JENNIE'S POV

"I'm sorry, you lost the baby. " the Doctor inform.
 

Hearing those words made me sob. It was all my fault. I'm pregnant but I didn't take care of my baby growing in my womb because of my stupidity. I knew Lisa wouldn't forgive me just as I wouldn't forgive myself.
 

Jisoo who is right beside me, held me in her arms.
 

"Jisoo, it was all my fault. I'm such a bad mother and a wife. I don't deserve to live happily. I'm not worth loving."
 

"Don't say that, Jen. It wasn't your fault." Jisoo started rubbing my back, trying to calm me down. Even she was crying.
 

"No, it's all my fault. Now, I'm being punished and Lisa would never forgive me." I sobbed miserably remembering my wife, how she looked like when I was pushing her away. "I hurt her. I doubted her. I'm so stupid. I don't deserve her. I don't deserve her love."
 

I saw Jisoo motion her hands to the nurse but I didn't know what it is. The nurse went near the hospital bed where I am lying and injected something on my dextrose with some kind of liquid, seconds later I felt my eyelids getting heavy.

"I don't want to sleep." I said before I succumbed to oblivion.

 

___


 

When I opened my eyes, Lisa's beautiful face greets me. Before I knew it my tears had already started flowing down my cheeks. She looked haggard, too.
 

"Stop crying, Jennie. It's not good for you." she said with no emotion at all. I knew I deserved her anger, but Lisa's coldness still hurt me. Deep inside, I was hoping that an ounce of love for me still lingered in her heart.
 

"I'm sorry." I said in a low tone. "I'm sorry for hurting you and I'm sorry for losing the baby."

I saw hurt cross her eyes.
 

"It already happened. We can't do anything about it anymore." her voice shook. "When you fully recovered, we'll talk." Is she going to ask for a divorce?
 

"I'm really sorry, Lisa. It's all my fault why we lost the baby. I know I don't deserve any forgiveness from you because I could not even forgive myself."
 

"I'm calling the nurse." she said before leaving me alone inside the room.
 

I cried even more. Oh god, I have really lost her love. It's all my fault, I wasn't good enough and because of that I will let her go.

I have to go away. I won't be able to bring my life back to normal if I will always remember this unfortunate happenings in my life. I won't be able to forget Lisa if I will always see her. When I see her again I might beg for her to accept me in her life again. I don't want her to force herself living with me out of pity. The only way I could let her go is for me to leave. I'll be back at the time when I'm ready to face her and everything.
 

I left her a note on the hospital bed before carrying the bag with my things before heading out of the room. I told my friends, even Lisa's family that I wanted to be alone for a while and they respected my privacy.
 

When the doctor said that I can go home anytime, I started planning.

It was time for me to go.
 

___

 

NAMISEOM, GANGWON-DO.
 

I had been her for almost two months. That's where I went right after I got discharged from the hospital. I have heard that the place is pretty good. And, I'm sure that no one would think that I would go to this place. My friends and relatives knew I didn't like going out of the city.
 

Namiseom was nature at it's best, it was a really good place. It exceeded my expectation. The place is very peaceful, very beautiful. Also, the pure and fresh air will stay in my mind forever. Somehow, being near to nature brought peace into my heart. I still cry sometimes whenever I remember the unfortunate happening in my life but I knew that I'm slowly recovering. It wouldn't take long before I can go back to Seoul and face a new life. And her.
 

I once called Jisoo and Rosé to tell them that I'm doing fine, after that I didn't contacted them again. I needed more time alone. There are many things i have to realize in my life. I needed to find myself so that I won't be able to make mistakes again which cause a big loss to me and to Lisa.
 

"Ruby Jane noona, are you crying again?" ask Mason, the twelve year old son of the owner of the inn where I'm currently staying at.

Ruby Jane is the name I told them when I first came here.

I smiled. "Not really. It's just fascinating to watch the water flowing down from the waterfalls. I've been, will it ever run out of water?"

He laughed. "Aigoo, Noona, sometimes I wonder what goes on in your mind. Are you going to accept the offer from the Tourism Office about being a tour guide?"

The head of the Namiseom Tourism Bureau offered me a job as a tourist guide. Sunyoung Unni recommended me, she's the mother of Mason, who is the owner of the inn. One time I had told that I'm planning to look for a job. I've been staying here for two months and the cash that I brought with me wouldn't be enough to last me for another two months if I won't work. I don't want to use my credit cards or withdrew through ATM machine because that might give leads to those who were looking for me... if there's anyone.

"Maybe. I'm not yet sure. I've only been here for two months. I don't think I could do the responsibility as a tour guide."

"Aigoo, Noona, I'm sure you can do it. For the whole two months that you were staying here, all you ever did was going around all the places here in Nami Island. I could even bet that you could paint the Gugok Waterfalls with the image in your mi