"If the time to leave this earth has come, I'll let you leave first because I can't endure having you alone on earth, crying for me."

            “You look fine,” Heechul insisted, laying on his back on your bed, staring up at the ceiling. You were getting ready in your dorm for some fancy dinner party Heechul was invited to with a bunch of radio people. Heechul had gotten so popular on Youngstreet lately that you were fussing unnecessarily with your appearance, trying to make sure you looked good for you boyfriend’s first major public dinner.

            “Are you sure?” you asked anxiously, finally turning away from the mirror to show him how you looked.

            “Yes,” Heechul said, still lying on his back.

            “Chul! You’re not even looking!”

            Heechul lazily rolled his head to face you and pretty much had his breath taken away, all in that one instant. He shot up and stepped towards you, his jaw slack. You grinned at him and tapped his jaw with your index finger. He shut it robotically.

            “I look that good, huh?” You smirked.

            “Not as good as me,” he said automatically.

            “Well, then, I guess we’re ready to go,” you said cheerfully. You slipped your hand into his and pulled him along with you. He steeled himself and whirled you around, holding you so close your noses were brushing.

            Heechul racked his brains for something really smooth to say, something that would take your breath away.

            “Those creepy old PDs better not hit on you,” he finally said. God, Heechul, why are you so stupid?! He berated himself internally. Classic Heechul to say something incredibly dumb around you.

            But you’ve known this boy all your life and loved him just as long: you knew what he was trying to say. You’d seen it in his eyes, in his slackened jaw, in the way he swallowed nervously and in the way he looked at you—so you kissed him, letting him know that you just knew.

            When you pulled away, he tightened his grip on your hands.

            “Chullie, we’re going to be late—”

            He kissed you again. “Is it really important to go to that stupid dinner? Really? Do I have to share you, when you look that good? Can’t we just stay here and let me kiss you?”

            You laughed and grasped his face in your hands. “Kim Heechul, this is very important for your career. You’re going, whether you like it or not, and I will be there the entire time—whether I like it or not, because I am your girlfriend and I will support you the entire way. And I love you.”

            Heechul loved hearing those words more than anything else. “One more kiss, then.”

            It was a lot more than just one kiss, but when you finally convinced him to leave your dorm, he slipped his arm around your waist and whispered, just for you to hear, “Oh, and I love you, too.”

~*~

            Heechul was getting more and more successful. He landed his first role in a TV show, Rainbow Romance, and he was gaining popularity because of it. He couldn’t go out with you in public anymore, but you didn’t mind.

            “Company’s orders,” Heechul said, and you could respect that. He broke the rule anyway and came to visit you on campus, and you would laze around your room together. You would go out and buy his favorite foods and pig out and lie in bed all day and help him memorize his lines. Sometimes Kibum would come by to mess around, and it was just like old times. At night, when it was dark and everyone was too anxious to get home to gawk at your boyfriend’s face, you would go out for dinner, go on walks, and sometimes he would play piano for you and sing.

            And you were happy.

            Until you found out about his costar’s crush on him. She was a dirty , in your honest opinion, but Heechul insisted the girl was nice, and that she liked Kibum anyway.

            “You just think that!” you insisted irately. “You don’t know how a girl’s mind works. I know she’s into you. I’ve seen it on her face!”

            Heechul exhaled heavily. “No, she’s not. You barely know her. Can we please just drop this? I’m sick of talking about it.”           

            “Fine,” you snapped. “Look, I’m busy with schoolwork. You know the way out.”           

            “Seriously, _____?!” he yelled suddenly. “I know it’s hard, but you don’t understand what I give up for you.”

            You turned your back to him, but he grabbed you shoulder and whipped you around.

            “_____, I lied to you before.”

You glared at him ready to retort, but he continued,

“I’m not just supposed to keep out of public with you. I’m not allowed to have a girlfriend at all! But we’ve been dating for what—four, five years? I’ve known you all my life and I could never break up with you, not even if they ordered me to! And if they ever find out the truth, they could pull the plug on my debut or my pay or put me on another horrible diet or even—”

He cut off. You loosened up underneath his grip and took his hand in your own. “Chullie, I’m sorry.”

He didn’t answer; his eyes were elsewhere and he didn’t seem to hear you. You gently pushed his long hair away from his face and said his name quietly.

“Heechul, I’m sorry I yelled at you. I love everything you do for me, and I’m proud of you, and one day you’ll be the best actor and singer in the world, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”           

“I would never cheat on you,” he said quietly, pulling you close and hiding in your hair.

“I know,” you said, burying your face in his shirt. “I know.”

 ~*~

            With Heechul’s debut promotions running at full speed, you barely got to see him anymore, except when he was on TV. You missed him, but you were happy for him. And your university classes were difficult, so those kept you distracted. Plus, you got to hang out with Kibum whenever you felt lonely, so things were all right.

            “Mhm,” you said to Heechul through the phone. “We’re watching the music program right now. You look so scary.”

            Kibum brought a bowl of junk food for the two of you to share as you watched Heechul on TV.           

            “No, I’m pretty sure ‘scary’ was the right word,” you said teasingly, grabbing a hand full of whatever Kibum just brought you without taking your eyes off Heechul’s face onscreen. “Wait, what? You have to go already? Fine, but call me when you can. Okay. Night.”

            Kibum glanced at you. “Busy, huh?”           

            You smiled half-heartedly at him. “That was the longest phone conversation we’ve had in a week.”

            “That was, like, five minutes!”

            “Yeah,” you sighed. “But there’s not much I can do.”

~*~

            “Who are all these girls?” you smiled tightly, speaking through your clenched teeth.

            “Oh, those are our coordi noonas. And that’s one of our makeup artists. And the one over there is the one who does my makeup. And those are one of the new girl groups and all their members coming to greet us.”

            You grabbed Heechul’s hand instinctively, trying to make sure they knew just exactly who you were, why you were there, and whom you were there for, but Heechul stepped away, whispering to you furtively,

            “_____, I’m not supposed to have a girlfriend, remember?”

            Right, you said bitterly in your head. I don’t exist.

            You stalked off and Heechul quickly followed you out of the room.

            “_____, don’t be angry! I just can’t tell anyone about you. You know how it works. It’s not my fault, and you promised you’d be supportive!”

            You breathed deeply, trying not to get angry with him. “I know, I know. I just can’t be here right now. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

            Heechul watched you walk away and smacked the wall roughly with his palm. Damnit! Why does this always have to go wrong?

~*~

            Where are you?

            Twenty minutes later, you get a reply text.

            At the club with the guys. Come if you want.

            You headed out as soon as you changed, not bothering to leave a note for Song Qian. She knew all about Heechul and she would try to stop you, but you didn’t want her to. You needed to see him.

            You entered the club he mentioned and the first thing you saw was him—but he was surrounded by a swarm of girls, touching him and fawning over him and dancing—or was it more like grinding their bodies against him—all over him.

           "Yah!" you screeched, seeing red, dragging him forcefully off the dance floor. "What are you doing?!"
                   "Having fun! I guess you don’t know what that means." He rolled his eyes, yanking his arm out of your grip. He smelled strongly of alcohol and you stepped back in disgust.
                   "Are you freaking kidding me right now?"
                   "What is your problem?!"
                   "All those girls out there, touching you like that! That's my problem."
                   "It doesn't mean anything," Heechul said, sounding pissed.
                   "It means something to me," you said, tears pricking your eyes. You wanted to see him and to finally have some fun with him, not catch him messing around with girls. “Did you plan this, Kim Heechul? Is this what you wanted, to hurt me and get rid of me?”
                   He sighed. "You're overreacting! I’m just trying to have some fun with the guys. Now that we’ve debuted we just want to have some harmless fun."

Harmless?
                   "No," you spat out at him, fiercely rubbing your eyes. "You know what I'm beginning to think doesn’t mean anything? Us."
                   "_____—"
                   You left the club before he could say anything to get you to forgive him. For far too long, you’ve been forgiving him too easily, and this time, you didn't want to.

~*~

            “I’m so sorry. I was drunk last night. I didn’t know what I was saying and what I was doing. It’s just been really stressful with our debut and promotions…please. Call me back.”

            You loved him. You had for years, so when he asked to see you, sounding as horrible as he did in that voicemail, you couldn’t say no.

            “Do you have something you need to say?” you asked, not looking at him as you sat across from each other in a quiet corner of a new coffee shop, Kona Beans.

            “_____, you know how much you mean to me. I didn’t mean any of it last night, and I swear, I never meant to hurt you. Never.”

            “But you did,” you whispered hoarsely. “I feel like I don’t know you anymore. You’re different. I never see you. I don’t even know what I want from us.”

            Heechul looked down miserably. His head was pounding from his hangover and he had to leave soon to go filming and his girlfriend, whom he loved more than anything in the world, hated him.

            “And, Heechul,” you began, steadying yourself with a deep breath. “I’ve been thinking…maybe your company was right. Maybe you shouldn’t have a girlfriend.”

            “Don’t’ say that,” he said, jumping up and grabbing onto you tightly. “Don’t—“

            His phone began to ring.

            You stepped away. “Not in public, remember?”

            He glanced at the caller ID. “It’s my manager…”

            “Duty calls,” you smiled bitterly at the ground.

            He leaned in to kiss you goodbye, but you dodged it. He settled for your forehead, not moving for a moment, his lips still pressed against you.

            “I’ll talk to you later, then,” he said quietly.

~*~

            “Who’s that?” you asked, frozen in you tracks. You were busy putting your number into his new cellphone, which he had to change because his old one was stolen by some sasaeng fans. However, when you had just entered your information, a text popped up, reading,

            Hey, baby! I miss you~~~! Text me back ^^ You knew who it was: a celebrity who had recently worked with Heechul, but you asked anyway, hoping that your fears weren’t coming true.

            “Who’s who?” he asked, absentmindedly making his way over to you. Things had been rough the past few months, but they were okay now. At least, they had been, up until you saw him with her. And this was the final straw.

           "I hate you!" you cried suddenly, shoving him away. “Enough with the lying, already! Just tell me yes or no: are you seriously cheating on me?!”
                   He didn't budge and instead held tightly to your arm. "_____, shut up for one second! You don't underst—"
                   "Don't tell me to shut up! You're the one who doesn't understand. You're the one who has no idea what I'm feeling right now!"
                   He argued, "Would you just listen to me?!"
                   "No! You listen!" Your volume dropped. Your heart was broken, and all the anger faded and was replaced with nothing but heartbreak and hurt. "Didn't you think for one second about me?”
                   "I—"
                   "About how much it would break my heart to see you with her? Don’t try to lie to me again! I visited your set yesterday, and I saw you kissing her!" You ripped yourself from his grasp. "Don't you know how much I love you? How much it hurts to love someone like you?"
                   "_____, I really—" he tried to say. But you turned your back to him.
                   "I don't even know if I can even love you anymore," you said, purposefully enunciating every word, trying to hurt him like he’d hurt you, your own heart ripping in two even as you were speaking.
                   "Don't say that! Don’t even think that!" he said, an upset expression coming onto his face. But you just left him there without another word, unable to handle it any longer.
            It was my fault she doesn’t trust me anymore, Heechul told himself morosely. He was the one who always choked when it came to those three words, “I love you”, he was the one who was always too busy, he was the one who couldn’t even acknowledge his girlfriend of five years in public. Heechul wasn’t sure whether he should laugh at his stupidity or throw himself off a cliff. So all he could do was settle for crying.

~*~

           “_____,” Heechul said to you, clearly looking forward to something.
                   “What?” you asked impatiently.
                   He ignored your irritated tone and continued excitedly, “I prepared something really special today. Something I’ve been dreaming about for you and me. Here, close your eyes, and I’ll show you!”
                   “Look,” you told your boyfriend coldly. “I don’t really have time for this. I’ll see you later.” You grabbed your backpack, got up, and left without another word, not even giving him a second glance. He stayed there, motionless. He didn’t do anything but sit and stare at the present he prepared, which he had been hiding behind his back. He fiddled with it in his hand for a little bit, before painful thoughts poisoned his mind, making him grow angry.

            He had to admit, yes, he made a mistake. He kissed that actress even though he was still dating you. But he was confused and hurt and unsure and stupid, and he regretted it more than anything, but most of all, it made him realize that he was done hiding you, done hurting you; he needed you. He needed you and loved you and he didn’t care what his company had to say or any of his fans or anyone in the world.

            But you wouldn’t give him a chance.

            Hurt and heartbroken, he forcefully threw his surprise at the wall. He left the same way you had left, storming out, but he didn’t follow you; he walked the opposite way. And lying there, broken on the ground, was a tiny little handmade model of a cute house. It had hearts on the shutters and was painted a shining white. On the tiny door was the inscription, “Let’s build a life together, _____-ah!”
                   But the little model Heechul had spent hours putting together had just fallen to pieces, and you would never even know it existed.

~*~

            You were on the phone with Heechul, who was driving back from Mokpo with Kibum and their parents, because a childhood friend of theirs just lost his dad.

            “Give me one more chance,” Heechul begged you on the phone. “Please. I can’t take any more losses. Donghae lost his dad, and it made me realize that if I were to lose you like that I couldn’t handle it. I can’t live knowing you hate me.”

            “I don’t hate you,” you responded quietly. “I just…don’t think I can be with you anymore.”

            “Why not?” He begged. “I love you, you love me—what more do we need?”

            “I think we’ve already proved it’s not enough.”

            “Tell me, ______, do you still love me?”

            “Chul…”

            “Do you, or don’t you?” He asked more forcefully.

            “I do,” you said, tears streaming down your face. “I always have, always will.”

            Heechul breathed a sigh of relief on the other side of the line. “Well that’s good. Look, I’ll be home soon. I’ll see you then, okay?”

            “I don’t think I want to see you just yet, Heechul,” you told him tiredly. “I can’t handle our fights anymore.”

            “I promise, I will never fight with you again. I will never hurt you again, okay?”

            The phone hung up suddenly, but you shrugged it off, not really worried. Heechul was like that. He didn’t usually wait around to say goodbye.

~*~

            “,” Heechul groaned. “What…just…happened?”

            “Shh, Heechul,” an unfamiliar voice said, the voice sounding very strange to Heechul’s ears. “It was a car crash. You’ve been hurt really badly, so don’t move, okay? Don’t even speak. An ambulance is coming.”

            Everything hurts, Heechul wanted to say. But where’s _____? I have to see my girlfriend. I have to see her. I have to…

            And everything turned to black.

­­“_____....”

~*~

            “_____.”

            You were pulled from your sleep by Kibum’s voice, but you didn’t mind. You had the most horrible dream. There was just blood everywhere, so much that you could barely see, and all you could hear was Heechul’s voice sounding like he was in terrible pain, calling out to you.

            Glad to be woken from your nightmare, you rolled out of bed and quickly picked up your phone, answering Kibum’s call, “What’s up, Bum? Why are you calling at this time?”

            “It’s Heechul,” he said hoarsely, barely audible over the din of sirens and people shouting in the background.

            Thos two words made everything around you stop.

            “We were just in a car accident. My head hurts, and I’m sitting in the ambulance and I begged them to let me call you to let you know. My parents are all right, I’m a little bit more banged up…but Heechul hyung…”

            “No,” you whispered. “Please, no.”

 ~*~

            “He’s doesn’t have long to live,” a stranger’s voice floated in Heechul’s ears. “He’s got some serious damage to his leg, his ribs are broken—one of them has pierced his lungs, and he’s lost a lot of blood. But the worst part is that he’s got a really severe concussion…there are just some things medicine can’t fix. I’m sorry.”

            “Are you saying you’re giving up?” Someone’s voice yelled. That voice was so famaliar, but Heechul was too disoriented to discover who was shouting. He just wished they would stop, because it was hurting his head, and he had more important things to take care of.           

            “Paper,” he croaked. “Paper.”

            Even near death, Kim Heechul never said please.

            “Paper. Pen.”

            “Don’t,” the doctor warned. “It’s going to make everything painful. It’ll drain you. Just rest for now.”

            Heechul was too tired to answer, but he forced himself to write the letter, and when his hand gave out and he could barely think anymore, he waved the nurse over and had her finish it as he whispered his thoughts in her ear. He needed to do this.

            He finally finished uttering those last words, and he smiled gratefully at the nurse before laying back and shutting his eyes.

            I’ll just sleep for now. When I wake up, I’ll have the nurse call ______. I want to see her again. I will see her again. This is just a quick nap….                                   

~*~

            “My son!” Mrs. Kim cried out suddenly. “Please help my son!”

            A nurse rushed in and quickly slammed her hand against a button on the wall. She moved over to check Heechul’s vital signs. Doctors and aids flooded the room, pushing Mrs. Kim aside.

            “My son,” she moaned, sliding to the ground. “Please save my son, my eldest son, my beautiful boy. Heechul! Heechul!”

             The same nurse from before hoisted her up and said into her ear urgently, “You need to go somewhere else. The doctors are busy. I’m so sorry. You should see your other son—he’s injured, too, and he needs his mother.”

            Mrs. Kim stood up robotically, the only words echoing in her mind, My son. My son. My son.

~*~

            You sat on the bench near the house where you had grown up, the one where Heechul used to kiss you and hold you and tell you he loved you and—

            Used to.

            Where Heechul used to be.

            The tears slid out, no matter how you fought it. This is where Heechul used to be, and this is where you would never see him again. You would rather sit here, in this special place, where Heechul had wrapped his arms around you—sit here and brush your fingers against the wood, almost feeling his arms slip around you again—than go visit his lifeless body and say goodbye to that scarred face with closed eyes that would never sparkle at you again.

            For a second it worked; you could feel Heechul sliding onto the bench next to you—but you blinked, and then all you felt was the cold.

            The Heechul that was tucked into a coffin, waiting to be cremated, wasn't your Heechul. That wasn't Heechul, lying with his eyes closed while everyone he cared about sobbed around him. That wasn't Heechul, completely motionless, not drying his little brother's eyes or taking care of him and his head wounds. That wasn't Heechul, keeping his mouth shut. That wasn't Heechul, ignoring the attention he was getting. That wasn't Heechul, not wondering where you were. That wasn't Heechul, unable to tell you he loved you.

            Heechul was here, you told yourself. He was in the breeze that played with your hair, in the birds' song that you heard each time you sat on this bench together, in the memory that almost had you believing you could see him in front of you now.
No, Heechul wasn't that empty shell resting in that coffin that you couldn't face. Heechul wasn't sitting next to you either, and he'd never be there again. He was only a picture in your head, a memory of his voice whispering his love. You were a coward. You were a coward sitting on your , avoiding proof that Heechul was dead, deluding yourself into believing he was alive. You were a coward, and you just missed your last chance to tell Heechul goodbye, missed your last chance to feel his skin, at least once more. And all you could do was sit there and sob.

                                                                                                                                              ~*~

            You spent all your time with Kibum now. He’d had some head trauma as well, but his concussion was a lot less severe than Heechul’s. He’d spent a couple days in the ICU, then several more weeks in the hospital as the doctors made sure everything was still functioning properly in his body and mind. When he was finally released, you helped him go home and didn’t leave his side for more than an hour. He was easily dizzied and extra sensitive to sound and light, and he still needed a bit of extra care. But more importantly, Kibum needed you there because he felt like no one else understood: Heechul was Heechul and there was not a single other person in the world like him—therefore, how could anyone possibly understand what it felt like to lose him, except for the one other person who loved him as much as he did?

            "Kibum," you asked quietly one day when you were sitting in your living room, the TV on with nobody really watching it. "It's selfish of me to ask…but honestly, do you think he thought of me…when he died?"

            Kibum was quiet for a moment, before he reached into his bag. "It all happened too fast," he whispered. "But after—after it happened, the nurse gave us this."

            He handed you a somewhat crumpled envelope. You could see clearly written across it, in his handwriting, your name. Your breath caught in your throat and your heart somehow twisted in you chest, so that you were almost in pain. Tears were already welling in your eyes as you carefully slid you finger underneath the envelope flap to open it. You pulled out two pieces of paper and began to read.

Dear _____,

            They told me I wouldn't live for long…too many complications, blahblahblah. I bet I will live long enough to finish this letter and see you again, bu enough about me. It’s not even me I’m worried about, babe; I'm worried about you. I don't want you to be stuck in this miserable world without me.

            Yes, I just admitted it: I worry about you. For my sake, please be happy. Fall in love again. I'm sure no one could ever live up to me, but I pray (you see that? Me praying, just for you) that this person will love you as much as I did. Do. Sorry. This is getting really hard to write.

            How will you know if he truly loves you? I've left you a list of…I guess you could call them requirements? I wrote them a long, long time ago, back when I was trying to decide if I was worthy of you. Us them; test him, make sure he has them all, and if he passes all 13, then maybe, just maybe, he does love you like I did. Like I do, now.

            I didn't want to say, but the damn paper got wet, so now you know I'm crying as I write this and it’s not the pain. _____, I love you so much. I don't want to be dead. I want to be with you forever. I want to kiss you forever. I want to be there for you forever.

            I wanted to be the one to get down on one knee and I wanted to be the one to give you my last name. I wanted to hold your hand while you were giving birth and I wanted to sing our baby to sleep. I wanted to build a house with you and I wanted to sit on our porch, just rocking back and forth, with you, forever. I wanted so much for us, but I guess now it's too late.

            In the following part, the handwriting changed into a more steady, feminine writing.

            I had hoped I would never have to write this, that you would never have to read this. I still hope the day comes when I'll get to look you in the eye and tell all this to you in person. I know we've been together five years, but I still hope the day will comes when I'll be able to tell you how much you mean to me without chickening out or coming off as an arrogant . I'm sorry I don't say it enough, and I'm sorry I'm so awkward when it comes to expressing what I feel for you. Most of all, I'm so, so, so sorry I left you alone. But I know one thing I won't apologize for: loving you, no matter how much it pain it caused the both of us. I will never regret loving you, and I will never forget loving you. Even in my grave, I'll love you. I promised I'd love you forever and I will.

            Which is why I'm letting you do this. I'm letting you find someone else. Love him, because I can't stand knowing that you will cry for me. Just remember how much I had loved you, and you'll be able to trust that love does exist in this world, somewhere. It'll be hard, but in the end, you'll see that love is simply standing right before your eyes.

Always yours, no matter where I am,
Heechul.
P.S. When I re-read this, I thought this was not like me at all. I just get too emotional when it comes to you, _____. You've always had that effect on me.
P.P.S. 사랑해.

The list Heechul mentioned was stapled to the back, and a little note was added.

            I was the nurse who finished the letter. He told me where to find the list and I have attached it here. Also, I wanted to let you know that it is not possible for someone as injured as him to have written all this, but he did. It’s a miracle.

            "Oh, God," you sobbed, not able to hold it in any longer. "How dare you, Kim Heechul?" You started shouting at the letter in your hand, at the TV across from you, at your injured best friend sitting next to you, at everything and at nothing. "How dare you leave? How dare you—you—"

            You collapsed on the floor and Kibum kneeled to your side. Without hesitating, he hugged you warmly, gently rocking you back and forth. "I love him so much," you cried in to Kibum's chest. "He can't leave. He can't. I love him too much…"

            He didn't let you see and he kept it from cracking his voice, but tears were running down his face as well. "I know, I know," he soothed. "I love him too, _____. And he loved you so much. It's not to just anyone he gives his attention to, but for him to give his whole heart to you…he must have loved you a lot. There's no doubt in my mind he thought about you all the time, even when he…he was dying."

            And the two of you remained there, unable to do anything but cry your hearts out and mourn the loss of one of the most important people in your lives.
 

                                                                                                                                       ~*~

            I told him I wasn’t sure I wanted to see him and then he died. Right before he died, I told him I didn’t want to see him…

            “It was my fault.”

            “Honey?”

            “It was my fault.”

            Your parents glanced at each other, concerned. “_____-ah, what are you talking about?”

            You looked up at them with blank eyes, the letter and list clutched tightly in your hand. “It was my fault.”

            Your dad grabbed you. “_____! Snap out of it! Nothing was your fault. Nothing! You had nothing to do with Heechul’s death.”

            “It was my fault.”

            Your mother clapped a hand over and clutched her husband’s wrist. “What’s wrong with her? What’s happening to my baby?”

            “It was my fault.”

            Your dad sighed and gathered both his girls into his arms. “It’s going to be a long time before we fix this.”

1) If he says it was love at first sight, he wants to get in your pants. That's an immediate rejection. Slap him, if you can.
2) If he uses cheesy pickup lines, watch out! If they're y, that means he's an overconfident that actually has an inferiority complex, but if they're just plain cheesy, the guy is probably funny. Funny is good.
3) Look at how he dresses. If he has no distinctive style, his momma still probably buys all his clothes for him. Not good. You can’t date someone who’s still living with his mom. Plus, the way someone dresses says A LOT about his personality.
4) Start off by trying to make him jealous, before things get too serious. If he doesn't get jealous, he's gay. If he gets jealous and tries to make you jealous back, he's an . If he gets jealous and says nothing, you will have a miserable relationship. If he gets jealous and says that you're his and only his and bans you from seeing other guys, he's a psycho. If he gets jealous and tells you straight up that he is jealous, he's a keeper.
5) Does he pay on dates? If he doesn't ever offer, throw him out in the trash where he belongs. If he always pays, you are one spoiled little . If he offers to pay a lot, or you often split the cost, keep him.
6) This one's simple and self-explanatory: is he a good kisser?
7) Is he gentlemanly? Does he hold open doors, walk on the side of the street that the cars are by, give you a hand to help you out of the car, hold out your chair for you, hold the umbrella up for you, carry your bag(s) while shopping, etc? If he does more than or at least half of those, he's the one. If he does all of them, run as far from this ist bastard as you can. We're living in the 21st century, for Christ's sake!
8) What does he tell his friends about you? That says more than enough about what he really thinks of you.
9) What kind of gifts does he bring? If it's flowers, say goodbye. If it's chocolates, wait and see. If it's more personal, don't let go of him.
10) When you guys are getting…intimate…do you just feel lust? Or does your heart beat faster, do you blush more, do you feel nervous?
11) Does he make you laugh and can you talk to him almost as well as you can talk to your best friend? There should always be one little secret you keep from each other, but if it's really important or if there's more than one, forget about him.
12) If he can tell you he loves you while looking you in the eye, don't ever think twice about saying it back. Note: blushing and looking down due to nervousness the first few times he says it are forgivable.
13) If you lose him and you feel like part of you died, get him back and marry him, because that means you've found someone you truly love.

A/N: Damn. This is the longest chapter yet. I hope everything makes sense now. I don't think a person near death could write a letter that long, but my explanation is that it was a miracle for love. I can't think of anything I might have wanted to say because this was just so emotionally draining and it took forever to write. I hope you guys comment, especially for this chapter. Thank you, my lovely readers<3