I had been in the psychiatric ward for a month now. After I woke up, I spent two more weeks in the hospital before being transferred here. So it's been a month and two weeks since I last saw the outside world.
Here, I am not allowed to visit and I must admit that I am not happy about it. I never thought I would say this, but I miss the others very much, especially Seonghwa, he was so kind to me.
Before I was sent to the psychiatry, he kept coming to see me, with the others too sometimes when they were not busy with their own activity, the only one I didn't see again is Wooyoung but I don't miss him, I still haven't accepted what he did, as long as I don't have an explanation I won't forgive him
Seonghwa was really the best hyung, he came to see me every day and even put his modeling activities on pause to stay with me, he was more present than my sister.
The hardest thing for me was surely to stop smoking, of course in the hospital I am not allowed to smoke. The first three weeks were the worst, I really didn't feel well, I didn't think I would be so addicted and yet I thought I wouldn't survive those three weeks. After that, the absence of tobacco in my bloodstream was a bit more bearable even if I still feel a constant craving.
Honestly I'm pretty happy I quit, especially for my mom, she would be so happy to know I don't smoke anymore.
My contract with my agency in the US expired maybe two weeks ago, I haven't heard from my manager since. I thought we were pretty close, I mean I thought of him as my big brother but I don't think he cares about me, he was just making sure I was okay so I could still do my job and make money.
I'm really happy that the contract is over, I'm finally free. I had planned to go live with Woo and Roxanne in Canada but since my suicide attempt my sister doesn't want me to go away from her, so I'll have to stay in South Korea. No problem Seonghwa said I could spend time with him. Really the best hyung.
My sister went to the United States not long ago to get my things and especially my pets, I'm so excited to see them again. When I get out I'm going to stay with my sister until I find an apartment.
She was already not happy when I told her I was going to look for an apartment but I don't want to stay at her place all the time. I don't really want to hear her and her boyfriend doing weird stuff. Her boyfriend moved in with her I think three weeks ago. I'm happy for her but I don't want to see them arm in arm all the time while I'm alone.
The days in the psych ward are very long and I'm getting tired of being here. The doctors said that I might be able to get out at the end of the week. I hope they will let me out, I have to be well for my appointment with the shrink tomorrow, if I show him that I am well he will also agree to let me out.
Finally the days went by and Friday came very quickly. The doctors agreed to let me out and I am now packing my bags, my sister is already waiting for me downstairs.
A few minutes later, I came down the stairs excited to see her.
As soon as I saw her at the reception, I rushed into her arms, she quickly returned my embrace, happy to see me.
-Yeosangie how are you? She asked me.
-Fine and you noona?
-I'm fine, I'm so happy to see you again.
-I missed you a lot too, I answered in return.
Sana finished signing all the papers and we went back to her car.
-I told Seonghwa that you were coming home today, he's really looking forward to seeing you, so you might want to send him a message.
-Yes noona I will, I'm really looking forward to seeing him too.
She smiles back at me.
-I'm really glad you're back together with him.
I nodded my head.
I'm glad to see that she's doing better since everything happened, I don't really have a heart for her boyfriend but I'm still aware that he really helped her get through the last few months.
No sooner had I walked in the door than Roxanne was already on me. I didn't waste any time and immediately took her in my arms.
I was so happy to see her, I missed her so much.
-Hey Roxanne! How are you doing sweetie?
My sister giggled as she heard me talking to my dog.
-Don't worry, she's fine with Auntie Sana.
I laughed softly.
Soon after Woo joined the hug and I hugged them both, happy to have found them.
-Young-Jae is not here? I asked.
-No, he's still at work, my sister answered.
I kept the good part to myself, not wanting to offend my sister.
-Actually Young-Jae and I are going out all day tomorrow, so maybe you can get them all to come? My sister said.
-Tomorrow? That's pretty fast, I think.
-No, but I'm just saying, you can do whatever you want, you can take as much time as you want, but it's so you're not alone tomorrow.
I smile at my sister's words, she can be thoughtful sometimes.
-Okay, I'll send a message to Seonghwa Hyung to see if everyone is available.
Sana smiled at me softly before leaving to do I don't know what in her room.
I took the opportunity to sit on the sofa and send a message to my hyung. It took only a few minutes before I received a positive answer, he was eager to see me and was happy to know that I was finally out of the hospital. After that, I called my sister to let her know they were coming and she seemed just as happy as Seonghwa, happy that I wouldn't be alone tomorrow.
I was really happy that they were coming tomorrow but at the same time I was quite worried.
I was going to have to tell them everything and face Mingi. But I'll also finally know why Wooyoung published that totally wrong article about me, I'll have a hard time forgiving him for what he did but I've always had a soft spot for Wooyoung and even if he was one of the reasons for my suicide attempt I know I'll forgive him, he means too much to me.
I sighed sitting on the couch, hugging Woo. Life isn't so bad after all. Sorry mom, I promise I'll see you soon.