“Hello? Yuri? Are you still there?” The person from the other line tries to call her attention. “Is the reception really that bad?”

“S-s-orry…” Yuri deadpans. “It’s that the reception is pretty bad especially during the evening.”

“Well if you missed my grand revelation then I’m going to say it again. I’ve got you your new identity!” He says with ample amount of enthusiasm. “Bok Seung-Ah is officially a human being.”

“R-really? Th-that’s good.”

“I’ll send the documents if you like. I also made some physical alterations just to avoid suspicion on you.”

“Thanks for thinking ahead. Can you send me a soft copy now?”

“I’ll send you the documents now.”

Yuri’s phone beeped and decided that she would check it out later. “Can you do me one favor though?”

“As long as it doesn’t involve another hard task then I can make that happen.”

“Can you make some travel documents for me?”

“You’re letting someone tag along?”

“It’s for a dog.”

“I’m sorry but the reception is being crappy again. Did you just say you want me to make travel documents for a dog?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“She must be going crazy.” The agent whispers to himself.

“The signal’s better now by the way.” She teases. “Come on, if you can pull to make a new identity out of me, then you can do the same for my companion as well.”

Her agent’s line went silent for a few minutes before- “Okay fine, you don’t have to flatter me. Just let your money do the talking.”

“I was stating the obvious though.”

“I might be able to pull some strings but it’ll take a few days. Are you going to be okay with that?”

“It’s fine, I have to do some physical alterations as well.”

“Why do you want that dog to come along anyway?”

Yuri looks at her new found silver poodle and smiles. “She’s all I have.”

 

The dog eventually follows Yuri home into her shabby home with the latter giving the last content on her fridge which was a preserved sausage and one of her pillows for her to sleep later on. After giving a bowl of water to her new-found friend, Yuri slumps back into her bed where she finally takes a look at her new identity.

 

Short hair.

Curly fringes.

Worn out clothes.

 

She spares her pet a glance of her new identification documents. “What do you think? Does this looks like me?”

 

 

 

 

“So? How did you like the cottage?”

“I like it.” Jessica smiles and sits besides her wife by their small porch. “Kind of similar back home.”

“Which one do you like better?”

“Here of course.”

Yuri grins and wraps a blanket around them. “I’m glad you like this place. It took me a long time to find this place, but thanks to our parents’ advices-”

“Advices or sermons?”

“Both.” Jessica giggles while she just rolled her eyes. “I’m relieved when I found this place because I knew right away that you would like it.”

“You didn’t have to buy this. All I want from you is a sincere apology, nothing more.”

“I know, but I also want to have this kind of home you know? It feels good to have a place where no one knows me. Somewhere we can be carefree and not to worry if someone is taking a picture of me right now.”

“It must’ve been hard for you growing up with all the attention.”

“I’d give props to my parents though. Growing up, they did try to bring me up to a normal family.” She says as she tries to take a quick look back of how her life had been. “The media can be pretty aggressive and manipulative when they want to.”

Jessica nods in understanding after having some similar experiences. “That’s true.”

“After a few years in the industry I had come to realize how demanding everyone can be. Your company wants something else from you, your fans have millions of requests and my family wanted other things for me and the younger side of me didn’t understand it. All I wanted to do back then was to be in music and just play.” Yuri sighs and takes a sip of her wine. “You know, sometimes I still wonder up to now, what would’ve happened to me if I chose to live differently.”

“Do you have regrets?”

“Don’t get me wrong, having this kind of life is a blessing and it’s one of the best things that has ever happened to me.” Jessica waits for her to finish her sentence. “Sometimes I just wish I could-”

“Live normal?”

“Breathe.” She sighs again and now takes a look at the ocean a few feet from their home. “I love what I do, but I’m also a person you know?”

“So why didn’t you quit?”

“I wanted to… multiple times even.” She trails off. “Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to walk outside when it’s not midnight or without having any disguise off. To live in a place where people wouldn’t give a damn about me.”

Jessica keeps silent for a moment as she tries to place the words she wanted to say. “For what it’s worth, I’m glad you didn’t give up despite of being suffocated.”

Yuri turns her look at her. “Why?”

“You helped a lot of people there Yuri.” The brunette answers. “Though your music makes me want to drink ten bottles of soju all by myself by the Han River, your music was comforting in a sense that whatever kind of pain that we’re going through right now is completely normal. That pain is only temporary, that what I feel is okay- that I am not the only one feeling like this.”

“How come you always know how to comfort a person?”

“I don’t always have the right words Yuri.”

“Yet you’ve managed to comfort me every single time I need one.” Yuri looks at Jessica with a smile on her face. “What would you do if I had gone somewhere without you knowing?”

“Wait for you to come home.” She speaks in a tone like it was the most obvious thing she would do. “If I don’t see you after three days then I am going to have a world-wide search for you.”

Yuri couldn’t help but laugh. “You like me that much?”

“I do.” Jessica looks away from her gaze, afraid that she might get teased for her sudden blushing. “I like you too much to give up on you.”

The famous idol smiles and engulfs her wife into her arms and she soothes her on the arm. “Don’t worry Sica, I also like you too much to walk away from you.”

 

 

Arf!

 

Yuri couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah, this doesn’t look like me at all.”

 

 

“That’s Kwon Yuri right?”

“You’re right! Tch, how can she be here?”

“I know! After what she did to her ex-wife, to her friends and to her family- I’m surprised she can still function well.”

“Even have the audacity to come home. What did she expect? That she’ll get welcomed same as before?”

“Guess some people have actually thick-skinned.”

“Or maybe she doesn’t have any kind of skin to begin with. Imagine she cheated on her wife, she blamed her for everything, accused her for a lot of things and then proceeds to kill her own child just because she’s one selfish .”

“If there’s someone who didn’t deserve to be a parent that would be her.”

“She never deserved Jessica’s heart in the first place.”

“Maybe that’s why her son decided to leave. Because she’s not capable of loving someone else other than herself and her past.”

 

 

“NO!”

 

Yuri jolts up from her bed, few beads of sweat flowing from her forehead. She heard several barks and then saw Dooe jumping onto her lap and continued to her hand and wag its tail. She takes a look at her dog who gives her a long stare before started to whine and cry out loud.

 

“Hey there buddy.” She taps Dooe’s head, trying to calm herself down. “Don’t worry, I’m alright…” She says in a whisper. “I’m trying to be alright.”

Once she successfully lulled her dog to sleep, she puts some shoes and her coat on before having a walk right around their neighborhood. Ever since she arrived in this town months ago, Yuri developed having this late-night stroll all to herself. Sometimes she does it because she wanted to unwind, some days she just wanted to feel the natural breeze of fresh air that she hasn’t been able to experience.

 

Other times, when she’s attacked by her developed insomnia, she also considers this as her own therapeutic session.

 

 

Needless to say, she was completely surprised when she saw the media right outside the arrival gates. She recalled trying to look for a way out but her jet lag and uncooperative mind wasn’t helping with her situation back then. When a media pointed at her with his loud voice, she knew it was impossible to stop them. The delay of arrival from the airport security also wasn’t trying to make her situation better so she was swamped with questions and hate thrown by the her used to be fans as well.

 

She wanted to scream at the top of her lungs, beg them to stop or just give her ample space because she couldn’t breathe properly. Their aggressive voices and hurtful statements were making her dizzy. Yuri wanted to speak up, but for some reason, her body stood there like a log, completely immobile as she continued to receive everything.

Thankfully a strong pair of arms reeled her away from their attention and all she could remember that moment was she was gently placed inside a vehicle and the voice disappearing bit by bit. Once she spared a look from her seat and saw that her view was moving- only then was she able to let out a huge breath of relief and while she only stood there, the way her chest was heaving up and down made it look like she had just ran a marathon.

Remembering to thank the person who drove her away from the chaos, Yuri turns to look at the driver seat to express her gratitude but then a familiar scent lingered around the car. Now she takes a look at the eyes of the driver who looked at her from the rearview mirror. As soon as she realized that she was not rescued by any random stranger, she slumps in her seat and prepares herself for a long sermon.

 

 

“A month.”

“Look-”

“You’ve been gone for a month.”

“Taeyeon if you could just let me explain-”

“What do you want to explain Yuri? The fact that you decided to leave the country all of a sudden without any warning? Without even consulting me? The fact that if I didn’t demand answers from Miss Hwang I would be this clueless?”

“I was on a break Tae.”

“If you would’ve told me you were planning to win your girl back I would’ve-”

“Stopped me?”

“I would’ve helped you!” Yuri saw the look of disappointment from Taeyeon’s eyes. “You’re my friend and if you could’ve allowed me to be the same to you then-” She gently takes a hold of Yuri’s slightly bruised arms. “You wouldn’t have any of these. It wouldn’t hurt this way…”

“You see, that’s not the only part that I am hurting.” She whispers. “It hurts here.” She moves Taeyeon’s hand over to her head. “Most of all it hurts here.” Taeyeon finds her hand on top of Yuri’s heart. “This is where it hurts the most.”

Taeyeon spares Yuri a look and saw that there were tears forming and threatened to fall anytime soon. “Yuri…” As soon as she heard Taeyeon speaking in that tone, the singer surrender’s herself in the latter’s arms. “It’s okay, we’ll get through this together.”

 

 

Yuri did try.

Day by day.

Bit by bit.

 

 

 

The next morning, she told herself that she was willing to do whatever it took for her to be okay again. Taeyeon eventually told her not to check her phone or try to take it slowly as she tries to book something for Yuri or even for the band. The lead singer of the famous band nods her head in understanding, knowing it wasn’t an easy task for Taeyeon to do. However, she believed in her friend’s words, that all she could hope for was for the hate to die down. People move on from scandals and sooner they’ll forget what she had done.

 

 

But she wasn’t just any kind of idol.

She was Kwon Yuri.

And so, she didn’t have it the easy way.

 

 

She knew she was hated by the public but she never knew it could come up to this extent. People publicizing her personal information, posting old pics of her and Juran to intensify that heat, having some stuffs thrown at her and even receiving threats on a daily basis. Yuri prepared for the worst, but if she was being honest to herself it wasn’t this kind of worst she was expecting. Yuri didn’t care though, she tried to endure everything and, in her mind, she was trying to justify the public’s actions.

 

They did it because they sympathize with her son.

They did it because they could fee Jessica’s pain.

They did it because they too were hurt.

 

 

Yuri let them do all those things.

She did because she understands.

She did because all those mean things were only done to her.

 

 

Yuri couldn’t give any two cents of what was supposed to happen to her. She would welcome all the haters inside her house if she would want to, just to have everyone get over it. All she had to do was not to do anything reckless and remain silent, no matter what the public has done. She was willing to go to that extent of silence- until the infamous video scandal happened.

 

 

“Yuri what the hell?”

“Tae calm down Yuri just got back from the station.”

“I don’t give a damn where she came from!”

“I know that you’re mad right now but-”

“Shut up Sooyoung! You don’t know how I feel!”

“Well you need to shut up too Tae because you don’t know how she feels! Hyoyeon snaps. “Is that really more important than putting Yuri first?!”

“You want my honest opinion cousin? Yeah, what I feel right now is more important.”

“Quit being an !”

“Tell that to your member!” Taeyeon loudens her voice. “Look, I get it okay? It’s hard for her, but I’m trying to understand- we’re all trying to understand but it’s been like what? Six? Eight months already?”

“She lost her son and her wife Tae, cut her some slack.”

“I can’t do that anymore guys.” She says. “My company is running low on resources, my stocks are doing some bungee jumping, endorsements and investments are pulling out, I’m struggling to sign new artist to bring revenue and I am running out of strength to keep everyone okay!” Both Hyoyeon and Sooyoung were shocked with Taeyeon’s revelation. “I’m trying to be there for her and I want to be there for her because she’s important to me, because she’s my friend. I blame myself each and every day and held myself accountable until now but I can’t keep being her protector when I also have hundreds of lives depending on me. Lives that support other people’s lives and I can’t risk losing this… This is all I have.” Taeyeon’s voice, for the very first time sounded weak and hopeless. “I’m here as her friend but I hope she’d see soon that I need her to be one for me too.”

 

They were completely unaware, but Yuri was there, standing behind Taeyeon’s favorite snake plant and heard everything what she had to say. Somehow, hearing Taeyeon speak like that felt like an alarm clock to her, waking her ferociously in her dead path. For the very first time, Yuri paid attention to what was happening around her. She realized that the people she ever cared about was getting hurt and sad. She had been this ignorant because once again, she decided to become selfish and focus on her own pain.

The very next day, Yuri showed up to Taeyeon’s office apologizing and promised that she would slowly get back to her footing. She didn’t even have to look at her boss’ face to realize how relief the latter was to hear that from her. From then on, she promised that she would do her best to be strong and take care of herse