Before staying with Baekhyun, Noeul would have trouble sleeping. Her brain had always stayed awake despite her body laden with exhaustion. She would worry about a million things. They were always things that she couldn’t fix.

Like her random flashes of anger when she thought of her mother. Pushing her head down under the water despite her vehemently struggling.

Sometimes, she could still feel the phantom sensation of that day. The burning in her lungs as the amount of oxygen gradually expired. The brininess of the seawater, stinging her nose and throat. Her eyes burned from the salt—or was it tears of betrayal?

She would think about her future. A dreadfully, long one with many variables. How would she die? Bedridden when her hair no longer had the shine of youth? Would she be able to choose, or will she lose the ability to speak, forever trapped in her own head?

No matter what, Noeul didn’t know of any future that would comfort her.

As she would think, the room would appear to grow smaller, the darkness would appear to grow bigger—the sound of her own breathing would grow sharper. Each breath—each inhale would take all of her energy.

But being with him changed her nights. Her nights were no longer a nervous countdown until the sound of her alarm. She didn’t have to hope to get a quick shuteye. Because Baekhyun was better than melatonin.

Baekhyun’s breathing had grown familiar to her. When he slept, his chest heaved deeply and his heartbeat slowed to a reasonable pace. And Noeul would listen. She counted his heartbeat, matched her breathing, and eventually, nights weren’t miserable.

She could sleep. Her thoughts fade behind the comfort of his arms.

Sometimes, he would have nightmares. He called out for his mother often, tightly curling into a ball.

Tonight, he called out for his sister. Noeul listens to the desperation—the fear in his voice. When she pushes herself up, her body heavy from sleep, she caresses his cheek.

His eyes shoot open, and he wakes with a gasp.

“Hey,” she whispers, cupping both cheeks. “You’re okay.” She watches a single tear slide from his eyes.

His breathing slows, and he leans into her, pulling his arms tight around her waist. Almost instinctual at this point.

Noeul gently kisses the side of his neck, running her fingers up and down his back. He would drag her down with him. Then, they would somehow fall asleep like this.

With tangled extremities.

Big spoon or little spoon. Noeul didn’t mind when she was on the outside because when her eyes open at the daily calling of the early birds, she’d prop herself up on one hand, peering at him from under her lashes. She would watch the glow of sunshine slowly color his skin a rich gold hue. She appreciated his soft features. A face that’s become ingrained in her memory.

Then, sometimes, he’d crack open an eye, slowly coming to his senses. But when he did, he smiled at her. A smile so pure because it was simply what it was. Off-guard. Automatic. With no thoughts. And no inhibitions.

After a long time of hiding her feelings, Noeul finally lets the butterflies take over. She lets them roam free in her chest—control what she does next, giving her courage.

Noeul surrenders to the gravity of her feelings. The magnetization that seemingly eases their kiss. He tilts his head, kissing her deeper.

With a languidness that makes the remaining caterpillars explode into butterflies.

Then, she would find herself on top of him, his hands running from her thighs to her stomach. Noeul wasn’t a novice when it came to kissing, but there was no one in the world that made her feel like this.

It was a high that reached the deepest parts of her brain—satiating parts of herself that she didn’t know existed. It was the smoothness of his lips. It was the easy, leisure movements of his tongue.

She listens to the sounds they make. A harmony of breathing. The desperation of feeling closer than before.

Time is a false construct in their world. It doesn’t matter how many times her alarm blares in the distance. It doesn’t matter how much the sun had climbed the sky. Because the only noise is the blood rushing in her ears. The steady happiness that grows in her chest. And his strong hands that are unmoving, possessively gripping her waist.

Noeul knew how dangerously close she was to the ledge. The question was when.

When will she fall? Or will she jump?

###

Noeul doesn’t remember the exact moment it happens. When she swings her right hand, connecting it to Hendery’s other eye—leaving him with another black eye.

After Baekhyun and Noeul spent an irresponsible morning of kissing, they had mere minutes to get ready. She shoves him playfully when he jokingly whistles at her as she rushes to change.

Baekhyun speeds like crazy on his bike until the world around her was nothing more than a blur of lights. They reach school right when the first warning bell sounds.

The problem hadn’t begun until they actually stepped inside the main building. When Noeul approaches her boyfriend, he’d been shuffling through his things.

The smile blooms on her face, but it dies just as quickly when she sees Hendery approach from the opposite direction. Behind him, Chanyeol was walking, oblivious to what had happened.

She wonders if Hendery had told him how he got his injuries. But Chanyeol is smart. When he sees Hendery stop in his tracks, his eyes trace the path onto Baekhyun’s hands that Noeul had wrapped in bandaging tape last night.

The situation plays out. Hendery is speaking quietly. Noeul can’t make out the words on top of her peers’ conversation. She comes closer, seeing Baekhyun’s hands clench into a fist.

“Ah, your girl’s come to save the day, again?” Hendery sneers when he sees her grasp onto Baekhyun’s hand gently, uncurling his fist.

“Hendery,” Noeul acknowledges with as much warmth as black ice. She’d only hope he would slip on it and bash his own head in from his stupidity.

“Noeul, go to class,” Baekhyun insists when he turns to her.

She snorts. He couldn’t possibly think she was that naive. She knows what was about to go down. It would be round two of last night.

“This isn’t your fight, baby girl,” Hendery adds.

Chanyeol’s eyes fly between the three of them. He looks like he gets the gist of what’s going on, so he intercedes, “okay, guys. I don’t care if you both fight, but not here. Baek, man, you don’t need another suspension.”

When Baekhyun considers his friend’s advice, Hendery mocks, “Noeul, baby, I don’t get what you see in him. One more suspension is all it takes for him to get kicked out. How stupid of you to settle for—“ His eye flashes with superiority as he gives Baekhyun a once-over.

“Settle for what?” Baekhyun snaps, getting closer to the taller boy. “Finish your sentence.”

Chanyeol groans in exasperation as he gets closer, preparing to break this fight.

Hendery clenches his jaw but smiles gratingly nonetheless. The last bell rings, signaling the start of first period.

“Baekhyun,” Noeul warns, meeting his eyes.

“Baekhyun,” Hendery echoes conceitedly. “You going to let her make decisions for you? Once a coward, always a coward, huh? Must be why your mother called it quits. You couldn’t protect her, you weak bastard.”

She could feel murder radiate off of Baekhyun as he stepped up, but she’d known better. Noeul signals with her eyes for Chanyeol to grab onto Baekhyun. Chanyeol gets the hint and locks his arms over his friend.

Noeul lets herself feel anger. She allows herself to be consumed by it. “You’re a low-life, Hendery. Isn’t that why you throw parties? Because if there weren’t popularity to back your actions—you’d be nothing. You know that no one cares. It’s why you cling to me. I let you vent once, and suddenly, you’re in love with me?

She snorts condescendingly. “Get over yourself. Actually—no, I’ll do you one better. Get some help, Hendery. I don't even hate you. No, I can't because I genuinely pity you.”

Hendery’s eyes are possessed with hatred when he shoves at her with his chest.

“Don’t touch her!” Baekhyun growls, struggling away from Chanyeol.

Chanyeol sighs, “God, me, where the hell are the adults?”

Noeul doesn’t back away. She meets his eyes with the same hatred.

“That’s funny, baby girl. The last time I checked—I hadn’t been an orphan for the last decade.”

Her last nerve is gone, and that’s when it happens. She takes a step back only to swing her arm. He staggers backward, falling onto the ground.

The other two boys watch her, mouth completely hung open. She heaves air as if she hadn’t been breathing for a while now.

“Learn to shut up, Hendery,” she says, pulling him up from the ground. He glowers at her, stumbling back to get away. Without another word, she pulls Baekhyun right behind her, leaving the head in the dust.

When they’re far away, she stops, turning to ask, “does your offer still stand?”

He hangs his head. “Offer?”

“To take me away,” she answers.

Baekhyun’s lip twitches, his answer undeniably obvious.

“This is where you want to go?” His question rings in the silence.

“Come on,” she heeds, tugging him up the stairs to the mysterious building. Other students—college students swarm around them.

Baekhyun is hesitant, but he follows after her. They snuck into the university midtown. “Where are we?” He asks, watching students leave the room.

She leads him into the dark room, barely lit by the exit signs.

An older man stops them. “What are you—“

“We’re here for extra credit, professor,” Noeul says, smiling angelically.

The older man squints his eyes. “Oh, right—well, remember to lock up.”

After he leaves, Noeul makes a beeline for the control room.

“What are you doing?” Baekhyun hisses.

She responds nonchalantly, “don’t worry about it.”

When she gets the projector systems working—the whole room lights up. A realistic view of the night sky glows overhead.

“It’s—“ Baekhyun’s words fade in astonishment as he stares at the stimulation of the milky way galaxy. “Isn’t this illegal?”

Noeul laughs, “sure, it is.”

“How did you—“ He’s too shocked to finish his question.

“I took classes here last year. I befriended some astronomy majors, and they always hung out here. But I’m sure half of them just wanted to get into my pants.”

He rolls his eyes at her response. “Okay.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t have said that,” she murmurs when she makes her way down the steps, nearing the spot to where he’s standing.

Noeul’s not sure if she irritated him by bringing up other guys. It wasn’t like she knew exactly what boundaries they had. She’s kind of new at this relationship thing. But instead of pushing her about it, he startles her when he wraps his arms around her tightly.

“U-um,” she squeaks, feeling her lower back bend from his weight. “I’m going to fall, Baekhyun.”

He pulls away, a giant grin plastered on his face. “Thank you.”

Noeul feels herself run out of things to say because he genuinely looks so happy. She fears she’ll ruin the moment for him, but when he tugs her back into the projection room, she smiles a little.

Because she realizes that he wants to share this excitement with her.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” He asks her, his eyes solely focused on the screen above them. “Nebulae are giant clouds of dust and gas, but there’s nothing simple about them.”

“It doesn’t look simple to me,” she drawls, squinting her eyes at the colorful mass. There are undertones of green within the black night, and in the center—swirls of orange and yellow clouds.

“It’s a dying star,” he explains. “They exist in the space between the stars.”

“Sounds lonely,” she notes.

Baekhyun meets her eyes. “But they’re all different. Some nebulae are home to new stars. It’s a place of rebirth and death. A paradox.”

“Do you think people become stars when they die?”

He blinks. “I’m not superstitious.”

Noeul snorts, “no, as a man of science, I would hope that you aren’t.”

Baekhyun’s eyes return to the sky. “Space scares people. The feeling of not knowing what exists up there is a formidable fear.”

“Does it scare you?”

“I don’t have time to fear it. I’m going to discover every inch of it.”

She smiles. “Will you?”

“I’ll even name a star after you,” he says. “You just wait.”

###

“Hey, troublemaker,” someone says when she stops by the library briefly.

Noeul whirls around to see Luhan wheeling up to her. “Oh, hi,” she says.

Luhan wiggles his eyebrows. “So, I heard you gave Hendery a nasty uppercut. I would’ve killed to see it.”

“Hm,” she murmurs uninterested.

He narrows his eyes at her. “You don’t think I’m…hitting on you right?”

Noeul blinks rapidly. “Are you?”

He smirks, “come on, give me more credit. Besides, you and Baekhyun aren’t the only ones with a tragic love story.”

She peaks with interest. “Who’s the special girl?”

Luhan tsks, “who said anything about a girl? Maybe you’ll see him around. He’s quite hunky.”

Noeul could never take Luhan seriously, but when he said hunky, she thought he meant some other teenage boy that she didn’t know about.

Not an actual man. A stunning, six-two man.

She was waiting for his guardian to pick him up out of concern and also the budding friendship between them. She couldn’t deny that Luhan was charming and with humor as dead as a doornail, she couldn’t help but feel like he was a good distraction.

Noeul didn’t have to hide the truth from him because he knew. They both had a timeline. His was just more imminent, so he bade his time with jokes.

Being around Luhan was her breath of fresh air. Though she liked being around Baekhyun, she hadn’t planned to tell him about her illness any time soon.

Anyway, she watches the looming silhouette of this man. He’s wearing casual clothes, but she can see the graveness in his steps—maybe a reminder of his own reality.

“You’re late,” Luhan deadpans, crossing his arms.

The man exhales exasperatedly like he was used to the boy’s attitude, but she could see something deeper. Maybe affection? He scratches the nape of his neck. “Sorry, I got caught up with looking for someone. But I’m here now, you gonna give me a hug?”

Luhan rolls his eyes. “Shut up.”

Noeul smiles, and that’s when the man notices that she’s there.

“Girlfriend?” He asks her.

Luhan makes a gagging sound. “The last time I checked—I’m still very much gay.”

Noeul shrugs, not very surprised at this new piece of information. “I have a boyfriend.”

“I see,” the man says, his voice sounding peculiar for a second. Then, he brightens up with a smile. “Thank you for taking care of this brat. I’m Sehun, nice to meet you.”

“Noeul,” she exchanges, returning the same smile. “Bye, Luhan.” She waves at the younger boy who’s seemingly acting as nonchalant as possible. God, she can’t wait to relinquish her new weapon tomorrow.

What she didn’t expect was to open the door to Sehun later that night. But life loves to throw lemons at her. Should she even be surprised?

Sehun’s eyes are wide with bewilderment. “Noeul?”

“Who is it, doll—“ Baekhyun approaches her and stops, gawking at Sehun who stands there awkwardly. “Sehun?”

Noeul should be surprised, but life never fails to remind her just how small her world is.

It should be ridiculous. The sight of two teenagers sitting in a cell opposite each other. When she checks her phone, it’s currently midnight. She plays with her fingers, ignoring the snore of the officer in charge of watching them. He fell asleep an hour ago and hadn’t stopped snoring since.

They were brought in for trespassing by Sehun. He looked so pained to do it that she wasn’t even angry about it. Baekhyun, on the other hand, was lying on his back as if he had been familiar with the process. Sehun didn’t bother handcuffing them since he felt so bad.

Her attention turns to the door when it opens, and in comes a couple of familiar faces. Junmyeon is wheeling in a grinning Luhan with Sehun approaching behind, his shoulders sagging a bit.

There’s a stern look on Junmyeon. She sees a hint of worry when he approaches the two of them.

“Say cheese,” Luhan announces, shamelessly snapping pictures of them.

Junmyeon groans, “cut it out, Lu.”

Sehun snatches his phone. “No pictures.”

Luhan makes a face.

Baekhyun finally sits up, looking less lethargic than he’d been for the past hour. “What are you doing here?” His question is directed toward Junmyeon who is unsurprised by his defensiveness.

“Finding a way to put a roof over both of you idiots,” Junmyeon answers, waving his hand at Sehun who unlocks their cell.

Noeul feigns innocence when Junmyeon glares at her.

“Really? I expected this from Baekhyun, but not you too.”

Luhan deepens his voice, emulating a narrator, “has the good girl finally lost her mind? Tune in next time for episode two.”

Sehun cracks a smile and is shot down immediately by Junmyeon, whose relation is still unknown. “Okay, well, CPS isn’t intervening. Bastards,” he curses to himself. “So, we had to make several elective decisions.”

“Which is?” Noeul asks.

“You didn’t tell me your father wanted nothing to do with you,” Junmyeon says.

Noeul’s jaw unhinges. “You called him?”

“Noeul, why did you keep that information from me? You two are kids. You can’t be taking recklessly living in a private property.”

Baekhyun scoffs, “does it matter? Sehun said it himself. CPS denied us. We’re too old.”

Junmyeon crosses his arms. “Don’t even get me started with you.”

Luhan watches this exchange, his eyes glimmering. “Does this mean I get to pick my roommate?”

“No,” Sehun and Junmyeon drone.

He pouts. “Damn it.”

Baekhyun frowns. “So, what happens?”

“We’re fostering you two,” Junmyeon answers grimly. “My brother takes Noeul. I take you in.”

“Brother? Where?” Noeul asks, looking around to which Luhan nudges Sehun. She nods, understanding slowly dawns over her. “Oh. Wow. Okay.”