukjae. I love him, and I just know. Every part of me knows that this is just the truth and there's no denying it.

"I'm afraid to love him, afraid that I don't deserve him after what I've done to him. But I'm more afraid of letting him go, of not loving him.

"I love you still, Heechul, but not the same way I love Kibum. You wanted me to move on and so I am."

You wiped the tears from your eyes furiously. "If only I hadn't been so blind. He was right there all along, loving me like I should've loved him—and now I hope it's just not too late. You'll protect him from up in heaven, won't you, Chul? So it won't be too late. So I can finally appreciate what was right before my eyes."

And you don't know if it was an answer from heaven or just plain coincidence, but the sun suddenly moved out from behind a cloud, and a light breeze ruffled your hair, and you kissed Heechul's headstone, finally at peace.

You got up and hurried to your dorm so you could shower, change and go to the one place you wanted to be for the rest of your life—

Right by Kibum's side.

A/N: I hope her realization doesn't seem too rushed. In my opinion, it's about time.

Also, I had a hard time deciding how I was going to injure Kibum. Originally, it was going to be another car crash, but that was just too painfully cliche. Then I was going to have some sasaengs attack him, but I couldn't figure out how to do that logically. So I eventually just threw all my ideas together, and hopefully it isn't too out-of-this-world. I did mention (a loooooong time ago) that Yoona is very popular as an actress. 

Anyway - YAY! Sorry I didn't update last week...I went on vacation hehe. Please comment, subscribe, upvote, everything! I love you, my readers! I feel like I had more to say but I'm so drained from hours of writing and revising, so if I remember I'll just comment. Please let me know what you think down below! <3<3<3

I just noticed I got more upvotes...huhuhu thank you so much guys!!!!<3333