The show went well overall, we passed all the performances without any problems and made no mistakes.
This show was longer than yesterday's and I'm really tired.
After changing and removing my makeup, I quickly joined my manager outside to return to the hotel.
He took my hand as a sign of support and led me to the car.
The ride was quick, my manager never let go of my hand and had a hard time leaving me alone in my room. He probably worries about me, it's rare that I cry.
I showered and quickly made my way to my bed, ready to finally get a good night's sleep.
I started to get settled under my comforter when someone knocked on my door, I invited him in.
My manager came slowly into my room, himself dressed for sleep.
-What are you doing? I asked him.
-I'm going to sleep with you? he asked uncertainly.
I smiled softly and patted the spot next to me, he quickly slipped under the comforters. Normally I would have said no, but he's probably worried. John is only two years older than me, I tend to think of him as a big brother rather than my manager even though sometimes he's a real pain in the when it comes to my career.
He laid down and pulled me down at the same time. He hugged me and fell asleep quickly. Lucky for him, I would love to fall asleep like that too.
Three hours have passed and I still can't sleep. I'm really fed up, I just want to sleep.
I slowly detached myself from my manager and headed to the bathroom. I opened my toiletry bag and took out a box of medicine that said "sleeping pill" on it. I took one and went back to bed, being careful not to wake John when I got under the covers.
After a short time, I began to feel sleepy, closed my eyes and finally fell asleep.

***

-John? Were the plane tickets booked?
He turned to me, looking sorry.
-Oh yeah about that...
-What about it?
-I haven't booked the tickets yet.
-What do you mean you haven't got the tickets yet?
-I thought that since you haven't been back to Korea for a long time you might want to see your family.
-But you asked me if I wanted to see them at least?
-No, but I already called a car to take you to your parents anyway.
-And when were you going to tell me? When the car would be downstairs?
-Don't get upset Yeosang, it's just one day, we're going back to Los Angeles in two days.
-You could have told me anyway.
-It's just an afternoon, nothing more.
I didn't answer any more, preferring to sulk.
-The car will be here in ten minutes.
I didn't feel like staying in the same room as my manager anymore, so I took my bag and decided to wait for the car outside the hotel.
In the car, I started to stress a little bit, I know that my parents don't agree at all with the fact that I went to live in America and even less with the fact that I smoke.
When I arrived at my parents' house I immediately spotted my sister's car parked in the driveway.
I rang the doorbell and my sister came to open the door.
-Hey Sana-noona, I said with a big smile.
-Yeosang, at last you're here.
She didn't even smile at me.
-Appa and eomma are waiting for you inside.
I entered the house and went to the living room. My parents were both sitting on the couch. My mom got up when she saw me and came over to give me a hug.
-I missed you, honey.
-I missed you too eomma.
-So why didn't you come to see us? My father asked.
-Appa I'm really sorry, I really didn't have time.
He huffed, clearly displeased with my answer.
Finally we all sat down in the kitchen and started talking about everything. Until Sana asked a question.
-Yeosang, when are you going back to Los Angeles?
-I fly back tomorrow.
-Already! My mother said in surprise.
-Yes, I have to go home, I have things to do.
-Anyway, he doesn't have time for us anymore, said my angry sister.
-Sana, please! my mother scolded.
-She's not wrong though, added my father.
My mother turned to me with an apologetic look.
I know very well that they were right, since I left for the United States I've only come once and that's only because my manager made me, it's a shame.
The clock was ticking and soon I had to return to the hotel. I quickly said goodbye to my father and mother and promised to come back.
Before leaving my sister took me aside and said softly so that our parents would not hear her:
-Eomma is sick.
My face broke down.
-What do you mean she's sick? I asked
-She has blood cancer, Sana said.
-You're kidding me Noona!
She shook her head at me.
-That's why Appa and I are a little upset that you don't come more often.
-Why didn't she tell me?
-She didn't want to worry you.
-And why is there no chemo on her, she looks great.
-She keeps her head up when you're around but deep down she's in a lot of pain, and she refused chemo.
-But why, I said, totally shocked.
-We really don't know but we think it's because of the price, it's really expensive. You know that Appa and Eomma don't really have any money left and I can't really help them.
-But I'm going to pay for her chemo!
With that I went back to the living room ready to face my mother.
-No Yeosang wait! my sister shouted at me
-What?
-She won't accept and you know it. What we can do is to create a deposit account where we can put the money.
-But eomma won't ask where the money comes from?
-I'll tell her that an association has agreed to pay.
I found this idea totally ridiculous but I accepted anyway, if it could save my mother then I would do it without hesitation.
In the car on the way back to the hotel I thought about it, I really don't understand why she didn't tell me, she knows very well that I would have paid for her. Sana also could have told me, it is really not done.
When I arrived at the hotel, my manager asked me if my afternoon had gone well.
-My mother has leukemia.
He looked at me shocked.
-Oh my God Yeosang, I'm so sorry.
-It's okay, don't worry about me, I'm fine.
He looked at me as if he knew very well that I was lying.
After that I locked myself in my room.
Lying on my bed I thought about everything. This is so horrible.
I received a message from my sister that she had created the deposit account, to which, without consulting my manager, I transferred a very large sum of money.
My sister sent me a message saying that I had put in too much money and that we wouldn't need all that, but I ignored her.
Thinking about my mother I started to cry again, I cry every day now it's really tiring.
As I wiped my cheeks, someone knocked on my door. I got up without bothering to check my face, thinking that it was my manager but I came face to face with Seonghwa.
He looked at me with a very gentle look when he saw the tear tracks.
I don't really know what came over me but I suddenly took him in my arms and hid my head in his neck. He also seemed surprised at first but he would also hold me, caressing the top of my head with his chin. After a while we untied and I invited him into my room, he sat on my bed and I sat next to him. Without a word, he opened his arms and I rushed into his embrace.
He whispered to me:
-Go ahead Yeosang, let him out, hyung is right there.
I burst into tears at his words. His hug was so comforting. I sobbed for another ten minutes before I pulled away from his embrace. He looked at me gently and wiped my cheeks with his thumb.
-I'm sorry hyung, I'm so sorry.
-What are you sorry for baby? he asked me.
-I'm sorry for being a coward and for leaving you all.
-But I totally understand why you did that Sangie, we were mean and put everything on you when you had nothing to do with it, we are the cowards.
Hearing him say that made me feel so good, finally someone recognized that I wasn't the cause of the disband.
-The others don't think like me, you know I think they're just really frustrated that the band broke up and so they're trying to take their anger out on someone and I'm really sorry that it happened to you.
I bowed my head, sad to hear that not everyone thought like hyung.
-Hongjoong is waiting for me downstairs at a cafe, I didn't tell him I was going to see you, I said I was going to bring something back to a friend who lives next door to the hotel, I'll have to leave before he gets worried.
I winced at his words, not wanting him to leave.  
-You're going back tomorrow, aren't you? he asked.
I nodded.
-Maybe if you stay a little longer we can see each other again and maybe even Hongjoong.
-He's not angry with me?
-Not really anymore, I think he understood himself the stupid things he did and feels very guilty.
I smiled thinking about the fact that my other hyung was not angry with me anymore.
Seonghwa gave me a last hug and left my room with the promise to come back.
I sent a message to my manager to tell him that I had decided to spend my week off in Korea. I thought he was going to be surprised but he only sent me back an "ok" I think he thinks I'm staying because of my mother's illness. Thinking about this I promised myself that I would go to the hospital to see my mother during the week.
Finally I went to bed and fell asleep feeling better than before.