Longing made his heart burn. A tandem of shame washed over him when she took Seulbi’s hand and looked his way. Sehun turned slightly avoiding the expression on her face.

All the gigantic hopes for Namjoo embarrassed him. For wanting her so much. For himself. For his daughter. Putting him aside, she had a future unlike his. Yet still he really wished with all his heart it was he she only saw.

Waving the bus off Namjoo strode toward him with Seulbi. Once near enough she held out the piece of paper. A stick girl filled the entire page. Scrawled across the top with several slashes through some letters – Seulbi’s mistaken spelling – read Pretty. He had helped write Miss Namjoo underneath, his actual writing.

“What is this?” Namjoo asked.

Sehun peered at the creased paper he’d let Seulbi fold herself. “I don’t know.” He lied.

“Explain.”

Big eyed Seulbi stared up at him, sensing the shift of his mood. “She wanted to give it to you.”

Seulbi stole a peek of Namjoo then let go of her hand and wrapped her arms around his legs, burying her face into his knees.

“Daddy.” She whined.

Lifting Seulbi into his arms, he asked, “Do you have a problem with my child giving you a drawing?”

Namjoo hesitated as if his words had punctured her. Her eyes flittered toward Seulbi now staring at her.

“No. That’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?” Sehun calmly questioned.

Namjoo bit her lower lip. “Never mind.”

His gaze roved over her. Thinking they were never this offish with each other. Everything wrong about it caused a soreness in his chest.

“Let’s sit for a bit.” Sehun ended up saying. Standing here was meaningless. Tricking her into ice cream wouldn’t win him points today. Letting her go too early was pathetic of him when he really just wanted to be with her.

Playfully ruffling the back of Seulbi’s head he set her on the ground. “Want to go to the playground?”

She stamped her feet. Grabbing his hand, she attempted to drag him, “Leggo!”

They found a spot on a bench adjacent to the playground on the backside of his apartment building. Only two other children were milling around, jumping across a wooden bridge connected between a slide and spiral staircase leading to the monkey bars.

“I think Seulbi likes you.” Sehun started. “She’s generally quiet, but she wants to please everyone. Her mother wasn’t the best example.”

Namjoo looked at him, but didn’t really turn. “What about her?”

“Just,” he picked out his words, “she wasn’t ready to be a mother.”

Namjoo stared at Seulbi coming down the slide. Swiftly landing on her feet and searched for him to see if he was watching. Sehun raised a hand to wave and Seulbi excitedly raced up the stairs to go down the slide again.

“She was still young,” Sehun shared, “and more into having fun than keeping a part time job. I didn’t want her around Seulbi. Those kinds of things a kid doesn’t need to see.”

“Were you married?” Namjoo asked.

“No.” he said. “Just registered Seulbi when she was born, put our names down. That’s all.”

His view drew up the concrete wayward in Namjoo’s direction. Was she disappointed in him? She always wanted to marry before having kids. Would she look down on him? Say he shouldn’t have done that. Why weren’t you smarter?

He just got nothing, which made him feel worse.

He probably did come off as more and more rotten in her eyes. Sehun despised himself. All the decisions he had made. That he had even met Haewon. Now he was just a mess and by himself. His only best friend didn’t want to have anything to do with him.

“Seeing anyone?” Sehun asked. A nail drove into his heart. He was afraid to hear the answer.

“No.” Namjoo said. Relief plundered him. “I’m noncommittal.”

“What?” Surprise lit his face.

“I don’t have plans to settle down. There’s no one.” Namjoo continued staring off into the playground. “I decided I don’t want to do it anymore. Marriage. Dating.” Namjoo shrugged. “It doesn’t appeal to me anymore.”

“Why?” he asked.

“Just,” she let the word linger for a long pending second, “because.”

What about me he wanted to ask. What about me?

“Daddy!” Seulbi screamed. He turned toward his daughter. Namjoo’s phone started ringing.

“Do you want to…” he started, but Namjoo was looking at her phone.

“I have to go.” She jumped to her feet. “Tell her thanks for the drawing.”

Shuffling to her feet Namjoo walked away. Sehun swirled around to watch her figure fading. Feeling in his heart he was the cause of every ruin between them. The should have beens, could haves, ifs.

Namjoo might still be dreaming of marrying a handsome city man. Stroll past that Catholic church and imagine having a beautiful wedding one day. Those five kids she wanted did not have to be the kindergarten class she spent every day with. She could have her own.

This very future might have been his own if he had owned up to it. To his many attempts that ended cowardly.

Hey Namjoo, he’d written on a scrap of paper, how are you? It’s cold here in the city. Wish you could come experience the extreme weather; you’d hate it. Are you still hanging out with the kindergarteners? Don’t, it’s laughable. Hang out with people your own size, please. Do you still stop for ice cream after work? You’re not eating my share, are you? Before you get a headache from reading such a long letter, I just want to say I miss you. I think about you every day. I hope you’re thinking about me, too. You’re not married yet are you? Wait for me.

“Who’s this ?!” Haewon had screamed shaking the letter in is face the day he’d come home from his second job, discovering she’d breached his apartment, searched through his bedroom for money.

His small bedroom was askew. Dressers flung open, clothes tossed about, strewn halfway out of the drawers. Haewon had literally torn apart his bed searching between the mattress for his secrets. Papers, pens, Seulbi’s beloved crayons sprawled everywhere. His daughter currently being watched by the 13-year-old next door.

“Put that down,” he ordered.

“You have a side chick?” Haewon’s hazel eyes glistened pure fury. “Is this where your money’s going to? A ?! You didn’t get enough from me already?”

“I said put it down!” He shrieked, the vessels in his neck popping. “Don’t touch my letters.”

Her smile turned cruel. She wagged the letter in his face. “This?”

“Haewon!” He screamed when she tore the paper up.

He had written his heart down. Pouring every ounce, every gallon of his soul into the blackest ink. Staining the note with all the feelings he wanted to convey. That I’m sorry. I love you. I miss you. I need you. Hoping that one day when he had the courage, he would send it to Namjoo, and when she received his heart she would reply and come looking for him.

But never. Never did he have the courage.

“Daddy?” Seulbi touched his hand.

He turned to find her standing before him, her big eyes searching his face. Reading all the regret, the wishes, and his wounded heart. Without saying anything she hugged him.

※※※※※

Hissing, Namjoo tightened her grasp around her phone. Strutting down the street tenaciously. Rounding the corner toward the busy street, Namjoo waved for an oncoming cab. Giving her destination she slammed into the backseat huffing. At the designated address Namjoo pulled out the twenty Sehun had given her yesterday and ran out, up the staircase, and banged on the door.

“That was fast.” Chanyeol greeted.

Stepping inside, Namjoo pivoted around to face him. “What do you want?”

Chanyeol shrugged. Scanning his eyes down her outfit. “What? You come from school?”

Opening to retaliate, Namjoo decided better. “You answer a question.”

Moving toward his kitchen he cozily eased onto his stool. Propping an arm onto the counter separating his kitchen from the rest of the open space, he coyly smiled.

“Shoot away.” he invited.

Chanyeol’s thoughtless appeal always crawled under her skin. What the hell had she been thinking to come in the first place? Damning herself into this affair with him.

“You knew Chaeri from before, didn’t you?” Namjoo asked.

Chanyeol observed his nails, picking at his cuticle bored. “So?”

“Yes or no would make it easier.” Prick.

“Yes, and so?” Chanyeol turned to her.

Namjoo’s lower jaw quivered. Astonishing. He always knew Chaeri. “Did you know she likes you?”

“But I don’t like her.” Chanyeol shook his head.

“You knew?!” Namjoo's voice went up. She was mind blown. “And you knew I was her friend.”

Chanyeol shrugged a shoulder. She wanted to kick his balls.

“You’re such a jerk!” Namjoo yelled. He knew, but he still found her on a dating app and decided he didn’t care about her roommate’s feelings. Grunting frustrated Namjoo clenched her fist. She didn’t want to hurt him. She didn’t want to see him anymore.

Wheeling around she power walked to the door. The moment she pulled it open it slammed shut. Chanyeol’s palm planted to the door, his arm extending past her cheek. Namjoo scoffed exasperated.

“Where are you going?” he asked. “What does it matter to you if your roomie likes me? I’m not even dating her, so why are you acting up, like I’m cheating?”

Spinning around she glared up at him. “The fact that you knew she has a crush on you. The fact that you knew I’m her friend. You discounted her feelings and made me feel like an !”

“That’s on you.” Chanyeol flatly stared down at her.

Namjoo’s mouth parted and she flared up, because he was 1000% right. But she wanted to blame him. For knowing anyway and she reciprocated out of foolishness by coming back to spend one and two then three more nights with him.

Chanyeol’s hand slid down from the door, past her arm, dropping to his side. But he didn’t press her into the door to dominate her. Just stood there in front of her.

“Come out to have dinner with me Friday,” Chanyeol said.

“What?” Namjoo frowned at the absurdity.

“Then I’ll take Chaeri out on a date. Just one date, but you need to have dinner with me.” Chanyeol bartered.

Namjoo had to weigh the options. She didn’t want to be with him in public. Just didn’t. Her private life was not for the public’s scrutiny. Why did it sound so bad that Chanyeol was a secret she kept buried?

Now she resembled a two-face. Such a loathsome word. Why was she becoming this way?

But if Chaeri could be happy with one date…Namjoo would feel like she was half-making it up to her after the stunt she’d pulled.

“Fine.” Namjoo spat.

Chanyeol’s mousy lips curled up. “Smart decision.”

Namjoo turned to grab the doorknob, but Chanyeol’s arm brushed past blocking her. Wrapping his big hand around the knob he leaned down toward her.

“Can I kiss you before you go?” He asked.

Namjoo dubiously stared at him. Chanyeol gave her a feather light peck, pulled the door open, and waited for her to step outside. Questions rotated and rotated and rotated in her mind. Behaviors didn’t change quite that fast in adults unless there was an abnormality.

“I’ll see you Friday.” Chanyeol held up a hand to wave.

Namjoo arrived home later in the evening again. The school was closed, so she ended up carrying her apron home. Chaeri squealed, scurrying toward her, waving arms around and all.

“Oh my god! Oh my god! Namjoo!” Racing toward her Chaeri pulled her inside impatiently. Namjoo nearly tripped over her own footing. “He texted me!”

The girlfriend swung her phone around. Calm but bounded up to her side like a hyper child. Showing her the text Chanyeol had sent for a date Saturday. Namjoo blew a breath. A ing text. He could have done better than that. Jerk.

“What?” Chaeri innocently peered at her.

“Nothing.” Namjoo smiled. “He should have done that long ago. What an idiot.”

Chaeri hopped around. “What should I wear? I’m so excited!”

Namjoo watched her friend. At least Chanyeol had upheld his part of the deal. That meant she would have to do her part, too. Damn it.

“I’ll be in my room.” Namjoo strode past. Sighing when she closed the door. Tossing the apron beside her as she sat on her bed, Namjoo hung her head back.

Straightening, she reached for the apron and pulled out Seulbi’s drawing. Earlier in the day she had been surprised when Sehun’s daughter came up to her again. Presenting another piece of folded paper to her. Scampering off once Namjoo had accepted it.

Amused by Seulbi Namjoo had grinned. She had proceeded to stare at the message scrawled at the top. The word pretty; Miss Namjoo underneath. From Sehun again? Using his daughter to trick her?

Namjoo couldn’t decide. Sehun gave her no real clear answer. Who was the message really from?

Laying down on her side she held out the drawing. Smiling at the childish art. At least she knew it was Seulbi’s drawing. She had no idea the girl had been observing her. Namjoo was pleased. Seulbi liked her.

Plucking out the other drawing from under her pillow, Namjoo stared at the couple. Holding hands. Smiling. Dots for eyes. The cutest drawing she ever saw in her entire life. So dear and special, and from the one and only Oh Seulbi. Namjoo was touched. Her heart fluttered.

Unable to help but trace a hand over the boy’s face. Sehun perhaps. Ice cream at the side with a huge question mark beneath. Namjoo grinned.

Ice cream was hers and Sehun’s thing. Seulbi would not know about it. Her heart grew very warm.

That was Sehun she thought. Seulbi had written it for him. They had eaten ice cream together that day. Not just two of them, but with Seulbi.

Clutching the paper to her chest, Namjoo sighed.

So Sehun never got married. He never waited at the end of the aisle, waiting for his bride to march toward him. He didn’t share a till death do us part vow. Exchange rings. Kiss the bride and sweep her home.

The smile broadened. Namjoo was relieved. Even though she had hung onto his empty promise and it meant nothing now, Namjoo was still glad.

Sehun wasn’t married.

※※※※※

He found the note on his desk Friday. Name of restaurant. Time. And See you there! Sehun searched the room, saw no one in particular that stood out. Curious if the receptionist would know, Sehun showed her the piece of paper.

“Ah…Chanyeol came earlier. Park Chanyeol in the engineering department.” The lady told him smiling widely. “He asked for you, but you weren’t in yet.”

Sehun stared at the note. He didn’t plan on meeting with someone he only met twice. That was too weird and he didn’t like it. Would he be a jerk if he didn’t show up? For some strange reason this Park Chanyeol was too friendly. Something was off.

Sehun pondered. Didn’t matter if this guy wanted to hang out Friday. If he wanted to show Seulbi around town he could do it himself. He wasn’t a stranger to this city. He had grown up here, shared his most important years with the most important person. He just needed Namjoo to say yes to a night around town. They could go to the movies, something.

After work he waited for the bus. Happily waving when Seulbi saw him. “Daddy!”

“Hey,” he greeted cheerily. Lifting her up, he turned to Namjoo.

They hadn’t really talked since sitting together in the playground that day. Regularly just waving, nodding toward each other when the bus rolled around, and then Namjoo went away.

“Namjoo,” he called out before she climbed onto the bus and went to retrieve her car, “are you doing anything later?”

“Actually,” she fiddled with her fingers, “I have plans.”

“Oh…” he tried not to sound too disappointed. Of course, she had her own life, her own things to tend to. It wasn’t just Sehun and Namjoo anymore. He couldn’t really get used to it. “Well then,” he perked up, “have fun.”

“Bye Seulbi.” Namjoo waved.

As he watched her disappear into the bus he thought about the note in his pocket. Since the web designer guy had taken the effort to invite him perhaps Sehun could show some gratitude. Maybe it might not be so bad. If he didn’t like this Chanyeol guy he and Seulbi could get out of there in a jiffy.

***This bout to get messy

***wow I'm 9 chapters in already !