Seungcheol crashed himself on the bed. Wanting to hide from the world. Wanting to erase himself and all the memories of today. Regretting every single decision he had ever made.

Turning his head to the left, his eyes caught the cover of the omega’s book. 

He read it halfway, he already knows about Jeonghan’s past. He already knows about the man’s problems. Why in the world did he think the omega he knew was different? Was it his illusive ego and pride that made him blind of what was in front of him, thinking his Jeonghan was not the one other people know? That he showed his pretty side only to him, and not everyone else? 

Because he thought he was special?

Seungcheol laughed at how pathetic he was. He was not special. He was only allowed to get close because Jeonghan didn’t see him as an alpha. He was to the man, like Joshua was to him - people who is ignorant about the rumors and gossips, and people who didn’t know or care about his past to treat him different. 

He was not special. He was blind.

He was really blind. And full of himself.

He was weak. He was a coward. He was stupid.

He was not worthy of Jeonghan. Heck, he was not even deemed worthy of Woo Ri, despite all the bad things people say about her.

Getting himself inside his blue blanket, the sad alpha wrapped his whole body including his face, making sure to leave a hole for his nose to breath. And he closed his eyes, his two shaky eyes threatening to leak. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt this beaten. 

Taking deep breaths to calm himself, Seungcheol tried to think of things that made him happy. To relax. And lose consciousness.

*****

The vibration of his phone woke the tired alpha and Seungcheol hesitate on looking at it. He was half-hoping it was something from Jeonghan, but he knew that was impossible. If so, it could only be from people asking if he was okay, or from Joshua, asking him about the ‘talk’. Either way, he was not in the mood to look at it. The wound from a few hours ago was still fresh.

Turning around and faced his ceiling, Seungcheol realized he hadn’t washed his face nor brushed his teeth. His room was all light up. There was no way he would get a nice sleep in this condition, and he needed a good sleep. He needed to forget. Getting up, he did the task one by one, ending it with making his bed just because. He finally had the courage to look at the phone, deciding he would turn it off if it was regarding the omega or the incident tonight without reading it just to wash off the curiousity. And to his surprise, it was neither.

Woo Ri tagged him in a photo.

Confused, the male alpha clicked on the notification, ignoring the tens of messages in his inbox. Woo Ri posted a few photos of them together and him alone, smiling happily. It took him a while but he managed to remember the moments those pictures were taken, realizing he was really happy then, without any worries except passing his exams. Finding himself smiling at the memories, he proceeded to read the caption, hoping for any explanation for the random post.

To a special friend. Hope you stay strong and get the happiness you deserve. Himnae.

There were already a few comments, most of them asking who he was, some cheered him up despite being strangers. He wondered if Woo Ri knew most of her commenters seeing how she was already on the road of becoming an influencer but stopped his thoughts. Because that thought would usually lead to him laughing at how she was trying so hard to impress people, and he didn’t want to do that tonight. It was not appropriate. She was comforting him, and Seungcheol found himself being comforted. Even just a bit.

He let himself reminisce about his time with his ex-lover, which at the very least, distracted himself from his fresh heartbreak. They were somehow in good terms now, so this didn’t feel forced nor did it make him feel pitiful. He didn’t feel guilty or pathetic looking back at his own memory. Seungcheol liked the post, scrolling them again and again, just wanting to get lost in those moments. Then he reread the comments, finding random people’s compliments and words of encouragement somewhat refreshing after a whole day of concern and depressing news. 

That was, until he stumbled upon one particular comment.

Isn’t he Yoon Jeonghan’s boyfriend? You know him? Don’t tell me, you guys dated? :O

Seungcheol frowned again, reminded of the male omega. Suddenly finding himself typing in the man’s username in the search box, he quickly clicked on the return button. He was doing it again, stalking people who clearly didn’t want him. He did it with Woo Ri when they first broke up, now he was starting to do it with Jeonghan. Chuckling to himself, the young man shook his head.

No wonder Jeonghan called him pathetic, it was the truth.

Closing the application, the young alpha laid back down and let out a long breath. Gosh he felt miserable. More than when he broke up with Woo Ri. Because at least back then, he was left figuring what went wrong. Right now, it was pointed to him clearly, and Seungcheol felt it was true. He was lacking in a lot of things. He was not enough. Not for Woo Ri, more so for Jeonghan. 

The phone buzzed again but Seungcheol was not prepared to read it. It kept vibrating, and the man realized it was a call. Suddenly hopeful, he turned his head and grabbed the device. Unfortunately, it was not whom he expected. At the same time, he also would have never expected the person currently on the other end to call him in the first place which was why he was a bit surprised nonetheless.

‘Hello…’ He answered, confused at why he did it in the first place. He would have rejected her call had it been any other day, but today, it felt like he needed this. No, he wanted this. The familiar soft voice of Woo Ri, asking what he was doing, as if it was any other day made him feel better. He missed those days. When there was nothing else to talk about so they just talk about random stuffs and think about their stupid experience.

When they didn’t need to think about the consequences of each and every one of their actions.

When mistakes could just be brushed off and swept under the rug.

When he could freely express his adoration and the other would accept it.

When the other would talk about what was bothering them, and he was able to do something about it.

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