Kyungsoo's heart was full of regret. He was guilty of a crime he wasn't convicted for . He felt responsible for something he had no control of. It was always like this after the accident . Twelve years ago his life took a turn that was unexpected , and he couldn't forget it. Not even for a moment ever.

"My car is my safe , inside of it there is everything valuable to me" that is what his father would say when the family was going away on trips in the countryside. He was an easy going man. Always a smile on his face. He had the most beautiful eyes. If you only looked at them you could tell what was in his mind. Kyungsoo wished he would have eyes like that when he grew up. 

"Can i sit on the front Dad?" Kyungsoo had asked that day when they were all getting in the car excited for another escape from the city. 

"Kyungsoo if you sit on the front i will be lonely at the back by myself" Baekhyun whined like the poor excuse of an older brother he was. Never letting Kyungsoo have what he wanted. But maybe sometimes Kyungsoo asked for too much.

"You can sit with mom Baek" Kyungsoo explained to him sticking his tongue out when his parents nodded in agreement with him. His parents always took his side . The perks of been the younger in the family. They have been driving for thirty minutes when his Dad decided to put on some music. His Dad had a collection of six hundred CDs filled with 'old people's music' but Kyungsoo secretly liked this songs. There were many songs that his father liked on those CDs but Kyungsoo skipped them all to reach to the classic 'Build me up buttercup' the foundations. He was eager to listen the mix of the beautiful music , of that bass guitar, the drams, the piano and his Dad soft humming.

"Why do you build me up"

There were many things that could have gone different to prevent the tragedy

"Buttercup baby just to let me down"

Maybe if Kyungsoo hadn't picked this song his father would be more focused on driving than singing.

"And mess me around and the worst of all"

Maybe if there wasn't a sudden left turn that was already dangerous to begin with.

"You never call baby when you said you will"

Maybe if the motorcycle in front of them hadn't suddenly stopped in the middle of the turn.

"But i want you still, I need you"

Maybe if his mother was sitting in the front of the car she would have seen this coming.

"More than anyone darling , you know that i have from the start"

But nothing could change what was fated to happen.

"So built me up buttercup, don't break my heart"

The car crushed.

When Kyungsoo opened his eyes he was in a hospital room alone. No one would tell him were his family was and the nurses looked at him with pity , they would whisper

“Poor kid” and Kyungsoo was smart enough to understand what that meant. His family had died . He was all alone. It was a week later that he found his brother. In a different room from his. His brother was alive but not really . He hadn’t yet escaped death. He was lying unconscious on the clinic’s bed when Kyungsoo came by his side to hold his hand. He was cold and his pulse was weak. Kyungsoo was crying , he was yelling asking for his brother to wake up and look at him, but Baekhyun didn’t. 

“Don’t leave me alone Baekhyun , you can’t, you really can’t , i have no one else but you.” the boy’s sobs came out , he couldn’t control the desperation in his heart.

“If you stay with me , i promise i will be nicer to you, i’ll do anything, i promise, i’ll never-Never leave you!!” and that was when that special feeling for his brother bloomed . A feeling of need for the other. Baekhyun had a surgery , Kyungsoo was holding his hand when everything finnish. He was holding his hand until his brother opened his eyes again. What Baekhyun saw would follow him as a memory for the future years. Kyungsoo crying as he held tightly on his frail arms.

“Baek, don’t leave me Baekhyun” he cried and he cried. And Baekhyun who could never understand anything before, he could understand this. He stayed silent and let his brother hold him the same way he let Kyungsoo look after him every day since then. Baekhyun never denied him because he knew what Kyungsoo meant when he said 

You are doing great Baek” whenever he managed to take a step . All the months he stayed at the rehabilitation center Kyungsoo never left his side. It was hard for him , too much work for his little brother. But Kyungsoo needed this role. He wanted so desperately to be there for Baekhyun he couldn't see the negative effect this role had on his life. Because for Kyungsoo just loving his brother wasn’t enough anymore. People he loved had died and they had taken his love with them. If Baekhyun grew to need Kyungsoo for everything then he could never leave him. But that had cause a lot of problems in Kyungsoo’s life. He had isolated himself to be by his brother’s side.

“If i am going to marry someday , it would be better to marry someone rich than someone poor, right Soo?”

“Of course” 

He had to work to meet Baekhyun’s ever growing needs . Live in his brothers shadow so that he wouldn’t bother his carefree life. Living his life like this was tiresome. Loving Baekhyun like this , with the passing of time Kyungsoo didn’t felt like he loved him at all. But that special feeling never left him. That feeling of need towards his brother. 

They had returned back to their hometown. They even rented back that tiny apartment. Kyungsoo used all his politeness with the owner and apologised for the delayed payments of the rent while Baekhyun looked bored out of his mind listening to their conversation. Kyungsoo wanted to get their lives back on truck. He also needed a distraction.

“Baekhyun i am going to need that credit card you maxed out, i am going to the bank” Baekhyun looked at him and smiled confidently.

“You don't have to worry about it i will take care of it” to say Kyungsoo was surprised would be understatement . Kyungsoo stared at his brother as if he didn’t recognize him.

“What, how are you when?” Kyungsoo spoke broken english as an aftereffect of the shock.

“I’ve been thinking about it Soo. You can’t live like this. I could always see you didn’t like it before but i don’t know why, maybe i was selfish, i didn’t want you to change. But if you want to make your life better i will help you. I’ll get a job. Heck i”ll get you a boyfriend. I promise no more rich douchebags only good guys. For both of us.” silence fell between them that lasted what felt like a century.

“Say something” baekhyun pleaded his brother with a quiet voice without looking at him.

“Baekhyun..” Kyungsoo voice came out squeaky , it was then when they both realised Kyungsoo had been crying.

“I’ve been the worst brother ever . I am sorry” baekhyun run to his brother and fell hard onto the youngers chest.

“God why are we such idiots” Kyungsoo wrapped his hands on Baekhyun body 

“Well we did lost our parents young. Maybe if they were alive they would smack some sense in our heads earlier and we would both be living happily already.” 

“Happy lifes are overrated anyway. Lets just do whatever”

“Did i just hear my control freak of a brother say Do whatever?”  they laughed and Kyungsoo remembered those lost times when he would genuinely laugh with his brother. That moment his heart was in peace. 

Baekhyun left to take care of the bank issue. Kyungsoo was happy. He started cooking dinner. He was waiting for the water to boil watching videos of cute cats on his phone. Suddenly he got a new email from the bank. Maybe Baekhyun could do something on his own who would have thought. He only checked the email out of curiosity. He wasn’t prepared for what he show. Someone had added 60.000$ to their account. Where could Baekhyun have found so much money? His mind run a mile when he didn’t want to think. He knew nothing at all. Well he knew one thing. His heart would never know peace...

Dun dun dun ohh Baekhyun what have you done???