Chen Pov 

Reaching the hallway outside the apartment as Kai presses the button for the lift and keeps giving me a half smile. I know he doesn't want to bring me to see Chanyeol but I need to sort this out so we can all move on. Minseok is looking at me from the door to our dorm after I told him to stay behind that this was something I needed to do alone. As the lift arrives and opens Chanyeol steps out of it before stopping and looking at us.

"Chen" He looks at me with such sadness in his eyes as he fumbles with his car keys. Moving my whiteboard so I can write on it I pull of the marker cap and scribble.

"Chen look I know I have done wrong..." I stop him as I hold up my hand showing him another message.

I sit on the floor with my back resting against the wall as he sits across from me nervously as he plays with his car keys. He finds it really hard to look at me and I don't blame him. I turn to see Minseok still standing at the door as I hold up my white board to him.

I look back at Chanyeol as I show him the board asking Minseok for a drink. "Ill have a bourbon if you have any please Minseok". I continue to watch Chanyeol as I wave to get his attention and smile at him. 

"Chen I am so sorry I ed up" He starts and I just let him continue because I know this is killing him inside. "I should have protected you all more, Baek was shot by me, Minseok was hurt, Lay, Luhan and D.O were taken , and more importantly your throat shouldn't have been cut" his voice cracks at the last part of the sentence making a lump form in my throat as I try hold back my tears of the memory of that day. 

I watch as he finally cracks as tears fall from his eyes making me move closer to him as I sit beside him. "Chen I am so so sorry this happened to you I really am" He lays his head on my shoulder as I smile. 

"I left because I couldn't bare to see you if I'm honest , I was there right up till I found out you where ok after the surgery, then when the doctor told me what happened on the operating table ...

"Yes you died and when I heard that I just lost it and ran I couldn't cope anymore my pride got in the way and I ruined your career and now you might never sing again all because I didn't plan it out right to save you all" he pulls his legs up to his chest and lays his head on his knees as he cry's more making me cry at the hurt he is going through blaming himself.

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