More Than This by miahwang

Title (0/5)

The title isn't quite interesting, and I don't see how it relates to your story.

Appearance (2/5)

The background is blank, and you just added a picture of Junsu. The appearance doesn't interest me, but I'll give you credit for adding a picture of one of the main characters.

Description/Foreword (3/15)

Let me start with your description: It was filled with grammatical and punctuation errors. Plus, the quotes doesn't flow smoothly. I suggest you take out the second quote (the one in the middle) to make the transition from quote to quote more smoothly.

Now your foreword. Your foreword doesn't tell me anything about the story. It just tells me that you aren't the owner of 2PM and that this plot is yours. When your readers read your foreword, they basically want addition information about your story's plot.

Plot (5/25)

Another typical angst story between two friends. I see no originality into this story. Adding to that, I don't understand why Junsu suddenly had a change of feelings. He showed no signs of love (not even a tiny bit) to Mia, and when he finds out that she's leaving, he suddenly has these huge crush on her.

Characters (5/15)

Again, the same reason with the plot. These characters are seen too much in most friendship and angst fanfictions. This girl has a crush on her childhood friend, but when the childhood friend gets a girlfriend, the girl decides to leave and the childhood friend suddenly realizes his feelings for it. 

Writing (Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation) (5/20)

You had a few spelling errors, but the parts that hurt you the most were grammar and punctuation errors. Let me point out that you don't have to add a space after every punctuation. You add a space between a punctuation and the first letter of the next sentence. In addition, because the beginning of your story started with mostly past tense, you should stick to past tense then going back and forth to present and past tense.

Chapter 1:

Incorrect:

" Mia ! " Junsu shout across the room. He just arrived 5 minutes ago and there he is , calling his bestfriend in her class every morning . 

" Junsu-ah ! You don't have to shout it's not lik