SIDE A: ACCIDENTALLY YOURS

 

"Teacher J! Look what I made!"

"Wow! This is such a beautiful flower Anna."

"I always see this flower because daddy would come home and bring these for mommy."

"Well your father is such a loving person. You two are happy you get to have a man like him."

"There's my little one! Come here!"

"Daddddy!" She exclaims.

"Wanna have some pizza?"

The kid excitedly nods her head. "I have to go now teacher J! I'll see you tomorrow!"

"Good bye Anna, I'll see you tomorrow too." The door closes and Jessica sighs to herself. "Good work today Jessica."

She starts to fix things and cleaned the class room before leaving the room and bid farewell to her colleagues. She closes the car of her sedan and starts to make her thirty minute drive from work back to My J's. Well this is another day for Jessica Jung, a part-time teacher in replacement for a good neighbor who just gone onto a pregnancy and now is taking her rest. 

Jessica couldn't even believe herself, but when Mrs. Benedict mentioned about this vacancy to her she took it without any hesitations. From managing events to managing kids wasn't the turn of events she was expecting but maybe her dad was right about one thing from their previous conversation- maybe she doesn't know what she wants to happen in her life.

When her parents heard about the decision she was going to do, they were a bit hesitant about it knowing for a fact that they would have to deal with Jessica's greatest pain- a child but when Jessica assured them and promised them that she will call if she will have a breakdown so that they could pull her out from the job themselves. Little did Mr. and Mrs. Jung knew, Jessica had breakdowns for one week straight. But that was a year and a half ago, and a lot has changed.

But two things remained the same and kept playing from her mind from time to time.

What was she planning to do with all the hate in her heart?
Will she be able to let it go?

She sighs to herself, wondering how long she could keep this whole thing up.

 

 

"Miss Jung!" Jessica turns around and sees Moon approaching her. "Good evening."

"Moonbyul!" She smiles at the latter as soon as she closes the car door. "What brings you here?"

"I brought my support group here with me so that we could enjoy the upcoming weekend together." She answers. "I know I've been sober but I still want to keep myself in check just in case things go the wrong way again."

"That's good to know." She replies. "If you guys need anything, I won't be around but I'll make sure uncle Thomas will address to all of your needs okay?"

She curtly nods. "Thanks Miss Jung."

Jessica lets out a chuckle at the latter's formality. "Moon, you know you can call me Jessica right?"

She also chuckles at her own stupidity. "Y-y-yeah I know but- I don't know I guess I feel kind fo embarrassed whenever I see you."

"Why would you get embarrassed?"

"Solar told me that she told you about our story." She says. "And you probably think that I am the worst wife anyone could ask for right?"

"Of course not." She gives her an assuring smile. "People make mistakes but everyone deserves a second chance." Jessica almost choked as soon as the words left . "Whatever you've done and how much you have regretted it was up for Solar to decide whether she'd forgive you or not. What you did was probably unforgivable to others, but I guess she saw that you were really willing to change when you've learned your lesson."

"I do, I really do..."

"Moonbyul can I ask you a question?" The latter nods her head. "What made you decide that it was for the best if you'd just leave?"

"A lot actually..." Moonbyul recollects and reminds herself from that specific memory. "First, it was the guilt inside me. I didn't deserve to ask for a second chance because of what I did and thought that it was so shameless of me to think that she could forgive me after the betrayal and the pain I've caused her." She take a moment to pause. "It brought me to the distant future that what if- Solar did forgive me? How would we work out then? Would there be tensions around the relationship? Would we be able to push past through the memories of yesterday for the opportunity to create better memories today?"

"Second was the fear of doing it again. I know I can proudly say that I'm sober but there are still demons inside me Miss Jung. Demons- demons that I am not proud of, and that brought me to sleepless nights and early morning thoughts about what if I can do it all over again to her or worse- what would I do something greater than what I've done..." She bites her lower lip. "And lastly- she really deserves a life without me."

"What do you mean by that?"

The latter subtly shrugs. "She's a nice woman- the greatest even in my eyes and to be honest? I never really deserved her in the first place."

"I never deserved the happiness I am having right now Miss Jung." She says. "Solar was this innocent and pure soul while I was this immature and self-centered who took her for granted." She becomes silent for a moment while Jessica waits for her to continue. "Deep in my heart she did deserve a life without me and if she didn't stop me in time, I really would've left. Because even if I love her, seeing her with someone who actually sees and values her worth as a person more than I did is the life that she deserves."

"I think that's why she chose to give you a second chance." Jessica says and thought that she finally understood why Solar had come up with a decision. "Because you are so in love with her that you're scared of ruining this one chance she gave you."

"You really think so?"

Jessica nods in assurance. "You're actually trying to not be that kind of person again and for her it's already enough."

"But what if I can't be the person who she deserves? Will she still be happy when she's literally going to spend the rest of her life with me?"

"People don't always end up with the person that they deserve Moonbyul it's like one of the realities of the world... but no one really cares because in this life, it doesn't matter if don't end up with the person we deserve or deserves us because what really matters is we end up with the person we love and that loves us back." She smiles. "But you don't have to always worry about hurting her again you get so caught up in the moment of the past- your future needs you, your past doesn't."

Somehow, Moonbyul was relieved to hear those words. "I like that... it gives me the feeling of a thought that came into my mind."

"And what thought would that be?"

"The question isn't about will things be different if I did left her because things will definitely change but- would we be happier with the changes? Now, taking different paths- would we be able to like the paths that we've chosen?"

 

 

"Ugh." She groans as soon as her body slumped on the bed. "What a day..."

 

"You're actually trying to not be that kind of person again and for her it's already enough."

"Your future needs you, your past doesn't."

"Would we be happier with the changes? If we took different paths- would we be able to like the paths that we've chosen?"

 

"What should I do?" She lets out a sigh and continues to stare at the ceiling. "Ooi-ah, what do you think mama should do?" Soon enough tears starts to flow from her eyes. "Can you visit me once again? I miss you so so so much." Turning to the side, she grabs her pillow and holds it in her arms. "Visit me again and tell me what would you like me to do..."

 

And just like every night, Jessica cries herself to sleep, longing for the child she wasn't able to hold.

 

The next morning, she greets her parents a good day before grabbing herself a quick breakfast and leaves for work. She smiles to herself knowing that ten energetic kids are already waiting for her in the day care center. Today she has plan to allow the students to further explore their creativity by finding it within so she handed out papers and asked the kids to draw their heart and color it however they want it. They immediately jumped in glee and immediately started the activity.

As she roams around, she observes that there were hearts covered in red, some were green and some were in yellow. One kid had colored her heart pink saying that pink is the most prettiest color in the world which made her smile and think of her best friend who is so addicted to the color pink. After which she let the kids volunteered for a little show and tell where all of them were showing off their little art work.

Soon enough the class was done and the kids disappeared one by one. Jessica starts to clean up until she notices that one student- Hector, a lovable kid who radiates nothing but happiness around the room. She observes the kid, and thought to herself that there was something odd about the kid today so she places the crayons down and walks closer to him.

 

"Hector?" He briefly looks at her. "What's wrong?"

"I didn't like the activity today."

"Is it because I wasn't able to pick you?" He shakes his head. "Well can you tell me what is the reason?"

"No."

"Hector, I need you to tell me so that I could understand you." She says softly. "Can you tell me why you didn't like the activity?"

He looks away from her. "My drawing... it's ugly and I don't like it."

Jessica looks at the crumpled paper in front of him. "Can I take a look at it? I promise I won't tell anyone."

The kid nods his head so she slowly opened the crumpled paper and as the full drawing comes into view, she instantly wondered on why did Hector drew a broken heart with shades of black. Everything about his drawing made her sad and looks at him, wondering if there's something going on his household.

 

"Hector?" She scoots closer to the child. "Can you tell me why you drew a black heart?"

"I..."

"You know, I can listen to anything you want to say." She looks at him, trying to reassure that she will keep this talk between them. "Anything Hector."

"My parents they- they always fight." He starts after moments of silence. "My mom, she always cry at night and my dad would leave- in the morning, the food that she makes isn't as delicious as it was before and dad would get mad on little things. Nothing inside my house is happy." He says. "I think they're going to separate soon. Like divorce."

Jessica was surprised that the latter knew the word at an early stage. "Hector, maybe you're misunderstanding things?"

"Mom already threw away all of dad's stuff away and he doesn't come home anymore."

"Is that why you colored your heart black? Because you don't like what's happening around you?"

"I didn't draw my heart teacher J..." He looks at her. "That's mommy's heart right there."

"Oh..."

"Don't tell this to mommy later okay?" Jessica eagerly nods her head. "Dad still visits me sometimes... I'd see him from a distance like my baseball game or my birthday party. He was just standing from afar and whenever I'd see him, all he would do is smile at me. Though there were tears in her eyes- he would smile and blow me a kiss, whisper the words I love you before leaving." He says. "And then last night, mommy left for a quick run in the grocery so he came to visit me."

"It was a short visit. When I opened the door, he rushed to hug me so tight and told me that he was sorry for everything. He also reminded me that I should train myself to be a big boy, protect and love my mom above everything, that I should make her happy and wipe her tears away..." Hector looks down and plays with his fingers. "He hugged me one last time and gave me a long kiss on the forehead then he left... I never even got the chance what I've always wanted to say to him."

"And that is?"

"I forgive him." He lifts his head and meets her in the eye again. "I already forgave papa."

Jessica widens her eyes and thought she just heard it all wrong. "D-did- did you just say-"

Hector's face was blank as if he was into some kind of trance or in another different state. He lifts up his hand and the moment he touched Jessica's cheek, the brunette felt a tug in her heart and immediately she bursts into tears. She reached out for his hand and leaned onto it a little bit more as her mind tries to come up with a logical explanation on why all of a sudden, Hector addressed his father on the same name that they would've wanted Ooi to address them... Mama and Papa...

 

"I already forgave papa you know... Mama is too focused on her own pain that she has forgotten that he's in pain too. I hope that mama would let go of the pain so that they could see that they don't belong with anyone else but one another." His soft look made Jessica tear up more. "I hope she learns to forgive so that her heart could turn like mine- green."

"G-green?"

He nods his head. "Green meant a new start, a fresh, clean slate." He answers. "I like the color green because I really can relate to the color pretty well... Don't you think it's a pretty nice color?"

"I... I do."

Hector tilts his head to the side and smiles at her. "I think you already know what you should do, you're just afraid that if you allow it to happen, you're going to end up being even more wounded than you are right now but didn't you tell your friend the same thing? Your future needs you, your past doesn't..."

"How did you..."

"I can only leave this place if you find it in your heart to forgive."

"W-what?" Jessica couldn't understand what was going on. Her heart is overflowing and her emotions a mess. "What did you just say?"

He leans over to hug her. "Papa still visits me you know, every week she buys me my favorite snack and buys me the flowers I love... She tells me stories and I wouldn't mind listening to them and visiting you both in your dreams but I have somewhere else to be. I have to leave soon and so before I do, I want you guys to realize that you guys are meant to be. You've always had been from the very beginning." She starts to sob once again. "I love you guys, and I forgive the both of you. You should do the same thing." He says. "I forgive papa, you should too."

"Hector?"

The kid pulls away and looked like he didn't understand what was going on. "Mom?"

His mother looke