When Noeul didn’t want to talk about herself, she told others, “it’s complicated.” There would be two outcomes. The person would usually relent, not caring enough to pry. On the other hand, someone like Bianca would nose her way into everything.

Noeul had sides she didn’t show people. Her more negative side in general. She wasn’t always the aloof, go-lucky girl on the surface.

Sometimes, Noeul had dark thoughts. What if she had just closed her eyes—let the water pull her under? Would the world around her have turned out any different if she was dead?

As Noeul unpacked her things in the spare room Sehun assigned her to, she began to feel slightly overwhelmed. Her mind rearing. Twisting in an unfamiliar place.

Her room was slightly smaller than her old one but more comfortable than the shack she and Baekhyun had been residing in for almost a month.

There was a full-sized bed in the center of the room. A bed stand beside it adorned with a chic desk lamp. She had a little closet towards the end of the room. Other than a barren bookcase, the room was as modest as it was.

When Sehun busted them, Noeul didn’t know how she felt. All her life, she felt like a person moving with the current—rather than against the current.

Should she have fought more? She accepted whatever life gave her. No matter how hard it was to swallow. There was a sudden swell in the cavity of her chest.

A desperation to be someone. Maybe life wasn’t meant to be lived in disconnect. Maybe she should voice her discomfort. But Noeul didn’t know if she deserved the comfort of having a roof over her head again.

A knock interrupts her amidst of thinking. She turns to see who it is. When the doorknob turns, she sees Luhan poke his head between the gap.

“Hey, soul sister, unpacked yet?” His own question is answered when he takes a quick inspection with his dashing eyes. Luhan grins, “god, you’re neat. Now, imagine that. We should’ve been roommates.”

Noeul snorts, “Baekhyun’s worse. He’s a neat freak.”

Luhan shudders as if he’s already experienced it. “Please, don’t say another word. I risked my life escaping. I’d known Baekhyun was kind of an , but swear—he’s like if Mr. Clean had non-consented with himself.”

She opens to say something—anything, but only a laugh comes out.

“I’m going to boycott,” Luhan announces. “I won’t be coming back until bacon bits apologizes.”

Noeul shakes her head, trying not to laugh at the nickname Luhan’s given her boyfriend. Then, she stands to join Luhan in the hallway. “Okay, I’ll scream if you touch me.”

He shoots her playful stinky-eye. “Or you mean I’ll scream if your foul hands cross the center.”

When they reach the top of the stairs, Noeul eyes Luhan warily. He has the sneakiest, troll-like smile on his face when he pushes himself up the railing. “You’re gonna fall,” she insists, trying to hold him back.

Luhan sticks out his tongue. “Maybe if I break a leg, someone will stop slandering me of having cerebral palsy.” Noeul helplessly watches Luhan slide off the railing.

“Lu, what the ?” Sehun’s voice comes out of nowhere. He rushes to the base of the stairs, catching Luhan between his armpits like the kid is an infant.

“Oh, what the hell? I was having fun.”

“I installed the wheelchair lift for a reason—use it.”

“Blah, blah, blabbity—blah. I can’t hear you, man.”

Noeul stifles a laugh behind her palms as she watches Luhan’s antics.

Sehun notices and straightens his shoulders, letting Luhan lean against his shoulder. “Will you bring the wheelchair down?”

After a couple of struggles, she manages to haul the thing down. Jesus. Is this her future too? Sehun fixes the wheelchair and gently lifts Luhan onto it. She sees a strange tenderness ripple across Luhan’s eyes when he stares at Sehun.

But Sehun doesn’t notice. Instead, he asks as he pulls away from the younger to resume his standing position, “why are you here, Lu?”

Luhan’s mischievousness sparkles, any signs of earlier disappearing. “I am here to prepare a full course meal.”

Sehun’s eyes dart between Noeul and Luhan, and he raises an eyebrow at the both of them. “Should I be worried?”

Noeul shrugs, “I don’t know. I never cooked before.”

Meanwhile, Luhan bounces excitedly. “Don’t worry. I’ll leave this place spick and span.”

Sehun’s expression remains unconvinced. “I had to replace my oven last year when you set it on fire.”

Luhan feigns innocence, “the egg timer was faulty.”

“You slashed your palm just last month,” Sehun persists unhappily.

“Why prolong an inevitable death? I say—Hell can try me! I’ll be like surprise shawty, and I bet the lord of darkness will kick me out in an hour. Max,” Luhan declares with a bold smile.

There’s a painful wince that interrupts Sehun’s concern, but it’s gone just as quickly.

Noeul crosses her arms. Oh. Boy.

“Don’t joke about death, kiddo,” Sehun says, ruffling Luhan’s hair to the behest of the latter’s struggle. When he lets go, there’s a tiny flush on Luhan’s cheeks. “Alright, you two, I’ve gotta date tonight. Please—“ Sehun meets Noeul’s eyes, silently begging her. “—don’t let this fool burn down my house. I still have another ten years of mortgage.”

She jokingly salutes as the tall man lumbers out the door. Luhan doesn’t tear his eyes away from Sehun until the door closes completely shut. Noeul clears .

“Tragic love story, huh?” Noeul teases, trying to distill the air of its tension.

Luhan’s attention is back on hers. “There’s no love story,” he murmurs. Forcing a smile, he concludes, “I’m just worried about him, you know? He’s not getting any younger.”

“Was he previously married?” Noeul questions, pushing Luhan toward the kitchen.

The boy nods, “yeah, she died shortly after I was adopted by Dad.”

“Dad? As in Dr. Kim?”

Luhan grins, “the very Dr. Kim Junmyeon. See—I gave up on Dad for a hot minute because I’m positive he’s aual. Meanwhile, Sehun’s love life is consumed by his career. The man loves his job more than I’ve seen him stare at or , which is very strange for defaults.”

“They’re brothers, right?”

“Adopted, yeah. Dad’s parents adopted Sehun, but it wasn’t out of goodheartedness—more like keeping up with appearances. Ever since I was adopted by Dad, well, er—we haven’t kept in touch with their family. They unironically called me ‘satan’s hand-out’ when I dyed his mother’s hair green.”

Luhan waves his hand, clearly no longer interested in sharing. “Let’s order pizza. Frankly, I can’t cook for .”

Noeul’s lips twitch. “Cooking was an excuse to see Sehun, wasn’t it?”

He ignores her, chirping, “or maybe I wanted to keep you company, miss lone wolf. You were turning purple when I opened that door.”

She ignores that particular comment. “Just say you’re in love with me.”

“Yeah, right, you’re as attractive as a dead fish. Baekhyun’s more my cup of tea if he didn’t have that whole brooding thing going on.”

###

Noeul didn’t consider how the dynamic would change when Luhan entered her circle. Well, he didn’t really enter it—more say, it was an unannounced break-in that ended up being permanent.

Baekhyun somehow got the memo and showed up on Sehun’s doorstep an hour later. Luhan thought it was the pizza man and raced her down the hallway, betting on the last slice of pizza.

Noeul was hungry, so there was no way that she was letting him win. She played dirty, pulling his wheelchair back but he caught onto her shirt, roughly dragging her back.

Their charade continued on until Luhan beat her, shoving the door open haphazardly. His excitement died down almost immediately, and he made a sound that was somewhere between a zombie moan and a feral growl.

Noeul realizes she’s still on the floor when Luhan tripped her a second ago. She jumps to her feet, waving to her boyfriend who is currently glancing warily between the two of them.

“What are you doing here?” She asks, stepping in front of Luhan who abandons his position in a split second.

“I nearly escaped,” Baekhyun tells her gravely.

Luhan chirps, “ah, was it the meatloaf?”

“The casserole,” he answers with a wince.

Luhan hums, “well, we ordered pizza, and news flash, there’s none for you.”

“I didn’t get the itinerary, so naturally, I deserve a slice,” Baekhyun protests unabashedly.

“There’s not enough,” Luhan quips.

Noeul sighs, “surely, there is. We ordered four pizzas.”

Luhan scoffs, “hey, I was going to make him beg for it!”

Baekhyun rolls his eyes. “Are you a newborn?”

Luhan huffs out a haughty laugh. “Better than a senile geriatric. Careful, don’t let those wrinkles turn you into a walnut.”

“You’re insufferable,” her boyfriend snaps.

“You called me a slobbish oaf,” Luhan retaliates.

“Because you are one.”

“Okay, everyone, shut up. The pizza man is here,” Noeul interrupts. After she hands him some cash, she grabs the pizza, dodging the two grabby hands.

She sits just near the couch, and Luhan steals the spot beside her, sticking out his tongue at Baekhyun who glowers in response.

Noeul massages her temples. “For the love of God, quit acting like children. Both of you.”

“Tell that to the fetus beside you,” Baekhyun grumbles, plopping in front of them with his back toward the flat screen.

Luhan snickers, pulling out a slice of pizza with cheese still stringy from the heat. “Sorry? Is that a tail I see behind you, you overgrown cell?”

Baekhyun rolls his eyes for the nth time, snatching up a slice of his own. “Shut up.”

Luhan bites his bottom lip and raises both of his eyebrows, mirroring the way a frat boy would try to flirt. “Is that another way of saying, ‘forgive me, your royal highness’?”

Her boyfriend shoots the latter a dirty look.

“Then, the answer is nada, peasant.”

Noeul groans.

But wait, it gets worse.

“You’re sleeping on the ground, peasant,” Luhan addresses when they reach her bedroom.

“Why would I let you sleep with Noeul?” Baekhyun challenges.

Noeul offers, “I’ll sleep on the floor.”

The two of them turn to her quickly, shouting, “no!”

“I’ll never sleep with you, default,” Luhan snarks.

“Default? Is that the best you could come with?”

“Default with a sprinkle of fruity, fairy dust. Who knows what you might do to me?”

Baekhyun barks out a laugh. “I’m going to beat that impetuous attitude out of you.”

“Oh—ho! Fancy words for a boor.”

Noeul watches with indecision as Baekhyun hurls a cotton pillow at Luhan who catches it.

“Is that how you treat a disabled?”

“You’re a dead man when I get to you.”

“Joke’s on you. I’ve already got a head start.”

“Then, stop running away, fruity pebbles.”

“How about you learn how to use those legs of yours, you brooding broomstick?”

Noeul leaves the room to find some painkillers, but she has a ghastly feeling that Tylenol won’t make the two of them shut up.

###

Noeul only gets some peace and quiet when the two boys fall asleep. She stands at the corner of the bed, eyeing the two with amusement. Luhan’s body is shaped like a starfish, and then there’s Baekhyun who’s millimeters away from falling off the bed.

She throws the comforter over the two of them and leaves the room to find a new sleeping arrangement. When she gets to the kitchen, Sehun is standing by the counter, thumbing through envelopes of mail.

He sees her and offers her a warm smile. “How’s the first day in the house?”

Noeul scrunches her nose. “I’m getting used to it. Baekhyun and Luhan aren’t helping.”

Sehun crosses his arms. “They’re asleep?” He sighs deeply, putting down the mail. “I dropped by Junmyeon earlier. He told me the two rascals ran off somewhere. Junmyeon was lamenting about Luhan giving him the bird before he left.”

Noeul chuckles, “he’s interesting.”

Sehun nods, “oh, trust me. When I first met him, he’d been the scrawniest little thing. But despite his gangly limbs, he had an attitude beyond him. He’s not giving you too much of a hard time?”

She smiles, remembering the bantering from the two boys. “No. Not at all. How was your date?”

At the mention, he scratches his nape sheepishly. “Let’s say…I’m not expecting a call-back.”

“Better luck next time?”

Sehun merely shrugs, seemingly unbothered. “It doesn’t matter to me.”

“Why not? Luhan tells me that he’s worried about you being alone.”

“Well, that’s the thing. I only do it because Luhan insists on me ‘finding happiness.’”

“Why not just tell him you aren’t interested in dating other women?” Noeul questions.

Sehun considers, “I guess because it kills me when he’s disappointed. I only want to see him smile.” The man winces. “Does that sound a little creepy?”

“I think it’s endearing.”

“His life is—“ Sehun exhales sharply. “I’d take his life any day over mine. If I could just take some of his pain away, I’d do it in a heartbeat. Our family has always been on the dysfunctional side, so for a while now, I hadn’t spoken to Junmyeon because he sided with them. He's the reason I reconnected with my brother again. How our parents treated Lu? I can’t think about it without feeling rage. He never said anything. That kid. He kept a brave smile on his face and coped with those terrible jokes of his. But from the day he was born, he was abandoned by his paternal parents—found in a garbage can. Junmyeon and I—we try our best to show him that we love and care, but it feels like, sometimes, he doesn’t understand because maybe, he’s lost the capacity to.”

Noeul shakes her head. “You’re wrong, Sehun. He knows.”

Sehun searches her eyes for the white lie, but he won’t find it because she isn’t lying. “You’re sure?”

“He’s only like that because he knows you’re the only ones who accept him for who he is. It’s a test. It’s obvious that he doesn’t want to leave either of you.”

When Sehun doesn’t say anything, she continues, “I have Parkinson’s. It’s a degenerative disease, similar to Luhan’s. But that’s beside the point because, at the end of the day, knowing that our lives will turn out the way they will, we want to live. To not regret another breath before it’s too late.”

“I’m sorry, Noeul.”

And that’s everything a diagnosis as futile as hers and Luhan’s will result in. An apology. Because nothing in life is fair, and everything comes at a price.

“Have you told anyone else?” Sehun asks, his brows pulled tautly.

“Only Luhan knows, and now, you,” she responds vaguely.

“And you’re getting the help you need?” Sehun continues.

“I—“ Noeul isn’t sure what she needs anymore.

“I’ll enroll you under my health care,” he tells her. “You need health care, don’t you? For your appointments?”

Noeul nods reluctantly. “I don’t want to be a financial burden, Sehun. I’ll just figure something out.”

Sehun holds his hand up. “I’ve spouted all that mushy crap about Luhan—now, what kind of person would I be if I didn’t take care of you? And don’t try to argue with me. I see you exactly like I see Luhan—someone vulnerable that needs help. Got it?”

“Thank you,” she murmurs, feeling warmth spread across her chest like the of a flame over gasoline. Noeul hadn’t known how good it felt to be cared about. An unconditional love that all parents should have for their children.

It was something she never felt from her parents, but Sehun held it. He was a natural. No wonder Luhan loved him so much. She felt drawn to Sehun, but not in the same way Luhan was.

Sehun affectionately ruffles her hair. “Okay, kiddo, it’s way past bedtime. Off you go.”

When she walks back to her room, she couldn’t help but look back, watching the tall silhouette of a grown man with shoulders weighed down by sadness.

He loved Luhan too, but their love wasn’t meant for this world. It made her think about Baekhyun. Noeul had an inkling that maybe she was in the wrong—for holding onto a love that was way over their heads.

God, she loved him. She did.