I checked my tie in the mirror one last time before the elevator doors opened.
I took a deep breath and rang the doorbell.
Seonghwa came and opened it for me.
-Hi hyung, I greeted.
-Hey Yeosang, how are you? he asked, inviting me in.
-I'm fine and you?
-I'm fine, do you want something to drink? Some coffee?
-I'd love some, thanks, Hyung.
I looked around for Hongjoong in their large living room.
-Hongjoong is still at the studio, he'll probably be here in an hour.
I sat down on the couch and a little ball of hair came to rest on my lap, I looked down and came face to face with a little black and white cat.
-Oh I didn't know you had a cat hyung! I exclaimed.
-Oh you met Oreo? he asked me still in the kitchen.
He poked his head out of the room and looked at the cat on my lap. He smiled gently.
-Oreo is not yet one year old, we adopted him a month ago with Hongjoong.
-He's really cute, I said.
-Yes, he's very clingy, he laughed.
I smiled, thinking of Woo, who was the opposite of Oreo.
-Do you have a cat too? A Maine coon, right?
-Yes indeed I have a cat too, a Maine coon.
-Mmh, I saw him yesterday at the hotel, do you often take your pets with you when you travel?
-Yes, all the time, I can't bear to leave them behind.
He came into the living room with two cups, he handed me one and I took it and thanked him.
-What's your cat's name? he asked me suddenly.
I almost choked on my coffee at this question. Seonghwa looked at me slightly surprised.
-Is there a problem with your cat's name? he asked me worriedly.
-No, not at all.
-Then what is his name?
-Uh...His name is Wii! I answered quickly.
-Wii?
-Yes, his name is Wii?
-You named your cat Wii?
-Yes, I named him Wii.
He looked at me strangely.
-Your cat's name isn't really Wii, is it?
Gee, how did he know.
-He did.
-Don't you want to tell me what his name is?
I nodded.
-Does it have anything to do with either of us?
I raised my head and looked at him shocked.
-How do you know?
-It's very easy to read you Yeosang, you know that? You are a very bad liar.
I lowered my head.
-It's not a reproach, don't worry. He lifted my chin and looked into my eyes tenderly.
-Do you want me to tell you what my cat's name is?
He nodded his head.
-I am really ashamed but I named my cat Woo.
-Woo?
I nodded.
-Did you name him that for Wooyoung.
-Uh...yes.
-You miss him a lot, don't you?
I nodded, holding back my tears.
-I don't understand why he didn't support me? He abandoned me...
-Oh I'm so sorry Sangie, if I had known the impact it would have on you, I would never have contributed to this whole mess.
-It's not your fault, Hyung.
I quickly wiped away a tear that had rolled down my cheek.
Seonghwa cooed and hugged me. Having no control over my emotions I burst into tears once again in his embrace.
He my hair and whispered praises in my ear.
At one point I heard someone enter the apartment but I didn't really pay attention to it, the thoughts in my head were going too fast, I was thinking about everything, about Wooyoung, about the group, about my suffering mother. Every thought made me sob harder to the point that I thought I was choking on my own tears.
Seonghwa gently my head.
-I need you to breathe Sangie, you need to calm down or you'll end up making yourself sick.
I tried to catch my breath and calm down, but it was really hard to get my breathing back to normal.
I felt the sofa sag and someone started to my back.
-Hey Sangie, it's me, it's Hongjoong, you need to calm down and breathe okay?
Hongjoong took one of my hands and put it on his heart, I could feel his heartbeat and relaxed instantly.
-Let's go together okay, breathe in, breathe out, one more time, breathe in and breathe out. It's good, you're doing very well, Yeosangie.
Under Hongjoong's instructions, I quickly regained a steady breath.
I raised my head to look at Seonghwa who was looking at me worried and panicked. I turned my head and saw Hongjoong looking at me tenderly.
I pulled away from Seonghwa and took Hongjoong in my arms, and he wrapped his arms around me.
-I'm so sorry, I'm such a mess, I said sorry.
-It's okay Sangie, it's okay to cry, Hongjoong comforted me.
I stood up and wiped my eyes quickly.
-You scared me Sangie, I thought I couldn't get you back, said Seonghwa.
I felt very sorry for worrying him.
-Sorry Huyng.
He quickly took me in his arms, clearly refusing to let me go.
-This is not really how I imagined our reunion, Hongjoong said.
I looked at him from where I was perched on Seonghwa's lap, sending him a sorry look.
He got up and went into the kitchen, ruffling my hair.
After a moment of comforting silence, Seonghwa said still worried:
-Are you sure you are okay Sangie?
I nodded my head not really wanting to talk.
-Promise me never to tell Wooyoung that my cat's name is Woo, hyung.
He laughed softly but quickly nodded and promised me never to tell him.
Tired both physically and mentally I fell into the embrace of my hyung. It had been so long since I'd had this much attention.
I let my eyes close and fell asleep.

***

-Can you tell me what he's doing here hyung!
-Please calm down!
-Why should I calm down? I'm going to wake him up right? I hope he wakes up and gets out of here!
-Mingi you calm down now! This is not your home, I'm the one who decides! If I want him to stay, he'll stay, and if you don't like it, you can get out of my apartment!
-Oh yeah, you're like that now, Hyung, you've turned around so quickly.
I woke up to the sound of an unknown voice, who knows who is speaking so loudly? I started to move and everyone fell silent. I got up and opened my eyes to fall in front of the boys.
I opened my eyes in total shock, what was he doing there?
I turned back to Seonghwa.
-Yeosang listen I can explain everything to you, he said desperately.
-It's okay, Hyung, I don't think he has to explain anything, I trusted you, I said, getting up and ready to leave.
-I really didn't want to wake you up, you seemed to be sleeping so well.
I glanced at Hongjoong, and he looked at me apologetically.
I quickly put on my shoes and left without saying a word.
How could they do this to me? They promised me that the boys would not be there.
I got into a cab that took me back to the hotel.
Sitting on my bed, I thought about everything that had just happened. The others saw me sleeping on Seonghwa. I must not be weak in front of them.
Despite my anger I really hoped to see Seonghwa and Hongjoong again before I went home. It felt good to be with them.
I sent a message to Seonghwa to apologize for leaving so quickly without saying goodbye.
I waited for a little while but he didn't answer me, I hope he doesn't have a problem with boys.
This morning I got a message from my sister saying that my mom had started chemo and was in the hospital to make sure everything was going well. I decided that I would visit her sometime this week.
She'll be happy to know that I didn't go back right away. I smiled at the thought.