“Did you stop singing because you’re tired—or because you just realized that losing is part of growing up?” He asked. He remembered as well. Clearly. Chaerin sensed it on him.

He saw her as the broken hearted girl.

Silence ruled over them, and it was the most ear-shattering silence both of them experienced. He just stood there, leaning on the door frame with his arm crossed over his chest while she stood there looking at him with a guilty look on her face. Her heart was attempting to break her chest because of the over-whelming emotions that tried to claw out of there.

Chaerin never felt so humiliated in her life. Tears attempted to get out—she never cried. The last time she did, happened two years ago on the rooftop of an Art school Coliseum, and the man in front of her witnessed it. She’s not going to cry again in front of him, right?

As if struck by lightning, Chaerin grabbed her bag, walked towards him and said. “We need to talk.” But instead of waiting for a reply, she grabbed his wrist and dragged him along. Funny, she felt like one of those men in Korean dramas who had the habit of dragging the lead girls along. She didn’t say anything because no word would try to crawl its way out of . All she wanted was to get the needle out of her heart, and maybe, just maybe I could be myself again. She thought.

They passed by his locker and she stopped from her tracks only to open it, grab his bag and threw it to him—then went back from grabbing his wrist and proceeded. Jiyong was helping her by keeping his words to himself. No conversation would begin unless they are where she wanted them to be, wherever that might be.

She used to be studying Performing Arts in JYP Arts in New York. In that school, students trained so hard to be part of the list of performers who could perform in a stage and try to win the Best Performer award. It was a once-in-a-year event and Chaerin worked so hard to be part of that list. She built her own respect, managed her own steps and trained her own voice. She was the best—at least that was what her fan boys and her best friend told her. Ah—the best friend who stole her hearts years ago…

Jay Park.

Jay and herself quickly clicked the first Chaerin entered the halls of JYP Arts. They were both Korean so their personalities matched really well. Jay was practically the pride of the school. He gained the Best Performer award twice until the judges and staff decided to cross his name from the list before he could win a Grand Slam award. Not only that, Jay became the official school icon, represented the school with pride wherever he go whether abroad or local.

He was also nice, funny and they both have fashion sense that none of their fellow students have. As some of the students name them the Korean Swaggers. Like her, Jay built his status with the same beads of sweat and bruised body to get into his level. She admired him so much she never thought that that admiration would eventually blossom into something deeper. An emotion where she still yet to open her eyes at.

He was her number one fan and his crush was her number one hater. Now, that’s where Jessica Marie Smith entered the scene. Brunette with pretty round green eyes, a great performer, a total baby doll until you take note of her tendency to act all Mean Girl at you. Chaerin could not fathom what made Jay like that Jessica.

She was the one that always supported him but his eyes always darted towards the brunette.

She remembered the times where in she and Jay talked in Korean so that nobody could understand them and Jessica was no exemption. She would just roll her eyes. Then, when the b-word of a girl would steal Jay’s attention back, Chaerin would swear in French. Jay never understood her French which is a good thing for the cat-eyed girl.

Then the day came where in both Jessica and Chaerin were listed to be part of the most awaited event of the year. Jay supported both of them, he would call Chaerin the best, but he called her perfect.

True, he was her number one fan but Jay looked at Jessica in a way Chaerin wished he could even spare her a glance with those emotions in him.

Jessica was always jealous of Chaerin and even said that the girl only made it to the list of Performers since her parents were the latest benefactors of the school. But she was wrong, Chaerin knew she was wrong. Jay wouldn’t call her the best if that was the case, wouldn’t he?

The night of the Performance arrived and Jay was only there for the brunette, much to Chaerin’s agony. She cold only look at them in the mirror as Jay held Jessica’s hands in his, a sign that he was really rooting for her and Chaerin was green with jealousy. Jessica’s specialty on stage was Pop Jazz. But that girl dressed like her specialty was Burlesque instead. Chaerin just shook her head.

She always wondered why some girls would be always willing to show their skin just to get some attention. But then, maybe that’s why Jay preferred to look at Jessica instead. She was y without reason and she was way bolder. That made Chaerin look at herself. What was she? A girl in boys clothing?

Oversized graphic tees, sweat pants and kicks.

But she was very much a girl—her feelings towards her best friend were proof enough.

Jessica killed it on stage with matching ear-deafening applause. But the audience saw no difference. A lot of girls already did y choreography just to have the attention they were looking for. Others tried to copy some Asian girl groups do bubblegum cuteness. Chaerin wanted to punch a hole into that stereotyping wall of artists—she’s going to make a difference.

And that’s where she stepped into that stage. She was armed with nothing except her microphone, the CD that she gave to the DJ and herself. That’s all she needed to win the crowd—she believed because she knew that Jay was watching. She’ll show him how the best should be done. How better a girl she was than his beloved Jessica. Chaerin wasn’t even in the middle of her performance when she noticed the audience nodding and clapping along.

It was great—the feeling of just being there was great.

At least until Jessica stepped on her stage. Her stage. The couldn’t just shut up while Chaerin rode her way to stardom without a flaw right? The girl had her own microphone, God knows what she wanted to do. But then, before Chaerin realized, Jessica challenged her into a battle.

The remixed different lyrics and all Chaerin did was stare at her as if she was a maniac. Then the audience, they went wild. But JYP, the head of the school didn’t look amused. This was her chance. A comeback to every heart break the gave her—may it be unconscious or on purpose.

She rapped everything. Now—nobody expected that. Nobody knew that she could rap, impromptu or not. But somehow, she knew she could do it. Somewhere inside her, a voice was screaming for release. A voice she tried to ignore so many times already. But now that Jessica was standing and destroying her stage, she found her output.

And that brought the brunette on her place. The crowd went wild—a complete standing ovation for her.

Jessica left with tears strained eyes.

While Chaerin was welcomed with lots of ‘You did great.’ or ‘Congrats—you blew it.’

Satisfaction—victory was sweet. But then, she was dragged into an empty hallway. “What the , Chae! How could you do that to Jessica?” Nobody else spoke in Korean in there except her and Jay.

“I did nothing Jay. Your girl simply asked for spanking I could provide.” Chaerin said to him.

All victory left her the instant Jay yelled at her. He never raised his voice at her, never. He always was the prince charming boy she grew accustomed to.

But now—she felt horrible.

“All she ever wanted was to help you with your stage—but what did you do? You humiliated her!” Jay yelled more.  And all she could do was bite her cheeks.

“Are you that jealous towards her, Chae?” Now she looked at him. He looked frustrated, with his hand raking his locks like a mad man. Gone was the composed guy she called her best friend. “What?” She asked, does he know?

But Jay Park scoffed. “What? You thought I was that naïve not to notice your feelings towards me?”

Chaerin looked at him in horror. God—he knew. Her heart beat was anything but normal now that he said that out loud. What did drive her do that impromptu rap anyway?

There was that voice who told her to do it.

It wasn’t meant to humiliate Jessica—it just—just…

“I don’t like you the way you wanted me to, Chaerin—so stop assuming that by humiliating Jessica publicly, I would admire you more than I wanted.” He told her. Now he crossed the line.

“You !” She yelled at him, tears were already released and her voice was obviously shaky. “Yes. Yes I like you more than I should. But that doesn’t mean I’m all over you too much that I would forget to defend myself from that you so called love.” She pushed him in the chest and he stepped back.

“You knew it all along? Then why didn’t you say anything, bastard? Like ‘oh may god Chae, stop looking at me like that it makes everything awkward’ was that too much to say? Huh?” She yelled before breaking down. She knew she won the stage event, but she felt like second best in front of him.

Second best.

Jay didn’t say anything while she cried her eyes out. Everything she felt for him for the last five years of friendship all went out of the window. Her feelings all out in the open—but it hurt, it hurt a lot.

“Don’t tell me you liked me because you believed everything I told you—you know, being the best in the game?” He asked. But she couldn’t look at him, at least not yet. “You , Chae—honestly. Girls shouldn’t do stuff like that, it’s a plain turn off.” He told her before having the guts to leave.

You , Chae…

You

You

It all went inside her—swallowing her whole. So she wasn’t the best after all?

Chaerin didn’t know how she ended up on that rooftop. But she remembered running. And now she’s on that very edge, all ready to jump. It all hurt, and she wondered if it would also hurt like hell if she dropped like a rock on the cement fifty feet from where she was standing.

“Yah—Hunchae!” A voice called her and it dragged her back to reality. She looked at Jiyong who looked at her with worry all over his face. They were in front of the Han river. And everything looked blurry, Chaerin was crying.

Jiyong had his hands on her face and Chaerin couldn’t help but admire his features. Two men—two timelines appeared before her. And who was Jiyong in her life? Don’t tell me I’m… She thought but she didn’t finish the words, worried that what she might admit will be her downfall yet again. “You know, leaders shouldn’t cry.” He whispered. “I’m no leader, Kwon.” She replied while her tears flowed nonstop.

“Yes you are. You might not see it yet, but you are.” He whispered. Jiyong doesn’t know why he let her drag him here, but it was evident she wanted to talk about what happened two years ago.

YG brought him there, in New York as fellow representative of YGSA to an event of a school called JYPA. Jiyong’s English wasn’t that good back then so he couldn’t help but nod as people talk to him. He’s reply would either be ‘Yes’, ‘Nope’, or ‘That’s cool man’. Other than that, he shut his trap.

He wasn’t used in mingling with lots of people yet, but as they say—music was a universal language. And he understood music—it was a part of him like skin. It would always be around him.

He was bored the entire show—nobody impressed him yet. He didn’t mean to be arrogant but he didn’t find them entertaining at all. They were all clones of the other. Jiyong then glanced at his mentor, who was busy playing with something on his phone. The boy he had been only raised his brow—what’s the point of travelling all the way from Korea if you don’t even plan to watch the event that was the objective of the trip in the first place? Sajangnim—really?

Then a girl stepped on that stage and sang a song an American artist released. By the way her eyes were shaped, he believed her to be Korean. Her complexion too said a lot of her origins. He noted her fashion sense and couldn’t help but admire it. Her voice was a dilemma between raspy and smooth. Her hair was tied in a way no normal girl should dress it. Her movements reminded him of how his boys, Taeyang and Seungri danced but he noted some Minzy movement there as well. But something about her that made him looked at her with interest.

She rocked that stage.

Even YG stopped his game and looked at her and bobbed his head like whenever he hears something good. I guess he’s interested in her too. He thought.

Then a fellow contestant stepped in. Something which surprised Jiyong for he knew that the stages are supposed to be solo performances only—and the girl didn’t look like that she planned for the other girl to enter her stage. Something is wrong in there. He thought.

But somehow, the girl finished her performances with a big blow—an impromptu act that even the new girl backed out. Then he knew, he had to meet her.

“Oppa—” she called him back from his memory line as he looked down at her. She was crying like she did two years ago, when he stopped her from saying goodbye to the world permanently.

One way or another, the infamous G-Dragon followed her only to find himself listening on an argument he shouldn’t hear. He heard the confession—the anger and everything else in between. Then she ran past him and he couldn’t help but feel the same way for her. She won the contest, but she wasn’t around to receive her award so the trophy went to the first runner up who ended up to be the girl who climbed and ruined Chaerin’s stage.

He stopped her from jumping by singing a composition he wrote for himself. One that he never does—even in front of his guys.

Then he helped her go down from the whatever she was standing on. She cried and cried and cried and he let her.

That’s where he felt the link.

**

“You okay now?” He asked her after an hour or two of crying. The boy managed to drag her and get her some ice cream—strawberry—which helped ease her mood. She looked like a kid who needed a trick to stop from crying. “Yeah—I feel a lot better.” Chaerin said as she smiled—a pure one at that. Jiyong couldn’t help but be mesmerized. “You know, you have to pay me for saving your that night.” He chuckled as he helped himself with some of his chocolate ice cream.

“What?” She asked then laughed. It hit him right there, on that beating organ of his how much her laugh made him warm all over. “Hey—I sang that song for you, which I never did in my lifetime, you should give me some credit.” But she ignored him and ate her ice cream.  “I’m serious.” He bit his lips when she looked at him. She had some ice cream on her nose.

“You know you should stop rescuing unwilling people—it’s bad habit.” Then she proceeded. He only sighed and made her look back at him with his fingers on her chin. He put down his cup and wiped the smudge of ice cream from her nose. She blushed. “And you should start crediting people for what they do to you.” Jiyong said.

She looked away and put her ice cream cup down. And Jiyong thought he did something again to make her blush like that. “A’rayt—what do you want?” She asked. Now she was back with the CL façade. So that’s how everything works—when Chaerin’s shy, CL takes over.

“I want you to promise me that you would help, seriously at that, 2ne1 have their debut—permanent member or not.” He told her. Like what he said—she’s a leader, she doesn’t see it yet though but everybody—including the 2ne1 girls would agree with him without second thoughts.

She sighed. And he held his breath.

“You know—I was fighting this calling for a very long time and you don’t know how much I miss the stage.” Chaerin said with a hint of bitterness in her voice. “I guess I couldn’t perform again until I really admit to myself that Jay was right.”

“You know—” Jiyong was about to say something but Chaerin looked at him and he shut himself. “I didn’t want to admit I was second best—that’s why I stopped performing.” Then she tapped her fingers on her lap—a mannerism that comes out whenever she was nervous. Jiyong doesn’t know if she would agree to this promise or not—but he badly wanted her to. God—could she just imagine if the two of them performed on stage? That would be a total Swag overload. But his dreams are better to be kept to himself.

She sighed but a smile climbed on her lips. “I guess I have to start from the bottom again.” She raised her pinky. Did she say it right? She agreed? Jiyong stared at her—then to her raised finger. “Alright, Mr. Leader—I agree.”

He raised his pinky—but instead of intertwining just their fingers, he intertwined their hands. Chaerin just looked at him and he smiled at her yet again blush. “Pinky swears are too old school. This is the modern way of keeping your promise, Mrs. Leader.”

A/N: I assure you - it's the longest chapter so far, aigoo - I typed this in just a whole of four hours or so, my hands are all tired. I already started the first version of this chappie but then I decided to rewrite it--I hope this one is better. But I hope it's worth it! Now--who's waiting for NEVER STOP DREAMING ?? I saw the teaser and gosh--isn't my bias just gorgeous? You don't have to know me to know who my bias is XD Stop for a while and give me a comment, arasso??