ϞϞϞϞϞ

Sitting down on the bed, Sehun glanced at the lollipops he had placed side by side. The other one unrecognizable. The other winking cheerily. The way Namjoo also seemed to smile with all the happiness shining in her eyes.

Enchanted, he laid down. Holding the winking lollipop up in the air. Thrilled with the fact still, that she had come here all the way in the middle of the night by herself. And she had fulfilled one of his wishes.

A smile drew across his lips. He was glad they had seen each other today.

That weekend he went through his closet. Ironed his pants and button down. Took a shower. Dressed. Went through his collection of cologne. Spraying on the most expensive and slicked back his hair. Taking up the entire morning, because he wanted to look the best.

Satisfied with his overall appearance, Sehun turned at the knock on his door. Assuming at first that it was his mother coming to check on him. See if he was ready to set out.

It was his father.

“I would have thought you were my daughter for taking so long,” he walked into the room. Sehun looked away. Not in the mood to play along with his banter. It was getting later into the afternoon, and he wanted to see Namjoo because he hadn’t seen her the past several days.

Seeing that his aunt and uncle were keen on keeping her in the house, he really wanted to see her today. Since that day in front of the convenience store, he’d only ever heard her voice or checked up on her through text. They’d gone out as a family for dinner she had told him one evening. There was a lot of food. Very expensive, and they had a course meal that included lobster. Reminding him he hadn’t even taken her out to eat yet.

All these things she was doing with them, like going to the mall to update her wardrobe as if she was really Chunhei. But she wasn’t their daughter, and he hated that they were treating her like they had born her. He really disliked that they were trying to make her their daughter. When she wasn’t.

She was Sambok’s best friend. The girl that had run into the forest and come out injured and crying. The chicken girl that constantly unraveled his nerves every day. Who had that crush on the boy next door. Made him ride the horse with her into town.

Namjoo had come to the city for him. She should be going back home shortly after playing with him some more. Instead she was living with his aunt’s family. Picking up the pieces of a broken person’s life and hope to bandage her bleeding heart.

Sehun didn’t understand why she had upped and left with them. Or why she was still there being the center of some stupid party today. He wanted to see her, so he was going. In case they were making it hard for her, because she wasn’t 100% like their daughter.

“Look at you,” his father mused smoothing out the collar of his shirt. Stepping back to ascertain he had dressed himself up correctly. “You’re looking really swell.”

What was with him?

Stiffly, because he had been recently upset with him, Sehun said, “Of course.”

“You must be excited to see Namjoo again. It’s been almost an entire week.”

He said nothing. Wondering if his father was fishing for an answer to whether he had other intentions.

“I’m sorry,” his father apologized, “that we couldn’t make her stay.”

Sehun averted his eyes. Mulling over the incident that day.

“Your aunt, she’s a very sick person,” his father gently explained. “No one can ever guess what mood she will be in. I heard she was very close to her daughter.”

“So?” he muttered.

“I hope you try to understand what Namjoo has opened her heart to,” his father continued, “that she was kind enough to lend a helping hand to a struggling family.” Softly smiling his old man patted his arm. Finishing with a glint in his eyes, “I think she’s a really great person, and I like her very much.”

Turning around he left the room. Closing the door on his way out. Sehun stared after him. Kind of confused about what the hell that had been about.

ϞϞϞϞϞ

Chunhei.

Chunhei.

Chunhei.

Every second of the day that was all Namjoo heard. Chunhei lets go for a walk. Chunhei let me put your makeup on for you. Chunhei isn’t this so pretty?

It was stressing. Sometimes it felt like Namjoo had no personal space. With Uncle Jaejin in his office working every day and Hyunjae at his job she was left alone with the elder woman. Pleasing her at all times. Aunt Youngja got upset just once. Over something as trivial as Namjoo falling asleep during her favorite movie. Waking up with a fright when the woman started yelling with eyes so wide, face so strained, and her muscle grip digging into her shoulders, “Why are you sleeping?! Chunhei! Wake up! Wake up!”

Shaking her so hard that her head snapped back and forth. Almost straining her neck before Uncle Jaejin came to her rescue. When the woman started heaving from all the screaming Namjoo rushed into the kitchen for her medicine. Wiping her tear-stricken face with a towel as they laid her down in bed and when she finally fell asleep Uncle Jaejin pulled her out. Scolding her.

“What the hell did you just do?!”

“I…nothing…I just…” flustered her eyes dashed back and forth. “I fell asleep. I’m sorry.”

“My goodness! Don’t you know you just gave her an unnecessary fright?! Are you trying to make her heart stop?”

“I’m sorry.” Namjoo apologized, head lowered.

The man sighed, irritated. Hands on hips. “Never mind. Go up to your room.”

Where she lay in bed dreaming of the open sky, the rolling clouds. Sambok following her into the kitchen for crumbs of food. Thinking about the open fields around her house. Of Sehun mumbling behind her back.

That evening they went out for dinner to cheer Aunt Youngja up. Very simply, it felt like the fright she had experienced during the day never happened. The woman beamed. Smiling from ear to ear as they shared the food. Talking excitedly about the party that week.

Namjoo thought she was a very patient person, but the strain under Uncle Jaejin and Aunt Youngja’s hawk eyes made her wary about every movement she made. She missed her father more. She missed bickering with Sehun. Unable to leave the house, because Aunt Youngja might throw a fit. And Uncle Jaejin whispered into her ear daily, “Just do whatever she wants to make her happy.”

And Hyunjae just never seemed to be around, like he wanted to avoid his parents.

Today, she really didn’t want to wake up for that party whose purpose she didn’t quite understand. Close family members would be attending. A gathering for her, but then…Chunhei was dead.

“How pretty,” Aunt Youngja mused spinning her back and forth, watching her dress flail around her legs.

The older woman looked like a pretty doll today. Her face was so clear, vibrant with joy. The makeup dabbed on in just the right amount. Highlighting her prominent cheekbones, her wide eyes. Everything about her body trembled with anticipation. Showing her pearly white teeth through a very proud smile.

“You’re beautiful, my daughter.” Gently squeezing her arms.

The sparkling off shoulder gold dress was picked out by Aunt Youngja. Everything from head to toe decided by her. The wavy hair, her makeup right down to her heels. Dressed up like one of those mannequins in the store.

Bodies bustled around the lower half of the home. Caterers Youngja had specifically called by herself to prepare food. She had gone along with husband and wife to the grocery store to pick out wine and bite sized snacks, which the other aunts were putting on delicate white trays. Meanwhile tables had been set up in the backyard with lights streaming from brick wall to brick wall. Creating a lovely evening for family who had come for the fake daughter.

Namjoo didn’t think she had been put in such an awkward spot before. Youngja led her around the home. Gleaming with happiness, showing her off to the wide-eyed aunts. Listening to each one of the gasp and whisper, and then perk up, pretentiously acting like they knew her.

Tonight really was the grandest of all charades. To support an unstable woman who had already cracked so deep inside no known medicine to mankind could repair.

How much of this, Namjoo wondered, would they gossip among themselves when they returned home?

For some reason, she felt deeply ashamed. Doubting herself about her intention to have come with the family. Maybe she should have left it alone after confirming Hyejoo had died. What had she brought upon herself?

Finally released, Namjoo walked toward the patio outside. A hand grabbed her arm stopping her. Uncle Jaejin nodded his head for her to follow him. The door closed to his office after them. She wondered if he would scold her again.

“They’re all here to see you,” he told, “act like you want to be here. If they ask you questions, respond politely and don’t tell them your father is in Gimje.”

“What?” she breathed taken aback by what she was being told. “I…I don’t understand.”

“They’ll think you’re a missing daughter she’s mistaking for Chunhei.”

Namjoo cut him off, “What?!”

Shaking his head perplexed, he ignored her reaction, “I’ve told you before, now that they’ve seen you, they’ll think you’re a part of the family. When Youngja’s sister arrives, don’t associate with Sehun like you’re friendly. From now on you two are just cousins, so don’t go near him. Don’t embarrass us and make me regret allowing you here.”

Speechless, Namjoo couldn’t utter a word. Opening the door, he reminded her to behave and go outside. Stumbling into the backyard on wobbly feet, Namjoo turned around to look at the two-story home. Compared to Sehun’s warm brown house, here the building extended upwards. The roof angling into a sharp point. The home so stark and plain without a wife’s touches of a home garden, a father’s tools in the yard. It felt empty.

“Are you her twin?” a voice asked.

Namjoo turned around to see a girl around her age in a rosy dress sipping from a glass of wine. Her diamond earrings sparkled prettily.

“Yes?” she asked caught off guard from spilling her sentimental feelings.

“I said, are you Chunhei’s twin?”

“Oh…” Namjoo could have said yes, but there was that hesitation again. What would follow if she spilled the beans? That Hyejoo was Chunhei’s birth name. She was her older sister by 3 minutes. Their father owned a farm sanctuary in Gimje. Their parents were divorced.

“Must be nice discovering your parents,” the girl commented. “That means you’re cousins with the Oh’s?”

At the mention of Sehun’s family, Namjoo raised her brow.

“Then, you must know Sehun?” When she said nothing, the girl added, “He’s your aunt Gumja’s son.”

“Of course, I know.” Namjoo replied.

“I heard he’s really good looking, even though I hear really bad things about him, but I like bad boys.”

Recalling Uncle Jaejin’s warning, she awkwardly laughed. Afraid that if she defended Sehun word would get to him. Then she would get into trouble which might lead to him calling Sehun out.

“Yea, you’re right,” Namjoo said, “he’s not really that great of a person.” Hesitating then forced herself to say, “My dad says all he does is drugs and drinks, and he has no commitment. Isn’t it embarrassing that he’s still living off his parents?”

Adding yet again another round of awkward laughing. When the girl in the rosy dress no longer seemed to be listening, Namjoo followed her gaze. Feeling her lips fall apart when she saw Sehun standing on the stairs of the patio deck. Staring at her.

The moment he turned around to walk away everything around her crumbled.

“I was just asking for his number,” the girl said. Frowning at her. Taking a sip of her wine she brushed past leaving Namjoo to soak in her own shame.

On urge, she clambered up the steps into the home. Passing Aunt Youngja calling out for her. Running at a speed so fast she bumped into Hyunjae on the front doorstep who had just gotten home.

“Where are you going?” he called after her.

Leaping across the yard she grasped onto Sehun’s sleeve. Pulling him to a stop. Suddenly his figure seemed longer. Dark. Shadowy.

“You just got here. Don’t go yet.” she said.

Pulling his arm away he stared down at her through narrow slits. “Your dad, huh?” he asked.

Namjoo lowered her eyes guiltily. Not her real dad. He was talking about Uncle Jaejin whom she had called dad.

“You know…it’s not…” she stammered for an excuse.

“Forget it,” Sehun said.

“I’m sorry.”

“How great am I that I deserve your apology? You’re right, it’s embarrassing to be seen with someone who still leeches off his parents. I really don’t care about anyone but myself.” Looking behind her, “Go back to your upstanding family. You should listen to your father if you don’t want to become like me.”   

Shooting her a glare as he turned to leave. Namjoo took a hurried step after him then stopped when she realized it was meaningless. She had talked behind his back. Spinning the worst lies about him. He probably couldn’t even stand the sight of her.

“Did you argue?” Hyunjae walked up behind her.

“No.” Turning around Namjoo brushed past. She wanted to be alone. She wanted the night to be over, but when she walked inside Aunt Youngja was pacing around in front of the door skittishly. Worriedly waiting for her.

Why, Namjoo wondered, couldn’t she leave her alone?

“Chunhei,” she grabbed her hand, “where did you go?”

“Mom,” Hyunjae behind her again. “What are you doing?”

“Son,” she looked up at him then her. “You went outside to pick up your brother? That’s so sweet of you.” Slipping an arm around her waist she led her into the kitchen, “We’re going to eat now. Don’t stay out in the cold too long.”

Boisterous chatter resumed. Everyone acting like nothing was wrong. Warmly conversing, catching up with each other. Inquiring about life abroad. It all died out by midnight. Namjoo showered. Picked up her phone. Nothing from Sehun.

Suffocating in the room Aunt Youngja had designed from Chunhei’s memories, Namjoo went to sit outside. To stare at the crescent moon hiding behind gray clouds. Apologetic for the things she had said earlier.

Pulling up her chat box with Sehun she typed in “I’m sorry.” deleted it, rummaged her brain for excuses to give. Tell him she had gotten in trouble with Uncle Jaejin. Tell him his uncle didn’t like him. Deleting every sentence, because she didn’t want to make him feel bad. And then, typing “I miss you” on impulse. Staring at the words. Quickly erasing the message.

Sighing, she buried her face into her knees. Sehun had been so nice to her. Buying her new shoes when she couldn’t walk in her pumps. Getting his knees dirty for her. Constantly keeping her company. Coming to see her because he was worried about how Chunhei’s family was treating her. Had been kind enough to offer her a room in his home despite the possibility his parents would reject. And she had turned around on him.

What if he didn’t want to see her anymore?

“I thought you’d be tired.” Hyunjae made her turn. He sat down with her leaving a gap in the middle. “Chunhei used to be into astrology. Do you know how to read the stars?”

“No,” Namjoo replied, “but I like looking at the sky.”

“You two are pretty alike,” Hyunjae commented.

Namjoo glanced at the grass gone dark then bravely said, “I noticed…Chunhei doesn’t look like your mom or dad.”

He turned away flustered. Awkwardly flicking his hands together, “What are you saying?”

That Chunhei was Hyejoo, her sister.

“I’m tired, so I’m going to sleep. Lets talk another time.” Excusing himself he headed inside.

What was it she wondered?

ϞϞϞϞϞ

Three days passed. Everything quickly returned to its normal state. Youngja remained hooked on her finger. The only two males in the family cooped up with work. If anything so as much upset Youngja, Namjoo was scolded. After taking her medicine and harmony was restored, everyone acted like it never happened.

The more Namjoo saw that her husband inclined to her every mood swing the better Namjoo understood they were just catering to her grief. Trapping her further into the warp of time when her daughter was still alive in her head. And Hyunjae, so focused on building his career could not admonish their way of life. They were a family of problems.

Six years was it, she thought, since Chunhei died. Maybe they should go abroad again, refer Youngja for serious treatment because what they had done overseas did not seem enough with just a bottle of pills.

Climbing down the stairs Namjoo heard movement in the kitchen late afternoon. Uncle Jaejin was making a pot of coffee. His wife was napping after taking her medicine. They could talk now.

“I’m going to go home,” Namjoo approached him.

“Were you given permission?” he poured creamer into his mug. Took a sip. Without looking at her.

Dismissing his noise of authority, Namjoo pushed on, “I think your wife needs more support than just taking the drugs she does every day. You need to talk to her about Chunhei. Tell Hyunjae to be around more often. I can’t be her only source of emotional support, because I am not her.”

Coldly looking at her from the side without the slightest turn of his head, he said, “You put yourself in this situation. She was perfectly fine on the plane home before you let her see you.”

Flummoxed by the sudden blame, Namjoo countered, “That’s not right. The problem is not me.” Pressing her lips together, she forged onwards, “Anyway, I’m going home to my father in Gimje. Aunt Youngja is seriously unstable. She has an emotional disorder, and you and Hyunjae need to be her system of support.”

“Don’t you mention your father or Gimje under my roof,” he steely scolded. “She is not your aunt but your mother in this house.”

“You’re wrong,” Namjoo argued. “My mom,” she took a breath, “my mom is here in Seoul, but not this house. My dad, he is in Gimje.”

Uncle Jaejin’s jaw stood out more prominently when he bit down on his teeth. “Kim Namjoo, you…”

Their heads snapped when the sound of glass shattered. Aunt Youngja stood at the entryway with the earlier glass of water Namjoo had given her at her feet. Her stricken eyes roamed over them.

“Who is Namjoo?” the woman asked in a low whispery voice, eyes round, confused.

Namjoo momentarily froze, damned. Then, “It’s me.”

***his father practically said he approves xD

***Namjoo realizes the truth here. Youngja's family isn't doing much for her since she returned home with her husband. Their son is not involved in his parents' grieving struggles. The fight is the family's but then they're dragging Namjoo into it. It is super stressful and depleting standing beside a person who is sick. She tried being supportive, but it is starting to zap the energy out of her because she is the only one who is doing something.