“What?” The friend’s expression further rumpled. “You know him?”

“No…not actually.”

Puffing out her chest frustrated, Chaeri glared. “I’ll give you some advice, Sehun. Take it coming from a friend whose been on standby for too long. If you like her, grab on to her. Time doesn’t wait, so stop dragging your feet pathetically. Knowing Chanyeol, he’ll do it before you do.”

As Sehun lay in bed that night he wondered, was he really pathetic?

The memory of Namjoo running after him to say she and Chanyeol were nothing, was it a lie? If she had been to his place more than a few times they’d already entered each other’s private territory…

Sehun to his side. He didn’t want to think about it. Don’t go there he scolded himself. But…if Chanyeol had feelings for Namjoo, was she not the same? He had been through it with Haewon, so Sehun understand the dynamics to an extent.

Namjoo going to Chanyeol meant she felt a connection enough to do it again and again. Did that mean the gap between them had strengthened?

People always lied. In that heated moment, could Namjoo had done that, too? Because their relationship was so complex. All the hurt, the anger, and disappointment underlaying the phone call never made, the letters missed, and the four years with no communication. Could Namjoo have just said I don’t know him out of desperation to make amends with him? But in turn, would not speak about the privacy of her life now.

After all, Namjoo was a lot older. They had grown years older during the time apart. Namjoo did not owe him explanations for decisions she had the right to make. He wasn’t any part of her life. Nothing important anyway.

Sehun wasn’t her man. Her husband. Her boyfriend. Just a friend. Some guy who had no authority to intervene in her life.

“No.” He remembered Namjoo’s father rejecting him.

“Why?” He had wondered.

“Sehun-ah,” Namjoo’s old man’s tone softened a thousand notches that an area deep in Sehun’s chest throbbed, “you’ve already started your life while Namjoo has yet to start hers. You two are no longer the same kids who used to play together. As her father, I want her to get married clean.” He hurriedly added to amend any offense given, “Not that you did anything wrong. You’re perfectly fine.”

Sehun recalled smiling to show he was unaffected. Despite how stepped on he’d felt. But he had left that day pumped up. Ready to prove Namjoo’s dad wrong. He could love Namjoo. His slate might not be clean, but Oh Sehun could be as good as the next single man in line.

But today he was starting to doubt everything again. Between him and Namjoo the odds were starting to beat the evens.

Chaeri was right. He was a loser for waiting.

Four years wasted.

Namjoo wasn’t coming to knock on his door anymore.

※※※※※

Namjoo rifled through the fridge the second she returned home. Soon the kitchen smelled of meat and tons of grease. The entire kitchen table filled from brim to brim with various selects as if she was serving His Royal Highness. A whole hour and a half of cooking and she was sweating through and through.

Seal clapping proudly as she gave her completed products a onceover. Her roommate should be home soon. Namjoo readjusted the glasses of water several times. Anxious to make up with her university friend. Forget bygones. Whatever Chaeri was upset about, Namjoo promised not to pry. Couldn’t they just move on? Namjoo didn’t want to be on bad terms with her only friend.

The door clicked open and Namjoo beamed immediately with a gigantic smile. “Chaeri! You’re back?”

The woman halted at the doorway. Staring in her direction with a rustic glare.

Breathing a wider smile onto her face, Namjoo tried, “Look. I cooked tonight. Let’s eat together. How about it?”

Shifting away, Namjoo caught the slight movement of her eyes rolling irritated. Discouragement started picking up through her. Namjoo fought against it.

“It’s your favorite. Look, meat.” Namjoo spread her hands out as if the smell wasn’t obvious enough.

“I don’t want it.” Chaeri spat with animosity. “Pig out by yourself.”

By the time opened, the friend already stampeded to her room slamming the door with a boom. Hurt, Namjoo stared at the delicious meal she had so painstakingly cooked. Gone to waste.

Gosh, what was wrong? What were they even fighting over? She needed to know in order to fix it.

Flummoxed Namjoo hit a chair and huffed.

As the next morning wore on, Chaeri’s steaming silence became heavier. The anger pierced Namjoo in a way she never knew a friend could. Guilt hung over her becoming something of her own accord. The burden made her feel like she was a horrible person.

It stressed her even more throughout the day. So much that Namjoo began to second guess herself. Was she even a good friend to start with?

She thought about the distance between her and Sehun. Caused by herself.

The absence of her childhood friend causing her to rely on Chaeri for comfort. For herself because she was selfish.

Running to Chanyeol, so he could blacken out the worst of her worries. Using him in her ploy.

How superb was she?

When she stepped off the bus at the end of the day, Sehun was standing some way from the mothers. Her eyes first landed on him earnestly longing to talk today. Have some heart to heart conversation, but she saw the dismal mood on his face. Immediately discouraged Namjoo allowed her attention to be swayed by the calling kids, the goading mothers.

And then when it was time to help Seulbi Namjoo frantically began cooking up something to say.

“It’s a nice day today,” Namjoo stupidly conjured. “Wanna grab something to eat?”

“Actually,” Sehun excused, “Seulbi has a dentist appointment.”

“Oh, then, sure. You shouldn’t be late.” Namjoo stepped back. Making sure to wave to Seulbi before reentering the bus.

“You look kind of tired,” the bus driver commented when he dropped her off.

“I’ll get some rest.” Namjoo bid him farewell leaving the bus. As it rolled away, she sauntered toward her car sighing. As much as the strain in her relationship with Chaeri strained her, Namjoo really didn’t want to go home yet. To confront a spiteful roommate? No thanks.

Getting into her car, Namjoo swerved down the street. Rolling all four of her windows down. Following the winding highway toward her childhood home. The visit to her father was long due. Cleaning his house might take things off her mind for a few good hours. And if she could stomach it, she would have dinner with him. In the end if she didn’t, she’d visit the old grandmother down the street and eat with her. The children and grandchildren long gone, she had no one to accompany her lonely soul.

Strolling along the lane, Namjoo reminisced the days she used run up and down the street. Here to there. Across the broadening road to Sehun’s. Good old memories. Only to be looked back on, not relived. That was the heartbreaking part about it.

Memories only lived mentally. For as long as a person desired. In reality, life never remained constant.

Unlocking the door Namjoo stepped inside. “Dad?”

“In the kitchen.” He coughed. Namjoo followed his voice. Gaping when she saw his stockpile of new kicks. Shoeboxes filled counter to counter to table to chair.

“What the hell is this?” Namjoo stared wide eyed.

Smacking his leg, he exclaimed, “All leather and the toughest material. You know how fast I go through shoes, right?”

“No.” She very flatly answered. More seriously, “Where did you get the money?”

Hooking thumbs through the loops of his jeans, he proudly explained, “From Sehun.”

Frowning, “What?”

Her father nodded, emphasizing, “He came the other day to pay for the damage to my car, but only half of that covered the costs. He said I could keep the rest.”

“Dad!” Namjoo raised her voice surprising him.

“What?” he turned to her.

“Why did you take the money?! I said I would pay for it! You should have sent me the bill the second you received it!” Namjoo yelled. She couldn’t believe him. Acting like he didn’t have her. To fall back on. As if she was still a child he could not rely on. Deeming her useless when she’d been forcefully shoved into this corner to care for him!

And the old man still wouldn’t respect it!

“Then you should have dropped by sooner,” her father missed the point. “What are you yelling for, you good for nothing.”

Namjoo struggled not to scream again, but it was shaking through her like an earthquake trembling below ground. Threatening to come to the fore and shake the entire world to smithereens. It just required more momentum.

“He must have felt sorry after learning your mother left,” her father never minded stacking his new buys. “It would be nice for you two to become friends again like old times. Now that he’s returned, have you two met up yet?”

He wasn’t paying attention to her. Just like when she was younger. He wasn’t listening. Not hearing her out. Trying to understand where she was coming from.

He did not care at all!

This! This was why her mother left!

She was so sick and tired of him!

When he turned to her, Namjoo growled, “You shouldn’t have accepted the money.”

Pivoting on a heel Namjoo stomped out of there. Head threatening to blow. All she thought about was Sehun again. All the wrongs and causes stemming from him.

She saw him waiting for her where she dropped off the kids. Apologizing to her on the beach for being a judgmental . up to her with food. Getting back on her good side. So, it was because he pitied her.

She was the for regretting her childish fit. She wasn’t childish. There was nothing to regret. Why should she be the only one sorry for being trivial?

This Sehun now was not the old Sehun. Why couldn’t she get it through her head?!

Slamming the car door Namjoo deeply huffed. Shouting as she punched the wheel. Her phone beeped an incoming message. It was from Chaeri. Saying she wanted to move out.

A force whirled beneath her feet attempting to her into its raging madness. Namjoo saw her head blowing up into smoky flames. Why were they all doing this to her? What did she ever do wrong?

Hitting the accelerator, she sped out of there.

In the flash of several minutes Namjoo was pounding on the white door. Transferring all her resentment into the formation of her fist. The click of the door unlocking was signal enough for her to calm, but Namjoo was so heated she still raised her fist to hit the door again. Just to inflict some pain on herself.

“Whoa!” Chanyeol leaned back to avoid the hammer of her fist. “Don’t bludgeon me. Please.”

Struggling to unwind her fingers, Namjoo thought about how suddenly stressed she was. This wacky relationship with Chanyeol. The friendship with Chaeri falling apart, because she’d lied instead of being forthcoming. Sehun returning home to stir everything out of place.

“Did you say something to her?” Namjoo sternly demanded.

“To who?”

In the end, Namjoo hit him with her fist shoving him back. “To Chaeri dammit!”

Remaining ever cool, Chanyeol just locked eyes with her. The way he was so seamlessly unashamed about it just intensified the frustration building up.

“Yea, I did.” His tone was crisp like he was bored and repeating something for the nth time. “I told her I have feelings for you.”

In that one spur of a second Chanyeol and his apartment caved in on her. Swallowing her whole. The entire outside broke behind her. Crumbling, shattering as her insides proceeded to tremble. The sky rained down until just an eerie blackness stood high above her.

Namjoo swung her fists into him. Hitting him. Again. Again. Again.

“Why! Why! Why!” She screamed, but Chanyeol didn’t even move or attempt to throw her off. Exasperated, Namjoo raised her head, “Why would you do it?! You aren’t supposed to like me! Dammit!”

“Why?” Chanyeol questioned unaffected by her spurt. “Why can’t I like you?”

All the entire world’s wrongs tornadoed in front of her. Namjoo couldn’t manage to unwind herself to spit back coherently. Merely panted due to the pulsing of her heart rate skyrocketing.

“Because you can’t!” Was all Namjoo stupidly came up with.

The corner of his lips chipped up. It pissed her off. “Who says?”

Namjoo’s lips trembled, but came up with nothing.

“Your friend?” Chanyeol tested. In her silence he took a step closer. Leaning to speak into her ear, “I want to have you.”

Shoving him back Namjoo staggered away. “You can’t!”

Raising a brow, Chanyeol said, “I want a fair chance, Namjoo. After all this time, you don’t think I deserve one? You don’t think I haven’t tried being honest with you?”

When he tried stepping closer again Namjoo shoved him away and scampered off. Like a surprised cat. Like a coward. Confusion blanked her mind. Sabotaged her moment of fury. Returning to her car, Namjoo drove off without looking back. Even as she sped around the city she didn’t know where to go. Not home.

Instead, she drove toward the tavern where she knew Chaeri would be. Forget Chanyeol. She’d find her friend first. They would have to talk this through, because in the end she couldn’t stand Sehun pitying her. Thinking of him drove her mad crazy. Never mind confronting him. He could wait four more years for her to feel sorry.

The tavern was loaded despite it being early evening. Namjoo wove her way through the dense crowd of sweaty burly men and woman shaking and butts on the bar floor. Glancing at the window tables. Toward the bar counter.

All the way at the end she spotted her curvy friend. Mouth open wide, laughing at something. Next to her a was woman she was enjoying drinks with. Because here at the tavern, anyone spoke to anyone if it meant having a good time.

Determined, Namjoo made her way to her. Standing a foot away at the back of the stranger woman, glowering at Chaeri. Waiting for her friend to take notice.

Namjoo stubbornly stood her ground even when Chaeri pretended not to see her. Until Chaeri was aggravated enough to glare at her. Namjoo returned the long lock of eyes. 

“Chaeri.” She recognized the low of Chanyeol’s voice.

Forced to play nice, Chaeri’s tone pitched high. “Chanyeol. I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Me either, but I thought, I’d see if I could get a catch tonight.” He teased.

Namjoo’s ears tingled. Didn’t mean to as she turned to shoot him a contradictory stare. Chanyeol didn’t return to the look.

“Your friends?” The woman inquired.

Namjoo hadn’t seen the conniving smirk climb onto her face. Her attention busy on annoying Chanyeol and unapproachable friend.

This time, Namjoo finally looked at her wholly.

Skinny. Chic. Fashionable. Young.

Haewon.

Namjoo blinked. Caught off guard.

Morosely shocked.

Suddenly she was overly conscious of herself. Coming here dressed in tan slacks and a peach quarter sleeve shirt. Casually professional for her day job. A little too moderate for the tavern of thigh high skirts and years’ old jeans matched with striped flannels.

Namjoo ended up gulping a little. Feeling outwitted face to face with Sehun’s woman. Honestly, she was a little hurt. A little upset.

Sehun! Sehun! Sehun!

Her internal voice shrieked.

“Oh…just people I know.” Chaeri spoke up.

Sliding off the stool, Haewon extended an arm. “I’m Haewon. You are?”

Namjoo stared at her French manicured nails. Thin and long fingers that had probably held Sehun before. Namjoo’s guts wrenched at the thought.

Smiling wider, Haewon waited. Put on the spot, Namjoo forced herself to touch her baby soft hands.

“Namjoo.”

Something distinct in Haewon’s eyes flashed to life. Dropping her hand, she asked, “Namjoo?” A moment of acknowledgement and she lifted her head to nod, “So, you’re the side ?”

“Hey!” It was Chaeri.

“Watch it!” Chanyeol warned.

Namjoo was shaken. Seeing no one else, but the slim woman who was Sehun’s woman and Seulbi’s mother. This was the pretty thing Sehun had forgotten her for.

Her heart folded four folds. Her stomach twisted.

Haewon’s eyes roved over her from head to toe. Foxily smiling as if digging out all the faults in Namjoo’s attire, her age, her womanhood. It was injuring to Namjoo’s esteem.

Namjoo’s eyes wavered across the gloss bar counter when Haewon invaded her space. Speaking in a voice only she could hear. Words into her ear. “But you know, he ed me first.”

Namjoo’s eyes widened, grew hard. Unable to transmit everything to mind as Haewon laughed and brushed past.

Her lower lip literally trembled. The wrath quaked through her body. It drummed in her ears, her blood. Namjoo had held herself together for years. Containing her fits and seething bitterness in order not to go rampant like some wild beast. In the name of her mother. For the sake of her family, herself, her pride.

In one provoked strike, the earthquake she’d been repressing broke to the surface. Namjoo did it before she thought it.

Three strides and she took Haewon down, banshee howling from the top of her lungs, “!”

***SORRY for the long wait! It is here!!!!!