ϞϞϞϞϞ

It was a relief that Namjoo was still in one piece. His insides fluttered when he walked toward her.

“What were you doing?” he wondered.

“I was about to shower.” She looked up into his face. Her stare lingered curiously.

“What?” he asked.

“Nothing.” Her eyes flittered away. Landing on his face again before turning away.

Assuming she was curious about his arrival, he excused, “I was just driving around and decided to check up on you.”

“You didn’t have to.” Her eyes moved halfway in his direction but didn’t meet his gaze. “It’s not so bad here. They’re really nice to me.”

“Yea?” he half-heartedly said. “That’s good.”

The chill wafted between them. The silence drawing out longer and longer. Say something he thought. He had driven all the way across the bridge for this.

“They might notice that I’m gone,” Namjoo shifted. “I should go. You should get some rest, too.”

“It is late, huh?” was all he pathetically managed.

Finally looking at him she smiled, “Thanks for coming, Sehun. Good night.”

“Yea…” he murmured stupidly. His ears tingled when the door screeched open and she disappeared inside. Heaving a dreadful sigh, he returned to his car and drove home.

“Where’ve you been?” his mother called out on his way in. Ignoring her he raced up the stairs to his room. Snatching a bundle of clothes and headed down the hallway to shower. Noisily closing the door and slamming the back of his head into it.

What an idiot he was. These stupid things going through his mind was driving him nuts. Groaning he ran a hand over his face. Turning and pausing when he caught his reflection in the mirror. Noticing at last the lipstick stains around his mouth.

Dropping his hand from his face he clutched onto the rim of the cool sink. Feeling his eyes go wide. Suddenly thinking about the curious look Namjoo had given him.

“Dammit!” he cursed aloud.

He hated himself!

He hated himself!

Frustrated, he grabbed the soap container. Arm freezing midway in the air. Wondering what the hell was going on with him. Tossing it into the sink he slumped against the door. Hopelessly sighing.

Worried. What did Namjoo think of him now?

ϞϞϞϞϞ

“Sehun,” his mother called. “Sehun.”

Raising his head, he looked at his mother across from him.

“Are you sick?” she worried. “You’ve been mixing your food the last six minutes.”

Peering down at his breakfast plate he saw that his food had turned into a weird mix of white, greens, yellows.

“I’m not hungry.” Putting down his spoon he turned sullen. Still thinking about the way Namjoo had looked at him last night, and if she thought he had been fooling around now that she wasn’t here. That really wasn’t the entire story.

“Are you still angry…”

“I’m not!” he snapped. It was hard to tuck away the frown on his face. Shoving his chair back he left the table. His head was going to blow.

“Come talk to me.” his father ordered from behind.

Stopping halfway toward the stairs he shut his eyes. Sighing. Forcing himself around he followed his dad into his home office. Closing the door behind him and avoiding the old man’s eyes. Acting like a child about to be disciplined.

“Where’d you go yesterday?” his father crossed his arms standing opposite him.

“Nowhere.” Sehun muttered. Asking irritated, “Are we really going to do this?”

His father examined his expression. Voice turning soft, “I heard from your mother.”

Glaring defensively, Sehun bit down on his teeth.

“About Namjoo…”

That was it.

He couldn’t stand this. He would not deal with this.

“I don’t like her!” he raised his voice. Flinging the door open he walked out. Stomping up the stairs perplexed that his parents were trying to read him.

Slamming the door shut he thought again about the lipstick stains on his face. The way Namjoo had looked at him curiously then tried not to do it again.

“God!” he cursed again.

Sighting the marshmallow lollipop, he snatched it and threw it into the garbage. Plopping down into bed. Burying his face into the pillow. Until he couldn’t breathe. Flipping over he stared up at the ceiling. Blinking then roving his eyes toward the wall that separated his room from the other. Picturing in his head Namjoo on the other side staring out the window at the cherry blossom tree. Musing over the world that always seemed so pretty to her.

Sitting up he reached into the garbage can. Pulling out the smushed lollipop. The once smiling face now distorted with only one eye visible.

His parents watched quietly as he left the house with keys jangling in his grip. Obeying speed limit he cruised over the bridge toward the other side of the city. Patiently allowing pedestrians to cross before driving onward. Calmly pulling up to the brick side house. Forming his thoughts, the things he wanted to say. Sorry he had let it go in vain last night when he had come on impulse.

Reaching for his phone he dialed for Namjoo. Listening to the ring tone. Wondering if she wouldn’t pick up because of last night. At the last second when he was certain he’d be sent to voicemail the phone clicked.

“Hello?”

“It’s me.” he idiotically greeted. “If you’re free, can you come out?”

A pause. “Now?”

“That’s what I meant.”

“Ok. Give me a minute.” She hung up. Pushing the door open he stepped out to wait. Staring down the empty road where two cars were parked. On a quiet morning not one person was taking their morning stroll.

The gates screeched making him cringe. Namjoo poked her head out. “What are you doing here?”

“Um…” he scratched the back of his head walking up to her. “About last night…”

“What about it?” She looked so innocent he wondered if she knew what he was thinking.

“That uh…I came here so suddenly…actually…I was…” he fumbled for the right words. Didn’t want her to know he had gone out on a silly rampage, because his parents hadn’t tried harder to keep her back. Was still holding it against them. Despising himself for being this way.

“Oh…” she breathed, eyes darting to the side. Looking up at him with a half-smile, “You mean the lipstick.”

He flushed, embarrassed.

“It’s ok,” she brushed it off.

For some reason that kind of hurt. He had expected more.

She shrugged, “You don’t have to be sorry.” Speaking a little faster, “Of course, you don’t have to explain anything. I mean…you do you.” Her eyes trailed off anxiously. Laughing awkwardly, “Never mind, Sehun. I probably deprived you from enjoying yourself, so…”

“I was…I didn’t mean to. I was angry.” He blurted.

She blinked caught off guard.

“It was nothing. I promise it was nothing,” he desperately explained himself.

Confused, she looked up at him with her big eyes. Awkward silence bombarded the air. Ruining the moment with, “Is that what you came for?” which he kind of interpreted as that’s what you called me out for?

“Uh…well…” he nervously touched the back of his neck. Mumbling, “That…that thing…the lollipop. I want another one.”

“The what?”

“The lollipop…the one you gave me.”

She frowned. The door squeaked open and the cousin whose name he didn’t know stepped out. Looking at Namjoo, “What are you doing out here?”

The guy in glasses looked sharp. Book smart. It unnerved Sehun.

“Oh…I was…” Namjoo looked from the cousin to him. “Talking.”

“Come on. Mom is waiting for you.” He nodded toward the house. Sehun waited for him to leave. He didn’t. Instead, he stood by the stairs waiting for Namjoo to head inside.

It was aggravating.

Apologetic, Namjoo said, “I have to go.”

“Ok.” He reluctantly forfeited. “I’ll see you.”

She didn’t say anything but got one last glimpse of him before the cousin put an arm around her shoulder to urge her inside. Then the door closed.

Sehun sighed, disappointed. Leaning against the car he stared at the house. Was Namjoo truly comfortable inside? What was she doing now that he wasn’t around to play with her? He hoped she was bored without him.

His heart leapt when the door creaked open. Hoping Namjoo had excused herself to come back out, finish talking with him.

It wasn’t her.

The lanky cousin dressed suavely in dark jeans and a casual button down returned the stare. God, what was his problem?

One step forward and he his hand out. “I’m Hyunjae.”

Sehun half-assedly shook his hand then dropped it. “Sehun.”

The cousin firmly smiled coolly. “Namjoo said you’re friends.”

“What does that have to do with you?” he flatly stared at the other man.

“It doesn’t.” he agreed with the point. “Since she’s under our wing now, I feel an obligation to keep her safe.”

Sehun’s brow twitched. Irked. “Under what kind of authority?”

“Like her older brother.” Hyunjae said. “Look, I know Namjoo is an adult and can make her own decisions, but I would appreciate it if you leave her alone.”

His lips grew thin.

“I hear things about you. I know your kind.” Hyunjae lowered his voice. “I would appreciate it if you find someone else to keep your time.”

ϞϞϞϞϞ

“Are you close to him?” Hyunjae tucked his hand into his pocket on their way up.

“Sehun?” she asked the obvious. “We’re friends.”

“How’d you meet?”

“When he came down to work on our farm.” Namjoo could almost smile upon the memory.

“He works?” Hyunjae raised an eyebrow.

“Well…”

“Don’t get too friendly with him,” Hyunjae warned as they crossed the lawn. Curious, Namjoo waited for further explanation. “He’s not someone you should be around. Be careful, all right?”

“Sure.”

Opening the door for her he said, “Go in. Mom is excited to spend the day with you. I have to go to work now. Father will be in his office if you need anything.”

Questions flurried through her mind about what he’d said regarding Sehun. Deciding to ask more later she headed inside. Youngja was sitting in the living room. Excitedly waiting for her. A tray of fruits sat on the center table.

“You’re here?” she waved for her to hurry. “It’s your favorite show. Lets watch it together.” Pressing a button on the DVD remote she skittishly squeaked, “I’ll be right back.”

Acting like a high school girl she ran down the hallway returning with a bag of chips clutched to her chest. Holding a finger up to her lips, “Don’t tell anyone. I hid this because they think too much sodium is unhealthy for me.”

Grinning cheekily, Namjoo nodded. Tucking the bag between them she popped it open. They giggled at the noise sharing the entire bag. After finishing the first disc Youngja urged her into the kitchen to make her favorite chocolate chip cookies. Contrary to expectations, Namjoo had never baked before. She had done frying, stove top cooking, marinated dishes, broiled foods but she wasn’t a baker.

“You silly, like this,” Youngja scooted over to show her how to roll out the dough. “You remembered the recipe by heart. Have you forgotten?”

Namjoo urged a shaky smile onto her face. “I have a lot on my mind. I must have forgotten.”

“Don’t be like that,” she coaxed. Wrapping an arm around her, “Worries will come and go. Don’t dwell on it.”

Namjoo nodded gladly. The fake smile weaned off her face when Youngja turned to search for the cooking sheet. She gobbled six of the cookies when they came out of the oven. Chugged a full glass of milk pressured under Youngja’s keen watch.

“Was that delicious?” she beamed.

“Yes.” Namjoo weakly replied showing her best smile.

Once they cleaned up, she filled a glass of water. Serving it to Hyejoo’s mother with two pills Hyunjae had directed her to give. Walking with her to the bedroom and tucking her in. Thinking very much this is what she would do for a sick child.

“Chunhei,” her eyes glazed sleepily. Managing to smile through it as she clutched onto her hand. “Thank you, my daughter. I love you.”

Namjoo sat with her until she fell asleep. Switching the lights off on her way out. The late afternoon sun was shining at its brightest when she found a seat on the back porch. Catching the fall of the orb just in time when it started cooling off for the evening. Birds fluttered overhead cawing. Out here there was no cherry blossom tree. Just flat land. Green grass rolling out to the end of the brick wall.

Seeing that the family had spent much of their time on Youngja’s misery they wouldn’t have had time to worry about decorating their yard. Pink blue hues started merging with the aqua-blue colors along the horizon. A splash of colors until nightfall. Pretty even here.

Rubbing her knees, she wondered what kind of relationship Hyejoo had had with her family. What her life had been like. If it was better than what her mother had given her, and that was why she never returned to claim her family.

“It must have been quite a day.” Park Jaejin walked up to lean against the pole. “She isn’t this energetic even with me.”

“She must have really adored Chunhei,” Namjoo said.

“Was her favorite. Mother and daughter were like best friends,” the old man reminisced. “There were days I would find them giggling like little girls.” His expression suddenly forlorn went on, “It’s hard losing your best friend. Even harder losing your child.”

Namjoo couldn’t imagine. People come and go she thought again, but losing someone, knowing they wouldn’t be coming back was harder.

Standing up, she said, “Sir, where is the nearest convenience store?”

ϞϞϞϞϞ

When the taxi meter went over $30 Namjoo asked the driver to pull over. Gripping onto the tiny bag she jogged down the street. Racing against nightfall. The world now a shade darker with street lights coming to life. The dark blue hue close to the lightest shade of black evolving around her. Namjoo turned the corner running with the wind. Exhilaration bumped through her heart splaying a smile across her face.

Running around the corner she caught her breath and pulled out her phone to send a text. Recognizing the familiar layout of the broad street. Abandoned at night. A quiet car parked outside a home. Down the street golden lights flickered like they were guiding the way forward.

Leaning against the wall beside the front door Namjoo waited. Kicking at the ground counting the minutes in her head. Checked her phone again. There was no reply. Maybe she had come at a bad time? What if he was out again?

She looked up when she heard footsteps. Saw a man leaving a home, get into his car, and drive off. Then the heavy gate next to her unlatched catching her heart. Abruptly grinning too hard when Sehun’s tall form stepped out.

“Hey!” she stepped away from the wall hiding the bag behind her.

He looked at her quizzically. Asking after a heavy moment of silence, “Namjoo?”

Her heart unintentionally raced faster. He was home after all and he had seen her message.

 “What are you doing here?” he wondered.

Pulling the lollipop out of the bag she shouted, “Ta-da! Look what I got you!” Waving it in front of his face. When he didn’t react, she asked, “Isn’t it what you asked for?”

Swiping it from her hand he held onto it. Trying to observe it under the dark. “Is it another smiling face?”

“It’s winking.” Namjoo told.

“Hmm…” he narrowed an eye still unable to see. Taking her chance to steal a long look at him. The butterfly beat its wings inside her as she soaked in his silly form. Realizing she had gone quiet he turned her way. Avoiding his eyes Namjoo folded up the bag in her hand and tucked it into her pocket.

“Want to go for a walk?” he suggested out of the blue.

Like many times before, her cheeks grew warm. The butterfly in her chest melted into a puddle of happiness. Biting her lower lip shyly, she nodded.