A Bandaged Soul
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trigger warning -> panic attack


“Is it Hanjae hyung?” shindong said.

“How are you, Donghee?” he said.

“I am fine hyung. How have you been? It’s been a while since you left. When did you come back?”

“Oh, Yesung didn’t tell you?, I met him yesterday” he smiled and I cringed.

He was coming closer to me but hyung came forward blocking his path

“Hanjae ssi right, I am sorry but I need to take Jongwoon with me today, you can chat with him later” hyung reached for my hand and pulled me along with him. I didn't know where he was leading to me but the next thing I know I was in a room and it was swirling.

“Jongwoon-ah, calm down. He’s not here anymore, please” I could hear the desperation in his voice but I wasn’t thinking straight or processing his words and I just fell straight on the hard floor, my legs were already jelly. Hyung bent down and encircled me with arms, rocking me back and forth and whispering words I couldn’t make out. I don’t know how long I was there, but eventually I stopped trembling and, hyung sighed in relief.


“Jongwoon, you scared me. You haven’t had an attack since forever”

“I know right”

“This is really no time to be smiling at me right now. This is why I told you to take the meds”


I was out of his arms and already standing and making my way outside,

“Jongwoon please”

I frowned and made my way back to where the members were if they werestill there I didn’t know.


I opened the door and saw the members were all was he.

“Hyung is your talk with your cousin over?” Ryeowook asked.

“Yeah, it is. Do you still want to go out with me?” hearing that Ryeowook’s eyes sparkled and he nodded his head.

“Hyung, don’t leave us here hanging, we want to come too” Donghae said though he was mostly pouting.

I turned my head towards Ryeowook and before I could say something–.

“Fine those hyungs can come” he was sulking, why is he so cute? He was sulking and Donghae and Eunhyuk were high fiving each other. Here I want to hit my head somewhere, what do I do with these boys.

My mind had already been diverted from someone before it went back to the main source, he came closer to me and whispered something.


“I want to talk to you so do you want to make a scene here or are you going to follow me?” words conveyed which only I could hear and nothing I could ignore, not with them in the room. I nodded.


“Hey, I will just be back after talking with Hanjae ssi. In the meanwhile, you guys pack your stuff up” everyone nodded and I followed him out.


Only when we were alone did he start talking

“My sweet Jongwoon, I heard you went to the hospital yesterday. Was it because of me?” he smiled and here I am trying my best to stay sane enough.

“My presence really marked you didn’t it, I am so glad you haven’t changed, but Jongwoon you have been bad”

He was taking steps towards while I was moving backwards and then he continued his speech

“But I am still glad those marks remain. Oh you missed me as well, my art like voice”

I had no more space to retreat and then he blocked me from moving. Panic was rushing through my system.

“I am glad you still remember our time but Jongwoon how did you become so weak, you were so strong even after all those sessions, has your body grown dull” his fingers trailing over my body finding their way up and landing on my neck.

“Don’t forget your only value was and is only your voice. Don’t think you are better than the other members” he was tightening his grip on my neck with the sole purpose of strangling me and then he cut my air supply and I was literally hyperventilating “Get your act together before you lose what little you’ve achieved”


He loosened his grip and the air flooded back into my lungs and I was gasping for air, I fell to the ground.


“I hate it when we can’t have any time together... but don’t worry, I will find time to be with you again”

And then I heard his footsteps walking away.






The members were packing their stuff and Ryeowook was making plans on what we were doing today, it was decided or basically Ryeowook forced his way through but now at least Yesung hyung isn’t mad at him so Ryeowook had a big smile on his face. Leeteuk, Shindong and Siwon hyung had scheduled so they couldn’t come with us but Leeteuk hyung just said to us have fun and they nodded. 

The members had packed stuff and other hyungs were leaving while we were waiting for Yesung hyung, when a door threw open hoping it wasYesung hyung but the person was Yesung's cousin who was panting like he’d just ran a marathon.

“Where’s Jongwoon?” His voice was desperate, why is he looking for hyung? Didn’t they already talk before hyung came into the room?

“Jaehyuk-ssi, he’s with Hanjae hyung” Siwon hyung said.

“Mother f–”

He cursed, yes definitely he is hyung’s cousin.

“FIND HIM QUICKLY” he shouted.

“Why?” Leeteuk said and his expression turned sour.

“I will explain later, please trust me and find him, he should not be alone right now”

Few seconds passed before Leeteuk hyung motioned us to find him, we split up in pairs Ryeowook was with me before both of us also spread up, why are these days we are finding Yesung hyung all the time and it never leads to good result.


“*sob sob*”

 I stopped someone’s voice coming from the room, I listened closely and someone was crying?

Ryeowook had also come over assuming he had covered his grounds, his mouth was shaping words before he shut it when he heard the noise. After some seconds, his eyes widened and he opened the doors and what we found inside was worse than me seeing him faint that day,

He was curled up in the corner with arms around his necks, when we came closer to him, we saw he was shaking and trembling a bit and then we heard the voice that stopped us in tracks. Hyung was crying, he was crying. But why?


Ryeowook was already out of trance when he rushed forward toward hyung, sitting down he touched him and then I saw him trembling even more, even Ryeowook froze in shock not because he was trembling but his eyes, he was so afraid of them.


“I..I wwilll be gooddd…… sso please don’t, please don’t not today, please just stooppppp”


“Hyung what are you talking about?” Ryeowook said

“Pleaseee don’t, don’t, I am sorry, I will be goooddd”


He was crying so hard and his voice was cracking, I couldn’t stand seeing him like that then I heard some other steps and I guess the members were here

“Yah, kyu why didn’t you tell us you foun…” it was Eunhyuk hyung's voice and he trailed off when he looked atYesung hyung's direction and his eyes wide

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