With the new development, Ken raised his eyebrows at you expectantly.

You ignored him. At this point you were on the line of begging some lady to take him off of your hands. Even if the lady turned out to be a true bitt anything would be better than having to continue to deal with Ken’s continued ‘encouragement.’ You didn’t need to be dreading your time with him just because he continued to make the display of both of you being single and just friends.

You were pretty sure N had found his own lady of interest on his end judging by his upped reserved behavior. Ken was not at that level. Yet, hopefully.

Sitting across him, Ken lauded about his day and how his transfer into university life was something to be extremely excited about. He has yet to disclose which university will bear witness of his persona and very being. He was taking rather extreme caution in preventing you of finding out about it. You wouldn’t deny being curious but also a bit disgruntled about him denying you where he was going to be taking classes. A small part of you wouldn’t mind him attending your university but that would be surprising considering just how much your grades, your exam scores and your teacher recommendations played a role in getting into your score.

Although Ken was a decent student, you didn’t know if he had really applied himself to studying that last part of your third year. But with your being separate from all of them, you had only heard vague rumors about people from other classes down the grapevine and which schools they got into and their departments.

N was more studious than his friends. It was with him that you could find more of a dependable study partner other than Jimri. It took Ken a certain amount of time to gather his attentions just to start the studying process although he certainly made it enjoyable given his affable sides.

Basically, what you were trying to get at is Ken was withholding his university’s identity from you with a purpose. N already told you where he was going to during the first few outings with him. It was why his apartment was such a distance away from yours that it took you by surprise just how far way he lived. It made sense his choice of neighborhood considering his university was in that area.

Ken, you didn’t know what to expect. He could be the one to go down to Busan or to some other city like Daegu. You wouldn’t throw away him studying abroad either. His secrecy was getting to you.

Never mind the way he continued to fling guys at you. If he wasn’t attending a university here, then you didn’t know.

“Hey, Mikyungie?” Ken obnoxiously snapped his fingers all around your head. “Is Choi Mikyung there? Is she here?”

You slapped his hand away and the drama baby cradled the hand with a pout. You knew your expression at that moment let him know that he had it coming which he scoffed at.

“Abuse, abuse, abuse,” he shook his head. “I thought you would learn violence is never the answer, Mikyungie.”

Your eyebrows rose in reply with your memory bringing up the times that he punished the younger ones.

He waved you off. “We are talking about you and your problem, Mikyungie, not me.”

Sniffing, you lifted your head and gave him a superior look.

“Admitting you have a problem would be the first step.”

“No.”

You answering him gave him a sparkle to his eyes and you felt yourself basking in it. It’s taken a good while of spending time with him to be at this level of playful. Unlike your progress with Jimri that grew from nothing to what it is today, Ken was the opposite of you. His personality made it fitting for him to be more accessible to strangers at the first stage. It’s not until he is quiet and brooding without that cover of his that each stage advances with him. You would say that you guys were more than halfway recovered to the way things once were.

That’s not to say that you expected things to be the exact same as back then in high school before the break up. The same could be said for N, the younger ones and even Taekwoon. You didn’t mind them having their guards up around you especially since your choices made it so. They did have a hand in it too but considering this was coming from you and your side of the situation, it made sense that you knew what you had to make up for with them all.

Staying within a certain zone of complacency was advisable with this rebuilding. That’s not to say that you felt impatient at times. Although you savored your time with Ken and N, you wanted to see the younger ones and hear their voices. You wanted to hear their banter. You wanted to see them gang up on you and the others. You wanted to hear them teasing you and feel that fulfillment of knowing you were all comfortable enough to let go of things and focus on the present.

These wishes were admittances that you refrained from even thinking about these past two years. With the plans to visit Hyuk approaching and coming into fruition, your impatience knew no bounds.

But it’s enjoying these teasing moments with Ken that made that impatience dissipate so you can savor the present.

Smiling at Ken and receiving a mischievous one in return more than made your day.

~~~~~

It had been a while since you met Suho’s eyes. In fact, it had been too long even if it was just last month. Some things happened in that month. As was made evident in the atmosphere you two greeted the other in. His eyes reflected the tentative nature of your reunion that was surely evident in your eyes too. Things had changed.

He smiled a familiar smile that was not unaffected by the current state of things. “How was your weekend Mikyungie?” he started off easily but unknowingly as your weekend wasn’t as boring as they usually were.

“Fun.”

At your choice of word, you had captured his full attention. He seemed to bask in the very newness of it. “Really? How so?”

“I-.” You visibly hesitated and his eyes took on that wariness once more. “I spent time with friends.”

Up to this point, he knew who you called friends. Even if he could now be linked to the word at times. “That’s always a high point in our lives: making moments with those close to us especially after a long time.”

You could only nod.

“And what would you like to do today?” he’s acting odd. Usually he would allow you to muster up enough polite inquiries to ask what he had done during the weekend or more importantly, how his trip to Jejudo was. “We could head to the department store, go to the science museum again, or Lotte World.”

You bit your lip. “Lotte World. Please.” Your head dropped at the way things were.

There was a pause as he was most likely assessing you and your body language. “I’m sorry Mikyungie,” he said gently.

You shook your head before raising it but couldn’t face him. He shouldn’t have to apologize for whatever this was. “No.”

“Mikyungie?”

Taking a breath in to stabilize these feelings that were out of place between you two, you met his waiting eyes. If you could describe it, it would be that things were fractured-no, more like things were sprained. It wasn’t a serious injury, but it still needed tending to.

“I’m fine.”

Something you were willing to nurse to make it better.

He stared into your eyes until much familiar warmth spread in his eyes. He believed you.

Standing up, he resumed his usual behavior of asking after you and your month and he spoke of Jejudo enough that you could almost picture it yourself.

Things were back to a steady course even if it was to Lotte World where you had not visited since the beginning of your third year. You thought nothing of it until you realized just what you were doing. You figured that this outing could be described or acknowledged as something date-like but you knew it was not that. You’ve already understood that your feelings would remain stagnant and remain as they are for Suho. It’s something you accept.

That is, until you ran into people he knew. That’s when it got awkward and more than a little unbearable. Because they were all girls.

“Aww look girls,” one girl cooed to the pack surrounding her. “Suho is actually out and about with a girl.”

“Alone,” another added.

“With none of his usual entourage surrounding him.”

You sighed. You didn’t want to deal with them. It was only asking for more attention. Suho heard your sigh and that easy smile took over. “Hello everyone. You caught us off guard.” He stated plainly as he straightened his posture. “Nice day to come to the amusement park, isn’t it? Not too crowded.”

They ignored his efforts as they appraised you from head to toe and you point blank met each of their stares. Too many times had you been in similar confrontational situations such as this back in middle school. A few were cowed by your refusal to cower and turned their eyes away while a few blinked innocently at you with the remaining few outright glaring.

“-and the rides we’ve gone on are great fun. I think Mikyungie and I enjoyed the-“

“Mikyungie, huh?” the spokesperson reintroduced herself. “So, that must mean you know each other pretty well.”

Suho blinked at his slip up. “Well.”

But she was on the fringe of a rampage, “Even though we’ve known you since the start of the semester, you still don’t talk informally to us. And we’re all the same age too.”

Suho smiled and amiably told her, “I did not know that we were the same age.” He let that sink in, “So, I’m sorry for not being aware of that.” The girl’s eyes narrowed and all you could do was stand there quietly which was well within your element. “But Mikyungie and I wanted to go outside for the remaining rides. If you want, you can join us.” He graciously extended an invitation.

One girl just opened but the more verbal of the batch beat her, “We’re fine. We still have a few more rides we want to try inside.”

A smile from Suho was all they got as he led you away.

It was only fitting, you guessed, that their conversation begin and end with Suho’s alluring and charming smile. You should have known. You still remembered being dazzled by Suho’s smile when you first met him and you should expect that there were many other girls who must have felt a likeness to it as you did. Thinking about it this much made you frown.

“Sorry about that, Mikyungie,” he stopped you from walking further by slipping in to face you in your path to the exit doors, “I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable with me.”

Too late. The thought passed through your mind in a nanosecond without any prompt. The whole day with him had felt fragmented at a higher frequency than you were familiar with. You felt as if you were going through the motions with him in a bizarre dance. With a curt nod, you decided to let as much as you could pass.

He accepted this with a wary smile. It was as you were both waiting in line for a ride that he asked, “Where did you want to eat for lunch? Here? Or somewhere else?”

You shrugged. “It doesn’t matter.” You were watching as the ride next door ascended just as it abruptly dropped. The queasiness in your stomach intensified as the ride shot back up again before bouncing back down.

“It does matter.”

For a second, you thought it was someone else speaking. When the logical part of your mind came back into existence, you blinked. Slowly, you turned your head to face him.

Suho wasn’t smiling.

~~~~~

You’re feeling antsy. With the draw of the quarter of a semester drawing to a close, things were starting to pile up. Now, you weren’t much of a procrastinator but there were certain things that you were lax on and that included a few term papers.

Textbooks may not weigh you down the way they did in high school but a phantom weight followed you with the material meant to be ridden online. The articles and the scholarly magazines piled up more than should be allowed on your part. You weren’t sure what it was that made you feel this way right now.

With Hyuk’s visit coming up, the lack of focus you were feeling should make sense but there was something else that was bothering you and causing your procrastination.

Taekwoon would be the next plausible distraction but he’s found his place in your life even if it is just as your ex-boyfriend. That was something so simple but was something that’s still profound to accept even now. Jung Taekwoon’s your ex-boyfriend. There was an inherent aspect to such a proclamation that you didn’t assent to or admit to yourself. In a way he’s a friend-no. That word doesn’t describe him. There are just too many things you two have in common that a friend doesn’t encompass. It has to be the next level that you can describe him. And right now, the only thing that surpasses a friend is boyfriend/girlfriend stage. He’s the only one who knows things about you that Nunji doesn’t. It’s already been established that your contact with others severely lacks beyond the bonds you’ve made in your high school years.

But he wasn’t the one that is distracting you though he usually is on any other day.

No, today it’s something else that’s bothering you. It’s beyond an annoyance. You think back to your days. As the number of times you’ve seen your friends goes up as you recount each day as much as you remember, your smile slips past your frustration.

Things have truly changed from living such a stagnant life.

It’s to a maddening end that you don’t find out what’s unsettling you.

~~~~~

Suho’s text invite for a trip to Namsan was rather welcoming when it came one Friday evening. He wanted to revisit the tower there and asked if you wanted to go. For reasons known to you, there was a hesitation as you contemplated the invitation.

Deciding it was best to text back promptly, you let him know you had to check your schedule. If there was nothing going on at home, then that was good. If there was nothing planned with Jimri, then that was excused. If there was nothing to expect from N and Ken, then that would make you free. When those three options were cleared, you texted him back the next morning with the affirmative.

He let you know when and where to meet for the trip although he did hint that he was more than happy to pick you up at your apartment but that was a no go. The only males who knew where you lived were your father and Hwangin. You planned on keeping it that way.

So you ignored that text and confirmed your arrival at the designated coffee shop by a train station entrance.

When you let Jimri know that you had prior engagements for Sunday, she perceived you dubiously. She then let slip that she had N and Ken’s phone numbers and that she had checked with them before asking if you wanted to watch a movie.

There were two problems you detected in that. One, when did they exchanged contact information? Two, why did she ask them about any potential prior plans instead of directly asking you?

Jimri addressed only one of those. “That’s the way things were done back then, weren’t they?” Your head tilted to the side in confusion and that confusion leaked through the other end of the phone line. “I would ask N if you guys were busy and when would be the best time for me to set something up with you. Don’t you remember?” You shook your head and she continued on probably taking your silence as an indicator to keep talking. “Not to mention, you being phoneless was a major thing back then too.” That was now moot considering you were both holding a conversation on the phone even if she was the one doing all of the talking. “And I just figured that that was the way things would be again now.”

“No.” You stated as strict as you could be. She was about to go on with her reasoning for excluding herself from the way your life currently is but your one word stilled her. And you didn’t want to hear that. Sure, things had been different back then when you had been phoneless and attached at the hip to your ex and his friends. But two years have passed since. You had cut them out of your life and you got a phone. “That’s not how things are now.”

“Mikyung?” her tone changed. Before, as she had been listing her reasons, there had been a resigning undertone as if there was a guideline that she had to be abide by. And that may have been the case back when you guys were in high school.

“It’s all changed.” You asserted in the same stern tone. This was something important that needed addressing.

You felt so upset that this was only being brought up now and even more upset that it had to be brought up in the first place. Jimri was someone that you had unintentionally put on a backburner in high school. She got to know you like that with your first priority being your ex-boyfriend followed by his friends. But now, she’s evolved into something much more. And the fact that she felt that these two years of time together would be regressed back to that stage of life really . It really hurt too for her to assume something like that. And you would take your fault in causing her way of thinking to be like that.

You swiped at your eyes and counted on your voice not to lose its firmness. “You don’t have to go through anyone like that for me. Not you.” You were the one that needed to reassure her of the place she staked in your life.

It became quiet for almost a minute as your words settled in between you two. You were more than prepared to say a whole lot more in order to bolster and uplift her state of mind considering everything that was going on now. And there had been a good number of events that have occurred what with your high school friends and the once dreaded ex now back in your life as well as the promised reunion with the remaining absent three.

Things had changed since high school. It was all for the better regardless of the heartbreak you went through.

“Jimri?” You felt that the silence was sufficient for her to accept your words for what they were: a promise. One that you will hold on to for long as she was willing to continue to put up with you and your heavily muted life. A promise of you never letting her be a bystander.

“Okay Mikyungie.”

That was settled.

When she resumed her familiar ramblings about how Yoohyuk was upset she had changed her toilet paper brand, you were feeling a little reluctant to let the matter go. You felt that you still had to do more to the point you were restless even though you didn’t know what you had to do.

It was an odd note that you both ended the call simultaneously minutes later.

On Sunday, you woke up early enough to get on one of the earliest buses you’ve ever taken. The last time had probably been in high school for one of Taekwoon’s away games. Such a memory brought a smile instead of a grimace. Had this been pre-reunion, the hurt would have overtaken your entire being. Seeing as this was post-reunion, your smile was perceptible enough for you to witness through your reflection on the bus window.

Before you could really hash through such a juxtaposed memory, your phone beeped. Taking it out, you already knew who to expect but those expectations might as well have been slashed and cast out of the bus window.

‘Good morning.’

An instant picture of a similar text coming through on your phone was brought to the forefront of your mind’s eye. Only the time of day was the complete opposite.

As if to mock you and your inner turmoil, the text you had actually expected popped up in your notifications asking if you were on your way.

What a way to kill your earlier mood.

Texting to the most recent sender, you were left to brood about the first one for the rest of your time on the bus. Scratch that, you were still thinking about it as you walked to the café while a few shop owners neighboring it were opening up their shops and flickering their lights on. The chosen café was like a beacon in the still dusky morning beckoning you within its confines. Through the open windows on the front of the building, you could easily detect Suho’s styled head of hair. Almost consciously, you ran a hand through your own but let the matter go. You were going to be putting it in to a ponytail later anyway so it didn’t matter what state it was in.

Suho stood up as you neared the café within his sight of attention. He held a hand up to the counter and just as you slid into your seat opposite him, a worker placed your cup of tea in front of you as well as a large muffin. Suho thanked her for the both of you as you deposited your bag containing the day’s essentials next to your feet.

“Morning Mikyung. I hope it’s not too early for you.”

You gave a tired smile in answer which he returned with a brighter one. Even as he took a sip of his coffee, the action was not enough for his smile to dim the barest degree.

Silence took over for a brief moment as he let you eat your muffin in peace. By the time there were only crumbs littering your plate, he still retained a smile.

Giving him a questioning look, he shrugged one shoulder. “It’s been a while since I’ve last seen you.” That still didn’t answer your question but you let it go. Reaching for your much warmer mug, he spoke again. “How are the guys?” You pondered on the subject but he spoke before you could come up with a response. “Judging by the smile that passed by on your lips, I’m guessing they’re doing great.” He then laughed as he said, “It’s nothing to be frowning about Mikyungie. It’s definitely a good thing that you all are getting along so well. Just like old times.”

You crossed your arms over how well he read your every expression but you guessed it was just test to the amount of time you’ve spent with him in the past few months. Deciding to let it go, you finished your tea. He took that as a signal to order a to-go cup and when it promptly arrived, he said, “Let’s get going Mikyungie.”

Outside in the still chilly air, you crossed your arms again but this time for warmth since your time in the café had spoiled you with its heater. You were about to take a step towards the subway entrance but Suho lightly touched your upper arm in a quick movement before he retracted his hands just as quickly.

“Um, I brought my car for us to take Mikyungie. I figured that would be faster for us than the train especially so early in the morning when there’s sparser traffic.”

You should have expected that but you were still surprised as he led you to a nearby parking garage. His car was flashy just as you expected from him and his generosity. “Please be comfortable, Mikyungie.” He said to you over the car hood as he opened the driver’s door.

It didn’t take you long to warm up to the idea of personal transportation as the heater blasted on after a few quick adjustments from Suho on the console. He quickly snapped his seat belt in after repeatedly asking you to make yourself comfortable. You nodded to each request from him as you secured your own seatbelt. He reached over to point out the side buttons on the cushion of your seat, “There’s the controls to adjust the seat to whatever setting you like. It shouldn’t take long for the seat warmers to kick in so you don’t have to wear your jacket for much longer.” He pointed to the console where the impressive display of buttons were. “These dials and buttons are for the passenger side. You can also adjust the temperature of your seat and the direction of the fans.” He gestured to the small monitor above these fixtures, “Feel free to pick whatever radio station. I’m pretty sure there’s all kinds of genres of music since this car came with satellite radio so I know you can find whatever suits your tastes right now and for our trip.”

He kept showing you all of this stuff and how to control it but you found it hard to keep up. You were just used to Nunji’s almost decade old car. Hwangin probably had the most up to date vehicle in your family but even that was about three or four years old. Regardless of your uneasiness of potentially messing up the controls, you did your best to comprehend what he was saying.

Suho still pressured you a bit to choose a radio station and you picked one full of oldies. With a nod, he finally pulled out of the parking spot.

You tentatively placed your tea in the cup holder as he paid for an hour’s worth of parking. You didn’t even notice when he pulled onto the main highway as you expected sharper turns and whatnot with the frequent stops you’ve grown familiar with like the buses. Even the engine of the car didn’t make any noise almost like you were cut off from the outside world when you were in the car.

The music continued to play as he smoothly made his way onto the freeway. You took in the wakening morning in the meantime with neither of you saying anything the whole way there.

You more than felt the frequent looks he shot you as he continued to check on you as if you would show any signs of your nonexistent discomfort. It’s not until you can perceive the signature tower nearing at a much closer distance than you were used to when you heard your phone beep its familiar tune to indicate a new message. Pulling your phone from within the confines of your folded jacket in your lap, you smile at the photo sent to you. Mieun was wearing one of her new outfits that she got from her birthday party and she was positively beaming up at the camera. Smiling at the thought of Mieun waking up early enough to be ready at such an early hour made you happy that you also woke up this early. A few automatic swipes of your fingers had you changing your background to your newest photo before you replied with as many hearts you could fit in a single message.

When you felt Suho’s attention on you, you brought your head up to look at him just as you hit send. He was tapping his fingers on the steering wheel and when you met his eyes, he smiled. “Almost there. Just waiting for the light,” he nodded out the front windshield prompting you to look. Traffic had really built up and you considered just where you two would be had you actually taken the train and how filled they probably were now.

He was pulling into a parking lot when you pulled yourself from the familiar nosiness from your sister regarding your present whereabouts. Deciding that this deserved a lie, you answered with your apartment.

Suho started to unbuckle himself. “Was the car ride fine? Or would you prefer the commute using public transportation?”

You made a face at his friendly jibe making him chuckle. Slipping on your jacket, you pocketed your phone. Both of you opened the door and you were just about to close it but fumbled with keeping it open when you remembered your finished tea. You didn’t want to mess up the tidiness of his car by leaving your trash in there. That and you didn’t even grab your bag. Your scrabbled actions automatically led to Suho asking what’s wrong but you answered it when you threw your bag on with your disposable tea cup in one hand. A cheerful beep followed you as he led you out of the parking lot.

“Did you want to walk up and take the tramway down or take the tramway up and walk down?” he asked you.

Knowing this required more than a shrug, you lightly cleared your throat. “Walk up.”

He blinked at you for a second before that familiar smile painted its way across. “Whatever you want Mikyungie. Though, if I can admit so, I expected the opposite.”

Shrugging, you dropped the cup into the trash bin you’d been heading for since you spotted it across the lot.

Already as soon as your hand disposed of it, he pointed to a convenience store. “Did you want to get a drink before we start?” You shook your head while patting your bag as if to make sure it’s still there. He simply nodded at your rejoinder, “Just let me know if you need something.”

Those were such familiar words that you’ve been hearing since the beginning of your time spent with him. You could pretty much roll each syllable around your tongue in an almost perfect mimic of him. Not that you ever would but you were confident you could pull it off.

And so the early morning trek started. It’s an hour later that you both made good time and distance when his phone rings. He looks at you for unnecessary permission before he answers it. He doesn’t even look at the caller ID. “Hello?” That was the start of a long conversation. Just the thought of you being on the receiving end was already aggravating and tiresome.

“…No. Xiumin already said he was going to handle the deposit. If you want to contribute then you can take care of his transportation to and from the venue although that’s only if you weren’t planning on celebrating the whole night with a few drinks. Yeah, I thought so,” he chuckled. “I don’t think you’re that responsible enough, Chanyeol.”

Even as you listened to his side of the conversation, you knew it was with someone he was truly and very familiar with. The personal jokes, the easy expressions he made and more perceptively, there was the lack of his polite way of speaking you were always on the receiving end of. Not to mention he had not once nervously peeked at you as the time on his phone call increased.

Not that you minded one iota. This new side of him you were not aware of was something rather novel. And so, you did you best not to get in his line of sight so he didn’t have to cut his conversation short with whoever he was talking to should he ever catch sight of you and be reminded of whatever courteous etiquette he had engrained in him.

As he continued on obliviously, you retreated a few short paces behind him and took in the sights. It wasn’t a grueling walk or anything. Nor was it steep. It was just right for you to settle yourself down after your discovery during Mieun’s birthday party. You probably needed this outlet more than you thought you needed. Normally you would have called in Jimri’s assistant in order to distract or help you in getting your mind away from the unpleasant but still pleasant surprise. Only pleasant because you honestly had some kind of expectation when you actually went through with announcing Mieun’s birthday party the way you did. But Suho had provided such an excuse for you first.

Looking at Suho’s back only made you think of one guy who was a bit taller and a bit fuller. Even though you can assume Suho was in good enough shape, Taekwoon was in a different league which was obvious considering their professions and way of life. Taekwoon’s physique was one you’d grown familiar with for long as you knew him and within the last two years said physique has only developed to another level. You felt yourself flush at such thoughts before your mind went for a more serious turn.

If he never sent a present, then…you didn’t know what. Even Doona had given Mieun something namely pocket change hidden in a plain white envelope addressed playfully to ‘Baby Volleyball.’

Not like Mieun even understood the dilemma you found yourself in. At her age, a present was a present just like Ken implied. The hidden meaning in one gift in particular was beyond her comprehension.

Regardless, you still didn’t know what to think about it. What were you allowed to think? Was there a hidden message? One that you didn’t know, one you didn’t want to know, one you wanted to know or one that wasn’t even there?

Suho turned around with that carefree attitude that enveloped him in his bubble. And at the distance between you two became apparent, his bubble burst.

“Why are you so far away, Mikyungie?”

You shrugged.

 

I am hoping you're still safe and finding happiness in these hard times. I do apologize for the lack of updates even though I do have the extra time to be writing more. Writer's block is something to struggle with even now. I wish nothing but the best for my readers.