It’s been a week since the memories have resurfaced. I can see them every time I catch sight of my reflection in the mirror.  I’ve been trying to avoid looking at it; it brings back too much pain and I have no time to think about it... But they crawl in the dark, in my sleep, when I am alone. It’s hard to ignore but I need to keep going. I can’t let the members know about this, they can’t think of me like that. In their eyes, I’m always the hyung who is there to support them, to lend a shoulder to them but never vice versa. I am their pillar to lean on. I can’t allow myself to crumble.

We’ve been practicing for the concert. I’m thankful at least that the busy routine has kept me from thinking, but not from noticing the worried looks I keep getting from the members. I can tell they’re keeping their distance from me but I’m thankful for it. Just let 2 weeks pass and I’ll be the same as ever. It’s just two weeks.

Eunhyuk and Shindong have been monitoring our dance and our movement. It’s always been tough having to adjust to the lineup changes but now since everyone’s back from military services, were finally having a full comeback with all the members… well not exactly full.he members who left such a long time ago each left spaces behind which can still be felt here and there. Heechul hyung also can’t participate with us in comebacks and concerts but he’s always there promoting us and we’ve all definitely appreciated his support. He’s still Super Junior after all.

Back in the practice room we were all taking a short break and taking a look at the steps so we could figure out where each member could improve. I could see I made the most mistakes in each and every part. I felt so sorry for holding the rest of the group back. Even after all these years my dancing has never improved.

All of a sudden someone grabs my hands and I flinch, trying my best to hide my surprise but I can see I failed miserably.

Kyuhyun: “Yesung Hyung, I thought you got rid of your nail biting habit.”

Yesung: “what?”

Kyuhyun: “You were biting your nails. That’s why I grabbed your hands.”

I was biting my nails? I didn’t even notice.

Kyuhyun: “you didn’t realize, did you?”

Yesung: “...no I guess not..., it’s become a habit.”

Ryeowook: “I wish you could get rid of that habit.” *pouts*

Yesung: “Yes Wookie I will. Were you both concentrating on the video or me?”

With this everyone except the maknaes started laughing

Ryeowook and Kyuhyun both shouted “Yah!!!!!!!!!!!!! HYUNGGGGGGGGG”

The members again started laughing out loud.

Eunhyuk: “Who told you to stare at Yesung hyung like that? Ah our maknaes must really love their Yesung hyung.”

Maknaes: “YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! We do not! We were just sitting next to him so we saw him!”

Siwon: “You should really make a better excuse than that.”

Leeteuk: “Okay guys that’s enough, before the maknaes get revenge on you both. hen you’ll be the ones pouting and yelling.”

Eunhyuk: “Hyung! That’s favoritism, who’s side are you even on !?”

Leetuek: Obviously I’m on the maknaes’ side.

He motioned his finger towards the smirking maknaes .

Siwon: “hyung that’s unfair.”

Leeteuk: “Sorry guys, I don’t wanna get on their bad sides ever. They are too much for me to deal with anymore, you guys can deal with the mess you made yourselves.”

At this comment Siwon and Eunhyuk ran to me and hid behind my back.

Eunhyuk: “Save us Yesung h