"How do you know if you have fallen in love with someone?"

--

"I love her..."

That voice lingered in his mind as he lay down on his bed. Since when did he had started feelings for her? All he remember is this boyish and somewhat childish best friend he had been hanging out since God knows when. That's all he can see about her - just a best friend. 

So when did he loved her? When did he falllen in love with the girl he have known all his life? Why didn't he realize what was in front of him all this time?

It used to be just the two of them. Then, Tiffany came into his life. He admits that the moment he laid his eyes on her, he could see nothing but her. He didn't know his actions and decisions afterwards would put a strain on their friendship. He didn't know that he was hurting her unconsciously. He didn't know she was getting tired of waiting for him alll this time. 

Whenever she gets close to someone else, he always had this fear of being replaced. First, it was Lego, and now, there's Calvin. But in reality, it was her that got replaced in his life. All these times, she had been silent about, just waiting at the sidelines. She had always been helping him, and he didn't give her anything in return. All she asked was for a time to be with him, but he chose to spend it with someone else. He had broken so many promises to her, and maybe right now she doesn't expect him to fulfill his promises anymore. 

So when did he start to love her?

Maybe it was that summer before they entered their Senior year in high school. They try to spend as much time as they could, for they know the following year would be a busy one. He spent it all assuring her nothing will change between the two of them, and that they will be able to reach their dreams. 

Or was it the time they kissed?

She was his first kiss, and he knows her was hers too. He remembered his heart beating fast the moment they kissed, and it never slowed down even if their lips parted. He remembered suddenly seeing her into a new light. But that only lasted until it was time for his date with Tiffany. 

His mind ran through every bit of memory he had with her. But still, he could not find the answer to his question.

--

"How did you know that you love me?"

Tiffany asked as she and Chun were hanging out at her place. They were at the living room that time when she popped that question. Chun paused for a while and looked at her. It has been a year, and he still remember the time they met. "It's when I first saw you that I knew, this is my dream girl." he answered. Tiffany smiled at him. "Since that day, I said to myself, I won't let this girl go. She had to be mine." he said with a laugh. 

He then remembered that first night they talked on the phone. Ella was on the call wait, and he turned her down just to spend more time talking with Tiffany. He wondered how she must have felt that time, knowing he was the only one who helps her understand their Math lessons. 

"How about you, how did you know that you love me?" Chun asked back. "At first, I find you really cute." she answered with a giggle. "You looked like the guy that stepped out from romance novels. I rememeber telling Ella how I want to be in love back then. Then, you came." she added. She snuggled close to him, and put her head on his shoulder. "And as I get to know you much better, I realized you're the one for me. I'm glad you also felt the same way." she told him.

Chun let out a faint smile. His mind wandered in the past. He got so hooked to her, that he took Ella for granted. "I wonder how she felt that time..." he thought. How did she handle her Math assignments? What does she feel whenever she walks home alone? Sure, there was Lego that time, but what would have happened if Lego wasn't there? He suddenly felt guilty for the way he treated Ella that past year. He should given her some attention, and not put all his sight on Tiffany.

"I can't believe it's been a year. Do you think we'll be together forever?" Tiffany asked. "I guess so..." he answered. "I sure hope so. I love you, Chun." she told him. Chun looked at her and smiled. "I love you too, Tiffany." he said. It felt like those words were lies. It just didn't feel right for him. Tiffany then reached up to him, and kissed his lips. 

--

Calvin and his band is getting ready to practice. As he was tuning his guitar, Shu walked up to him. "Is your song ready?" he asked. Calvin nodded his head. He then handed him his music sheet. Shu read it for a while, until Ella came. "Hi guys. Sorry for being late, We have to finish a group project." she said. Calvin smiled and nodded his head. "We haven't started, so you didn't miss anything." he said. 

Ella took her guitar, and tuned it as well. "Calvin, I don't think you can sing this one." she heard Shu said. Ella looked at their direction.Both of the guys were reading a music sheet. "Based on the melody, I think it's better for a Ella to sing this." Shu said. The two of them then looked at her. "Me?" Ella puzzled. Shu just nodded her head. 

Shu gave her the music sheet. "Here, give it a shot. Let's hear how it goes." he said. Calvin began to play it on his guitar as Ella tries to sing it. 

"Cause I'll still be loving you

Through the sadness and the madness here

And I'll always be with you

In the distance that has taken you

From me"

After singing that verse, he looked up at Calvin. Somehow, she remembered the song. "This song... it's familiar..." she said. "Calvin composed that one." Shu said proudly. Then it hit her - that she had already met Calvin before she entered the university. "You're the guy at the chapel!" she exclaimed. Calvin just smiled, while Shu was left confused. "You already knew Calvin?" he asked. Calvin nodded her head. Shu could see how he blushed. "And you're the girl that was listening to me while I wrote this song. I still remember how you ran away from me that day." he said. 

Ellla became embarassed. Her cheeks turned beet red. "I'm so sorry..." she said as she covered her face with the music sheet. "Aha, so this is your muse, huh, Calvin?" Shu said. Calvin turned redder as ever with what Shu said. "Muse?" Ella asked in a confused tone. "You're his muse. The reason he was able to write this song." Shu said with a wink. "Aiya! Let's go practice." Calvin said, trying to change the topic.

--

Chun walked home that night, and passed by the swing. He looked at it for a long time. He remembered how he and Ella used to hang out there, talking about anything under the sun. As kids, they would always play around the swing. It was their haven, their comfort zone. 

It has been a long time since he was able to sit there with Ella. Both of them became busy with a lot of things. He realized, it's been a long time since he spent time with her. The summer before they went to college, he joined Tiffany's family for a cruise, leaving Ella alone. Although they asked her to join them, Ella politely turned them down as she doesn't want to be the third wheel to them. 

He wonder if Ella always sat alone in thiis swing, alone with her thoughts. Does she miss her the way he missed her? 

"Chun.."

He turned around, and saw Ella walking up to him. "Ella..." he called. His face lit up with the sight of her. "What are you doing here?" she asked as she walked towards him. "I just passed by here, so I decided to hang out for a while. It's been a while..." he said. Ella just nodded her head. 

There was silence for them for a while. Chun wanted to say something to her, but he didn't know what to say. Ella was just waiting for him to speak up. "Well, I'll see you around then." Ella said, breaking the silence. As she turned her back on him, he called her name again. 

"I'm sorry Ella..." he said. Ella paused for a while, not movingf from where she is standing. "I'm sorry for taking you for granted. I'm sorry for not being there when you need me the most. If I could turn back time, I won't do the things hurt you most." he said. Ella looked back at him and smiled. "For whatever it's worth, as long as it makes you happy. You know I had always been your cheerleader and number one fan, right?" she said with a laugh. 

Chun walked up to her, and hugged her. Ella was stunned with what he did. He hugged her as if he never want to let her go. As he locked Ella into his embrace, he closed his eyes and listened to his heart. It was beating fast, and he prayed that Ella wouldn't hear it. 

"Give me five minutes..." he whispered. "Just five minutes, Ella..." Ella just let him embrace him. For the next five minutes, they stood that way. 

As he let her go, she looked into her eyes. And right there, he finally found the answer. 

He had always loved her. 

He just didn't realize it, until now.

--

"So, how do you know if you have fallen in love with someone?"

Chun paused for a while as he heard that question. How did he knew he is in love? He let out a shy smile before he answered that question. "I've always thought it's about fireworks and music. I was wrong." He started with a laugh. "Then, I finaly knew.. when you fall in love with someone, you wouldn't know it. I used to think I fell in love the moment I saw her, because the world became hazy, and she was the only girl my eyes can see. I was wrong. The moment I realized I truly love her, it's when I decided to listen to my heart. There was no fire works. No music. You can still see everything else. But when your heart beat fast, so fast that you wish she wouldn't hear it, it's the time that have fallen in love."

He looked at the guy sitting next to him. "How about you, how did you know that you are truly in love?" he asked back. Calvin let out a smile. "When she fills your every thought." he said. "Is she on your mind all the time?" Chun asked. Calvin shook his head. "The moment I saw her, she never left my mind."

Chun simply nodded his head. "I'm going to ask you a question, because I know you're the only person that can answer this." Calvin asked. Chun looked at him. "Are you in love with Ella?"

For a while, he was not able to answer that question. He looked back at Ella, who was walking towards their direction. "I love her..." he said sadly. "But only as a friend..." he lied.