It should have been obvious. If a person did something once, they were capable of doing it again. That concept clearly applied to the current situation.

You had felt eyes on you as you walked up to the entrance of the café after having complete yet another pointless group meeting for that stupid group project. You had dismissed their inane blabbering much like you dismissed another invitation to get drunk with strangers as you had to walk by a group of much older and clearly inebriated guys in order to get to Suho’s selected location down the street. You thought nothing of it but the intensity of the gaze in question unnerved you enough to look around for the source. When nothing was detected with your short observance, you resumed your walking to the front of the café Suho chose to end your fate at.

You entered the establishment and froze in your steps when you had walked into the building enough to survey the few people sprinkled amongst the tables. Suho was seated at a large table with a dark hulking figure sitting across from him and was obciously the very reason a larger table was needed. Because was the other guy huge. He was wearing a dark sweater and a cap meant to hide his face but he was facing you straight on and there was no concealing to be done. His eyes, dammit. They were once again boring into you in that gaze that was cyndrical with the two of you at the focal point.

From your peripheral vision, Suho stood from the table and it took effort for you to turn your attention to him which was only possible because Suho took a step directly in between the two of you. Almost interfering in ways that you did not understand.

And he was slipping his jacket on.

Taekwoon took this as his cue to stand up too, the action making him tower over Suho and that took you back to the last time you saw them together which was…you didn’t remember. Once again, your eyes found dark shrouded ones.

It took a while before you noticed Suho walking toward your frozen position by the door. He was smiling falsely. “I’ll leave you two.” He walked right by you and out the door.

“Hello miss,” a boy’s voice called from the counter. “What can I get for you?”

You blinked at the normalcy in the question but it was erse. Blinking again, you walked up to the counter while your mind was in a frenzy, kick starting after the events caught up to your brain. You didn’t know what made you decide to do this instead of walking right out the door following Suho. “Tea, please.” Really? What the heck was happening? What were you doing?

The option of leaving right after you got your tea was at the forefront of your mind. And that made you so conflicted. Why were you waiting for tea? Why were you giving this a chance? Giving him a chance?

Robotically, your hand dug in your jacket pocket to pull out the slip of a bill you discovered on the way here. But you sensed him coming closer putting your already fried nerves on even more edge.

Dashing away was prevalent in your mind but you remained standing where you were while pulling out that paper bill and about to hand it over. “Is this order for to go? Or for here?” the worker peeked from under his own cap as you became hyperaware of how close one person was standing behind you.

You waited. He waited. And the poor boy waited.

“Here.” “To go.”

Your hand clutched the poor ten thousand won bill. “Here,” you repeated and shot a glare at the one standing next to you, no barriers between the two of you. You slid the newly crumbled paper across the counter but a hand held out a black credit card to the blushing teenager.

“Here.”

The poor boy looked between the couple before ducking his head and looking down at the register. “And you sir? Did you want to add to the order?”

Gritting your teeth in an unperceivable way, you almost glared at the boy but didn’t want to spare any surprises coming from the maleness so close to you. You needed to watch him so he wouldn’t make any moves.

“Black coffee.”

It was smothering and the boy was working double time to get you both away from him. Without any preamble, he took the offering card and rang up the order.

You huffed and stalked your way to the table, all the while careful to avoid any physical contact of any kind as you edged your way around him. Considering pulling out the chair roughly to publically show your discontent but instead you stuffed the bill back into your pocket and gracefully descended in the seat opposite to the one he had sat at.

With no other invitation, he was still watching you from the counter and you didn’t give him anything to see except you sitting stiffly but resolutely in your seat. Mechanically, you slipped your arms from the straps of your backpack and settled it next to you while he remained at the counter. That was odd but there was no way you were going to give any incentive in wanting to know his actions or their reasons though there was that underlying undying curiosity for anything regarding him.

He came over with both of your drinks and there was that hesitation that was present in delivering your drink. He placed the cup and saucer a good distance away before pushing it towards you enough so that you pulled it the rest of the way towards you. He took his seat across from you and then nothing.

Silence reined all.

No surprise there.

Neither of you looked at one another after that and it was only then did you realize the two of you hardly took your eyes off the other for a respectable amount of time at the counter. But now that there were no distractions in the form of a part time worker, there was no need to hold his gaze once more as you had lost the challenge of paying for your own damn tea. With your defeat, you were feeling petulant and with neither of you not even looking at the other, the stillness of the situation was very apparent.

So you two sat there.

And sat there some more.

For a while he seemed mesmerized by the surface of the table but even you couldn’t deny the neutral allure as an area to stare without any respite.

You didn’t even take a sip from your drink and he was the same. You didn’t know about him but you didn’t want to disrupt or disturb the silence. Or should you say, you didn’t want to be the first, reluctant to do so.

He cleared his throat and you didn’t dare to look at him, choosing instead to demurely spin your cup around on the saucer using the handle. Careful not to upset the hot liquid inside, you cleared your throat too with no real reason other than to prove that you could too.

That was as far as you two got for the next half hour or so. You were the one to sip your drink first when you finally came to the conclusion that you didn’t want to drink lukewarm tea later. He leisurely took a drink from his own cup after you did.

Everything happening was odd…but familiar.

Maybe a little too familiar when you measure the distance that separates the two of you. Two years’ worth of absence of the other’s presence was a pressing matter that needed addressing was a detail that could not go without notice. And you were willing to stay at this particular distance, the table surface length of distance, but mainly for five-absent-huge-boys-sized reasons. You couldn’t have any of them without the one in front of you. And that’s wherein the problem lies.

Just how much of him were you willing to allow back? How much of him were you going to accept from him? And just what were you willing to accept?

Friendship?

Acquaintance?

Nothing was going to be simple because it couldn’t be simple for the mere fact it was the two of you doing this. And you honestly didn’t think it was possible to just be friends with him. There was just too much history there to sort through and the unresolved to figure out.

And then what? Do you start afresh with him? What was there to start something new with? What was left from the last time you saw each other?

“Don’t think,” he murmurs as he gulps down the last of his coffee. Seeing his adam’s apple do some work on the remainder of his drink made your eyes drop down to your now lukewarm tea in front of you.

“Hm.” You replied back with a sarcastic tint for added effect.

He was watching you now and you pointedly turned your head away.

The bell above the door dinged and you were surprised by the sound. You hadn’t even heard the bell when you entered the café. In a sort of reflex, you turned your head to glimpse who came in but since it was a random patron so you returned your attention back to the staring at the table. Before you could fully train your eyes on the dark grains of the surface, you caught a glimpse of the guy seated across from you lower the brim of his cap in an almost nervous manner.

Your head tilted to the side to ponder his action. And then it came to you. Well, the title of the newspaper flashed across your mind, ‘On the Brink! Soccer Rookie Sensation, Jung Taekwoon blah blah.’ You sighed and his eyes peeked at you while pulling his hood up over his cap. A little extreme but you let it go because there was a soccer super star in front of you and you forgot because right now, you only saw him as your ex-boyfriend who was no on the verge of possibly being classified as something different.

So you got up and moved one seat over so you were seated right next to him. You pulled your saucer along with you and angled the cup just so to your satisfaction. His eyes gained a look of shock in them as he watch you settle into your new seat closer to him and you, in turn, gained more satisfaction in making a jerking motion to the seat across you.

You did your best to ignore the frown that immediately followed his comprehension of what you wanted but he obeyed thankfully. Now, his back would be to the entrance of the café and he didn’t have to worry as much about people recognizing him unless he had creepy fans that could recognize him from just his back. If that was to be the case, there was no more helping him.

It took him a while to understand what you just did for him and he looked right into your eyes with an intensity that betrayed the aloofness that he had kept up this entire time. You pretended not to notice and he didn’t take kindly to your disregard which was made apparent when he lightly kicked your foot under the table. In retaliation, you crossed your legs and turned your body to the side so you were well out of range for any further contact.

It grew quiet again and you both sat there but with him watching you at an excruciating and terrifying degree of focus.

Doing your best to set the frightening quality of attention aside, you contemplated if words should be said but what words could you say? What could be said in order for a decision to be made? Inwardly, you were worried because since your first meeting with N, you knew that decision was a deciding factor in your time to be spent with the rest of the boys.

“Don’t think.” He ordered.

And there was your answering glare.

He held your gaze and you both eyed one another.

He stares and stares some more. He’s basically drinking you in like a parched man at the epicenter of a translucent desert. There’s a slew of emotions you’re doing your best to ignore but he’s just staring. And he’s content with just staring. You have to keep reassuring yourself that none of this was normal and that there was absolutely no need for him to be doing all of this staring. He has no excuse to be putting you so on edge.

So you do the next best thing: stare back.

But now there’s nothing to do but to size the other. So much to be said and initiated but involving the two worst people possible for this type of confrontation.

Those eyeballs of his are boring into your own with just this table separating him from you as a form of sort of a dam just waiting to be dislodged and unleash a gush of too long stagnant feelings. A biding whirlpool you didn’t want to deal with but knew you had to. It was with treasured and hopeful words from precious letters along with two new open men that required it of you to withstand the potentiality of it all.

All of this that desperately needed Choi Mikyung and Jung Taekwoon to handle before you had full and unashamed access to the past you thought you left behind you. But you were gleefully wrong about the mistaken conception your protective subconscious had did its best to encrypt within you. You knew why it was needed at the time but with a lot of pushing, most deceptively done by Suho, you found yourself in the position to fully and willfully accept that part of yourself once again. But that was a conclusion you only found acceptive only because you were now experiencing it and it was not as destructive as you imagined it to be.

And yet, staring was all you did.

The person sitting opposite of you, on the other hand, looked mighty conflicted. He was the one who didn’t seem as content with the silence as you were trying to be. Understandable. The dam was showing cracks that birthed the upending doom with streams starting to leak out. Over time the dam will drain like this or it could come out as a burst. You didn’t know which you preferred as the former would require more time with him while the intensity of the latter would powerfully forge something new due to the sheer prospective it contained. Actually, both would be carving a new path for you both but the fact remains that change was imminent.

You were aware that you needed him in your life. He was right here in front of you, holding your gaze like no other could. You were not a sociable person and he knows that. You both didn’t make friends easy and so, those who you both considered friends were precious people and were ones deemed irreplaceable. You’re both possessive in this way and you both hold onto these lifelines with a death’s grip. Only certain situations prevented you from keeping five particular lifelines within reach but you were working on that. Yet the cable interconnecting those lines was here and needed tending to.

If anything, time has been an enemy and a partner. Time has changed you all whether it be older versions of yourselves to face this as you’ve gained life experience and a higher level of maturity. But just how much change has consumed you all was unknown.

“Uh, sir, ma’am?”

You both tore your gaze from one another and while he scowled and looked down at the floor, you looked up at the same part time worker who was wringing his hands together. He sent a tentative look at the man across you. “We’re going to be closing soon.”

You blinked and your head darted to the window. It was dark. You frowned.

“Normally we close a few hours later but, not, uh today.” He gave an apology before dashing away. You directed your frown to the one responsible for scaring him away.

Without any warning, you stood up and grabbed your bag from under your original seat. For a split second he didn’t do anything before he shot up and grabbed your bag. Almost violently, you pulled it out of his hand. He didn’t expect your aggressive tug and it slipped out of his grasp. You slipped your bag on and he watched as you do so.

You thought about the natural way he had reached for your bag. He should know better than to even make an attempt.

You scoffed loudly at the absurd manner of the two of you at this very moment.

When you started walking around the table, he kept a heated gaze on you all the while and of course he followed you out of the building.

What happened afterwards changed quite a few things.

For one, neither of you talked for the rest of the night.

Two, you ended up at a bistro.

And for another, you both decided on something.

Lastly, things were going to happen.

Future events were now inevitable in which you were going to be amidst his presence even more now.

~~~~~

Jimri gaped in an almost comedic reaction. She looked down at your phone time and time again as if to make sure your contacts list had been updated though that was something she would be unable to see just by looking at the dead screen.

She had been silent since you recounted the goings on with your new reintroduction of someone who may very well be the bane of your existence but also the total opposite as well which was a paradox that existed in your life.

She pushed your tea cup closer toward you across the low coffee table in her living room before fiddling with her cup as well.

“So…,” she started and ended as she scrutinized you over that cup with a dainty finger sticking out.

In the kitchen, there was some tinkering around being done by Yoohyuk who did his best to give the two of you space which wasn’t much considering Jimri’s apartment was basically a studio except with an extra room where Yoohyuk has been hiding throughout the whole recollection of your surprise meeting with a certain someone.

When you made mention of Suho’s interference, her expression once again took that contemplative look that was not as much a surprise as it was the second time around but not any less intimidating. Still, she did a good job in reining whatever ill feelings she may manifest this time. So, after tampering down those particular emotions that may be addressed later, she sat you down on the floor of her more brightly decorated apartment with impressive home baked cookies laid out invitingly before you which you willfully resisted because you still had a bit more imperative information you had to relay to her.

“Mhmm,” you intoned as you considered how best to word the next part and so took to mimicking her fingers by pushing your cup around in a circle. The action instantly took you back to doing something similar not too ago in the presence of the very topic of your imploding mindset. “It happened.”

“And?”

“It’s going to happen.”

“Again?”

You shrugged.

“Hmm,” she seemed to ponder this new information. “And the others? Ken? N?”

You shrugged again but she did bring up a good point. Was he going to be the one to tell them? He better, you thought darkly. You didn’t want another incident similar to the one you had with Suho. Who knew what would happen should something like that occur again, what misunderstandings would arise. You shuddered just thinking about it.

She held your gaze steady. “What did you both decide?”

That was the part that you were still unsure of. “Something was decided.”

Jimri’s frown was one of confusion. “What?”

You mirrored her frown. “Something.” Your eyes dropped from hers as you said such a vague description. You reached for your phone and she let it go without a fight. You powered it alive and just then a message notification flashed across it. When you unlocked it, the message was pulled up and it was from Suho.

You thumbed it away as you opened your contacts. By then, Jimri had scooted her way closer to you so she could freely look over your shoulder.

“Hmph, Suho…” she muttered. You silently agreed with her but continued to look for the new contact. You handed it over to her when you found it. “Who is Kim Jaemin?” she demanded.

You hesitated, which was duly noted by your friend, but answered anyway. “His manager?” Jimri raised her eyebrows making you sigh, understanding what she wanted to know. “I didn’t want to.” You returned her blank look with a defiant glare.

“Why not?”

“You know.”

She pouted, “Come on Mikyungie. You can.”

“No.”

“Next time.”

“No.”

“No next time?”

“No.”

“Later?”

“No.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

“Dinner’s ready!” Yoohyuk’s head peaked out of the separate room. The doorbell went off and his lack of cooking made sense. He gave a nervous look at the face-off between you and Jimri as he cautiously made his way to the door. He enthusiastically greeted the delivery man and Jimri cracked first.

“Fine.” She threw up her hands. “You don’t need his number anyways. Whatever you want.”

You gave a decisive nod.

“But I’m only giving you a month before something changes again.” She wagged her finger at you almost threateningly but mostly teasingly.

You made a face at her.

“Dinner’s here,” Yoohyuk bravely advanced forward to join you two on the floor at the low table. He began unpacking the takeout. “So, how are our old classmates? Any latest news?” he asked you both conversationally but mostly you.

When you didn’t answer, Jimri spoke. “They’re fine.”

“That’s good to hear,” Yoohyuk served his girlfriend first while you got your own food, already used to their mushiness. “I saw Kyujoong yesterday and he seems to be settling in at the university just fine. He did say it was a bit awkward being around so many girls again on a daily basis,” he and Jimri shared a laugh.

You knew the drill. You would let the two exhaust themselves with whatever topic they deemed as dinner conversation before you made your exit from the happy couple. And when you were allowed to leave after having the couple unnecessarily walk you to the bus stop, your thought covered more ground at the numerous possibilities that lay ahead.

As was your impervious custom, you had taken him in for any injuries. Nothing to be had in that regard which was good. Well…good for him considering his chosen profession and the physical strenuous activities involved. Unbidden, you felt yourself flush as you recalled the noted changes you found in those brief periods of time in which you divulged yourself of any consequences and let your eyes take him fully in.

If it was possible, he seemed to have grown. Not only his height, his hair but also his, and surely your own, ire at being face to face for a much more prolonged manner and duration after these two years. Now, this ire was not exactly a negative thing and you were rather sure that it was a two way street by way of being mutual. There were hidden connotations concealed within this ire but more prevalent was that one feeling of ‘finally.’ Finally, things were not as uncertain as they once had been before. Finally, something was decided.

Finally, you got to see him again.

“Finally,” you muttered as you pulled the wire to let the driver know of your desire do disembark the bus as your stop came up. You clammered off the bus and stumbled up the stairway up to your apartment. You fumbled with your keys and you were unapologetic about the ruckus you made in doing so.

Once within the safe confines of your room, you sunk into your bed. Your mind was at work, reminding you of the way you undoubtedly knew he had clearly shaved just before meeting you and had most likely washed up. He still retained that musk that had even been prevalent in your high school days and had proved the test of time to be infallible which was oddly fitting. Not in a bad way per se but that was not really wanted at the moment. Noticing these miniscule things now made you self-conscious to know if there were any such changes to be had about you.

You doubted it.

‘Don’t think.’

You cursed. That had been his mantra the time after the café too. Such words were impossible to adhere by at this point and you knew he was well aware of it as well.

‘Don’t think.’

 

More time to write.