I breathed exasperated in front of my computer screen, trying in vain to fill the void, my word page is still as blank as it was two hours ago.
Nothing comes to me, no matter how much I think with the few neurons I have left, inspiration still doesn't come.
If I don't hand in my text before Friday, my producer won't be happy and I'm really tired of arguing with him.
I need a smoke. I opened my pack of cigarettes and took one out. I know I should quit smoking, my manager said it makes my voice deeper than it already is.
He's more concerned about my career than my health.
I glanced at the clock above the door, it said three o'clock in the morning, I knew I should have gotten to work earlier. Roxanne must be waiting for me at home, she never falls asleep before I get home.
I breathed out the smoke that was burning my lungs one last time before throwing my cigarette into the ashtray. My studio reeks of cigarettes but I don't like to open the window right now, it's so cold.
Still staring at my blank word page, we stared at each other for a good ten minutes before I decided it was too late to continue messing with my head.
I grabbed my phone and my car keys and headed out the door.
Even at night, Los Angeles is still a busy city. It took me more than forty minutes to reach my house.
No sooner had I stepped inside my house than Roxanne jumped on me.
-Hi, sweetie, how are you doing?" I said to her as I petted her.
This dog is really a sweetheart, most people are afraid of her simply because she is a big dog, but Roxanne wouldn't hurt a fly, unless it attacks me of course, she can't stand to have her master touched.
After washing and eating some chicken from yesterday, I finally slipped under my warm comforters.
I checked the networks two seconds before going to sleep. My last post has already made more than a million views even though it's only been six hours since I posted it. It's a picture of me and Roxanne in the snow, I went to Canada recently not for a vacation but to perform in concert, Ottawa and Montreal.
I took the opportunity to take a picture in the snow with my dog, Roxanne, she loves the snow, maybe when my contract will be expired we'll go live together in Canada.
After five more minutes, I put my phone on my night table and let myself fall into the arms of Morpheus.

***

It's nine o'clock when I finally decided to get out of bed and go to my studio, I really have to hurry up and finish this song before I get into serious trouble with my producer.
On the road while stopped at a red light, I saw a sign that said "KYS in concert on December 29th in your city".
My agency decided to organize a concert especially for the end of the year celebrations, they were convinced that the tickets would be sold out quickly and they were right, only thirty minutes after the tickets were put on sale, they were already almost sold out. It's a great Christmas present for my fans. I can't wait to play live, my last concert was in August and we are already in November, the concert is in a little less than a month. I still have time to prepare myself and especially to finish this damn song.
Arrived at my studio, I hurried to put me at work, it was already ten hours past.
Here I am again, like yesterday, in front of my blank word page, I don't even have the title of the song.
Before it was easier to write, in my raps I expressed my anger, my frustration and my sadness but now it's like I don't feel anything anymore, no more joy, no more sadness, nothing...
I lost all inspiration, I just want to sleep all the time and eat chicken, chicken is too important to stop eating.
It's eleven o'clock when my manager knocked on my door:
-Yeosang, I hope you're almost done with your script, it's due tomorrow, he said as he walked into my studio.
-Yeah, I just need some finishing touches," I answered uncertainly.
-Can I see?
My manager simultaneously leaned over my computer.
-Are you kidding me? You didn't write anything! he exclaimed angrily
-I'm sorry okay, I'm a little uninspired.
-You have to hand it in tomorrow Yeosang! We're going to get in trouble with the producer again!
-I'm going to have problems with my producer, you won't, he loves you and you know it.
-That's not the point! You can't write a song in a day!
-Well, I can, I'm going to.
-More beautiful words, I know you now Yeosang, you are a good talker, I still remember when you came to the agency, you were full of ambition! I'll rap faster than Eminem you said and for the moment you can't even write a song!
-I got it! I'll try to finish the song today and at worst I'll face the wrath of my producer.
-I'll be back at six o'clock, I hope for your sake that you'll really finish it, he said while leaving my studio.
I don't really hold this man in my heart, he helped me at the beginning but now he's a real charlatan and I don't even dare to think about my producer, he's going to be so angry, he's been waiting for this song for two weeks already and I kept pushing the deadline.
I need inspiration, this blank page gives me a headache.
I reached into my coat pockets to discover that I had left my pack of cigarettes at home, I'm having a really bad day and it's barely noon.
If I call my manager to bring me a pack of Camel he's not going to be happy, not happy at all. Too bad I'll have to go through a day in the studio without a single cigarette, the more I think about it the more I'm anxious, I didn't think I'd become so addicted.
The clock indicates 12:14 and still not a word on my computer.
I am hungry, I want chicken. After placing an order at my favorite fast-food restaurant, I started to watch the clock until the delivery man arrived.
About thirty minutes later, there was a knock on my door and I got up to open it.
I came face to face with my producer.
-Oh Mark good to see you! I said enthusiastically.
In reality I was not at all happy to see him.
-I'm happy too, my dear Yeosang, hold your order, he said, handing me a cardboard bag.
-Oh thank you, I said a little surprised
-I came to see the progress of your song, I can't wait to see what you have prepared for me.
-Oh yes, about that...
He looked at me with a questioning look
-I haven't really made any progress on the song.
-You've got to be kidding me. I gave you three weeks to write one lousy song. You used to write lyrics for me in thirty minutes, what happened?
-I'm just a little short on inspiration.
-I'm not giving you any more time this time, you're going to write me this song in one day.
With that he left my studio. I huffed in frustration and annoyance, I can't write a song in a snap either.
I glanced inside my bag, my producer's intervention having spoiled my appetite.
I took a fried chicken wing anyway, chicken is more important than my problems and besides it comforts me, it reminds me of the good old days when we used to order chicken in the dormitory at night. I smile when I think back to before.
Anyway, there's no point in thinking about it, the past is the past, I have to get used to it.
I kept looking at my word page for hours waiting for inspiration even though I know it will never come.