After seeing the photo, nanghina ako. 

Sobrang nanghina but I still trust her. I still have that 100% trust in Yuji. 

I will never doubt her not unless ginawa niya mismo sa harap ko o sasabihin niya sa akin.

 

Hindi ko gagawing big deal 'tong picture lalo na at nakauwi na sila. We can still talk it out pag nagkita na kami. 

 

We can still talk it out pero wala ako natanggap na kahit anong message or update man lang galing sa jowa ko after that night tapos makikita ko 'tong picture.

 

Ang sakit naman.

 

Ang sakit isipin na what if nagkabalikan sila? 

 

So anong tawag sa akin… Rebound?

 

Charot.

 

Charot pero masakit na talaga ang heart ko.

 

Kahapon pa ako kinukulit ni Minju. Sabi niya "Finally, the truth was revealed. She never changed." So, all this time inaantay niya lang ang downfall ni Yuji? Anong klase siyang kaibigan?

 

Minju: I was right, Minjeong. K is just using you for her own convenience. Gusto ka niya dahil lagi kang nandyan para sa kanya pero pag wala ka na, she will dispose you like one of her toys.

 

Minjeong: How can you be so sure of that, Minju? It's just a picture of them hugging. We don't know the whole story so stop jumping into conclusions.

 

Minju: I am just protecting you habang maaga pa. K is my friend but you are also my friend. I don't have any reasons to lie kaya paniwalaan mo ako.

 

Minjeong: Let's end this conversation. I will not tolerate this mere accusations. Sa girlfriend ko lang ako maniniwala, kaya kay Jimin ako manghihingi ng explanation. 

 

Minju: Suit yourself, Minjeong. This is my final warning. Go get that explanation from your girlfriend, kung MAKUHA mo.

 

I ignored Minju's warning. Nakakagalit naman kasi bakit ganun ganun niya na lang akusahan ang bestfriend niya. Even if they are not that close, dapat hindi niya agad pinaghihinalaan si Yuji.

 

She should know her well.

 

Pero what if she knows her well kaya nasabi niya sa akin 'yun.

 

Stop doubting, Minjeong! You're such a hypocrite!

 

I can't say na I know Jimin well lalo na at 'di ko naman talaga alam ang tumatakbo sa isip niya. But I'll put my every trust to her dahil mahal ko siya at mahal niya din ako.

 

Alam ko naman 'yon kahit hindi niya sabihin out loud.

 

 

-

 

After a few days, Jimin didn't even try to address the issue. I mentioned it once pero ang sabi niya lang is "Guni-guni mo lang 'yon, Winter." 

 

Sinabihan ko siya na she is being awkward and distant around me kahit hindi pa kami nagkikita sa personal. She laughed it off and said that I was just overreacting.

 

I didn't try to show her the picture dahil iritableng iritable siya nowadays baka sakin niya ibunton yung galit niya.

 

Hindi ko naman siya pinilit magopen-up dahil nga baka magalit siya. I wanted to approach her and talk about it. I tried to mention Minju's name pero magbabanggit palang ako ng Min, nakatingin na agad siya sa akin ng masama. She was checking if Minjeong ba sasabihin ko o Minju. 

 

Bumalik ulit siya sa dati. Yung dating puro mixed signals at panggugulo sa utak ang dulot sa existence ko.

 

Ang cold niya pa sobra daig niya pa yung nickname ko na Winter.

 

Bagay sa kanya yung nickname ko pero mas bagay kami. 

 

Hays :(

 

Akala ko maeenjoy ko yung last week of sembreak ko with her…

 

Well, I was wrong. 

 

I am stuck here at home. Nakikipagtitigan sa ceiling at maghapong nababaliw kakaisip kung kailan ako papansinin ng isang Yu Jimin?

 

I was startled by a sudden call. I picked up the phone without looking kung sino yung caller, "Hello?" I answered lazily.

 

"Baka gusto mo magseen sa gc 'no." I heard Ryujin's voice. 

 

"Bak-" Itatanong ko pa sana kung bakit pero binaba niya na yung tawag.

 

Bastos amp

 

I checked our gc and scrolled down para magbackread puro kasi tawa yung mga chats. Hindi naman halatang masaya kayo ano? Edi sana all masaya sa life.

 

One message caught my attention.

 

RJ: Meet up tayo sa December. G kayo?

 

It was an invitation by Ryujin tapos halos lahat ata ng mga members ng group chat namin nagheart react doon.

 

Kaya pala nakakapagtaka yung mga latest chats nila puro pagpaplano kung saan magkikita-kita.

 

Ryujin mentioned my name.

 

RJ: Hoy @MJ baka gusto mo magparamdam tapos ka na sa part-time work mo subukan mong magdahilan pa.

 

MJ: iniistorbo mo well-deserved rest ko shoo

 

Chaeryeong: Minjeonggieee hi!

 

Ambilis naman ng radar nito ni Chaeryeong. Ramdam na ramdam niya agad na lalapag ako sa group chat ah? 

 

I ignored her message sa group chat but then a message request pops on the screen. Binuksan ko ito, to see kung sino 'yon but it was none other than Lee Chaeryeong.

 

Chaeryeong: Hi Minjeonggiee! 

 

Ang kulit talaga nito. Hindi ko muna inaccept yung message dahil ayoko siya ientertain. It's a no no.

 

Chaeryeong: Napansin ko you're not that active naman sa group chat but sabi nila Ryujin active ka naman when you have time. May problema ba? If you need someone to talk to, I'm available. 

 

I accepted the message request dahil natempt ako na baka ito na yung sign para i-settle tong boundaries with her. 

 

MJ: Thanks for the offer but I can't. Hindi ko kayang bigyan ang girlfriend ko ng ikakaoverthink niya. We can be friends, casual friends. That's all.

 

Chaeryeong: I just want to be close to you as friends. Wala naman akong ulterior move at hindi naman kita ipupursue dahil ayaw ko makasira ng relasyon ng iba. 

 

Uh-oh, naoffend ko ba siya? Wala na akong mareply kaya I ignored it na lang. Magsorry na lang siguro ako mamaya? 

 

Totropahin leg8 (no ) gc

RJ: So G na tayo sa MOA? Ayaw niyo talaga magswimming? Ayaw niyo? Okay, madali naman ako kausap.

 

Yuna: dami mo ebas rojen

 

Aeri: You don't want to like rent a place for us na lang? And then we ambag ambag and bond with each other. Atleast with that set-up, we will not deal with strangers or crowded places diba?

 

Yeri: Pwede naman sana 'yan kaso we don't have a place at tsaka malalayo ang mga bahay natin sa isa't isa.

 

Chaeryeong: Yes, we should adjust with each other's location. Lalo na at ang iba sa atin Batangas yung iba nasa Pangasinan pa tapos may Pateros. Isipin niyo din yung biyahe.

 

Aeri: But it's more convenient kasi if we have a place atleast we can do a sleepover?

 

Hyunjin: Pass sa sleepover mga mare. Walang magaalaga sa mga babies ko.

 

Certified cat lover talaga 'to si Hyunjin e. Nakita ko nga sa mga usapan kanina na maghahire pa siya ng magaalaga sa mga pusa niya for one day sa araw ng meet up naming magtotropa.

 

Heejin: What if dalhin mo na lang babies mo at alagaan natin 'yan? Bubuo tayo ng happy family, Hyunjin. 

Heejin: Jin family owo

 

Hyunjin: Pass kapag ikaw magaalaga baka sakalin mo mga pusa ko.

Hyunjin: kadiri k

 

Heejin: ang dami mo namang

 

Ryujin: Tapos ako yung anak niyo.

Ryujin: Hi Papc @Hyunjin and Mamc @Heejin

 

Hyunjin: pasampal nga ako back to back

 

MJ: what if we meet at MOA this December and then plan a new meet up again but next time swimming na?

 

Chaeryeong: G ako dyan. 

 

Chaewon: Sus, g ka naman lagi basta suggestion ni MJ. Simp ampota.

Chaewon: Kambal MJ, lumayo ka dyan!

 

Chaeryeong: Tigilan mo ko, Chae. 

 

Chaewon: Kaya dapat sa akin ka na lng iship para 2Chae tau hart hart xd

 

RJ: Mamaya na harutan so ano tuloy na tayo sa MOA this December? 

 

Yuna: oo rojen pero di k kasama

 

RJ: hindi ko hinihingi opinion mo yuna

 

Aeri: I guess we're all in na naman. See you soon guys!

 

Yeri: Oo nga, see you soon. Sasakalin ko kayo isa isa.

 

Chaewon: Hindi mo kami abot te wag ka mangarap 

 

After seeing the group messages, I tried to reach out to Yuji. Check ko nga if may pake na ba sa akin yung jowa ko.

 

Wow, active 5 minutes ago. 

 

Nagonline siya but she didn't bother to open up my messages. Mas pinili niyang itambak ako sa inbox messages niya.

 

Ano bang problema, Yuji? 

 

I can't stay still lalo na at ayaw niya na naman maging honest sa akin. Akala ko ba you will work hard to earn my trust again pero ano 'to? Bakit parang pinapahirapan at ginugulo mo na naman utak ko? You don't even need to earn my trust kasi kaya ko ibigay yun ng buo kahit paulit-ulit mo pa basagin.

 

I became impatient so I tried to contact Ate Irene.

 

"Hi, cutie winjeong, what's up?" 

 

As I expected, Ate Irene will answer my call immediately. What if biyayaan mo din ng ganyan yung kapatid mo, Ate?

 

"si Yuji po?" Nahihiya ko namang tanong.

 

"Ay umalis siya. Akala ko nga kasama mo dahil bihis na bihis si bakla. Akala ko ba may date kayo this week?" 

 

Akala ko din po. Buong akala ko meron po kaming bebetime this week pero mukhang postponed po.

 

"Ay ganun po ba. Busy daw po siya, e. Salamat, Ate Irene. Wag niyo na lang po sabihin na hinahanap ko po siya baka makaistorbo po ako. Salamat po." I waited for Ate Irene's reply before dropping the call.

 

Ayoko maghinala, Jimin.

Ayoko talagang paghinalaan ka.

I will never entertain this doubts and gut feelings not unless magexplain ka sa akin.

 

I sighed and plopped down to my bed. I viewed Chaeryeong's message.

 

Masyado ba akong harsh sa kanya? Siguro, I will try to set boundaries personally na lang. Personally like sa December pa syempre, bakit ako makikipagkita sa tagaBatangas????

 

 

-

 

Nakipagkita sa akin si Karina sa last day ng Sembreak namin which is also the day of our First Monthsary. 

 

She took me by surprise this morning when she suddenly sent a message regarding our special day.

 

12:05 AM

Babe: Happy First Monthsary, Winjeong. 

 

Edi sana ginawa niya na lang na HFMW para mas maikli dahil baka napagod siya kakatype o di kaya next monthsary batiin niya na lang ako ng "HMW" which means Happy Monthsary Winjeong para less hassle.

 

Madaling araw niya pala ako binati? So, iniisip niya ako bago siya matulog? Ay malamang beh, jowa niya nga pala ako. 

 

Jowa na parang hindi ampota.

 

Para siyang si Sung Jinwoo tapos ako yung clingy na shadow general niya na si Beru. Para lang akong shadow sa kanya.

(P.S: solo leveling reference pag ende nio alam edi aw8)

 

I am standing awkwardly right in front of her dahil she was boring her eyes on me like I was a ing log.

 

"Did you even sleep?" Tanong niya sa akin. Tumango naman ako bilang sagot sa kanya. Napansin niya siguro yung paglalim ng eyebags ko.

 

Oh? 

 

Nagpakulay siya?

Bawal may hair color sa school ah.

 

"Kailan ka pa nagpakulay ng buhok?" Tanong ko habang tinuturo yung buhok niya.

 

She smiled and fixed her hair, "Nagustuhan mo ba?" 

 

"Well, it suits you pero may pasok na bukas baka-" I stopped whe I saw how her face dropped in dismay.

 

mali!

 

"Babe? Maganda, okay? Bagay sa'yo. I was just concerned na baka hindi ka makapasok tomorrow because of it but all in all, you're beautiful kahit anong kulay pa 'yan." She smiled in return.

 

Oh diba? Ganito lang naman kadali magbigay ng assurance bakit hindi mo magawa sa akin?

 

Charot, hindi na po ako demanding. May bebetime na ako 'di na ako magdedemand. 

 

"So, anong gagawin natin on our special day?" she started to cling to me and it made my heart happy.

 

Namiss ko 'to.

 

"Well, madami kang pagpipilian na gagawin natin. All you need to do is enjoy the rest of the day with me. Happy Monthsary, Yuji. I love you." She flinched when she heard the last line. Binigyan niya ako ng pilit na ngiti so I smiled in return.

 

Ismayl na lang natin yung pain.

 

 

-

 

Her body is here but her presence is nowhere. We spend the first two hours of our day in the mall. I decided to treat her to a brunch para makapunta agad kami sa cinema.

 

And hindi ko alam kung masasaktan ba ako o ano. She declined the movie date that I was offering dahil napanood niya na daw yung movie. The movie was just released this week and she said na she finished watching it na? What the hell?

 

I even fought my way to reserve these tickets tapos my efforts were wasted. 

 

Okay lang, may iba pa namang time para manood ng movie.

 

Our next stop was arcade but after a few minutes of shooting in the basketball game ay nag-aya na siya sa ibang lugar. Ayaw niya na daw sa arcade.

 

It is more like she is bored. Bored enough to not notice any changes in my mood, she is so bored that she ignores my whole presence.

 

So, para saan nga ulit yung date na ito? Bawi? It's more like dadagdagan, e.

 

Our last stop on today's venture was Enchanted Kingdom. I wanted to bring her here dahil I wasn't satisfied with our perya date last month. Wala akong kapera pera noon but now I have enough money to spend.

 

I got the vip tickets dahil ayoko maubos oras namin ni Yuji sa pagpila.

 

At first, she was excited about the idea of the rides but in the halfway habang pababa kami ng Anchors Away, her mood changed.

 

"Let's go home na, Winjeong." 

 

Akala ko nahihilo lang siya after the ride but I was wrong. Gusto niya na pala umuwi na para bang ayaw ako kasama.

 

Tatlong rides lang sinakyan namin? How about the other rides? The games? 

 

I faked a smile and asked, "Pagod ka na ba?" She nodded.

 

I swallowed the lump on my throat as I felt a flash of irritation. I tried to calm myself internally and silently. Nagbreathing exercise pa ako at pumikit.

 

There is no use kahit magparamdam ako na dismayado ako sa actions niya. There is no improvement kahit sabihin ko nararamdaman ko ngayon dahil babaliktarin niya lang naman ulit.

 

"I thought aabot tayo sa fireworks display…" I whispered in myself. 

 

"You can stay if you want." Narinig kong sabi niya at tuluyan nang naglakad papalayo.

 

Ayokong umiyak sa sobrang galit pero I can't contain my emotions. Sobrang naiinis ako dahil yung one week na pinaghirapan ko, dito lang mapupunta. I felt like nasayang yung effort ko pero at the same time, I'm telling myself na it's okay at least I had the chance to visit the place with her kahit 5 minutes lang.

 

I'm starting to blame myself baka ganito siya because of my one week of disappearance. 

 

Kasalanan ko kung bakit siya ganito. I ignored her for a week kaya binabawian niya ako.

 

I watched her back habang naglalakad siya papuntang sakayan ng tricycle pauwi. 

 

She didn't even wait for me. 

 

Kahit sa jeep pauwi hindi kami nagtabi. 

 

Kahit sa pagtawid, nasa unahan ko siya nasa likuran niya lang ako when it should have been side-by-side.

 

There are times that I will stop in my tracks just to check if lilingon ba siya sa akin pero sino bang niloloko ko? Edi sarili ko.

 

Yuji, ano bang ginawa ko?

 

"Jimin, may sasabihin ka ba sa akin?" I blurted out that made her stop. Naglalakad na kami papasok ng subdivision.

 

"Meron. Why are you acting like this? All distant and stuff. Nasa tabi kita pero sobrang awkward, Minjeong." I scoffed as I heard her reason. Now, I am the one being awkward pero ikaw itong umiiwas na parang may nakakahawa akong sakit.

 

Hindi ko na makontrol yung inis ko kaya I fished out my phone and searched for that ing photo.

 

"Dahil dito, Jimin." I showed her the photo as I gritted my teeth, "I am waiting for you to tell me this and explain to me bakit kayo magkayakap ng ex mo?"

 

Instead of apologizing or explaining, she glared at me, "But you never tell me anything, Minjeong. Not unless ganito na ang situation natin. Instead of telling me what is wrong, mas pinili mo pa umacting na okay ang lahat aayain mo ako ng date and stuff." 

 

Kasalanan ko pa din? Sige, kasalanan ko naman lagi.

 

"Instead of talking to me about the situation, kinausap mo pa talaga si Chaeryeong." She fumed in anger.

 

I tried to reach out to you, Jimin. I tried but you always answer me na guni guni ko lang 'yon. I wanna say it out loud but I can't, I don't want to hurt your feelings. Masyadong overboard pa kung sasabihin ko ito dahil nga ang sabi mo "I was just overreacting." 

 

"Chaeryeong is just a friend, Jimin. Bakit mo ba dinadamay ang taong walang kinalaman sa situation natin? Why are you swerving to the main point?"

 

"The main point, huh. So you are accusing me of cheating too? Akala ko iba ka, Winter. You're just like them, accusing me before knowing the truth." I swallowed down my frustration upon hearing her rant.

 

Awts.

 

All I did was understand her situation and give her time to think. I gave her time to breathe before explaining those things. I'm not even accusing her of anything. 

 

Ako na nagoverthink, ako pa nagbigay ng assurance sa sarili ko.

 

"Jimin. You don't understand my point, I'm not accusing you or anything. Inaantay lang naman kita magsabi, e. Inaantay ko lang na bigyan mo ako ng assurance. Look, I'm not doubting you, ni hindi sumagi sa isip ko na pagisipan ka ng masama dahil mahal kita, Jimin." 

 

"Bakit ba inaantay mo pa ako? You can just straight up say it to my face. Wag kang magpaligoy-ligoy, Minjeong. I'm-"

 

"Straight up say it to your face? Then what, you will ignore me dahil I stepped on your boundaries. Jimin, I'm just respecting you dahil lumalayo ka once na maguusap tayo about a sensitive thing."

 

"I am giving you space. Space para maisip mo na may jowa ka naman na pwede mo pagsabihan ng problema… Display ba ako, Jimin?" A single tear rolled down on my cheek. I immediately wiped it but it was hard to stop when hot tears streamed down my face.

 

"Burden ba? Burden ba ang magsabi sa akin?"