Holes

Clash of Colors

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Uncle Jaejin left right after breakfast to run some errands leaving her with Aunt Youngja. Dishes had been cleared. The kitchen sink was running. The mother was humming cheerily to herself while scrubbing dishes. From the table Namjoo was currently wiping with a damp cloth she watched Hyejoo’s other mother.

Broken, everyone would say. Living in an illusionary bubble that could not be popped. Namjoo was sad for her, but she also did not want to be here. It felt wrong still. Unjustified, even after bringing the woman back from the hospital and thinking she should be better to her.

As if she had sensed her eyes, Aunt Youngja looked over her shoulder. A pretty but fragile smile danced across her lips. Glad to see the look-a-like daughter. Namjoo nearly flinched from the too happy eyes. It felt as if the woman had trodden on her inner thoughts.

“Should we go through the picture book later?” she suggested.

“Huh?” Namjoo murmured surprised. Coming to her senses to react normally, she pushed on a smile, “Yes. I’d like that.”

It would be interesting to see what kind of memories Hyejoo had made here with her artificial family. Namjoo also wanted to know how her twin had lived. How this family had treated her like their own, and if it had been why she hadn’t come back to her split-up family.

No, they weren’t a perfect family. Her parents had their differences, but they were good people. As her father said, sometimes things just don’t work out the way you expect it to. Namjoo never held any animosity for her mother, and also, she had been too young to think differently when her mother took Hyejoo with her.

Mother and fake daughter settled into the living room in front of the silent television. Aunt Youngja pulled out a fat picture book. The dark black corners were unraveling, the entire cover worn and fading. How many times had the woman flipped through this book just to relive memories long gone?

Once more, Namjoo’s heart throbbed for the woman. What did true grief feel like? Surely it was unlike the hollow emptiness Namjoo had experienced upon discovering Hyejoo was no longer alive. A sister she had grown up with but no longer knew. What right way was there for her to grieve?

But…but Aunt Youngja had raised Hyejoo.

Namjoo stared into the growing creases in the aging woman’s face. The skin becoming fragile, paper thin over time. One day she probably hoped to reunite with her daughter on the other side.

“You were so adorable here,” Aunt Younga’s voice drew her back to the present.

Namjoo stared at a younger Hyejoo riding a two-wheeled bike for the first time. Sporting a Barbie helmet. A younger face so similar to hers.

“See right there?” she pointed to her bandaged knee. “You cried so hard when you fell down a few days earlier you wouldn’t try to ride again, but then you stubbornly wanted to try again.” Looking at her, she asked, “Do you remember?”

Namjoo soaked in the picture then glanced at the woman. Eyes expecting the only acceptable answer. Another pretentious smile and she said, “I remember.”

Smiling so happily she flipped the page showing her a school photo. Telling her stories of how she fought that morning because mother had made her wear pigtails she hated. She had cried all the way to school so angrily. Again, another story of her accepting an award at a speech contest. The teacher had praised her endlessly. Saying she was the smartest of the entire school.

“We were so proud of you!” Aunt Youngja beamed.

More stories of her on her first date. A photo of her with a brown-haired city boy posing in front of the house awkwardly before going to see a movie. Hyejoo’s first romance. As Aunt Youngja’s voice faded, Namjoo wondered if Hyejoo had been happily in love; if she had experienced the sincerity of it at least once before she passed. Did her boyfriend treat her well? There were so many things Namjoo wanted to know. Suddenly wondering how nice it would be if she had found Hyejoo alive. They could talk for hours on end about so many things. Sharing life experiences, gossip about boyfriends, complain about parents and friends, wonder about the future together.

But…they were now things that would never happen.

“Lets take a picture together,” Aunt Youngja excitedly proposed. “Like a past and present picture to see how much we’ve changed.”

“No, it’s ok. We don’t have to.” Namjoo shook her head. How weird would it be when she finally realized she was Kim Namjoo and not Park Chunhei? A con taking a photo with a mother she didn’t really know?

“Why?” she blinked sadly. “Do you hate the idea that much? Can’t you do it once for me?”

Namjoo moved back slightly to feel the couch pillow at her back. Then the front door opened and Uncle Jaejin was back.

“Oh…honey, you’re back?” Aunt Youngja greeted when he appeared at the entryway. Namjoo found her eyes darting away, as if she had been caught doing something worthy of scolding.

“Yes.” Peering at the duo, he wondered, “What are you two doing?”

“We were going over pictures,” Aunt Youngja cheerily explained. “I was thinking we could take new pictures with Chunhei. It’s been so long it would be so nice.”

“That sounds like a good idea,” the elder man nodded approvingly. “Go and have fun.”

More joyful than ever, Aunt Youngja beamed, “Should we?” Namjoo turned her face away from the man even more, afraid that if he saw her opposing expression, he would cause her trouble.

Namjoo looked up when Aunt Youngja touched her shoulder forcing her in on her ploy. “Lets go get dressed.”

ϞϞϞϞϞ

Namjoo stiffly sat in the car with Aunt Youngja. It had taken over an hour for them to get dressed. The woman had especially done her makeup, chosen her dress, accessories, and shoes. Decorating her from head to toe with careful detail. Treating her like a delicate doll the entire time. Spraying and fixing her hair to her heart’s content. Then standing back with awe, admiring her work.

“You are so beautiful, my daughter,” she had crooned.

As they started off on the road, Namjoo touched the cotton of the dress she was wearing. Feeling the most unlike herself today. Hyejoo had lived a pretty feminine lifestyle. Dressing so pretty every day, adorned with everything possible given to her by Aunt Youngja. Namjoo was used to the grass, the smelly air of domesticated animals, manure, and unwashed creatures prowling freely around her, and a rooster she often coddled.

She stole a glance of Aunt Youngja from the corner of her eyes. The woman’s lips were in a glossy shade of soft red. Pursed into a tiny smile. Appearing content, overly blissful. Namjoo thought her eyes also held a sort of blankness like she was here and also not here.

The atmosphere was really fragile. One wrong word and the woman might go bat crazy. It was that kind of feeling. A part of Namjoo clouded up with anxiety.

“M…mom,” Namjoo hesitated. She just had to please the woman. It should be easy even if she disliked putting on a façade.

“Yes? What is it?”

“About Hyunjae,” Namjoo started, “shouldn’t he come, too?”

“Your brother is working. We shouldn’t bother him.” she glanced at her then her lips settled into that tiny smile that bothered Namjoo again.

“Is he always working?” Namjoo asked. He was never around. Did they not worry about him?

“Your brother is a smart man. He’s always been able to look after himself, that’s what makes me so proud. He’s never made a mistake in his life, you know?” she boasted. “Your brother is such a good son that he hardly ever complains. What would I need to worry about?”

“Still...he’s your son,” Namjoo said. Catching herself, she hurriedly added, “I mean, my brother. You should still worry about him.”

Touching her knee affectionately, she grinned, “Aren’t you just a sweet sister. Your brother is fine. He’s at work right now, it’s better not to bother him. It wouldn’t look professional on his side.”

Namjoo opened to add something, but she didn’t. The conversation ended there. Saying anything more would make her look un-Chunhei.

They arrived at the photo studio downtown. Aunt Youngja made all the decisions. About the backdrop. What poses she’d like. How many portraits she’d like taken. They spent overall a good hour and a half in the store, because she wanted to see how the pictures would come out; if she wanted them retaken. When they finally left, she wanted to stop by the store to buy wheat noodles to make something healthy and delicious for her hardworking husband.

“Look, this use to be your favorite candy.” She would muse. “You’d cry every time we wouldn’t let you have it.”

All these memories that were never a part of her past. Namjoo had never felt like such a liar before. The guilt that came in tow were feelings that couldn’t be properly described.

She would help the woman she had decided a while ago when she realized how heartbroken she was over her sister. What was she really getting herself into?

ϞϞϞϞϞ

“What is all this?” Uncle Jaejin asked when they walked in with bags of grocery.

“Your daughter and I stopped at the store to buy noodles for lunch. Look, they’re just your favorite,” Aunt Youngja joyfully exclaimed.

Watching his wife unpack the contents he said, “You shouldn’t have. You’re just tiring yourself.”

“Not at all.” She refuted then looked at Namjoo saying, “Our daughter helped me. I am not tired one bit.”

“That’s good.” Uncle Jaejin sounded as pretentious as her. “Good job.”

Mustering a small smile, Namjoo nodded her head. “Of course. It’s no problem.”

“Ah…Chunhei,” Uncle Jaejin said. Namjoo’s head jerked in his direction even more surprising herself. His eyes were so cool she felt her nerves twist and turn. “I heard your phone ringing multiple times from your room.”

“What?” The word slipped subconsciously from her lips. Immediately her hands patted her pockets only to realize she was wearing a dress…with no pockets.

Her phone.

Today she and Sehun were supposed to have their buffet date.

It was…today…and she’d forgotten.

Panic usurped her.

Had Uncle Jaejin gone into her room to answer the phone?

Namjoo’s throat went dry.

She stared into his face for an answer, but his expression was as icy as ever. It was impossible to read his feelings.

“It sounded urgent,” he continued. “Why don’t you go see who called?”

“No, it’s ok,” Namjoo answered softly. “It’s probably just spam.”

She touched a bag to supposedly get busy, but he pressed, “Go on. I’ll help your mother. It may be important.”

His gaze was heavy on her. Maybe he knew she worried. Swallowing she let go of the bag and drifted past him. Moving with a calm gait then up the stairs then ran into her room.

There it was, her phone on her bed.

Eight missed calls from City Boy.

Clamping her eyes Namjoo let out a sigh.

She’d be damned if she had actually used Sehun’s name.

A painful urge passed through her to return his call, but she knew better. If she stayed cooped up in her room to make the love call, Uncle Jaejin would know. Tucking the phone underneath her pillow Namjoo left the room. Returning to the kitchen to see husband and wife starting on lunch. A pot of water was set to boil on the stove.

“Would you like an apron, darling?” Aunt Youngja wondered already wearing one herself.

“Sure.” Namjoo replied.

Uncle Jaejin glanced at her. Beginning with small talk. “Did you check your phone?”

“Yes,” Namjoo said looking at him nervously. He would have seen City Boy flashing across her screen if he’d gone into her room. “It’s a friend. Nothing important.”

“Really?” he sounded disbelieving. “Don’t forget to call back later. It’s not good to ignore friends for too long.”

“I will.”

“I hope you’re not dating,” Uncle Jaejin said.

“Honey, why would you say that?” his wife asked. “She’s at the age to date. Let her.”

“Then I’d have to meet him first. Not just anyone can date our daughter,” Uncle Jaejin’s eyes flared.

Namjoo felt the temperature rise. Put on the spot suddenly.

Aware that he more than likely knew who had called.

“Our daughter should only meet a respectable man,” Uncle Jaejin, “who has made a name for himself in society. We should approve of him first, don’t you think?”

“Well…that would be nice,” his wife agreed with thought. “Don’t be too hard on her. If you’re too strict who would want to marry her at all?” Coming up to Namjoo she put her hands on her shoulders. “Right?”

“Yes…” Namjoo’s eyes swept the room uncomfortably.

By the time she returned to her bedroom Namjoo was bombarded with a headache. Burying her face into the sheets before laying with her cheek pressed against the mattress. Pulling her phone out from under the pillow she finally called Sehun back. Eager to hear his voice.

She missed him.

Strange, because she had seen him just last night. Her heart still fluttered at the memory of their kiss. Could feel her cheeks burning up sensationally. It still made her maddeningly shy.

“Namjoo?” he answered. “Where have you been? Why are you only calling now?”

“I’m sorry.”

“What? Are you in trouble?”

“No, I’m not.” Namjoo assured. “I had some things to do outside today. I’m sorry, I forgot we had a date.”

He sighed. “Never mind. Forget that. We can do that some other time. What did you do outside?”

“Your aunt wanted to take some pictures,” Namjoo told. “Then we went to the store.”

She wondered to tell him that Uncle Jaejin knew he had called.

“Pictures for what?” Sehun asked. “Why would you take pictures with her?”

“It’s just…” Namjoo struggled how to piece the story together in a way that wouldn’t upset him, but it was hopeless. She didn’t like it either. “We were looking at pictures of when my sister was younger.”

“You’re not even her daughter…”

“I know, but what can I do?” Namjoo retorted. “If she wants something, I have to do it.”

She imagined him getting frustrated, but she was the one who felt more like than anyone else. That she was tricking this innocent woman who couldn’t face the truth.

“I don’t like you being there like this,” Sehun said. Sighing again, “I’ll come see you later. Do you think you can come out?”

Yes, she could but it wasn’t pliable right now. Uncle Jaejin was watching her out of his own suspicions. If Namjoo didn’t want to make it worse she couldn’t make any moves.

“I think it’s better that I stay in today.”

“You got in trouble,” Sehun stated more certainly.

“No, no I didn’t.” Namjoo kind of lied, because she wasn’t yet.

There was a moment of silence. Then he said, “I miss you.”

A smile brightened up her face. Her heart raced. Namjoo nearly buried her face into the sheets. “I miss you, too.”

She imagined him grinning from ear to ear. Her heart leapt into her chest even faster. Namjoo blushed even harder. Thinking she wanted to kiss him again. Hold his hand. Hug him and smell him.

These thoughts made her so giddy she felt like jumping up and down.

“Then tomorrow,” he said, “should we see each other?”

“What are we doing tomorrow?” she wondered.

“I’ll surprise you,” he promised.

She smiled harder. “You can’t give me a hint?”

“That ruins the aspect of what a surprise is,” he said. “Tell me what you want to eat.”

“Will you be paying?”

“Duh.”

She giggled. They talked for another ten minutes before she fell asleep on him. When she woke up the line was dead. Sehun had already hung up long ago. Stretching she to her back. Staring up at the ceiling. Thinking back to the picture book.

Images of her childhood flashed through her head. Recalling flying kites with their parents on the farm when she was a lot younger. Back at home there were numerous photos of her and Hyejoo together from when they were babies, toddlers, blossoming children.

Something ticked in her head. Jolting up Namjoo blinked. Scrambled off the bed and burst out the door. Aunt Youngja was still knocked out from her medicine. Uncle Jaejin was nowhere to be seen. Dashing around the corner Namjoo paused in front of the living room. Spotting the picture book where they’d left it on the coffee table.

First falling a step forward cautiously. Somewhat nervously. Reaching a hand out to flip the book open to the first page. A baby picture of Hyunjae. Slowly flipping to the next page to see a family of three. Namjoo flipped through the pages faster. Going back and forth through the pictures. Sighting the familiar face of her sister’s. The family on outings. Laughing silently in the pictures. Smiling for the camera.

But…there was no baby picture of Chunhei…

In her head she heard Hyejoo’s friend calling them crying. Hyejoo had been in an accident before she vanished.

Connect the dots she thought.

Connect the dots…

An accident…

“What are you doing?” She turned around to find Uncle Jaejin in the entryway.


***and the suspicions grow. Uncle Jaejin is closing in on her and Sehun. Namjoo is closing in on the truth of what happened to her sister.


 

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tonnettie
#1
Chapter 34: I’m trying to plot in my mind how long was she gone in the farm. All those things happened. A day with Sehun turned to a stay over, meeting the family of her twin sister, staying at her birth mother’s place. Wow
katmod16 #2
Nice story. It’s a hidden gem.
sookrysjung
#3
Chapter 34: reread this again :( it’s just soo good :((
Mikka_
#4
Chapter 29: Ok maybe I should have wait for this before leaving my frustration just the chapter before... but I still think that part of the story was a little non sens. I like the begging better
Mikka_
#5
Chapter 28: It's just my opinion but for the first time .. I think the plot is non-sens.
Like wth really?
They took her and looks nice but the father became a psycho. He talk about going by the law but if they really go there he will definately loose. And why Namjoo accepting this compartment? For the sake of discovering about her sister ? I'm sure there is other way to found out. And what about her real dad ? Like his daughter just left for the city for more than a month and he didn't really mind ? I'm glad you put him again in the story with the phone call the previous chapter but I still find it odd. I will still finish the story because you're a wonderful writer and I usually like your story very much because 1) It's written beautifully 2) it's realistic, but I'm not really sure I like/understand this one.
I hope I'm not harsh, and if you feel like it I'm really sorry. I'm still a big fan and I will definately read your other stories. (Some of then I already red them 3 times haha)
yeolmyheart
#6
Chapter 34: this story is so beautiful omg TT
sehunisokai
#7
Chapter 34: I loveeeeee this <3 thankyou for the beautiful story!
sookrysjung
#8
Chapter 34: two thumbs up for the ending! :> you really are a great writer ?
sookrysjung
#9
Chapter 29: myggggg. I was like “huh??? how did she know about namjoo and all??” and then boom! your A/N. idk what to feel about Aunt Youngja
sookrysjung
#10
Chapter 20: the audacity of that family to keep her there until they say so when in fact, Namjoo’s just doing them a favor.