Thantophobia (n.)       - The fear of losing someone you love.

(SEHUN)

5 years back, I was supposed to confess how much I liked her. But now, she was sort of proposing, “Did you mean what you said? Will you marry me?”

She kept on asking. I became silent. I liked her so much but the thought of marriage just never crossed over my head, “You said that to Mrs. Noh and I want to know if you really meant that.”

Yes, I did. I didn’t know if I said that just to get her out of there.

Or if I didn’t want her to get married.

But one thing was sure. I had no intention of marrying her; at least for that time being. Marriage after dating. Not dating after marriage.

I was in my early 20s. So, many thoughts occurred to me.

“I… I didn’t…” I looked so pathetic. I even regret raising my voice at her.

“Then, you shouldn’t have said that. You have no idea what you’ve caused,” she said, blaming me. She’s right. In our world, arranged marriages have more meaning than we can think of.

I knew that but why did I act so recklessly?

On the other hand, she sounded so mature, “I don’t want you to be in troubles just the way you did a few years ago.”

I had so many questions left to ask her about that ‘a few years ago’. I couldn’t ask any of that, instead, I just sounded so piteous, and she made it sure, “You sounded so immature.”

Okay, girl. I get it.

“And you sounded pathetic!” I fired back emphasizing the word ‘pathetic’, “Do you know how miserable you look now? I know you cried in the toilet.”

Did I have to be that harsh? Yes, I did.

“I can see you are very much aware of why I have to decide this although I hate the idea,” she replied, “I may look miserable… and pathetic… but… but… You know how deals are done in this field.”

Her voice tone low down. She spoke slowly; maybe for me to understand more.

“Then, let’s get married.”

Did I just say that? Yes, I did.

I have no idea what happened to the hesitation I had before, “Your father can have a much bigger commercial deal with our group. I have more net worth than your father himself; than that old Chinese guy you’re about to marry, and even more than your uncle. I’m young and eligible for one of the most wanted bachelors in the nation. There is no way your father wouldn’t approve.”

She looked at me with a surprised face.

I never planned to propose her this way. I didn’t even have the plan to do when I meet her.

“What are you getting from it?” Irene asked. She was still in shock, “What’s your benefit?”

Everything happened so fast; the proposal, the reunion, and everything.

“You,” I had the gut to say that, yet, I didn’t have the gut to take over the hotel. I said that while looking at her, “You will be the benefit.”

A few seconds of silent took place. My heart was beating faster; as fast as the time she smiled at me on that rooftop, five years back.

“How?” she still hasn’t recovered from the shock. Her face was so serious and her frowned brows were so distinct but it didn’t stop her from being beautiful.

“You asked if I can take responsibility for what I can say,” I was determined, “I do can.”

Although I was uncertain of my answer a while ago, from that time on, I’ve made all my mind and heart to take her back in where she used to belong.

The reason for my unusual heartbeat can be the signal to get her back. It also can be just the excitement to see her.

But that bald Chinese guy doesn’t deserve her.

She was unconditionally more worthy. That, I was sure.

“You deserve more.” I didn’t take away my eyes from her and smiled at her, “And I want to be that ‘more’.”

Neither did she take away her gaze from me. She closed her eyes with a tear existing her flawless eyes.

I like planning. This likeness comes from Kim Jongin, the perfectionist. But I didn’t have any marriage plan for at least 10 years.

“You don’t have to do this,” Irene repeated the sentence for another time, “Thank you for helping me earlier but you really don’t have to do this.”

I was driving back her home, “You wanna a grab cab?”

I joked. I knew she was talking about the mar