A Bandaged Soul
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TW -> violence, abuse


Morning came and just like Kyu wanted, I stayed in his room but sleep never came, well no different than every other night but not wanting to make the situation worse I stayed. I opened the door and saw that few of the members were sleeping in the living room, the rest I suppose were in the rooms, I saw a figure in the kitchen and when I went to get a closer look it was Ryeowook making something for the members to eat. This brings back good memories I suppose.


“Hello Wookie” the figure turned over to my direction and smiled brightly, he really never changed.

“Hyung, are you hungry? I’m making something for the other members, so you would have to wait for a while.” Ryeowook eagerly said.

I chucked and then “I will brew myself coffee” I am not hungry “Do you want some help?” 

“Hyung, I rather you stay out of the kitchen” he put out a sarcastic comment

“Yah, you brat!!” he chuckled and went back to his work and then another voice came from behind me

“Why have you been messing with hyung since morning? That’s my job” Eunhyuk said

I smacked his head “How proud are you in saying that I bet you want to mess with me first”

“Hyung, that hurts” he whined gripping his head

“It was supposed to” a straight comment.


“What's all this noise such early in the morning?” Heechul hyung appeared rubbing his head.

“Morning heenim” I greeted.

He smiled.

All the members were in the kitchen; Leeteuk hyung and Kyu helping Ryeowook with food, both have improved in cooking whereas I still .

The plates were put out and food was served, everyone was eating and laughing. I missed this and I certainly enjoyed this but putting the coffee down on the table, I looked up


“Guys” I sighed.

 “No matter how much I like sitting here with you all, there's something you all are dying to ask and..” I said looking at the members “Just ask but don’t expect me tell you everything”


The members all stopped laughing, their eyes uneasy, unsure whether to ask or not., The clattering of spoons against plates had also stopped.


“Just ask, I think that’s the only way to resolve the heavy tension” I said before getting up from the seat, picking up the coffee mug and went to the living room, the member soon falling down my steps.

All of them seated and I was the center of attraction. Then Leeteuk hyung initiated the conversation.


“Y-Your cousin said you were suffering for 10 years now..., how did you manage without anyof us knowing?, We were all living together back then and we didn’t even know” his voice trialed of at the end, he was definitely feeling that this was all his fault, that stupid cousin, now I think about it where is he? Well he’s not important.


“If you’re asking me how I got by with daily life then it was thanks to medicines” the members frowned with my answer.

“But hyung I shared a room with you, I never saw any bottle of medicines” Ryeowook said while not meeting my eyes. 

“Because I never took any in front of you” is a simple and straight answer but Ryeowook looked like he felt rejected.

“But the day when we found you in the bathroom both times, was it because of the attack?” Donghae asked, curious but more afraid of knowing the answer.


“I took Antacid, sleeping pill … and sometimes sedatives to calm myself. Mostly during performances I didn’t take any, I did suffer but it was manageable” the members were all quiet. 

“That’s all I am going to answer you” I got up from my seat.

“Yesungie, are you okay now?” Heechul hyung asked.

“What answer would you like? The truth or…?”

“The truth Yesung” 

“Then no.”


“Would you like to–” I cut in Leeteuk hyung words

“Go to your schedules, you missed yesterday, you won’t be able to take a day off today. Go and work. I am going to do the same”


My willingness to speak was over, this goes long if they ask more, how will I even answer.


“But hyung” Siwon said

“No, Siwon, go and work. That’s your job”


The members were up and moving but Heechul hyung stayed at the same place


“Hyung, you’re the busiest out of all of us, just go.”

Hyung came closer and hugged me, I was not expecting that

“Yesungie, hyung is sorry”

The guilt, my chest tightened.


And then someone else embraced me from behind

“No fair, Heechul hyung, Yesung hyung is mine!” Wookie said.

“Yah, he’s mine!”

Suddenly all the members just hugged me.


It felt good. and it had been a long time since I felt this bubbly.


“I am sorry for all this” I said

“It’s okay, Yesung-ah” Leeteuk hyung ruffled my hair.


“Hyung, don’t forget I still have a favor to ask you,” Donghae said.

“Oh right, do you want me to record a demo for you?”

“How did you know hyung?”

“You are too simple,” Donghae pouted as everyone laughed.


“Yes, yes. I will record it, tell me when I should come”

“Tomorrow, today we need to practice the choreo and I think there is a meeting for the photoshoot, so there is no time, are you free tomorrow?”

“I think I am but I will check and tell you”


Donghae nodded and Eunhyuk and he left the dorm, since the van had arrived, Kyu and Wook also left, they were busy with musicals. Siwon and Shindong shortly went afterwards.

That left me and my two hyungs, after 5 minutes Teukie hyung received a message and he waved us off and left.

Heechul hyung was waiting and so was I. Heechul hyung went to the washroom and someone rang the doorbell. Assuming it was hyung’s manager, I went to open the door but it was a postman which asked me if I was Kim Jongwoon. I nodded and then he gave me the envelope and left. 

I didn’t order anything and this wasn’t even my address, is it a fan letter?

I opened the envelope up, it was a letter but not a fan letter., It was his letter, telling me to meet him right now, but the time hyung was also standing in the hallway by then and I just rushed outside to get to the desired place, I didn’t even hear what hyung was saying.


I went to the so called place and he was standing right there in the middle of the room and he beckoned me to come inside and which I did. 

“Finally, we have some time together with no interruptions, Joogwoon-ah '' his voice sent shivers across my whole body.

“Your members are so possessive over you, following you wherever you go all the time, you have no idea how much I wanted to knock them out right there and then..”


“Do you know how lonely I was when I had to leave your side? But it doesn’t matter now, right? We are together now..”


He took a step closer to me


“W—Why can’t you leave me alone?!”


“Of course I can’t, we are meant to be”

“NNo you are crazy?!”

“If that was the case, why didn’t you remove them” tracing his fingers to the scars made a long time ago, his touch sent shivers across my

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