I'm exhausted, I can feel the fatigue running through my veins as I get closer and closer to the rehearsal room. This morning I will have to review the dances we will be performing tonight with the others. I'm really looking forward to being in the same room for four hours straight with the person I love so much.
I huffed before entering the room, everyone looked at me as I burst into the room, of course they were all already there and I was the last to arrive.
I quickly put my bag on the wall and started to stretch along with the others. No one said a word as if my arrival had cut short all conversation.
Hongjoong announced that the first dance would be seen already and we were getting into position. The first choreography went quite well and we quickly moved to the second.
Arrived at firework having slept very badly this night, I began to lose energy, which did not escape Mingi who did not hesitate to make a comment.
-Don't delay us please Yeosang, we all have better things to do, he said in a dry tone.
He didn't even call me hyung, the respect was totally gone.
San added:
-Yes, it's true that you're really slow, we don't have only that to do.
-I reassure you that I am not happy to be here with you either, I answered annoyed.
-Go away then!
I raised my head to see Mingi who was looking at me with an angry look.
-I would love to, but unfortunately I have to stay here.
-So shut up and dance like everyone else, said San.
I turned to him clearly annoyed.
-I didn't ask you to do anything, so shut the up.
Wooyoung came in front of me and said:
-Who do you think you are to talk to him like that, did you think you were above the others or what?
-Oh, because I'm the one who speaks badly to him? He's the one who started it, he only had to stop talking to her.
-You should have danced better, shouted Mingi from the other end of the room.
What the hell is going on? Why is everyone jumping on me all of a sudden?
-I didn't ask you to do that either! Mind your own business Mingi!
San came closer and put his hand on my shoulder, I quickly moved and shouted at him:
-Don't ing touch me.
-You're really boring Yeosang, what's wrong with you?
-Am I boring? You're the one who's been looking for trouble since a while ago.
-Yes, it's always our fault with you anyway Yeosang.
I quickly understood what he was referring to.
-Are you serious? You really want to talk about this?
-Talk about what? That it's your fault that we disbanded? No need, we all know it's because of you, Mingi said.
I turned quickly to him.
-You shut up because since yesterday you've been pissing me off, I don't know what you want from me but you'd better stop.
-Why are you going to do what to me? He answered with his snide look.
-You really want to know what I'm going to do to you? Are you sure?
Before things got too heated Seonghwa came between us.
-Yeosang, Mingi calm down, we're not here to fight, okay?
It's silly that Seonghwa stopped us because I was ready to fight.
-Let's take a short break, we'll be back in fifteen minutes, said Hongjoong.
I took advantage of this break to leave the room and go to the bathroom.
I’m really angry, a little more and I was fighting with Mingi. It would have been nice to punch him in the face to get his head straight. He's such a jerk this guy, he thinks he's better than me, and he's looking at me with that little snide look.
I quickly refreshed my face with water before going back to the room to drink. Nobody was talking and just waiting for the fifteen minutes to pass.
At the end of the pose we quickly started dancing in silence until the three hours had passed and we all went back to our respective occupations.
As for me, I had to go to a singing class to see if I still remembered the words well.
The class lasted an hour and everything went well, I still remembered the lyrics well and I was generally ready for tonight.
It was three o'clock when I got back to the hotel, my manager was coming to pick me up at five o'clock, so that left me with two hours to hopefully get some sleep.
After taking a shower, I lay down in my bed and closed my eyes. I stayed like that for about forty minutes before I realized that I wasn't going to sleep even though my body was screaming at me to sleep.
So I took my phone and hung out on the networks. On insta, I saw a post that Wooyoung had published twenty minutes ago. It was a picture of him and the others sitting on a terrace laughing and having fun. This picture made me want to cry, I too would have liked to be there with them, having fun and having a good time instead of being in my room watching social networks.
This thought brought a tear to my cheek, I wiped it away with the back of my hand. I'm crying too much right now, it's not like me. Going back to Korea was a really bad idea, it's messing me up too much.
I ended up rolling into a ball on my bed and sobbing for a good half hour before my manager came knocking on my door. He quickly entered when he heard me sobbing.
-Yeosang what's wrong? he asked, his tone full of concern.
I tried to explain but I ended up choking on my own tears, snot and sobs, yes it's disgusting.
My manager quickly hugged me, I'm not a fan of hugs, yet this time I tightened my grip around him.
-Do you want me to cancel your appearance tonight at the show?
I quickly nodded, I don't want to be a coward in front of others.
My manager understood quickly and continued to hug me.
I felt something touch my forehead, I looked up to see Roxanne in front of me, looking at me with sad eyes. I reached out my hand and her head.
-Come on Yeosang, we have to go, we'll be late.
He helped me up.
-Can you tell that I've been crying? I asked
He looked at me with a sorry look.
-The makeup artists will take care of it, don't worry.
He grabbed my bag, put his hand behind my back and took me out of the hotel.
In the car I refused to let go of him and we cuddled the whole way. I surprised myself by being so touchy today.
When we got to the studio, I think everyone could easily tell that I had been crying.
When my former manager saw me, he made big eyes and quickly took me in his arms, he whispered in my ear:
-I'm sorry Yeosang, I'm so sorry.
I didn't know why he was apologizing but I knew that if he didn't stop I would start crying again.
He quickly pushed me into my dressing room where some of the makeup girls looked at me with an apologetic look.
I quickly sat down and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked simply horrible, my eyes were red and bloodshot, my hair was a mess, and my cheeks were streaked with tears.
The makeup artists had a lot of work to do.
After half an hour, I was finally ready to go on stage, all traces of crying gone.
I don't know if the others knew I had cried but they were all very quiet on stage, waiting for the live show to start.
The first song was deja vu and that was the one we were going to open the show with. A staff member started counting down and I quickly put myself in pose. I hope this evening will be quick so I can finally go home and just sleep.