A/N:

this is going to be angsty,,,,,,,,,,

but I FINSIHED MY EXAMS WOOO, and i'll have more regular updates from now on, so i hope you guys wont be too mad at me......

D-11

From the doorway, Eunbi stood quietly as she pondered on her next step. Her heart is heavy with regret. Had Eunbi not listened to that annoyingly rational side of her brain and intead just let Chaeyeon drag her into the bedroom, the night would have unfolded into a very different direction. For one, Eunbi would have been in bed with her wife already, either sleeping or maybe...

She too might have finally admitted how she loves Chaeyeon that night, before crossing the line that she so desperately stopped herself from crossing many times the last few months. That had seemed like such a wasted opportunity now.

Although, there was a small voice in Eunbi’s head that couldn’t help but think, maybe deep down, there was a reason she was so reluctant to say those three words. Maybe subconsciously she knew something was amiss between the two of them, and this was it.

But that wouldn’t have explained the happiness Eunbi felt for the last six months, and it would be an injustice to think that way when she had enjoyed every and all the beautiful moments she shared with Chaeyeon and Wonyoung.

Those memories were tainted now.

It would have been easier to forget everything she’s seen, everything she’s just discovered. Pretend that nothing happened, the same as the last few months. Eunbi could just keep living in the perfect little bubble. But there were so many questions left unanswered. And Eunbi knew she would regret it if she just kept pretending that everything was okay. After all, she had found evidence that everything was but that.

++

The first thing she had discovered that immediately shocked her was the texts. Specifically, the text messages she shared with Sakura. For Eunbi it had seemed a little too friendly to be platonic. She scrolled through texts dating up until some 6 months before the accident. Though there wasn’t anything to confirm that she was unfaithful; no confession from either of them, no risque texts sent, not one suggestive picture. Eunbi could tell that it wasn't all that innocent. 

The flirting she saw in those texts were present; Too consistent to be harmless. But not enough to confirm adultery. It could have been nothing, of course. But her gut told her that it wasn’t. Maybe she was just careful to not have physical evidence of it. She and Sakura did work together, it wouldn’t have been hard to plan something in person. There would have been so many chances for them to do... something.

If this were true that she had cheated on Chaeyeon, then...

Eunbi couldn’t stop thinking about how she was a horrible wife. She likely cheated on her wife before the accident, and the worst thing was she almost did it again just a few months ago with Hyewon.

She should’ve gone back to bed after this discovery. But she hadn’t, and instead only dug deeper. 

It only hit Eunbi harder when she found the divorce papers. 

She could barely register that her stomach had started lurching and there was ringing in her ears. At one point she either dissociated the sensations she was feeling, or she just managed to find bodily control to scroll through the clauses and agreements. Either way, Eunbi read it all, and each one stuck a nail into her heart.

She found out she was separated for the time being. Assuming there wasn’t an agreement to press pause on their separation period––If Eunbi counted from when the separation was dated; it was four months prior to the accident, and adding the last six months since losing her memory, then they’d have been separated for almost 10 months now. It didn’t take her long to figure out that there were only two months left before they could legally divorce.

It wasn’t hard math, but it was still difficult information to swallow. Eunbi wanted to cry, but only found herself feeling numb.

Is that what Chaeyeon’s deal was for? Eunbi thought to herself. 

Her mind swirled with even more questions; why didn’t Chaeyeon tell Eunbi? Did Chaeyon know about Sakura? Was Eunbi cheating even before the separation? Why did Chaeyeon and everyone else pretend that none of this… baggage exists? Had no one else been informed about this? 

In the end, Eunbi didn’t know how much time had passed as she went down the rabbit hole. But it must have been long enough because once she entered her bedroom, her wife was already sound asleep.

++

Reluctantly, she joins her wife in bed, laying on her side and not leaving much distance between them. For some time, it was just her watching Chaeyeon sleep. She wishes she could feel as calm as her wife looked right now. Ironically, she wished she could just forget the last few hours that weighed so heavily on her mind and heart.

Eunbi took her wife’s arm and carefully wrapped it around herself, thinking about how this could be the last time she would feel this kind of comfort. Eunbi relishes in the warmth as much as she could have, welcomed the serenity as much as her conflicted heart would allow her. 

Tomorrow, Eunbi knows she will have to deal with the consequences, but not now.

Though she still went to sleep that night knowing that nothing will ever be the same again. Her sleep was restless, that was to be expected. Eunbi never liked going to bed when there were unresolved conflicts. She never knew how to put aside problems just for the sake of getting a good night's rest. No matter how small or big the problem was, it will just keep gnawing in the back of her mind until she fixes it. This time wasn't any different, though not for lack of trying.

Just for once, she just wanted to forget about it. Eunbi wanted to bury all the problems of the past. Life had been so good to her these last few months, it wasn’t fair that everything had to change.

When morning came, Eunbi was up before her alarm, not that she was deep in slumber to begin with. Eunbi freed herself from Chaeyeon’s hold to have a quick shower. She then crept out into the kitchen to go through the usual morning routine of cooking breakfast and fixing up a lunchbox.

It felt wrong, somehow, maybe because she and Chaeyeon have been sharing this task together for the last few months. She couldn’t help but wonder what other routines would have to change between them, when everything in their life has become so tangled and codependent. As loath she was to change these comforting routines, Eunbi knows she can’t sweep any of this under the rug. All the skeletons kept in their closet after Eunbi’s accident can’t continue to be ignored.

All throughout breakfast Eunbi had been tense. Her family had sensed it to