You pick up your phone to dial Kibum, but your fingers could only hover over his name, frozen, waiting for your mind to decide whether or not it really did want you to call him. What were you supposed to say?

Hey, it's me! Uh, you're brother's best friend just told me he was gay. For your brother. Who was my boyfriend.

Hey, Bummie! Your favorite teacher just moved to China.

Bummie-yah, Han Geng hasn't looked me in the eyes for years and all of a sudden giving me love advice and I feel so confused…

None of it sounded right.

You haphazardly pushed all your stuff off your bed and threw your body on it instead, lying on your back, staring up at your phone. All of a sudden, like a sign from the gods, a name magically appeared on your phone.

Lee Hyukjae.

A million thoughts raced through your head. How long had you been with Hyukjae? A couple of months? That was definitely too soon to be telling Hyukjae that big "L" word. But was it? You leaned over to grab your backpack and pulled out Heechul's letter. You smoothed it carefully over your lap, reading through the list one more time. 

13) If you lose him and you feel like part of you died, get him back and marry him, because that means you've found someone you truly love.

Number 13 stuck out to you especially. But, what was that supposed to mean? Was she supposed to wait for Hyukjae to die like she had with Heechul to truly feel the ugly side of love—the pain? Heechul, your help isn't helping me very much at all, you thought to yourself wryly.

The phone in your hand stopped buzzing. Oh, well, too late, you figured.

A second later, Hyukjae's name reappeared, calling you back.

Maybe it is a sign from the gods, you mused. It's now or never, I guess.

You picked up his call.

"____-ah!" Hyukjae's bright voice. "How are you?"

"I'm okay," you said. Despite your recent confusion, hearing from Hyukjae made you smile. "What are you doing right now?"

"I'm at work," he said, sounding a little forlorn. "But on break. Do you want to come to Kona Beans and have lunch with me?"

The thought of seeing Hyukjae and all your Kona Beans friends and doing nothing but laughing sounded like a good relief from the stress that followed Han Geng's words. Hyukjae was like that—he had an impeccable talent for making you laugh, which was something no one had really been able to do since Heechul passed away, because Heechul had always been able to make you laugh the best.

But not anymore. Now you had Hyukjae. And what you felt with him was more than anything you had felt in your shallow, quick relationship with Henry, more than the friendly camaraderie you had developed with Heechul. Your feelings for Hyukjae weren't comparable to those you had shared with Heechul, but then again, being with Hyukjae distracted you from the pain. And being with Hyukjae at the start of your healing process had really helped you move along—hadn't it?

"_____," Hyukjae's voice brought you back down to earth. "Are you still there?"

"Hyukjae—"

"Yeah?"

"I think I love you," you blurted out. Somehow, saying the words aloud hadn't done for you what you had expected. You still felt confused, if not a little less burdened. But somehow, saying the dreaded words lifted a weight off your shoulders. You just weren't sure if it was the right kind of weight. This is right, you chanted to yourself. This is right. You're doing the right thing.

There was a pause on the other end of the line.

"You love me?" he asked, his voice suddenly a lot quieter.

You bit your lip and nodded, despite the fact that he couldn't see you. "I really think I do."

You weren't able to see the mile-wide smile that stretched across Hyukjae's face at the moment. "I think you should come down to Kona Beans now. I want to be able to see your face when I tell you that I love you, too."

~*~

"Thank you for your hard work," Kibum bowed and repeated to every staff member as he left the studio. 

Yoona and Jehyun came up to Kibum as he neared the door. "Can you believe it's our last day on the set of this show?"

Jehyun smiled at Yoona adoringly. "I'm going to miss the project more than anything."

Yoona blushed and looked away from Jehyun's intense stare. "A-ah, Kibum oppa, where are you going?"

Kibum smiled slightly at the budding romance between his two friends. "I think I'm going to go home for a bit and see my friends before coming up to the press conference tomorrow."

"Take care, man," Jehyun said, clapping him on the back. He added in a lower voice, "And thank you so much. You know, for..." His voice trailed off and his gaze slowly redirected back to Yoona.

Kibum rolled his eyes at Jehyun's lovesickness, but he smiled at him, anyway. "Keep in touch, Hyun."

Yoona leaned in for a hug, but glanced back at Jehyun and stopped. "See you tomorrow, oppa," she said, settling for a simple wave.

Kibum nodded and walked away, chuckling to himself. Problem solved. Well done, Kim Kibum.

He got into his care, tossing all his stuff in the backseat and buckling up. ____, I'm on my way.

~*~

Kibum pulled up to Kona Beans first later that evening. He figured he would grab some coffee for him and ____ to enjoy before going to see her. He walked in, catching sight of the guy _____ had said she had been seeing—what was his name? Hyuk...something. He pulled out his wallet and ordered quickly.

The blonde clerk, Hyuk-something, grinned at him playfully. "Two whole cups of coffee this late at night? You don't plan on sleeping much, do you?"

Kibum shrugged.

Hyuk-something told him, still grinning, "Wow, you really talk as much as _____-ah said. And I thought she was exaggerating."

"You know me?" Kibum asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Of course," he replied. "You are best friends with my girlfriend."

Kibum grimaced. "Yeah, that's me."

Hyuk-something with his too-blonde hair handed Kibum his coffee. Kibum walked away, but before leaving, he asked, "Do you happen to know where _____ is now?"

"In her dorm now, I think. But she should be coming here, soon." 

Kibum pursed his lips. What if he left and you came in right after? He didn't want to miss any time he could spend with you. Noticing Kibum's indecision, Hyukjae offered, "You can stay here for a few minutes, if you want. She should really be here in ten minutes."

He led Kibum to a seat and sat across from him.

"What are you doing?"

"It's slow this time of day," Hyukjae said, shrugging. "Not everyone drinks two cups of coffee so late in the evening, so I figured I could keep you company, Mr. Caffeine." 

"It's Kibum."

"I know," he replied, that trademark gummy smile appearing. "But I think Mr. Caffeine's a pretty good name, too, don't you?"

"Not really."

Hyukjae frowned for a moment. "Lighten up, man."

Kibum ignored his comment and said straight-forwardly, "Look,  what are your feeling for _____?"

Hyukjae looked at Kibum seriously, the most serious Kibum's seen him all night. "I know you're close with _____, but I don't really think that's any of your business." 

"It's plenty of my business if you're just going to play with her, and I'm the one that has to see her cry. I don't ever want to see her cry again."

Hyukjae studied Kibum's expression carefully. "I would never make her cry."

"How can I be sure of that?" Kibum challenged, his deep voice sounding slightly menacing.

Hyukjae sighed, running his hand through his hair. "Two years. I've seen her come into this coffeeshop for two years—"

"So you're a stalker?"

"Let me finish," Hyukjae insisted. "I feel like I've known her for two years, even thought I've only known her for real for a couple of months. She was so beautiful, and she still is. I've seen her happy here, I've seen her with you, with her other friends, I've seen her stressed with her books, I've seen her come in with empty eyes."

He paused for a moment. "I've seen all those versions of her, and I've gotten to know more of them...and I love every part of her."

Kibum's lips set into a hard line. "You don't know a thing about loving _____."

Hyukjae chuckled dryly, "And I suppose you do?"

Kibum remained silent.

"I knew you felt something for her—"

"It's not just something," Kibum said in a low voice. "It's a whole lot more than something. You think you've seen her and known her for the past two years? I've known her for all twenty-one years of her life. You think you've seen her upset? Have you ever held her while she sobbed herself to sleep? You haven't. Have you ever heard her laugh herself hoarse; were you there when she got into SNU; when Heechul first asked her to be his girlfriend? No, you weren't. What you feel for her is absolutely nothing compared to what I feel for her, what we've been through, so don't you dare...don't you dare—"

Kibum took a deep breath to reign in his emotions. This Hyuk-something had no right to his feelings, no right to know his heart. His love for _____ was sacred, something that shouldn't be confessed to this random man before he confessed to _____.

Hyukjae took in Kibum's words, his heart breaking a little. He knew he could never be a part of your life like Kibum was, but that didn't mean he couldn't wiggle his way in somehow.

"I don't love her like you do," he said a little sadly, not meeting Kibum's eyes. "But she's so incredible, I could learn to love her like you do, even more."

"Shut up," Kibum snapped, grabbing Hyukjae by the collar. "Don't you dare say that. You could never love her like I do."

Hyukjae didn't push him away, just finally looked Kibum squarely in the eye, relishing the moment to hurt Kibum with words like he had done to him. "It's too late for you. She's with me, and right now she's in love with me, not you. She loves you as nothing more than a brother. And soon she'll learn to love me more than she loves you. She told me so herself, just this afternoon: she loves me, and she's willing to try and become soemthing more with me, and in fact, she's on her way here so that we can go on a date together. You're too late, Kim Kibum. You should've been less of a coward; you should've told her how you felt before it was too late—"

At those words, Kibum couldn't control himself. Lee Hyukjae's words were like fire racing through his veins, causing pain in his heart, turning him into a wild animal who could only act on instincts, losing all civility. And so, careful, thoughtful Kibum threw away all rationality and let his actions speak for the utter hatred he felt for Lee Hyukjae a that moment. He tightened his grip on Hyukjae's collar, pulled back his fist, and punched Hyukjae right in the nose.

It was a whirl of emotions and senses for Hyukjae. There were gasps from the scattered customers around them and Kibum was breathing raggedly next to him and punching him again in the gut and he could feel the blood gushing from his nose and he clenched his fists and told himself that he must not, must not, hit his girlfriend's best friend, because she would never forgive him if he did and he could see Kibum's fist coming closer and closer to his face when suddenly a voice cracked the air around them like a whip, shooting through his senses so all he could hear was,

"KIM KIBUM! What the  do you think you're doing?!"

Kibum dropped Hyukjae like he were on fire. "_____-ah, I—"

"What?" you snapped. "You suddenly appear in Seoul and you're hitting my boyfriend? What is your problem?"

Kibum looked thoroughly ashamed of himself. "I didn't think," he said quietly, not meeting anyone's eyes. 

"That's right,  you weren't thinking! What would ever give you the right to hit somebody like that?" you seethed, rushing over to Hyukjae, who had gotten back on his feet and was slowly wiping his face.

"_____, don't yell at him," he said quietly. "We were...just...talking."

"No, Lee Hyukjae. I'm going to give Kibum a piece of my mind. Then we can clean you up and go out like we planned," you told him, gently placing your hand on his arm. You turned to Kibum, who had been staring at your hand on Hyukjae's arm, glaring him in a way that made him want to melt into the floor and die. "Kibum, I don't know what the hell got into you. This isn't like you, and I'm really disappointed. You're supposed to my best friend, my brother—you're supposed to be there for me, not make everything harder! I'm kinda having a tough time, and I had some things to tell you, but I can't even look at you right now!"

You turned away, feeling frustrated and more confused than ever. Hyukjae your cheek softly to reassure you, and you did your best to smile at him. Kibum watched the whole exchange, his heart splintering. 

"Is it true?" He managed to choke out. "Do you really love him?"

You buried your face in Hyukjae's jacket, unable to look at your best friend like that. "I don't know what caused this," you said, still speaking to Kibum, your voice muffled against his chest "but you need to understand that I really...am...in love with Hyukjae. I really think I love him, Kibum-ah. You can't hit him like that, or ever treat him like this. It's like you're hitting me too, in the process."

If I'm hitting you, then you just killed me, ____. Kibum thought, but he couldn't get the words out. He could only watch as you and Hyukjae left quickly together, stepping on his heart as you walked away.

As you walked away form Kibum, you did your best to ignore the heavy feeling weighing down your heart, a feeling you had become all too familiar with in the past two years—

Loss.

No matter how warm you felt with Hyukjae's arm around you, no matter how much you believed you just did the right thing, you couldn't help but feel like you just lost something very, very important.

~*~

The next night, you were with Ryeowook and Song Qian, who had noticed your low spirits, and tried to cheer you up with a delicious meal. Unable to bear facing the apartment that Kibum had once lived in, you begged the two of them to eat out instead. You were in the middle of a meal, trying to do your best to keep up with Qian's and Wook's jokes and conversation, when you got a phone call from an unidentified caller.

"Yobeoseyo?"

"My name is Yoona—your number is the first one saved in Kibum's phone, so I just dialed it, but—"

"Kibum?" you asked suddenly, sitting straight up. Ryeowook and Song Qian were staring at you, but you didn't even notice as you asked frantically, the covnversation seeming painfully familiar to you. "Did something happen to Kibum? Is he okay? Was it a car accident?" You asked, fighting the urge to scream, all the blood draining from your face. 

"No," the girl on the opposite end of the line said, her voice shaking uncontrollably. "It's a lot worse than an accident—you have to come, please!"