Feeling his face cold from disgust mixed with shock, Seungcheol closed the book and dropped it on the floor, intending to hide it from sight. Now facing the ceiling, the young man let out a long sigh. He could imagine the things that he read and that was enough mess with his thoughts. How he wished he didn’t read Jeonghan’s book in the first place…

He didn’t want to at first, but what Jeonghan said that day at the park kept on replaying in his mind. The man said something about not knowing the real him despite reading his book leading Seungcheol to become really curious as to what was written. His guilt for screaming at the omega due to his own personal stress might push him a bit, but mostly it was how their meeting ended. Jeonghan seemed really hurt from what he said. He felt like he owed the man an apology, and he couldn’t do that without knowing what the other was talking about.

But god, he didn’t expect this at all. He thought it was about domestic violence or something - that was already bad enough in his mind. He’d never thought the omega was-

‘.’ Seungcheol closed his eyes and rubbed them, hoping to erase the image from his mind. It was too explicit, too dark, he couldn’t read past the second chapter where Jeonghan recalled what was done to him back then, by his own guardians. It was too much he skipped to the next chapter, hoping that things would be better after his rescue. It was, but then came the mental issue and Seungcheol was done for. That was how much he could take. He couldn’t go on anymore.

Despite him not being able to read it though, Seungcheol had got to admit, Jeonghan could really write. He didn’t know whether it was the choice of words, or the fact that he wrote it in first person, everything felt real. It was as if he was trapped in the little omega’s body, his mind knowing things were wrong, screaming for him to stop falling deeper into the abyss and yet, the physical refuse to cooperate.

It scared him. It felt so real it scared him so much he had to stop.

He wondered which part of the book would make him crazy about Jeonghan because right now, he couldn’t feel anything but sympathy and guilt. Sympathy because of what the man had gone through, and guilt because, well, he was an alpha who told the man who was hurt by another alpha to basically hide his problems and deal with it in private.

He was so, so stupid.

*****

Jeonghan stopped his track as his eyes caught on a familiar-looking face whom he hadn’t meet since orientation, which was almost a month ago. As he expected, the man’s stature was as elegant and soft as his face, something he found captivating.

Now that he thought about it, they hadn’t met before because they both belonged to different departments. And, for some reason, they never meet each other at the dormitory as well. That being said, it was kind of weird seeing Joshua here right now, casually walking into the convenient store. Did he have some errands here? This surely piqued his curiousity, despite it not being a huge mystery. Maybe he was just feeling bored out of his wits right now to care for something insignificant like this.

Should he ask? No he shouldn’t because then, they need to talk and talking to people tend to make him hate them. Aside from the few classmates he could tolerate, he still haven’t found someone he clicked with, and that would prove to be a problem. He would hate to dislike Joshua since the man really seem like he would make a good friend. He didn’t want to destroy that perfect image of him. It is not every day that people leave good impression to him, and Jeonghan would really love for those who did, to remain that way in his mind.

‘,’ Jeonghan turned around as he realized he had just unconsciously followed the foreigner up to the store. He could swear Joshua just saw him from inside, and based on his wide smile, was excited to see him.

What should he do?

He really do not know how to talk to normal people. His relationship with people mostly involve physical interaction instead of normal conversation, and in some occasion, him talking about his issues to others be it to help them or to get help himself. With his lack of social skills, he was confident Joshua would see right through him and figure out how weird and messed up he actually is. He couldn’t have that. It would affect him greatly. He didn’t want to add social anxiety into his list of complications. The list is already pages long.

‘Jeonghan! Hey! Long time no see!’ the said omega flinched as he heard his name being called. Flashing his fake smile which he had accustomed himself with, Jeonghan waved slightly as acknowledgement. While thinking of an excuse to leave, he was also finding something else to talk about to make it seem as if he was as excited with the meeting. ‘You’re not buying anything?’

‘Huh? Yeah, of course.’ He was already here, he should pretend he had something to buy and bid his goodbye. Nodding his head while flashing a smile, Jeonghan proceeded to act like he was about to enter the convenient store.

‘Try making friends. You need them.’

Jeonghan closed his eyes as he recalled what his therapist told him before he left the shelter. He was so used to being alone, only caring about himself. He knew that had to stop. No matter how much he hates most people, he needed to have at least one person who would help him in case something happens now that he was living alone outside the security of the shelter.

Maybe, just maybe, Joshua would want to be that person. He seemed like a selfless, helpful guy after all. Maybe he would be able to tolerate all the monster inside of him. And maybe, Jeonghan could tolerate being around him as well, despite how polar opposite they were.

Sighing from his own thought, Jeonghan turned around and walked behind the other omega, calling out to him. Only when the man faced him did he