A day and a half of travelling, it’s going to be tiresome, but I’m determined to see this through. Boshi and I have already travelled for a few hours already, the sun is beginning to set, since I left in the afternoon I’ll be arriving by tomorrow night. I’m frustrated slightly but I just have to it up if I want answers. The blue sky has slowly turned orange purple as evening slowly rolls in, I’m surrounded by the quietness of the open fields around me. The sound of hooves walking on gravel echos in my ears, it sounds so sharp and loud. As we moved forward, I begin to think. After seeing Naraku again at the stream it just seemed like all logic disappeared from my mind, I just rushed out like this. I mean, I haven’t seen Naraku in a month basically, what would I say to him when I see him again? What would I ask how would I react? Would he even show up? Endless questions runs through my mind, questions for Naraku and questions about my confidence in this whole situation. I let out a sigh, I feel so depleted. If he doesn’t show up, then my trip would have been for nothing. 

“No... I won’t let it, I’ll wait for him. I’ll wait till he comes around, my home is only half a day away from the cherry tree, I can go home and rest and come back the next day.” I tell myself.

I can’t go to Naraku’s castle because I don’t even know where it is, but I know how to get to the cherry tree. It’s a special place for me, and hopefully to him as well. Not wanting to waste anymore time I snap Boshi’s reigns, he rears his head slightly and picks up speed again. The quiet breeze turns into wind in no time, it carries my long hair behind me as I look out to the horizon that I’m aiming for. After traveling another few hours, the sun has set completely, the stars are out again accompanying me along the trip. Boshi seems tired, and my tailbone is sore. There were new trees around, only the big open field. It’s not ideal to be sleeping out in the open but it looks like we have no choice. Luckily I brought the two big towels with me to keep me warm, I hop off of Boshi and guide him to a part of the field with a lot of grass. I lay out the blanket and I sit down on it, Boshi started eating the grass around us. I eat a bit of the food that Kagome packed me. I look around the land that is veiled in navy blue and black, the horizon seem to go on forever. I just hope that my effort won’t be in vain. I decide to head to bed so that I can wake up earlier in the morning.

“Goodnight Boshi, don’t stray too far.” I say to him as I pat his mane. 

I then lay my head down onto the towel, since there’s no pillow I feel my head almost sinking into the soft grass, the endless dark space fills my vision and the stars seems hypnotizing. I unconsciously started to play with one of the bracelets, my fingers were turning it in circles and tugging at it. I also unknowingly started to count the stars as well, I suppose it can help me doze off. I hear Boshi pulling the grass from the ground not too far away, and hear the crickets chirping loudly. As I listened, my finger slowly come to a stop around the bracelet. All the sounds around me all come together to almost form a lullaby, combining into a rhythmic beat. In not time, I fall asleep as soon as I close my eyes. When I wake up the morning sun has hung itself amongst the sky, I sit up, my back hurts slightly and it’s stiff. I stretch my arms in the air and twist my waist side to side, the cracking of my joints feels satisfying and refreshing. I need to set off as soon as possible so that I can get to the cherry blossom tree sooner. I look around for Boshi, he’s eating grass not too far away. I quickly eat something and pack up the towels, I go and retrieve Boshi. I hope along the way we can come upon a stream or a lake so that I can wash up. Boshi and I gallop through the endless plains, the late spring breeze awakens my senses. After traveling for a few hours I hear the falling of water in the distance, straining my ears and the smell of water, I lead Boshi to a waterfall. The sunlight reflects off the surface of the water, the sound of nature flowing through the clear water is dazzling and mesmerizing. I guide Boshi to the edge of the water hole, he starts drinking the cool water. I dip my hands in the water, the sensation feels refreshing. I cup my palms together and gather a handful of water, I wash my face with it and drink from it. I feel my energy coming back to me, I sigh at the coldness. After freshening up and Boshi had his fill of water, we set off again. Hours and hours go by, morning soon turns into afternoon, afternoon passes and early evening arrives, the unfamiliar road has started to look familiar once again. 

“We’re getting close Boshi, just a little more.” I tell him patting his neck.

 When the sun has started to set, the surroundings around me has turned into trees. I’m coming upon the forest again. No sooner, I come upon the same tree that I usually tie Boshi to when I come to visit Naraku then. 

“Remember this tree? I’m going to have to leave you here again. I’ll come back soon.” I say to him as I tie his reign to the bark of the tree.

I then run through the dark forest, the moonlight lights only the areas where the trees don’t cover, silver light shines through in streams from heaven. Remembering the way, I come to the edge of the forest. As I near, I can feel my heart pounding. Am I feeling nervous? Or is it anticipation? I reach the clearing finally, My eyes adjusted to the open field veiled in the silver moonlight, it’s so silent, I can see a few fireflies flying around. Just a few. In the dim light, I can see the ground around the cherry blossom tree covered in dark purple petals of the fallen flowers. It’s alone, no one’s here. I took a few seconds to regain my breath, I then stepped onto the soft grass the I’ve missed so much. My silent steps eventually brings me to the edge of the big tree, as I examined it, I realized that its losing its beauty. The green grass around the root of the tree are covered in pink and purple petals of the flowers.

“What happened to this place…. I though the tree never wilted…” I whisper. 

I bend down and pick up a handful of the petals, they were very tender, they have lose their youth and beauty. I turn to look around the empty land again.

’Naraku!” I shout into the void.

My voice echos for a split second, and then silence. I feel so frustrated, this place use to be so beautiful, the flowers never wilted and the fireflies dazzled in the night, now, it looks blue and bare. This place use to be Naraku and my special place. Looking up at the round moon illuminating the world by itself, I realized just how lonely this feeling is. Not knowing what else to do, I could only wait. I leaned back against the tree trunk and slid down onto the ground, I pull my knees to my chest and exhale deeply. I said that I’ll wait, so I will. I can’t go looking for him because I don’t know his whereabout, I’m only relying on our past memories here in hope to see him again…if he still remembers this place that is. I close my eyes and once again, my fingers unconsciously starts to fidget with one of the bracelet again. I eventually doze off again. The gentle wind of the night swirls around me sending small jolts of shiver to the skin exposed, but at the same time it comforted me. I open my eyes again to the green grass covered in pink petals greeting me in the morning light. I quickly lift my head up and looked around hoping that he would be around, I scan the whole area, no one. I rest my head onto my arms again and groan. Guess it’s to be expected, waiting is the key I suppose. I get up and stretch my back, having been sitting all night is tiring. I go and return to Boshi, I guide him to the stream nearby. I let him drink from the water and I take a dip in it to refresh myself, I sit in the cool water for a while. I occasionally look around me in hoping of catching a glimpse of him. Sometimes, I wish that I possessed some kind of demonic senses. That way I can tell when someone is near or who is around by their aura. After enjoying the moment in the stream, I take Boshi and walk around the forest. I want him to get a grasp around the land as well instead of being tied to the tree all the time. I spent time with Boshi, we went to the cliff, we went the cherry blossom Tree, we went to all the places that we could go, all the places that he could be at. All the waiting has brought the day to another end, I tie Boshi to the tree again. Instead of going back to the cherry blossom tree, I go to the cliff instead tonight. I lay down one of the towels and I lay down on it. 

“How long can I keep this up? How long can I wait for him to show up?” I ask myself.

I’m starting to lose hope, I could stay here forever and Naraku himself will never show. I place both of my palms over my eyes and pressed slightly. All I can see his black and white splotches in my covered vision, I exhale with a sigh. I look up at the stars, they shine beautifully in silence. 

“Naraku! Where are you!?” I shout out again into the night.

Once again, no reply. I suppose I’ll give it one more day, I’m giving this trip two days, just like how I waited for two days to see him back then. I tell myself to endure it for one more day, if he does not come around by tomorrow afternoon, then I’ll give it all up. Everything. I close my eyes, and my right hand starts playing with the bracelet again. Kind of a bad habit, but I suppose after all the anxiety, I needed something to take my mind off from everything.  Minutes soon turns into hours, hours and hours goes by, but I feel like I’m in my unconsciousness for a whole day already almost. I can’t really move, but I can feel my senses coming back to me. As the small senses slowly start to intensify, I can suddenly see the dim sunlight shining through my eyelids along with the splotches of white. I can also feel... someone caressing my face. Feather light touches that makes you think is it really happening? Or am I dreaming. I can’t seem to move, just like that night. I feel paralyzed once again, I force my eyelids to open. As my eyelids separates from each other, bright sunlight fills my vision, but I can’t bring my hands up to block it. I can’t talk either, nor can I move. I realize that I’m still lying next go the cliff on the soft grass on top of my towel, my eyes can move though. As I open my eyes fully, the feather light touches that were gliding along my cheeks stops, I turn my eyes to see who it is. My eyes adjusts to the bright sunlight and then widens as I see the person that’s sitting beside me, his fire red eyes looking down at me. It’s Naraku, it’s his hand that’s gliding down my cheek. His face is expressionless, he looks like a statue. My mind is filled with confusion and surprise, but I also feel accomplished that I finally waited till he came. I want to shout his name, I want to shout out his name in anger and with longing. But I can’t. He doesn’t say anything, it makes me wonder if all this, is part of a dream or not. His flawless face still looks like the day that he left me. Naraku touches my face one more time and then pulls away. As he does, I mentally want to grab onto him. So that he won’t leave again. I try my best to move my hands, but they feel heavy. Heavy but I’m able to gain the slightest movements in my fingers.

“Stay in this dream, in this dream you’ll be happy and safe.” He says quietly.

What? Why is he saying this? Naraku gets up slowly. Is this really a dream then? No, I won’t take it, I won’t let my waiting go to waste. I won’t believe this is a dream. I force my arms to move, I force my head to turn. In my head I’m repeating Naraku’s name over and over again. I want to cry, I want to wake up. Naraku turns around, I give my mind one last push. My left arm comes over my body and by doing that, my body turns onto my right side. 

“Naraku!” I finally shout out loud.

My left arm reaches for Naraku’s kimono pants, I force my heavy and numb fingers to spread open and grab onto the bottom of his silk pants. He took a step before stopping, the movement causes my whole body to turn from my back onto my stomach. I’m slowly regaining feelings throughout my body again, but it feels heavy like a rock. Even so, I hold onto Naraku’s kimono. Naraku stood still, I can feel the gentle late spring wind blowing across the field. It carries Naraku’s hair side to side and I feel it against my face and arm, as I feel the coolness, I know for sure that this, this isn’t a dream. It’s real, and I finally caught Naraku. 

“This isn’t a dream, you’re not going to deceive me anymore Naraku.” I manage to slur out.

I slowly prop my heavy body up while still holding onto his kimono, Naraku still doesn’t say anything. I take a deep breath and bring my legs under me and slowly stood up. I feel anger rising within me, why did he come here if he hated me. Why did he touch my face and decided to leave, why did he paralyze me? Why did he paralyze me to begin with. 

“Naraku, turn around and look at me.” I say sternly.

A few seconds passes, and he finally does, he turns completely and looks at me. His red ruby eyes burning into mine with no expression. Without knowing, my left hand comes up and I slap him across the face. I didn’t slap him hard but it was enough to make his head turn slightly, that slap contained all of my anger, pain, and sadness. I feel tears coming to my eyes, all of my movements are back I suppose.

“That was for all the promises that we made together that night before you abandoned me, for all the pain and longing that I felt for you when you just left me without any regret. It’s also for you touching me just now and leaving without any explanation.” I say to him right after.

“I suppose this slap says it all. I’ll be leaving then.” He simply says.

I feel shock come to me, how could he? Does he really feel nothing? If he felt nothing then why did he tell me to be happy that night and earlier? I feel speechless, I feel all of my feelings drain out of me. 

“You’re really going to leave just like this? I have so much to say to you and ask you, I waited for a month for this day to finally confront you and your true feelings and thoughts.” I say almost on the verge of yelling.

“My true feeling stays the same, I never loved you. Go back to Kagome and the others, I don’t need you in my life...and you don’t need me either.” Naraku says.

Without looking at me, he turns around again. I feel pain course through my body and the heavy rocks weighing my body down. Why did he say he wants me to go back to Kagome and the others? Why is he saying all of these things? I have to force the answer out of him. Naraku has started to walk away. 

“Narak...” I call out.

I take a step forward, I swing my left arm back for momentum to break out into a run, when suddenly I feel something slide right off of my left wrist. I gasp and turn around to see what it is, I see something red flying into the air. My eyes widen in shock as I realize it’s one of the bracelets, most likely the one that I’ve been fidgeting with for the past few nights. By playing with it I might have loosened the knot, it goes flying back about to fly off the edge of the cliff. 

“No!” I shout.

Without thinking, I lunge forward to try and grab the bracelet before it falls over the cliff. If I can’t keep Naraku with me, I want to at least keep the bracelets. It lands at the edge of the cliff, and bounces on the soft grass. I throw myself onto the ground to try and grab it. Unfortunately, my hand actually pushes it off the cliff, the soft grass is slippery. I can’t grab hold of the ground to stop my forward momentum, I feel the front of my body go over the edge of the cliff. My eyes widen in shock as I see the bottom of the gorge, my whole weight shifts forward and I begin to topple off the cliff. I let out a gasp and a strained scream, immediately I feel the wind pick up and my hair fly all around me as I head down head first. Everything seem to freeze, I couldn’t think, I couldn’t grab onto something to stop the fall. Screaming won’t help with anything at this moment, this moment that feels as if has stopped. Time does not exist to me anymore, I’ve waited for a month just to talk to Naraku again, I finally waited till this day, but I never resolved anything. Was it all a waste? False hope and foolish faith, and I’ll never see Naraku again. This is it, 22 years of life about to disappear forever. I have no choice but to accept my fate, I have met so many wonderful people in my life, everyone, including Naraku. It was because of him, that I learned to take responsibility for my choices and matured. All of those thoughts flowed through my mind only in seconds, but my fall seemed so much faster. I close my eyes as I see the cliff side zips pass my vision. I wait for the impact of the rocky ground that’s waiting at the bottom. Suddenly something grabs onto my left hand and pulls me upright, the tug causes me to let out a sudden gasp. The grip loosens around my hand and throws it behind and changes to hold my back. My arms hooks around something, I feel soft silk surface, something else hooks around my knees and pulls me close to something warm and sturdy. I open my eyes in surprise, I see navy blue silk fabric. The wind still surrounds me as I fall. I look up and I sew someone’s mouth, I look up a bit highter and I see bright red eyes look back at me.

“Naraku…” I quietly say.

He doesn’t reply, he just holds me close to him as we descend. I wrap my arms tighter around his neck, I shut my eyes as I feel our weight slightly lose their heaviness. No impact, I feel Naraku and I land safely onto the rocky ground. Right after, I feel my weight coming back into existence. The two of us just stand there, well Naraku standing there and holding me in his arms. I look at him, His expression slightly frowning. Why did he save me? If he said that he was turning back into the old him, wouldn’t he just have let me fall? Why? 

“If you hated me, then why did you save? I want to know the reason… there’s more to what you’re saying isn’t there? Please, at least tell me the reason why you abandoned me, because hating someone without reason doesn’t make sense. Tell me at least that, if you can give me a reason, then I’ll leave if you tell me to leave again. So please.” I ask him.

Naraku sighs and gently lowers me down, my feet touches the ground and I find my balance to stand. Without saying anything, he walks forward, my gaze follows him as he stops a bit away and bends down. He picks up something and turns around, he then returns back to me and holds out his hand. I look at it and I realize that it’s the bracelet, he retrieved it. I look at him surprised.

“Naraku…” I manage to say.

“Take it, telling you that I hate you, I do have a reason,  and I’ll tell you that reason. That reason will also be the reason why I saved you just now.” He says.

I feel a slight ache in my heart, him hating me, he does have a reason for it, and he’s going to tell me. I reluctantly nod and take the bracelet from his outstretched hand, Naraku then turns around, his black hair sways behind him. I follow behind him, his steps seem so light as mine feel like their in mud, I suppose this just shows how much he’s feeling about this situation. I followed him as he guided the two of us out of the gorge like land and back up to the grassy hills. No words were exchanged, although we reached the beautiful and serene place of the land, but Naraku didn’t stop. He keeps on walking, I follow him regardless. A few minutes passes, and the two of us finally come upon a place that has became our special place a month ago. My eyes are greeted by the pink petals of the cherry blossoms that are still falling bit by bit onto the ground below its tree trunk. 

“The cherry blossom tree…” I say.

Naraku doesn’t say anything, instead he just walks below the cherry tree and holds out his hand, I watch as a cherry blossom falls onto his palm.

“Can you tell me the reason now?” I ask him.

I don’t want to hear the answer, but I told him that I want to know the reason. So I have to take whatever he has to say and take it back with me. Naraku pulls his hand back and looks at the flower laying in his palm.

“This was the place that I first caught you 12 years ago, you were foolish to have climbed the tree to save Atamashi.” He suddenly says out of the blue.

I’m a bit confused but I listened. 

“But because of your foolishness and the “fate” that we shared, we found each other. 12 years later, we found each other again, and under the same circumstance. Except the second time that I met you, you have grown into a woman. You have taught me so many emotions, you have came every two days to visit me and to keep me company, and eventually, the two of us fell in love. I fell in love because you taught me how to.” He continues.

“Yes, but why are you telling me all this? Isn’t it all in the past? I thought you were going to tell me the reason as to why you hate me…” I ask him.

I hear him let out a quiet sigh and a low laugh, I look at his back view as his hair gently sways in the breeze.

“That is the reason.” He simply says.

What? Am I hearing this correct? I don’t understand what he is telling me. The reason as to why he hates me… is because he knows love? I don’t understand.

“The reason you hate me is because… of love?” I ask him.

Naraku slowly turns around, I see his flaming red eyes look into mine.

“I suppose I can’t hide the truth anymore. I’ve tried, I suppose the demon of deceit eventually deceived himself.” Naraku says with a slight laugh.

I run closer to where he is and stop a few feet away from him, I want to know the truth, I’ve been waiting for the truth for a month.

“Naraku, what do you mean? What have you been lying to yourself? To me?” I beg him.

“It’s all because of you that I’ve come to know what love is, and how to express it.  You taught me that a kiss is a way to express it, and becoming one is another way. It became a feeling that I’ve started to cherish, and I said that you will be the only one that I’ll express this feeling to.” Naraku says looking up at the sky.

Is he saying that... I ran up to him, I stop right in front of him. Naraku looks back down at me, his black bangs flutters in the breeze. I look straight into his crystal red eyes, they look conflicted again, like back then. He may be the master of deceit but I can tell when he’s conflicted over something.

“I know all that, I was with you the whole time. I just want to know one thing now... do you still love me? Do you even still hold the slightest feeling of love towards me Naraku?” I ask him the question straight out.

Naraku just looks at me, he relaxes his eyelids and it covers his irises just slightly. He shows me a gentle smile, a smile that I haven’t seen in such a long time. 

“I may have let you go that night, but I’ve never abandoned the love that I felt for you. And because of the love that I hold towards you, was the reason as to why I saved you earlier.” He finally answers me.

I feel everything go blank for a second, my eyes slightly widens. I feel relieved and slightly shocked. He said that he still loves me... he never stopped loving me. 

“You still love...me...” I quietly say in disbelief.

“Yes... I’ve never felt shame or guilt for lying or deceiving people for when I was alive,  but, telling you that I hate you and letting you go... that, was my greatest regret and decision.” Naraku confesses.

“Your greatest regret and decision. Did you know how much it pained me to know that you didn’t love me anymore? That I was nothing to you?” I ask him.

“Yes, your eyes that night said it all. I understand if you hate me, I’ll accept it all. Now that I’ve told you the reason, I suppose it’s time for me to leave you be. You deserve a life without a demon like me in your life. I’ll leave so that you can put all of this behind you and be happy. Goodbye_________.” Naraku says.

Disbelief fills me as I hear him say that, why does he think that I hate him? Is he listening to himself? Why isn’t he waiting for my response? Naraku turns to leave, I don’t want him to slip through my fingers again. I take a step forward and soon a step turns into me chasing after him, I grab onto his hand. 

“Stop walking away Naraku!” I shout in frustration.

Naraku stops and turns to look at me, his face laced with slight confusion. I want to slap him again, slap some sense into him, but I already did earlier. I don’t want to cause anymore distance between us anymore with harmful actions, I want to talk it out.

“__________...” Naraku says.

“After telling me the reason, and telling me that you still love me. Why are you walking away again? Yes I was hurt from your action that night, yes my heart ached. But you never waited to listen to what I had to say after.” I tell him.

“___________... how could you still trust me, someone who lied to you?” He asks me.

“I’m sure you had your reasons to. I never stopped loving you either Naraku, everyday away from you just made me want to see you again. That’s why I came here, I came here hoping that I can see you again. I said before didn’t I? Falling in love can be easy,  but to fall out of love with someone... it’s impossible. You can tell yourself that you hate someone that you once loved truly, but there will always be a part of you that still loves and care for them. You once told me to hold on to that bit of hope 12 years ago... so I did. I held on to a hope, the hope that I’ll see you again and the belief that you telling me that you hate me isn’t real. That hope came true today. I love you Naraku, I’ve loved you 12 years ago, I’ve loved you a month ago, and I still love you to this day. I didn’t give up on you, so don’t give up on the love that we once shared.” I tell him almost running out of breath.

Naraku’s eyes slightly widens at my words, he then relaxes.

“You’re willing to still love me... our relationship is damaged. Even with our love, we might never return to where we once were.” Naraku says.

Without saying anything, I stand up on my toes and find his lips with mine. His smooth skin touches mine and a warm feeling rushes through me, it’s been forever since I felt his lips, it’s nostalgic. Naraku’s eyes widens in surprise, after a second or two, I feel Naraku’s arms wrap around my back and waist. He relaxes into the kiss, It was a kiss filled with longing. I pull myself away from him and rest my forehead against his, I gently touch his smooth cheek. It’s slightly warm, I can feel Naraku’s steady breathing against my face.

“I know there is a rift in the relationship that we once shared, but, I’m willing to give this love another try if you are?” I say quietly so that just the two of us can hear.

I see Naraku’s mouth turning up into a small smile. 

“If only you know that I’d do anything to bring us back to where we were.” He replies.

I smile at his words, I then rest my head beside his and wrap my arms around his neck and hugged him. He leans his head against mine and holds me tight. Yes, I know, this relationship has its cracks, but our affections for one another still exists. I know that he had his reasons to what he did. We’re willing to mend the cracks and return to how we were. For that, I’m willing to put everything that has happened aside and start anew.

“I want to know everything about why you made that decision that night, and everything afterwards...” I suddenly say.

“I’ll tell you everything_________. No more lies.” Naraku replies.

I nod in response, I hug him tighter, not wanting to let him go again. It seems like what he has told me was just the beginning. If I want to forget everything, I need to know everything first. I suppose one step at a time, I’m just happy to know that Naraku still loves me. Knowing that, is enough to ease my aching heart for the past month but seemed like years.