The Difference

Wishes in Your Eyes

※※※※※

“Hey,” the familiar voice interrupted her quiet night. Chaeri reacted too late as the blur slipped past and into the available stool beside her.

It was Saturday. Namjoo had texted that she wouldn’t be returning tonight. On a solo venture Chaeri had gone out for some air. A drink to wind down then she’d stop at the convenience store on the way home and spend the rest of the evening binging on junk food in front of the television.

It was the chick she’d met not too long ago. Whose name Chaeri couldn’t remember, but Namjoo had body slammed. The wounds received from Namjoo had faded to scabs.

Chaeri turned away without replying, picked up her dewy glass, and chugged the rest of her cranberry vodka.

“So,” the woman started, “you know her?”

“Who?”

The woman’s sly gaze traced her. “Her name is Namjoo and she works at Goseong Elementary. She’s lived here all her life.”

Chaeri sat up straighter. Alarmed that some woman knew that much about Namjoo.

“I’m Sehun’s girlfriend, you see,” Haewon introduced herself. “And we have a daughter. When you’re together like that, it hurts when he has another woman. So, do you know where she is?”

Chaeri observed the uninvited guest more closely. “I don’t know.”

Haewon breathed a scoff, as if to avert her concern. “I just want to talk with her. It seems we had a misunderstanding.”

“I said,” Chaeri repeated more firmly, “I don’t know.”

There was a streak in Haewon’s eyes that lingered dangerously toward ferociousness. Chaeri still didn’t know what had been said to Namjoo to tick her off that night, but assuming Sehun claimed he had separated from Seulbi’s mother, this gal wasn’t good news.

“What’s so interesting?” A voice chimed in.

Surprised Chaeri turned to find Chanyeol adjacent to Haewon’s stool. That playful grin rocked his lips charmingly.

“You’re late.” Chaeri hoped he would play along and slid off her stool. “That took you long enough. Is your dog ok?”

His brow burrowed. Chaeri made a face warning him not to say he didn’t have a dog.

“Oh! Yes, Shepherd just had diarrhea. The vet gave her some medicine.” He awkwardly said.

Grabbing his arm, Chaeri made sure to bid Haewon a good night. “I have a date, so we can talk again next time.”

A good distance away from the tavern Chaeri let go of him. “Shepherd?! What kind of name is that for a dog? Especially a female?!”

“I got flustered,” Chanyeol excused. “I was thinking of a Shepherd dog. And, hey!” he called, “You’re quite bold with me now.”

Chaeri frowned at him before turning to walk away. He followed her. “Namjoo is somewhere else tonight, so even if you stay around me in hopes of seeing her, give it up.”

She caught the half second pause in his footsteps. Next came his desolate voice in a quiet hum. “Is she with him?”

This prompted her to turn. See him three steps behind her. In the night he looked lonely. She felt for him. He like her; their emotions clinging on. Didn’t matter how many days progressed. It was still the same. Their hearts hanging at the end of a tight rope hopelessly.

“Yea…” she answered.

“I see.” His voice was just as low.

“Chanyeol,” Chaeri said, “be nice to her. She’s going to need us; people who will celebrate her and be there for her.”

After a beat when he said nothing she walked away. Following plans, she stopped at the convenience store to buy the promised junk food. At the register her phone buzzed an incoming message. It was from Sehun, asking if she had time this weekend and if she was willing to babysit.

※※※※※

That weekend after dropping Seulbi off at Namjoo’s with a payment of fried chicken and soda, he took his girlfriend out on the promised date. First stopping at the beach to relax. Together they listened to the rough waves and the overture of crying birds. When the sun rose higher and it got hotter, they stopped at the same restaurant they had the first time with Seulbi. This time ordering more food and beer. Cackling at jokes and stealing from each other’s plates.

Bloated from a sumptuous meal they paid and left. Going on a ride along the coastal highway with all the windows rolled down. The solace of enjoying afternoon drafts accompanied by his most loved was everything he needed. Pure joy jumped hoops through him when he and Namjoo shared a glance, smiling broadly; sharing the simplicity of the moment.

Nothing grand. Nothing special.

Just two people out on an afternoon drive, living life to its fullest, because it had been hard and sad, and this made up for everything.

This was worth it.

Who ever knew that spending a few hours with the love of his life could wash away all the pain? Sehun was relieved of all worries. Coming back had been the right decision. Now everything was within his grasp. Namjoo loved him, too.

That was all he cared about. He would get her father’s approval one day. Sehun was determined to go to lengths for her, so she could stay by his side forever. Like they were supposed to from long ago if he hadn’t screwed up.

He and Namjoo were always meant to be. There had never been anyone else. They were two tangled ends of a rope looping back into one. Sehun had always wished for this. Once upon a time when he stared out across the street, watching and waiting for Namjoo to come.

And now she finally had.

Kim Namjoo was the one. Sehun knew she was deep down.

Slowing the car Sehun pulled over to the side of the road and turned the engine off.

“Where are we going?” Namjoo questioned reaching for her seatbelt.

“A walk.” Sehun grinned pushing the door open. He waited outside for Namjoo to come around the car and grabbed her hand, interlocking fingers.

She scoffed gladly. “You don’t have to hold on so tightly.”

“I should,” he said, “in case you want to run away.”

“And you leave me stranded on this side of town?” Namjoo asked. “I’m not stupid.”

He pinched her cheek just because she was so cute and he loved her so.

“Ow!” Namjoo plastered a hand over her cheek. “That hurt, Sehun!”

Giving her a quick peck, he said, “Better?”

He received a smack on the arm. They walked past an old convenience store that had been running ever since they were babbling infants. The coin game was so worn it was amazing it still worked. Goes to show old things could last a lifetime if taken care of, like the bond between them. Sehun would hold onto it tightly but gently for as long as he could.

“Where are we going?” Namjoo asked again.

“You’ll see.” He ambiguously replied. She made a face at him, but he continued smiling, dazed by himself. He couldn’t wait.

To retrace memories. Bring up everything to let Namjoo know he’d never forgotten a single detail. He remembered everything about her. All her wishes down to every desire. He would bring them true, so she could feel like the luckiest woman alive.

Turning the bend, they approached a concrete parking lot, spanning yards. The most prosperous building on this side compared to the shabby blue roofed homes. Every resident cared most for the religious building where prayers were made. The doors were open 24-hours with a pastor who lived in an extended building nearby.

The Catholic church was the most prominent in Goseong. White hinges connected into a triangle shaped roof. A silver cross hung above the two dome doors. Two flights of concrete steps and everyone could enter the church. Right now, the flush green yard was quiet. The only two souls on the property were Oh Sehun and Kim Namjoo.

For a long time Sehun had not visited. This was his first time back since university. A sense of fulfillment passed through him as he tilted his head back to absorb the sight of the building standing tall.

“Do you remember,” Sehun reminisced, “you said you want to get married here.”

Receiving no reply, he glanced at her for reaction. Namjoo’s eyes seemed to sweep across the sidewalk. He assumed she was stunted from the surprise. Perhaps she hadn’t visited much during her time in town. Now they could come regularly with Seulbi.

Imagine sitting together at mass. Attending church service on Sunday mornings. He’d make it a ritual. Dress Seulbi up in one of her pretty dresses, have her sit between him and Namjoo. She’d learn to honor God and His teachings. His daughter could grow up righteously.

This was really the start of life for him. Them.

“When the time is right,” Sehun said, “let’s get married. Namjoo, I want to marry you.”

His fingers reached out for air when Namjoo suddenly withdrew her hand. For some reason she stood awkwardly, scrubbing a nail with her thumb. Her eyes went from there to here as if seeking for an escape route.

“Sehun, I don’t want to get married.” Namjoo nervously peeked at him.

A hole opened up under his feet. “What are you talking about?”

The ability to comprehend what he just heard disappeared in a flash. Her words going into one ear and out the other. All desires became more urgent. Denial shaking him left to right.

“Namjoo,” he said more deeply. When she didn’t look at him, he grabbed her shoulder forcing her eyes to meet his.

Her gaze appeared crossed. She looked hurt, confused and that made him angry. He was the one who should be hurt and confused!

“I said I want to marry you,” Sehun repeated. “You always wanted to get married here. Didn’t you?”

“I did say it,” Namjoo quietly confirmed, “when I was younger.”

Baffled he let go of her. Reminding her what he most remembered, “But you wanted to get married. Here!”

“Then isn’t now, Sehun,” Namjoo pointed out the cruelest fact in the book. “My view just changed over the years. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with you.”

“Then why don’t you want to get married?” Sehun blasted. “I,” he pointed to himself, “want to marry you.”

“But I don’t want to.”

“But I want to!” Sehun argued. “Am I not good enough? Is it because of Seulbi?”

“No!” Namjoo yelled flustered. “I…I like her, ok? I just…I’m not ready. Marriage just isn’t in my plans anymore.”

“Why not?” he pressed. “Why, Namjoo. Didn’t you wait for me? I came for you.”

“I did!” Namjoo’s eyes sharpened. “I waited desperately for you like a loser! And in that time, I changed my mind about a hundred different things, but never about you. I just don’t want the promise of marriage. It’s no different than already being with you.”

“Do you think I’m going to leave you?” Sehun frowned. “I’m not your father or your mother. Didn’t I say, I’m going to hold onto you? Please, don’t make me wait the rest of my life for you.”

“Is it that important?” Namjoo asked.

“Yes!” Sehun wanted to stomp his feet. “I want you to be my wife not just my girlfriend. I want you to be Seulbi’s mom. I want to have a family with you.”

His mind was spinning with frustration. He didn’t want to stand on the other side of the wall from Namjoo again. It had taken forever. Sehun had crossed so many bridges just to make them happen. He wasn’t going to lose her.

“If it’s Seulbi, you have me. I know it’s difficult because I have her, but I’ll show you the ropes. I promise. We can take everything one step at a time. Ok?” he reached for her hand, tightened his grip. “Ok? Namjoo?”

※※※※※

Promising not to bring anything up in front of Chaeri or Seulbi they returned pretending everything was all right.

“Daddy!” Seulbi bounded up to Sehun like a cute little puppy.

Namjoo pulled on a smile. “Hi Seulbi. Did you have fun?”

“We play puzzle then eat candy and popcorn and watch Frozen!” Seulbi exclaimed.

“Did you?” Sehun asked. “Want to say bye to Auntie Chaeri?”

Turning around she waved. “Bye bye auntie.”

“Thanks, Chaeri. I appreciate it.” Sehun said.

“Miss Namjoo,” Seulbi called, “will you come, too?”

“Not today,” Namjoo said. “I’ll see you tomorrow though.”

“Ok.” Her tone dropped. Sehun helped her into her shoes and glanced once at her.

“I’ll call you later.” Was all he said before departing.

Namjoo didn’t know what else to add as the door closed in her face. She felt like a disappointment. Maybe she could have said more to soothe Sehun’s wounded pride, but she didn’t know what. Namjoo wondered if she shouldn’t have spoken her thoughts earlier. Sehun had seemed so excited walking her to the church. Eager to bring up memories; the mention of marriage.

How did she feel that he wanted to marry her?

Sure, Namjoo felt the same about him. He was everything to her. He was everything she had missed. She had seriously hung onto him the past four years.

But marriage wasn’t on her agenda anymore. Just wasn’t important.

“What was that?” Chaeri wondered.

“What?” Namjoo turned to her friend hoping nothing showed on her face.

“You two seemed weird,” Chaeri said. Moving over to settle on the couch, she asked, “You two just got together. Did you argue already?”

“No, of course not.” Namjoo lied. “Do you want drinks? I’ll go out to buy some.”

She didn’t wait for Chaeri to respond before swinging the door open and hurried back out. She wanted a breath of fresh air. Rerun everything over in her head. Crossing the street Namjoo leapt onto the tree lined sidewalk and decreased pace.

Way back then Namjoo had really wanted to get married. Have a family. Wake up next to the man she loved every morning. Come back to him after a tiring day of work and spend the night cuddled up against him. They would drink coffee. Perhaps even share the same steaming mug and always kiss when they were alone. How sweet was that?

Namjoo had always wanted a taste of that kind of life. To be like every normal couple. In love. Committed. Her husband would never leave her. He’d be devoted to their children and he’d love her the most. They would build a house and she’d tend to a garden in the summer. She would have a car and he his. Their children would grow up happy little things with happy parents. Their lives would be extravagant and they would be the envy of their neighbors.

Maybe that was too top notch. Her standards had been set too high. As a young woman Namjoo just didn’t realize how hard it was to build that kind of life. Or that it took much luck to find a man who would treat her good, stay by her side through thick and thin. His love might be fleeting and he would wander.

Exactly like Sehun. Saying to her, “Let’s get married when we’re thirty if we’re not yet.” and then packing up the following day. Leaving her out of the blue. Just like that.

Namjoo was beginning to wonder if this was some cruel trick of the invisible powers. When she’d peacefully given everything up and changed her mind about settling down, bam! There was Sehun and his daughter.

Only Namjoo was realizing how difficult it was to pick up a relationship with Sehun and his daughter. She hadn’t really thought the responsibility of it through. Namjoo did like Seulbi and she was lucky Seulbi felt the same. She was willing to learn the perks of helping Sehun with Seulbi, but marriage was another issue.

Seulbi had a real mother. Even if Haewon wouldn’t pick up her slack, she was still Seulbi’s biological mother. Namjoo didn’t want to replace her. She also wasn’t prepared to become a mom, a wife, whatever it was Sehun wanted.

Marriage, how different was it? Walk down the aisle, put a ring on her finger, call it a day, and they were married. Wasn’t it enough to be together already? Marriage did not change a couple’s status, but it seemed so important to Sehun.

Why did he value it so much?

Did he really need marriage to validate what they felt for each other?

Namjoo skidded to a halt upon the screech of a car. Staggering backwards when it veered toward the sidewalk almost hitting her. Panting shocked her heart thumped. Namjoo watched the driver’s door open and a woman heatedly rounded the hood of the vehicle. Recognition hit her when Haewon stepped onto the sidewalk and trotted toward her. Eyes set. Body posture firm. Expression menacing if not cat sly.

Then her hand struck Namjoo across the face.

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AiiSoo #1
Chapter 28: They are just so cute..
sp_fangirling
#2
Chapter 21: I kinda hate Sehun here, i mean he pushed Namjoo to like all the plans in his mind. He's not discussing things, he demands them. I know he loves his daughter but i think it's not fair to always push Namjoo to suddenly agree to be the mother of his daughter after they separated for a long time
Mikka_
#3
Chapter 10: Omg Sehun is sooo hypocrite on this one
Mikka_
#4
Chapter 1: Comparing to your other work, I found this chapter hard to understand x) between the thinking/past/present
_apink #5
Chapter 7: I'm already feeling sad for Chanyeol :C
thakurpriya203
#6
Chapter 8: In previous chanyeol is sweet, bt here playful, i like it hahaha
thakurpriya203
#7
Chapter 8: In previous chanyeol is sweet, bt here playful, i like it hahaha
thakurpriya203
#8
Chapter 7: Chanyeol is gentle ❤️
thakurpriya203
#9
Chapter 2: Hye, it's been long since I was not active reader, and today I opened my account nd find out you complete your 2 stories, bt I'm back now, nd about this story you always come with something new and different, nd that is amazing about you ❤️
sookrysjung
#10
Chapter 22: I really liked the whole marriage talk. it tackled the different opinions of people about marriage. I was on Sehun’s argument but upon Namjoo and Chanyeol’s opinion about it, they’re actually right? being together is also a promise. hmm.