SIDE A:ACCIDENTALLY YOURS

"Thank you for your hard work!"
 

"Go on."

"What? Why me?"

"You talk to her."

"No, you talk to her."

"Why should I be the one who needs to talk to her?"

"Duh? I was the one who tried last time."

"Wel, I did it the last time too."

"Guys, you two do know that I can perfectly hear you right?" She looks at her bandmates. "I am still here."

"Of course." Hyoyeon chuckles. "We know."

"So what do you plan to invite me for?"

"Alright, I'm just going to say it here okay?" Sooyoung volunteers herself. "I know you are still in not in your great shape but I really want you to be there tomorrow
night."

"Be there for what?"

Sooyoung decides to sit beside her. "I am going to propose to Sunny."

Yuri was surprised by her announcement. "R-really?"

"Yeah."

"Wow... congrats."

The latter chuckles and wraps an arm around her. "Thank you."

"So you're really going to say it to her then?"

"Of course, I mean- I still cannot believe it at first but I asked mom for the heritage ring and just asked them for permission."

"How will you do the proposal?"

"I want to make it simple though. Her family is having a reunion tomorrow night as well but it's kind of nerve-racking because the entire members of their clan will be
there."

"And have you asked permission to her family?"

"I already did 2 weeks ago." She says. "Her uncles are still doubtful of me but the majority were in favor."

That made her smile. "That's good to know."

"Everyone special in our lives will be there." She says. "So I need you to be there."

"Okay." She nods her head. "I'll be there." Sooyoung and Hyoyeon couldn't believe her answer. "Yah, why are you guys acting like that?"

"Nice!" Sooyoung reacts first. "Beautiful answer even."

"Okay." She stands up and wears her leather jacket. "I'll see you guys tomorrow night okay? There's somewhere I have to be today."

"Sure bud! We'll see you tomorrow night!" Yuri waves them farewell and exits the recording studio. "Well? that went well right?"

"After the 75th trial?" Sooyoung looks at Hyoyeon. "Totally."

 

Yuri leaves the shooting area and goes to her go-to place ever since she has returned home.

 

"Yuri noona!"

The idol kneels down and opened both of her arms as a lot of little boys jump on her. She laughs along with the kids, entertaining their adorable questions and pinching their cheeks as they kept on hovering on their favorite noona. One by one, they lean in to get their cheek kiss from Yuri before they all line up in front of her.

"How have you all been?" All of them responded positively. "Well since you all been well, should I stop visiting you guys?"

"Nooo!!!"

"Noona we want you here!"

"That's right noona, we're done with these old geezers."

"Yah! Who are you calling old geezer you ungrateful bastards." An old man appears, causing them to laugh once again., "Go to the meal hall, your noona has brought your food."

"Yayyy!!!"

"Aigoo, those rascals." He shakes his head and turns to Yuri. "You, come along with me inside my office." He says. "Let's go have some tea."

 

"Thank you for this uncle." Yuri smiles as she accepts the cup from his hands. "Wow, this tastes so good."

"It came from a friend who went to Japan."

She nods her head. "That explains."

"Now it's my turn to say thank you." He looks at her. "Thank you for coming."

"Don't mention it."

"I should... the kids always brighten up when you're here."

"Well, they do brighten up my mood too so I guess it's a win-win situation."

"Do they help you with something you're going through?"

Yuri thought about admitting it to the man. "They help me cope up from the death of my son."

"And how are you coping up?"

"Do you want a real answer or the answer I keep on telling everyone else?"

"I'll listen to whatever you tell me."

The idol sighs and places down the cup on the table. "Everyday I wake up, and I still feel like I just heard the news about his death." She says. "Everyday, I try to make it look like I am okay, that I am slowly getting my life back on track but deep down I know that I am not- I am nowhere near from the things I tell them and I doubt if I can try to be okay again."

"Kid, can I be honest with you?" He says after a few moments of silence. "I get that you're still in the mourning for the loss of your son and I'm sure it hunts you every day to the point that you are drowning yourself in regret. You try to make up for the mistake you've made but at the end of the day you realize that nothing will be enough to bring time back."

"It's just so hard to forget him, uncle."

"And no one asks you to forget him."

"But why does it feel like everyone's trying to?"

"Yuri, I think they're all asking you to let go of your what if's... They're asking you to forgive yourself for everything that you have done because even if he's not here, your son will not like it if you continue to beat yourself up and continue to live from the pain of the past... and I know you probably heard this a lot of times but trust me when I say this to you." He says. "Nothing will come out if you drown yourself with decisions you can no longer make."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I've been there." He answers. "I've been there and believe me that it is really not a safe place to stay."

"You... you-you also lost a child before?"

"What? You think that growing old on my own and having a heart for abandoned and young boys have been my calling here on earth?" He shakes her head.

"Does that mean-"

"I was once a parent before Yuri." He says. "I had a son and he grew up to be quite a man just because I force him to be one. I was so invested in raising a warrior just so my colleagues could envy me that I forgot on how to raise a son. To him, I was more of a superior than a father and so he listened to me not because he wanted to, but because he knew that if he tries to disobey me, I'll beat him up..." He trails off. "So when I told him to stay in the military, he stayed."

"When I told him to never go back home unless he became a high-ranking officer, he also followed me." He sighs. "And finally he became the man I've always wanted him
to be. Captain Ho."

"So... where is he right now?"

"Where your son is too." Yuri stiffens at the revelation. 

"Uncle if you don't want to tell me..."

"It's alright, it's fine." He waves her off. "He uh- he was assigned to do a mission to save his comrades along with only three other men against a hundred of rebels... it was a suicide mission, he knew about it but he was given a great reward." Playing with his fingers, it took him a few moments to finally continue with his story. "If he was able to save his fellow soldiers he would be given a promotion."

"I remember his best friend screaming at my face on the day of his funeral, blaming me for his death. My wife was no different too, she didn't allow me to pay him a visit because she told me that I was never a father to him anyways."

"And from then on, I've drowned myself in guilt, in regret, and in alcohol." He shares. "There wasn't a day where I wasn't holding a bottle of Soju in my hand and there were times where I took so much I end up waking up on the street, the bus stop and there are also times where I thought that it would've been better if I just end my life and leave everything behind. All of my attempts fail though and as much as I would like to think that's it was just a bad luck streak, I know for sure it's my son who was protecting me."

"When I was buying Soju one time, I accidentally collided with a kid. My drunken state allowed me to not apologize to him and I was half-way through the counter when he shouted, mister even if you didn't say sorry, I still forgive you!" He recalls. "I look back at him and felt my tears fell down because I know it was my boy who
was talking to me... I still get goosebumps just thinking about it."

"Is that why you took homeless boys in? To somehow compensate and relieve yourself from the guilt?"

"At first that was my intention. I thought that taking them in and help them would make me feel better about myself but then I realize that I took them in because I
wanted to become someone I never was to my son." He says. "And that is to become a father to him."

"Uncle, after all these years, have you already forgiven yourself?"

"I will forever have it with me down to my last day, but I also know that my son will never be happy if I bury myself with the things I cannot change. I'd like to think that he has forgiven me and he knows that I love him with all of my heart." He looks at Yuri and smiles. "At some point in our life Yuri, we need to learn to forgive ourselves."

 

What he said really made her think about her current situation and she wondered if she could try and forgive herself for all the things she has done... After enjoying her free time with the kids, Yuri enters the vehicle drives through various stores to get all of her supplies needed before driving out to the distant downtown to a place where she usually finds herself spending the weekends. Arriving at the place, she places the flowers and the snack beside the gravestone before sitting down in front of it.

"Ooi-ah, hello... It's me, papa." She says. "How are you up there sweetie?"

 

Ever since she has returned to Korea, there hasn't been a weekend that she had failed to visit the gravestone. She would always buy her son all the things she thought wanted to have if he was here today with them. After buying the things, she would narrate what has happened to her for the entire week and today was no ordinary day.

 

"Today's week was no different... I have spent my time in the studio as always, trying to get a spark of inspiration going, trying- desperately needing to get out of this writer's block but every effort comes to waste as I find myself crying over you." She looks at the name engraved and trails it off with her hands. "What do you think I should do? Should I fake it until I make it or should I just give up and disappear?"  She sighs and she looks up to the sky. "I don't know what to do anymore."

 

Later that day, Yuri gets a call from the center that Juran is currently in and informed her about the latter's current situation. They asked her if she could try to come by and take a look at the patient, which she was having doubts if she should push through or not. Deciding that maybe it was for the best, she half-heartedly agrees to visit and have a talk with the doctor to be more informed about the severity of the latter's situation.

 

"Thank you for visiting us, Ms. Kwon."

"It's the least that I could do." She says as she meets with the doctor. "So, how is she doing?"

"She's getting worst." The doctor states. "Nothing seems to be working on her."

"What do you mean nothing? The last time I checked, she was making progress."

"It usually varies Ms. Kwon, there are patients who are very responsive to the treatment, some are not and some are going through the push and pull process."

"What could be the cause of the rejection of the treatment?"

"I think it's from the past memories that continues to visit her every night. Her mind doesn't allow her to progress, which is why she's constantly reminded of her mistakes, especially the recent one. Her guilt is messing up with her consciousness causing for her to relive memories from yesterday."

"And the medicines offered no help as well?"

"She's rejecting everything Miss Kwon." She adds. "That brings me to a conclusion that maybe she just needs some support. If she sees that there's someone wanting for her to get better, she might get back on track and actually try and help herself."

"Okay." Yuri nods her head and looks back at the doctor. "I'll try and talk to her."

"Thank you Miss Kwon." The latter lets out a smile.

 

Yuri follows the doctor onto the holding are where Juran is apparently at. As they were walking to the said facility, Yuri wondered how difficult is must've been for Juran to enter this kind of place from the very beginning. She thinks that it was one of the reasons why her situation got worse and even thought about moving her into a bigger and better facility, but then her mind tells her that this is the place that woman deserves after everything she has done to her and especially to Jessica.

The doctor goes inside first, and all of a sudden she starts to feel nervous. She tries to comfort herself and to think of better things but when the doctor said to her earlier that she needs to prepare herself about seeing Juran again for so long made her heart rate go crazy. The doctor even warns her to press the red button underneath the table if the things doesn't go to plan which made her subtly fear just how much Juran changed over time... She tries to prepare herself of the possible outcomes and even started to shake her hands and head trying to calm herself down.

 

"Miss Kwon, Juran will see you know." The doctor calls out and cuts Yuri from her reverie.

She lets out a loud exhale before entering after receiving a encouraging nod from the doctor. When she enters the room and sees the latter, she felt like her air got punched out of her lungs. "J-Juran?"

"Honey! It's you! You're home!"

 

As Juran rushes to hug her. Yuri feels the pang in the chest as she feels the latter's body pressed against her. Juran was indeed no longer the woman she met. There were bags underneath her eyes and even her eyes alone looked different, her skin got darker and she looked like she hasn't taken a bath for days, her lips- chapped... she was so thin that anyone could tell there's indeed something wrong with her. To top it off and what probably pained her the most was for her to see that she was engaging in self-harm, looking at the different bruises and scars she has on her body.

 

"I wasn't able to prepare anything!" She gasps. "I didn't know you were visiting so I didn't have the time to prepare meals for us!"

"It- it's alright don't worry."

Juran smiles and reaches out to touch her hand. "Baby, are we heading home now?"

"Can we talk for a moment here first?" She tells the latter. "Let's sit down."

The latter immediately fortunately complies. "So, what are we going to talk about?"

"How are you?"

"I've been great! Really great!" A smile still shown on her face. "I'm just so happy that you're here."

"The doctor told me that you haven't been doing well." Yuri tries to break the ice. "You are not eating and responding to the treatment methods they offer."

The woman in front of her scoffs. "Why would I? I've told them countless times, I am not sick and have you seen how ty their food is? There's no way I am putting that kind of substance down my mouth."

"I'll try to tell them to prepare the meals you like okay?"

"No, I need you to tell them that I am not crazy."

"Juran you need help."

"I don't need help, I need to get out of here." She says. "I still need to prepare for our wedding!"

"W-wedding?" She asks. "We're not getting married."

"What do you mean we're not getting married honey? Of course we are!" She chuckles. "You proposed to me remember? I said yes to you!"

"You didn't say yes to me. You left me because you wanted to focus on your career."

"I did?" Furrowing her eyebrows in confusion, Juran tries to remember that memory from her mind. "Well, that's alright. We can just pick up from where we left off right? I mean, I know you would understand my reason right?" She smiles again. "We can just get out of here and go head straight with choosing the engagement ring and wedding rings too."

"Juran I-" She stops midway, trying to find a better approach to break the news to the latter. "I can't marry you."

"You can't?" Juran asks confusingly. "Why can't you marry me?"

"Because... because you did something really terrible."

"And that is?"

"You destroyed the only thing that mattered to me."

"Yuri just tell me straight up-"

"You ruined my family and hurt all of us."

"What do you mean family?"

"I am talking about my son and my wife, Jessica."

Juran stares at her for a while before she started laughing at her. "You call that family? Ha!" She shakes her head, totally disagreeing with what the idol just said. "They are not your family, I am." She says. "I am your family Yuri."

"You used to be until you threw everything about us away."

"I know and it was a mistake but I came back for you and even fought for us until the very end."

"Your war has caused me the life of my son and the trust of my wife." Yuri couldn't help but feel the anger inside her let out a little. "Because of what you did, everything I love was taken away from me. So unless you apologize for what you did to all of us, you will never get the help you need and you will never get out of here!"

The laughter echoes throughout the entire holding room. "Why would I apologize for something she deserved in the first place? I am- and I will never- apologize to what I did to her. I am not going to allow for some cheap woman to come into your life, stay for few months and act like she has known you for years! No one knows you better than I do! I can be the only one Yuri, and she can't take you away from me." She leans back and crosses her arms . "And to be honest, she deserved it." 

"W-w-what?" Yuri was in complete shock hearing that.

"She deserve to lose that child. I mean, can you imagine what kind of mother she would've been? If I were the child, I would really just kill myself-" She was cut off by Yuri's fist slam on the table completely startling her. "Yuri..."

The crunches her jaw as she glares at the latter. "You."

Yuri tries so hard to control her anger by gripping her knuckles hard and didn't mind the nails dugging deep on her skin. As her knuckles turn to white, she thought about lashing out to the latter. To slap her on the face, choke her until she runs out of breath and to just scream at her. Anything- anything that could be able for her to release the anger inside her.

But then she remembers the last time she did this and remembered what it cost her which was Jessica's lost of love and trust and her son's life. It's true, Juran deserves worse than staying in this facility and while she thinks that it would be best if she took matters into her own hands, she's pretty sure that it will make her no different than the woman in front of her. Moreover, she knows that Ooi will not be happy if she lets her emotions take over and go back to her old ways, and that is the last thing she would want her little angel to feel.

So instead of lashing out, she heaves out a loud exhale of breath and stands up. "W-w-where are you going?"

"I need to leave."

"What? No! Yuri, let me come with you!"

"You need to accept the fact that you have hurt people and you need to come in terms with your mistakes." She looks at the latter. "You can't continue living in the past."

"No, no, no! You can't leave me here!" Juran grabs her hard. "You're mine Kwon Yuri! You hear that? YOU'RE MINE!"

"I am no longer yours! Let me go!" Yuri was totally surprised that Juran still had this amount of strength in her. "Juran let me go!"

"If you won't take me with you, I'll her too!" Yuri manages to press the red button and immediately staffs were able to take Juran off of her. "LET ME GO!"

"You can't hurt anyone if you're here."

"Fine! If I can't kill her- then I'll kill myself!!!" She screams at Yuri's retreating form. "I'll kill myself Yuri and I am going to put it on you! You will be the reason why I'll disappear on this world!"

She stops midway and turns to Juran. "I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive yourself."

 

With that, she turns around and continues to walk away, ignoring the constant pleads coming our from Juran's mouth. She knew Juran wouldn't do something that bad to herself, but the next day- she gets a call from the same doctor she spoke to yesterday and told her about the news.

Juran took pills and overdosed herself- taking her life away.

 

 

"You're here again huh?"

"Well you know what they say- work hard, play hard right?"

"I'm just glad that you're here."

"Thank you for granting my request man. It really means a lot."

"Hey I am just happy you're not stopping to try again." He taps her on the shoulder.

"Yeah, I know my efforts aren't-"

"Stop right there. You don't need to downgrade yourself Yuri, we all go through something- some are just better hiding it." He says. "And to know that you don't have any plans to stop trying makes me believe t