This is getting tiring, the members are starting to ask questions and questions I rather not answer but how should I stop them from prying, I already collapsed once in front of them, and they won’t leave me alone now. I can’t run from them always, why do I have to run from so many things these days. Since my parents didn’t know the whole deal of me landing myself in the hospital it relieved me for now I don’t need to explain anything to them right now, and my head throbbing so much right now, the medicines really not working, I just took a quick bath, bandaged the wound and jumped straight to my bed for at least I can feel the softness around me. How do I explain them? Something I don’t want to come in light, and this darn thing why didn’t I remove it at that time, it certainly wasn’t a trophy that should have been kept and now he has seen it, It just boasted his ego. How will he come again to mess with me? Will he show himself in front of the members? With so many questions swirling in my head? I pushed them aside to the back of my mind and let the cold darkness embrace me before I found myself falling asleep.

I woke up with still a dull throbbing but better then yesterday, I saw the time and dragging my body to change for the recording today, all the members are going to be there and eating a pill for the headache to ease away, I made it downstairs to wait for the manager to arrive,

“Jongwoon ah”

“Nae, eomma”

“Come and eat before you go to work. You look like a corpse”

“But mom I don’t need to eat” I whined because I literally didn’t feel like eating but with one look at mothers direction, I made my way down to the table and ate soup and rice with couple of side dishes, just taking one bite wanted me to vomit out all the contents but I forced myself to at least half

‘Just eat it in front of her, I don’t want to make worry her’ I thought, so I pushed the contents inside which just wanted to be thrown out.

Mom was satisfied and I excused myself and said I needed to grab something from my room, I rushed upstairs and locked the door, before throwing all the contents into the toilet and I kept vomiting even when only bile was left, my throat hurt it was sour, and my breath smelled horrible, I quickly brushed again and also used mouth wash. This day has just begun and I just want it to be over now.

“Jongwoon, Siwon is here with your manager”

Why is Siwon here? Oh god I was not expecting this to happen, are they going to follow me like that everywhere now.

I quickly made my way down and looking at the interaction between mom and him, Siwon noticed me and quickly came closer to envelope me in a hug,

“Siwon, don’t crush him” Siwon laughed and so did mom whereas I pushed myself out of his embrace, grabbed my bag and went into the car.

Siwon followed me and also came into the van.

“Manager, what’s the schedule for today?”

“Oh, you need to film an episode for sj return, didn’t Siwon tell you”

“NO, he was busy crushing me”

“Hyung, it wasn’t like that” Siwon said with full aigoo mode which made the manager laugh and I just shrugged, and there was no conversation till we made it into the filming place.

We both climbed out of the car and went to get our mics on and place the sticker thing on the clock, don’t know why we even do this but….

Mostly all the members have arrived except ryeowook who had just gotten free from his musical so we were just waiting for him before leeteuk hyung came towards me, I really don’t want to go through a question answer session right now, I could feel the prying members eyes on both of us.

“Yesung ah, we really need to talk” yeah here we go.

I really couldn’t escape today so I just nodded and stood and urged him to go somewhere else then here, he followed but before we could take two steps the staff have put a table in front of us, with loads of different kind of foods, and the smell of the food made me want to throw everything in my stomach which I knew there was nothing in it to throw out.

The staff told us we are going to film this segment before ryeowook comes which made leeteuk hyung lose the opportunity to talk with me and I felt grateful minus the fact the I had the urge to puke again but need to film this segment so we went back in line with the rest of the members.

The food put on the table were really some of my favorites and normally I would have actually eaten them but then again I didn’t have this much of an urge to puke right then and there. Kyuhyun and hyukjae were trying there at most best to feed me and I was doing everything I can to dodge them but this didn’t last long before donghae shoved something in my mouth and I don’t know what it was even and the next thing I knew I was running into the nearest washroom to throw everything up.

When my body was satisfied with the stuff being out of me, did I glance upwards to see the members were there and even ryeowook had arrived, they were worried, can there not be day where I cannot look at those expression, its tiring me out even more.

I tried to get up but yea the sudden movement with lack of energy had me falling down before shindong grabbed my hand to stop my hard fall.

“Shindong, can you bring me out of here so I can sit somewhere, I don’t feel that good” he nodded and pulled me out and led me to the nearest chair.

My mouth still had the aftertaste of the acid reflux and my headache also came back, not the best co