Ww

When the door closed, Dahee heart shattering like a broken glass and as if the world stop spinning; she was lost in her own minds. It was 20 minutes that she still sit on the floor right on the door where the last time Baekhyun sight disappear from her view. He left—Dahee want to tell herself that it was a nightmare and he will come back soon, but he never did.

She has put everything in Baekhyun. Her love, her life, her trust, and all she could offer. It does sound like she has excessive love for her boyfriend but Dahee could not regret it all. She love him more than everything that she immediately feel suffocated without his presence. It has been awhile that she felt this kind of heart broken—this time; it did not feel any better, Dahee could not handle it.

Dahee could not stop crying and to be honest, anybody will react the same. She could not pinpoint exactly what just happened but right now she just afraid; what if Baekhyun decided that this will be the end? The thoughts of them breaking up is never linger on her mind, so Dahee could not prepare her heart for this. What should she do now? Will she be okay?

Her crying echoed around the empty house. Irony how all of sudden the apartment feeling so narrow and Dahee felt like was trapped in a congested space where there will no exit available. Her cries halted as she cannot breathe normally as usual and she was gasping with no one here to help her. She was used with Baekhyun on her side that she felt helpless.

Dahee had her right-hand clenching on her shirt as she is gasping for air due to sudden asthma attack. Trying to reach whatever she can nearby, Dahee managed to get her left hand on hold on the nearest wall for her to get up. It was hard to even stand on her own, but she struggled as much as she can just to get into her bedroom to get the inhaler she always keep in case for emergency.

She inhale it for once, she then try again until forth pumps when it is finally able to help to get her breath back. Dahee space out in relief for few minutes, until her tears dropped again getting her to clutch her hand to where her heart located; the place that she felt hurt the most. In despair Dahee whispered Baekhyun name again and again, only to realized that she was left alone on that night.

It was not yet the end but don’t even try to convince her that it will be as easy as it is; the fact that she was not managed to get Baekhyun stay when everything was so confused and fuzzy—no one can ever made her believe that it is going to be okay, because apparently not. At least not tonight, not tonight where she felt hurt and broken.

Faith towards her boyfriend was there; Baekhyun said he will come back and Dahee want to trust that so bad that she prays so bad kneeling on the other side of her bed that he will come back into her arms. The night was already dark with no stars tonight—it just getting darker with her thoughts of them breaking up. How can she survive that?

Collecting herself while she obviously shattered both mentally and physically; Dahee had to compile her undone tasks before wrapping in another 2 hour before finally submit her part. It was selfish that she still had to work when she can’t even breath without letting out tears flowing from her eyes; but she have responsibilities that she need to fulfil.

5 am in the morning. Dahee would usually still in Baekhyun arm before snoozing their alarm for every 5 minutes, but now she just managed to send a text to her supervisor informing him that she completed the task and she have to excuse on weekend deployment activity as she is sick. She took heavy steps before flopping herself into the bed that are now only occupied on one side.

Unable to close her eyes even after forcing it multiple times, Dahee giving up and wait until sun rise, take a quick bath, and get out from the apartment that she swear she would see Baekhyun face on every corner of it. Taking the first subway ride in the morning with a puffy eye, she head off to Harin place. It was not long when her knocks on her best friend door answer. At least, she have someone to rely on.

“Harin” Dahee spoke as soon as Harin opened the door. She was all good and her pretending to be strong seems works on her way earlier, well until she meet her best friend again. “Can I stay with you for few days?”

Harin quickly nodded. “Of course, but what happen to you? Are you okay?”

“I—I need someone” Engulfing into a warm hug, Dahee crying again. “I’m not okay, I really not okay”

“Oh sweetheart” Harin sympathize. “It is okay not be okay. I’m here now for you”

Dahee feeling guilty as she obviously crash into her best friend apartment without prior notice and when Harin might have other plan during weekends, but luckily Harin had no objection for her to stay. She even go to the extend where she request to cancel her date with Minseok as there is no way that she can leave Dahee okay when she obviously need someone.

If her eyes would let out tears of blood, she swear that will be the case as she did not stop crying for hours. Dahee eventually stop when it seems that her asthma is getting at it again, but luckily this time she was not alone and Harin was quick enough to hold on her, helping her to breath and calming her down eventually. Dahee rarely get asthma attack but when everything is excessive this would be happened.

At this point Harin was more than worried; what if she was not there? Dahee rarely get asthma attack but when everything is excessive this would be happened. At that point Dahee could not be more grateful to have someone like Harin—she was taking care of her and make sure she was okay rather than asking her the reasons why she appear out of nowhere with bailing eyes early in the morning. To be honest, Dahee don’t want to even think about last night as it only made her fall into sadness again.

“Knowing you for ages, you must want to keep everything to yourself. But Dahee, this will only hurt you more” Harin spoke when Dahee calm down from the storm. “You know I’m here to listen to everything right?”

Dahee had her eyes spacing out on the television in front of them, not really watching it. She sighs, taking Harin lap as the tool to lean her head into and starting to rant everything. “I am actually scared if he is going to leave me for real”

“You said that Baekhyun promise you that he will come back after everything sorted out right?” Harin asked trying as best as she can to not be biased. “I think you have trust on that. He love you so much, leaving you forever will be the last thing that will come across on Byun Baekhyun stupid mind”

“He was so stupid right, do you agree with me, Harin?” Dahee whined. “Why would he accuse me cheating?”

Now that she get her rational mind again, Dahee is now in the phase of questioning the cause of the argument. Harin just nodded without hesitation, totally agreed with her. “He is. I think it just so obvious that you are madly in love with him and why the hell cheating was even mentioned. But are you okay Dahee? It must pretty disappointed hearing the nonsense from him, right?”

“Of course. I feel hurt, so much hurt” Dahee admitted and the thoughts itself made her eyes glossy again. Harin her hair to comfort her which is work in some other way. It never feels the same as what she received from Baekhyun, but this is more than enough.

Nevertheless, she is being honest with her best friend. “I was mad at him but then when I think about it, I used to accuse him the same thing too, so it is understandable. What made me so sad is when I saw him leaving the door of our apartment; as if the world collapsed, I wish I can hold into him but I know I have to give him time as he wanted”

“Harin” Dahee called out. “What if he decided this will be the end of our relationship? I— I’m not ready to let him go”

“No one is letting anyone go, Dahee sweetheart” Harin replied. “I know you and I know Baekhyun too. I’m sure that you guys will sort out everything. For now, let the time determine it, okay?”

“I love him so much, Harin” Dahee swear she tried her best to not cry again as Harin advised, but she is weak, and her tears was out of control.

Harin nodded in acknowledgement. “I know. He love you too. I just know it, okay. Please be strong Dahee, my best friend that I know is a wonderful person”

She sobbed so bad that Harin almost cry seeing her state. “I feel so sad Harin. I just— I want everything to be back to normal. I need him in my life”

At this point, there is no way that Harin can convince her to just chin up and forget everything because she know how hard it is for Dahee. All she can say is, “I hope all is well for you. It is hard, but trust the process okay? I’m sure Baekhyun will come back and sort this out”

“I want to believe that, Harin. I wish I can convince myself that” Dahee said with so much hopes.

•

He stormed off their apartment without even thinking straight. All Baekhyun know that all of this is too much that he can’t even differentiate what is good and what is wrong. Seems like he possessed with his other side; that he was mad and being irrational until he able to say those hurting words to Dahee. All of because his unnecessary jealousy habits.

The door was closed but his steps halted on the other side of the door refuse to leave his girlfriend. His heart broken to the sound of her cries that are getting louder now he was gone out of her sight. Dahee was wrong, but he is too. But at this point he could not care less as Baekhyun just wanted to get out of this messy as soon as he can.

Seeing her crying make his heart tore apart too. Especially when he already know that she was crying because of him. Baekhyun thought that he have failed as her boyfriend, that he have failed to fulfil his promised to not giving her any heartbroken anymore. He need time, he need the space—Baekhyun want to heal his heart and fix everything again.

If he stay any longer, he will be broken. Probably the worst that he ever been so Baekhyun for once, following his instinct without even care if he had made a right choice or not. He then without thinking drove to the nearest bar to get necessary shots. At this point he need something strong and distraction of his issues.

“What the ?” He cursed as soon as his eyes landed into the owner of the hand who roaming around his arm. The bar was crowded and the sight of random girls hitting up customer is common. “Let me go” As he harshly push the girl away.

She snickered at his action. “You seems so tensed. Want to me to help with that?”

“Go away” Baekhyun said slowly being drunk.

“Come on, handsome. I can treat your sadness and make you feel good” She smirked, trying to flirt with him again.

“Go away! Don’t ing touch me don’t you get it?” He said furiously. At this point Baekhyun already stand up from the stools and about to leave. Before that, he managed to remind the girl, “The last thing that I would do when I’m alive is cheating my girlfriend. You should have been ashamed with yourself for even thinking about seduced me when I’m clearly not into it”

Where else he would be around 4 am at down after the bar closed other than his old shared apartment with Jongin. Baekhyun is wasted and out of the places he could think of, at the end the taxi that he rode arrived at the familiar apartment complex. He was not too wasted, but his sadness overshadow everything.

He knocked off for about 5 minutes, patiently waiting for Jongin to welcome him into the house again. After he move out, Jongin had taken care of the apartment and have his girlfriend visit from time to time. Which is why he had to act like a guest. Luckily it was not that long when Jongin opened the door and giving him the most unsatisfied look for him to disturb him at dawn.

“What the hell, Baekhyun you woke me up for?” Jongin muttered as he rub his eyes at the front door. Not yet letting the poor Baekhyun to come inside. “It is 4 am and I swear we just met earlier during the party”

“I’m sorry to disturb you but I need place to stay. Do you still have mine or Jongdae bed available?” Baekhyun said in guilty.

Jongin eyes finally adjusted to the lights and when he eyed Baekhyun from head to toe, especially with strong alcohol smells around his friend. He might know what just happened. Nodding his head to welcome his old housemate, he step aside to let Baekhyun entered the apartment. It will be too cruel to say that he will let Baekhyun outside especially when it is this cold.

“I have not touched your bedroom at all since you left. You can sleep there. Are you drunk?” He asked, his eyes showed concern over Baekhyun.

“I just upset. Or sad. Or ing heartbroken” Baekhyun answered is vague. Unable to mask his emotion well especially under influence of the substances.

“Go straight into your room while I get the hangover drink. Do not make too much noise, my girlfriend is sleeping here tonight” Jongin remind as Baekhyun nodded obediently.

Baekhyun is exhausted that he have lost all his energy. Today was too long for him and he just want to sleep to make all his thoughts disappear. He have worked his off at the office during the day then went to Jongdae party with the stress he had from work and to add his misery, went he could not contact his girlfriend at all.

It was the peak of everything when she texted him saying that she will not be able to make it when he already have everything planned for them. The fact that she can’t make it because of work made the situation even worst. He already feeling insecure with Dahee supervisor and like a small match that create a big flame; the angers that he keep with him since morning blow up just like that.

When he arrived home, there is no sight of Dahee which made his assumptions going on the right direction. She was cheating on him. Baekhyun can be mad at her for the actual reason of her stood him up, but of course his irrational mind has to step up and wrap it on a very wrong statement. To say that regret his word is too late as he have blurted out the same again and again. But Baekhyun did admit that he had bluntly accused her.

That lead to another stupid action from him where he decided to abruptly leaving her alone at their apartment in the middle or the arguments. When Jongin asked him to be honest of why he did that, Baekhyun just shakes his head. “I don’t know, Jongin. I could not think straight”

“You could but you choose not to!” Jongin raised his voice a bit, slowly getting frustrated with his attitude. “She could have been wrong in this but leaving her like that is not a solution. You could have stay and discuss like an adult. What is wrong with you?”

“Because I can’t stand seeing her broken because of my words!” Baekhyun finally blurt out the truth. “I was mad. But then I saw her broken just like that. How can I stay knowing that I have did so much damaged to her?”

“You are confusing Baekhyun, one minute you accused her cheating and now you said that you broke her with your words? What the you want?” Jongin groaned.

Baekhyun legs give up at the end of it and he is now sat on the floor with his hand tugging on his hair frustratedly. “The moment she explained again that she was not cheated on me, I know that I have come too far. Of course, she will not do that. Why do I even think like that?”

“I’m such a jerk to have such thoughts towards her. But I am more pissed at myself of how the hell I managed to let out those hurtful remarks right in front of her face. I saw it Jongin!” He cried, not able to hold it any longer. “I saw how she hurt from it and how it is affecting her. That is my weakness— I hate myself for hurting her that is why I left”

“That does not justify what you did though” Jongin honestly don’t know how to put it up with Baekhyun tonight. He was being ridiculous. “You said to her that you need to be apart to have some time to think about the relationship. There is no need to have a gap if you just man up and admit your wrong. Maybe she need to do the same”

“This is not the first argument that you guys had so I don’t see the reasons why you have to choose other method to solve it rather than use the classic discussion method that you always use? I’m sorry Baekhyun, but you are being coward tonight. There, I said what I need to say” Jongin complete his sentences with huffed before leaving him alone.

It is true, Baekhyun is being a coward and even he had to acknowledge it. The truth is Baekhyun had so much things on his head; the insecurities, the angers, the disappointment but the biggest one is the thoughts of he might loss her which made him feel so scared. It was the one lead to wild thoughts that she have found someone better that can offer so much things compare to him. Which was absurd because it was all his felt, not what she wanted.

Baekhyun then decided to take some time as he need to reflect himself. Why would he say such things to Dahee when he already have so much trust in her? How could him? He love her too much that his heart clenched when he said the words to Dahee, how can he pretend he is okay saying that when it is not? Because being apart with each other will kill him slowly.

•

He cannot remember exactly when he felt this afraid, anxious, and praying so hard that favour will go on his way.  Cursing over the traffic jam that not exactly helping him to get into the place faster, Baekhyun feels the urge to cry at the same time still hoping for the miracle to be happen. Please be safe, please. He chanted over and over again restlessly on his car.

Upon receiving call from Harin, he immediately leaving his office, abandon his works right away as there is no way it is more important that his sick girlfriend. The last time that he was last seen her was 3 days back on Friday and all of sudden her girlfriend best friend call him telling him that Dahee was admitted into emergency room as she fainted at work. Baekhyun was not okay with it.

If anything happens to her it was all his fault—Baekhyun had this thought running on his mind when he arrived at the hospital. Quickly on his steps, he is rushing towards the emergency ward where Harin had informed him earlier to see his girlfriend condition. He tried to not think the worst but when he heard that she fainted and unconscious; his heart almost drop. This is worrying him too much.

“Harin!” Baekhyun called her name as soon as he spotted her. “Where is Dahee? Is she okay? What happened” He bombarded her with questions. If anything, Baekhyun cannot loose Dahee.

“Hey Baekhyun” Harin was quite calmed compare to Baekhyun who still restless with sweats formed on his forehead. “Don’t worry. She is stable now and awake but still under doctor observation. They want us to not disturb her resting for now”

Baekhyun close his eyes and lets a relived sigh upon hearing good news. “How did she faint? Is—is she sick because of what happened?” He asked, Harin spotted guilty all over his face.

“She was suffered enough with the arguments between you too. Dahee cried every day because she was upset and losing appetite and not have good sleeps. On top of it, her work is too much that her body could not cope up. Doctor said that she fainted to due the stress” Harin explained, try to sound normal even when she was mad at him.

She then added, “She was fainted during her meetings at the office. Her supervisor and his wife bought her to hospital and call me as I was on top on his calling logs” Baekhyun eyes widen when he heard that which made Harin shakes her head. “Yes, wife. Mr Seojun is married to Dahee senior at the office. I think that would have answered your curiosity”

“Baekhyun,” Harin tapped on his shoulder as he was slouched on the floor when knowing the truth. “This is not the caring, understanding, and loving boyfriend of Dahee that I used to know. You are wrong in this, but please do not repeat it again. Dahee love you too much that it broke my heart too knowing that you did this to her. Talk to her, okay? You guys can go through this”

“I swear I will not break your friend heart anymore, Harin. I swear to God I will cherish her and love her with all my will” Listened to this, Harin know that she have handled Dahee to the right person to take care of her.

After seems like hours, Dahee finally wake up. Adjusting her eyes to the sudden bright light she only realized later that she actually wake up with an IV drip attached on her hand and reality hit her; she is admitted to the hospital. Last time that she still aware of her surroundings was when it was in a meeting room where her colleague presenting the details of their project. She must have fainted, Dahee thought.

Looking on the side on her uncomfortable hospital bed, she spotted Baekhyun with his head hung lowered supported by his fist with so much worries on his face. Noticed that there is movement of the hands that he hold, Baekhyun open his eyes to meet the face that he missed most. What he does not know was that the feelings of longing is mutual from the other side.  Quickly dismiss the awkwardness, Baekhyun then clear his throat and tell her that he call the doctor.

It took the doctor to informed Baekhyun twice, that she is good enough to be discharge. Of course, the worried Baekhyun had to confirm again with the doctor if she is really okay. After all, Dahee still look pale even though she have gain energy when from the IV drips earlier. Baekhyun then completing all the documentation and bills process to bring her home.

They haven’t spoken much, or rather Dahee who choose to just nod and speak only when it is necessary. She still don’t have so much energy and the truth is she had no idea how to act. The last time her boyfriend told her that he need time and space to think about them. Would it be bad if she act normally? What if Baekhyun had not yet recovered form the argument?

He helps her to wipe out her face to make her feeling fresher, fixing her hair into a high ponytail and help her drinks water. Fiddling with his fingers that are now free from the wet clothes, Baekhyun then caress the side of Dahee face carefully, not to put too much pressure, as he afraid that she still feeling sick. Looking into her eyes, he spoke for the first time. “I will take you back to our home, yeah Dahee?”

Her heart tighten when she heard he called her name. Even when it was not her favourite pet names that always comes beautifully from his mouth, but hearing his voice calling with so much affection was so good. Especially when he clearly mentioned that he will bring it to ‘our house’ instead of his; it does remind her again how good Baekhyun is as her boyfriend.  

Dahee nodded and smiles. The reaction was warm enough for Baekhyun. He did not expect much especially after they have not settled in together. Helping to lift her body in bride style, Baekhyun bring her to sit on the wheelchair, before leaving the emergency room towards his car. Upon reaching his car, he asked her permission if he should bring her into her usual seat as in front or he prefer to sit at passenger seat at the back.

Baekhyun still afraid that Dahee will feel uncomfortable around him after these few days. But when she is pointing out the seat beside him, he feel glad. They have not yet exchanged too much words apart or Dahee replied his question whether he should drop by anywhere to get her foods or not. It was rather a comforting silence rather than awkward one. Their last argument was huge, it is understandable if they take time to adjust into it.

He feed her into a decent meal that he managed to convince for Dahee to eat (she has been refusing every food he suggested), get her to take the medicine and lay her off on the bed to get to the rest eventually. Respecting her own time, Baekhyun excuse himself and told her that he will stay at the guest room but will run back if she need anything. Dahee nodded as acknowledgement for his thoughtfulness.

Before Baekhyun about to step out of the room, Dahee call his name. “Baekhyun, thank you so much”  

Three days has passed yet there is not much progression for them. Baekhyun, he still trapped in guilty and scared that Dahee is not yet ready to speak about that. While Dahee, she felt like she was not the one who supposed to speak about it first. Especially when his last words was for them to take a break apart.

But sleeping separately and being on two different rooms when they were under the same roof feels weird and unpleasant. Dahee got few days sick leave and about to return to work the next day, meaning that after this if Baekhyun still not making any steps ahead, he will loss timing to discuss with her girlfriend on the status of their relationship.

Even though Baekhyun had prepared everything before he went to work each morning, he still feels the distant between them. He suggested to working from home as he can take care of her, but Dahee refused as she already feeling better and doing basic chores is not trouble her. Like a lump on his throat, the pending apologies stuck somewhere as he could not figure out exactly on what he should do.

Comparing to their other arguments previously, this time is the hardest. Yet the left the worst scars. Baekhyun must act quickly. At his office, Baekhyun decided to text Dahee to finally addressing the issue.

From: Byun Baekhyun

I will be back in 1 hour. Can we speak once I reach home?

Baekhyun put his mobile phone down on his workspace, not really expecting that she will reply immediately since Dahee has been less communicating with him while she is resting at home. Did not bother on his work anymore, he threw himself back on the flexible chair, his eyes staring outside passed through the big windows.

Despite being back under the same roof, it is almost useless as they sleep on separate bed. It is stressing Baekhyun how much it affected him. He noticed that sleeps has been the hardest thing for him while being away from her embrace and he would notice that he somehow waking up earlier than usual, probably due to his body sensing the lack of company like he used to.

Sometimes before he closed his eyes at night, he recalled how much he missed rolling over the bed and found Dahee already asleep beside him when he was not even managed to mutter a goodnight. Baekhyun pat on the other side of the bed at the guest room and not having Dahee there had just made him more aware of how much he need her presence with him.

Flashback come through his restless mind on what he said the other night before he abruptly leaving her alone. It must be lonely for Dahee and he could not be more regret than he already is. The uncomfortable feeling in his stomach returned as he remembered the way Dahee expression dropped. She already cried, but when he saw how her action was halted right away, Baekhyun know he had made the arguments even worst.

How Dahee lips trembling slightly before she bit down in attempt to stop tears from coming more, and as to be honest, Baekhyun was just as shocked as she was when the words failing off from his mouth. It because having time away from his girlfriend was not the right answer to his miserable thoughts but only add more of his stress.

The way that Dahee still uncomfortable to speak with him as usual up until now from her discharged; Baekhyun know that she were really taking into account on what he had said. 20 minutes later his mobile phone lit up to indicate new notification coming it. Almost immediately he grabbed the device to read out the message from Dahee.

From: Byul Dahee

Yeah, sure. I will be waiting for you at home Baekhyun.

He had smiles plastered on his face which was noticed by his colleagues upon receiving the respond. Baekhyun just ignored it while his mind race ways to convey his sincere apologies to her. He had closed his laptop and sorted himself to go back, time off a bit early than the usual. As they were not in the best terms, Baekhyun could not help but feeling giddy she had agreed to speak on their issue.

It was not that long as he speed back home with flowers bouquet on his hand that he managed to grab on his way back, coming through the front door with smiles never leaving his face. It caused Dahee who sit on the couch of their living room to jump from the space to greet him. It is undeniable that it does attempt her to pull Baekhyun into tight hug and shower him with kisses, but Dahee think there is another important thing that need to be passed.

They sat on the couch with a considerate space in between. The tension was unsettling when they both know exactly what needs to be explain. Taking the lead, Baekhyun took a deep breath and turned himself to fully face her. But before he could muster words to start the conversation, Dahee beat him into it before asking, “Did you mean it?”

She breath as her eyes roaming around his gaze. “Did you mean it, Baekhyun? When you said that you need some time apart from our relationship, did you mean what you have said that night?” She asked again.

It was responded by Baekhyun being speechless and only managed to shake his head to deny it. If anything, that was the most regretful act he ever shown to her. He could sense that Dahee was expecting more explanation as she was sighing loudly while massaging her temples due to the tense. Baekhyun fidgeting on his place trying to come out with the best words to comfort her.

Dahee was shocked when Baekhyun scoop his hand under her thighs, another hand on her waist before pulling her to sit on his lap. Pressing a soft kiss on her cheeks, he then took her hands into his. Her eyes glossy from the unexpected gesture, she had missed it too much. “Look at me, baby” He whispered and Dahee had no excuse to not comply it.

“I swear that it was falling out stupidly and I did not mean it at all. I don’t want us to spend some time apart, I don’t want to take a break. Please, let’s not do it” He pleaded. “Going through this few day without your presence was torturing me and I hate it so much”

He sighs before added, “I want to apologize as I accused you of cheating too. I know it never true and Harin had explained everything to me. It was wrong of me at the first place and I should not have spoke without taking into accounts the effects of my words to you. I’m so sorry darling”

Dahee then caressed his face before leaning forward to place a quick but healing kiss. “I’m sorry too for cancelling the plan which caused all the arguments to escalated further. I admit that I was caught up too much into my work that I did not realized it hurt you in the process”

“It’s okay, you are forgiven” Baekhyun kiss her back on forehead making her giggles. “So, fight over now? I cannot sleep separated from you any longer”

“Of course, babe” She nodded cutely before bringing him back for a tight hug as he hide his face into the crook of her neck. Dahee spotted how Baekhyun has relaxed in her embrace, clearly enjoying the comfort from her. Baekhyun pulling away to see her pretty face, before captured it again to peppered her with kissed all over her face. His nose brushing against her when they whispered I love you towards each other.

A/N: Goodluck to me to find match words with letters X, Y and Z for the upcoming last three chapters :/