The night is dead—streets lit by mere lamps but even that doesn’t do the dark any justice. Baekhyun listens to her footsteps faltering behind him, and when he turns just a little, his heart leaps out of his chest.

Noeul’s eyes are on the stars, parts of her face faintly glowing from the lights. She’s haunting, frequenting his thoughts more than he’d like to admit.

Then, she looks at him, and it makes him feel unlike he’s ever felt before. He clears his throat, hitching Bianca higher up to prevent her from falling off. Baekhyun tries to act indifferent as if he hadn’t just been caught watching her again.

He’s used to the feeling of watching her from afar. Since grade school, he spent forever, secretly watching her back. He’d always wondered what she was like. But upon realizing that she hadn’t changed even when he was away for a period of time comforted him.

Noeul had always been eccentric. Whereas other kids would up to each other, treating popularity as a contest—she dug her nose in books, hiding under the shade of the big oak tree.

Baekhyun would like to think that she hadn’t noticed all this time. Because, in reality, he’d always been attracted to her. No matter how much he’d protested against it—he fell right into the palms of her hands. And he’d hoped that this wouldn’t lead into something ill-fated.

“Quit staring at me,” she insists.

He chooses to ignore her because Baekhyun simply doesn’t want to. She intrigues him. No matter how much his instincts tell him that he’s falling too fast—headfirst into a void of the unknown, Baekhyun will close his eyes. He’ll continue to pretend that he knows what he’s doing.

Because when he’s around Noeul, nothing makes sense. “How much longer?”

Noeul grins, laughing secretly at him. He doesn’t mind because he likes it when she’s happy. It makes him feel like he’s opened another side of Noeul. “Another block.”

Baekhyun tries not to let the numbness in his shoulders get to him. “You said that thirty minutes ago.”

“I guess I miscalculated,” she teases.

He slows down, waiting for her. “Stay in front of me, idiot.”

Noeul lifts a brow. “Or what?”

“I’d rather not watch you get snatched, okay?”

She giggles into her palm. “Just say you’re a worrywart, starboy.”

Starboy.

Noeul called him that again. Baekhyun hadn’t asked why, but for now, it didn’t matter. He feels kind of happy that she had a special nickname for him. Another side of her that no one else has access to.

She hops ahead, and he watches her back with a slight shake of his head. Was it disapproval? No. Not at all. More like adoration.

Baekhyun feels like a kid. Though his childhood hadn’t been normal, he’d known what it was like to adore something. A new book. New friends.

Noeul is exactly like a new book. She’s a new discovery. An exploration he’s almost too afraid to entertain.

His back feels completely worn down when they arrive at Bianca’s home. She lives in a quaint, humble house. When they knock, someone opens the door briskly—almost angrily.

He spots a woman—around his mother’s age if she was still alive. She’s pretty in a sophisticated way. Her eyes tell him that she’s worked for things most of her life. Her stern eyes fall, and he sees melancholy.

He sees that it’s directed at Noeul. Baekhyun stays quiet because he doesn’t feel like it’s his place to say anything. Noeul also looks a little sad, but she smiles. The same smile that hides how she really feels. He feels a pinch in his chest.

“Mrs. Herman,” she greets. “I’m sorry about Bianca. She went a little overboard.”

The woman shakes her head. “I’m just glad you brought her home safely.” Then, she turns to him, her eyes growing kinder. “You’ve grown a lot, Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun blinks rapidly, not sure why she knows his name. “Do I know you?”

Her smile grows a little sad. “I’m not sure you would remember, but your mother was my childhood friend. I was around in the beginning until…” Mrs. Herman stops talking out of respect. “I heard about what happened. I’m very sorry, dear.”

He slowly drops his gaze.

Noeul senses the sullen atmosphere, and she changes the topic easily. Mrs. Herman leads them to Bianca’s bedroom, and he drops the sleeping girl on her bed.

When they leave, Mrs. Herman and Noeul are talking hushed amongst themselves. Baekhyun hangs out in the living room, looking at the pictures on the walls. He sees one of Mrs. Herman and his mother. She hadn’t been lying when she said they were close. The two were standing close with their arms around each other. His mother actually looks happy—smiling brightly, eyes full of a destination.

Baekhyun falters, his stomach twisting guiltily. Maybe she was right. Maybe he did destroy her livelihood.

Was it okay to hate her? He exhales shakily, forcefully tearing his eyes away.

Noeul comes out of Bianca’s bedroom shortly, and they leave silently. Both of them don’t say anything. Meeting Mrs. Herman brought back unwanted memories for both of them.

She walks ahead of him. Her steps are light and aimless. He treads behind, watching her walk. Until she turns around, stopping abruptly in her steps.

Her eyes are full of purpose when she looks at him.

“What?” He questions weirdly.

She marches up to him. “I like you,” she announces out of nowhere.

Baekhyun is taken aback. “Yeah?”

“You like me,” she confirms, nodding to herself.

He stares at her. “Yeah.”

Noeul’s lips tug upward. “Good. Promise me something?”

Baekhyun tilts his head.

“I’m not sure what we are. And I’m not really sure what we’re doing, but if something happens—you’ll remember me,” she says ambiguously.

He snorts. “As if I’d easily forget an eccentric person like you.”

Noeul shrugs and her eyes shine with a new sense of purpose in them. “Okay, now that we’ve got that out of the way. What’s wrong?”

Baekhyun startles. “What? Nothing.” But he can’t fool her with his brisk answer.

She looks at him as if she’s planning to devour him alive or something. He backs away, but she only inches closer until their chests are touching. “You were thinking of your mother,” Noeul surmises.

He doesn’t know how he can avoid answering at this point, so he admits, “fine, yes, okay?”

“No need to get defensive, starboy. I’m just worried about you.”

Baekhyun feels strange. She was worried about him? But why? He comes to a quick conclusion. So whatever he feels, she reciprocates? “I—I was just thinking.”

“About?”

There really was no getting out of this. So, he blurts it out as fast as he can, “if I ruined my mother’s life.”

Noeul raises both eyebrows. “You’re so silly, Baekhyun.”

“What?”

She hooks her arms around his, pulling him along so they continue walking. Where? Baekhyun didn’t think it mattered anymore. “I killed my mother,” she says randomly.

“Are you mocking me?”

“In your logic, I killed her—you know? She died by drowning. She wanted to go to the beach that day. After she saw my father with another woman, I kind of got the feeling that her goal was to die. So, she made me go into the water with her. She had her arms around me. It was tight—really binding. I wasn’t getting out. I figured that she wanted both of us to die together, but I fought. Eventually, it was enough for her to let go. She and I rose up above the water. I swam back without her. I didn’t look back once, and maybe she regretted it. Maybe she wanted to live, but I didn’t help her. So by that logic, I killed her—didn’t I?”

Noeul was no longer smiling. She just looks drained. Her eyes, lit by the moonlight, swim with tears that she’d been holding back all this time. He stops, his heart aching in his chest.

But when he tries to speak, she interrupts, “my mother wanted to commit suicide, but she dragged me into her problems. You didn’t ruin your mother’s life. Both our mothers made choices. I’ve stayed up countless nights. I’ve had nightmares about her dragging me down—asking me why I didn’t save her. But she didn’t want to be saved, and—“ Noeul fixes him a serious look. It’s the first time he’s seen her like this. Baekhyun feels chills running down his spine. “Is it a crime to want to live?”

When Baekhyun doesn’t answer the question, Noeul cups his face. “Stop blaming yourself for what your parents did. You aren’t either of them. You’re my starboy. Because even if the sky isn’t visible—even if humans pollute the skies, you exist, okay? Even if you don’t feel like you’re seen, you’re in here.” She points to her chest. Then, she smiles affectionately. “Don’t you want to live?”

Baekhyun did want to live. A new feeling sinks over him. For the first time in his life, he found a purpose.

###

Noeul changes the way his ty mattress feels. Despite the bumpy springs that dig into his skin, he doesn’t mind how it feels when her soft body is next to him. Though it’s a twin bed with no moving room, she’s never complained. It makes him contemplate her previous lifestyle.

A king-sized bed. A bedroom bigger than all the rooms of his previous apartment combined.

“What’s in here?” Noeul whispers, softly tapping his forehead with her index. “Whenever I’m watching you, you’re always thinking about something.”

“Creep,” he murmurs but his actions are the opposite of his words. He drags his hand up her side, feeling her shiver.

“Hypocrite,” she retaliates playfully, hopping onto him.

To which, he catches her by the waist. “Stop it. You’ll kill me.”

“What if I want to?”

“Not if I get to you first.”

She lowers her head, letting him tuck the loose strands behind her ear. “Say—can I take advantage of you?”

He tilts his head. “I don’t know—can you?”

Instead of answering, she leans closer until her lips are fully on his. His eyes fall close, letting her take control of him. When she pushes, he responds by gripping her tighter. Then, she bites—a pain that hurts so good.

They kiss and kiss until they’re falling off of his mattress. Baekhyun laughs, the laugh vibrating in his chest. Noeul pulls away with a look of surprise.

“What?”

She shakes her head. “Nothing, you’re just full of surprises—I guess.”

He snickers, “that’s rich coming from you.”

Noeul drops her head onto his chest, burying herself like a husky conserving its heat in a blanket of snow. “Get rid of me, then.”

Baekhyun wraps his arms around her hips, winding them tighter. “Leave.”

She chuckles, “oh, you bet I will.”

“Gross.”

“Absolutely,” she agrees.

They lay in silence for a few minutes before Noeul breaks it. “Why haven’t you talked to me before?”

Baekhyun considers this. “I was afraid of you.”

She makes a gargled noise. “Me? Come on, bad boy. You’re kidding.”

“No, not really—“

“Seriously, why?”

“You gave me that scarf, didn’t you?”

Noeul is suddenly quiet. Dead silent. He has to give her a little shake, and that’s when she responds, “you knew?”

“Not at first,” he answers.

“I’m sorry.” Baekhyun hears the break in her voice.

“For what?”

She hugs him tight. “It haunted me. Your expression when the guards pulled you away.”

“I was fostered that year—when they took me away from my mom. But that money, I never got to see any of it. I was starving when they fed their own kids with that money. So, I ran away.”

“How did you end up at the zoo?”

“The animals reminded me of myself. Bred for dishonest reasons. Made me feel less insane, going there. So, I snuck in as often as I could.”

“I almost gave up—you know?” He squeezes her back with the same force if not more. “But you gave me that scarf. You, with that expensive dress, knelt beside me. You dirtied it all for a boy that no one spared a glance at.”

“What kept you going?”

The corner of his lips tugs upwards despite reminiscing a past he’d wanted to leave behind. “Wanting to see you again.”

Noeul pulls a couple of inches away, lifting herself again. She tilts her head like she wants to kiss him. He closes his eyes, but what he feels isn’t necessarily what he expected.

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

He opens his eyes to see her tears fall, landing on his cheeks. So, Baekhyun kisses her, not so much silencing her but to listen.

Because, sometimes, what’s best conveyed between them isn’t words. It’s a touch. A smile. And when he kisses her, he can hear a million words.