So there it was.

You and him were back together.

Not dating.

Nope. Just that you were back together proximity wise. You were both actually standing in the same park at the same time on the corner close to the exiting gate. You were both feet from each other in a standoff of some kind. One you minded very much while he…you didn’t know what he was about.

Your feelings were on loop, interchanging from frustration to that stupid longing and fear. Not to mention your simmering anger at yourself and him, but especially at him since he dared to involve your precious niece into this toxic waste of an environment. And that was no place for her pure and innocent essence or any mention of it. That one was an underhanded tactic if any. One you did not appreciate one bit. No matter what he wanted from you after basically stalking and coming after you.

The thing you also couldn’t stand was that you had no escape. Not one that you knew would work. You also didn’t know how this would end and that scared you beyond anything. The possibilities. Those possibilities that actually became possible more than the imaginary ones you rarely thought of. They were waiting for you to face them in some twisted form of anticipation that wasn’t yours. And you had to face them now.

But they weren’t supposed to happen. This meeting should have stayed in that realm of reality where you only wondered what it would be like. Not that it should actually happen.

Never mind what you wanted, from him and this situation. Those things had become moot due to your inability to form a decision but you had to do something.

You couldn’t run away. You couldn’t talk or share anything with him. You couldn’t keep staring at him. And you couldn’t wait any longer.

A faraway prompting ding within the confines of your mind reminded you of your obligations of the day, namely the volleyball tournament you committed to. One where your absence must have gained some notice and you were being surely missed with Jimri and Doona looking for you. Maybe even calling you but you had left your phone behind. You needed to get back. Now.

And there was no way you would be extending any kind of invitation to him into the sacred realms of volleyball. As far as you and your self-preservation were concerned, he had lost those privileges when you both separated. You didn’t touch soccer, so you would expect the same from him regarding your own sport. Was that petty? Selfishly so.

His phone went off at that moment. A blessing and a curse. The former only because the atmosphere was getting stuffy with a static that continued to shock you to your core so it was almost a fortunate thing that the bland ringing of his phone created a fissure. The latter because the people that kept in contact with him were ones you did not want to add to the present situation. Not his friends. Not his family. And not anyone that had to do with his soccer world. All of them had taken something so precious from you at one point or another.

Sure, you were maybe willing to rehash certain things to a certain extent with him right now but anything more would be pushing it. Other stuff like appearances from people you cut out would be enough cause for an implosion to shatter you.

But nothing went your way. Because he looked away finally. To look down at his phone most likely to check the caller ID. And it was that break in the stare off you two were sharing that a certain realization dawned at you. One you didn’t want to come down upon you. But it was there and still happened.

If you could remember correctly, the past Taekwoon, the one you always remembered the most, would not have checked his phone. That Taekwoon would have left his phone unanswered and kept his focus solely on you. Yeah, that Taekwoon no longer existed just like the way you weren’t your high school self. But that did not take away from the way you had put the Taekwoon you wanted to remember onto such a pedestal that the one in front of you now was a good wake up call. You hadn’t even known you had done such a thing as asinine as upholding him in such a light.

“Yeah?” he answered the phone when he deemed whoever was calling as important enough not to ignore. And something in you snapped.

You huffed before stalking away. And at the right time too.

“Leo!”

“Yo Leo!”

Those achingly familiar voices made you increase your pace. There was nothing you would not do in order to get away from here now. You were relentless in disappearing because you were a coward.

You did not want to go through that numbing pain again. Experience the drowning sensation in closing yourself off from everyone and everything.

No.

Your pace increased out of the gates, mind racing for escape routes while dismissing your earlier failure in getting away from him and them. It was an act of desperation did you flag a taxi down. Thankfully the first time was the charm as you clambered into the vehicle with a frenzy that startled the driver.

“Please! Just go, please,” you urged the driver who looked at you in shock before snapping out of it.

“Right away, miss,” he obeyed. But you had forgotten about the traffic. Despite this obstacle, the driver was well versed in such an environment. He cut across the road and got onto the other side of the road with an ease you were grateful for.

A gasp for breath took over your frame as you leaned forward.

“Miss?”

Another gasp escaped.

“Miss?”

You took a deep breath in. “Around the corner please.”

“Miss?” He hadn’t heard you.

“Around the corner please.”

Your adrenaline was draining whatever energy you had.

“Oh?” the older man was surprised once more but didn’t question you about your desired short route.

After getting out of traffic for what felt like hours, he pulled to the side of the road in front of the gym. “That’ll be 7,000 won please.”

Your door was yanked open and for an instant, you were so afraid it was going to be Him again. But thank whatever higher being that it was Doona. “You are in trouble, missy.”

Stupid of you to actually think he could outrun a taxi. Your hammering heart was thankfully slowing down so that it didn’t pound as loudly in your ears as the last few minutes.

“Eh? 7,000 won? For two kilometers?” Doona had been peering into the car when she caught sight of the meter while still holding the door open, “You have high prices, old man.”

The taxi driver shrugged.

Doona took notice of your empty hands before extracting some notes from unspeakable places to pay the fare for you. “Here ya go, old man.”

At the affectionate term, said old man scowled. “I’m not that much older than you girlie.” He still reached over the back of the seat in order to take the money while Doona did a grand gesture to indicate you getting out of the car.

“Come now, gorgeous. Your suitors await you.” When you blinked at her, she lost a little of her glamor. “Captain?” When that endearment didn’t afford her a glare, she grabbed your hand. “Mikyungie?” She gave your hand a painful squeeze and that brought you to the present. Doona. Doona had been in his class in third year.

Your sluggishness was noted by the girl. “Come on, captain.” She grabbed your arm and pulled you from the car.

“Is she okay?” the taxi driver actually sounded concerned.

“Don’t worry, old man,” Doona still held onto her playful demeanor much to the displeasure of the man but he became serious at her repeated slight of his age.

“Was it the guy that was chasing her? Did he do something to her?”

“Guy?” Doona’s head whipped back and forth between you and your prone self to the gossiping man. “What guy? Was it a fan?” she asked you and him but he was the one who gave her a response.

“Is she famous?”

“With the guys, hell yes. Look at her.”

“Hm, naw, didn’t seem like a fan. But he did look desperate.”

“Oh, yeah?” she asked aloud but she leaned closer to whisper just for you to hear, “Mikyungie?” There was a tinge of panic in her voice now. She turned to look at the idling taxi as she closed the door while still holding on to you. The taxi driver lowered both of the windows on the passenger side of the vehicle. “What did this guy look like?” Doona still thought to ask the driver through the window.

“You know what? He did look familiar,” the cab driver’s expression took on a pondering one. “I’m pretty sure I saw his mug somewhere.”

“Come on, old man. I need to know.” He snorted at her but gave her an expectant look. “Fine. Please, can you tell me more, Mr. Taxi?”

His face softened a smidge as he looked at you. “Well, I’m pretty sure he’s an athlete. But I don’t remember the sport.”

Doona’s head whipped to you, “Mikyungie? Was it-?” You knew she figured it out. There weren’t many athletes that you both knew that could get you into the state that you were in now.

“Ah! Now I remember! It was that soccer guy! The rookie of the year!”

He looked like he was expecting praise for his helpful recovery of memory but Doona knew the implications. “Holy shi-.”

“Kyungie?” You sighed as you lifted your head enough to see Jimri rushing over. “Oh my! What happened!? Doona?” She still bowed to the taxi driver, ever polite unlike Doona. “Kyungie?” she leaned toward you and Doona transferred you over to the other girl.

“Here, I need to find out more.” Doona was already turning to the taxi driver whose curiosity was more prevalent than ever.

“Kyungie?” Jimri peered into your face. “Oh my! What’s wrong? Kyungie?”

You swallowed but knew you needed to tell her. “I saw-.”

“Nah, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t that Jung Taekwoon guy, old man.” Doona laughed boisterously, her plan registering in some part of your mind but you were so lost. “It must have been a lookalike or something.”

“Oh yeah?” the taxi driver challenged. “I know his face since he has had a break out season and I would know him anywhere.”

“There are a lot of guys who could look like him. What’s so special about him anyways? Definitely not his face since it’s so common. Besides, her ex often gets suspected of being him.”

“Her ex?”

“Yeah.” Her response now left no room for any more questions. “See ya later, old man.”

He growled at being dismissed so easily. “Fine. It probably wasn’t him anyways. Not like I see many famous people on these streets,” he huffed. “Just make sure you let her get some rest.” He nodded at you before mock saluting Doona and driving off.

Jimri and Doona led you into the building but you had regained use of your legs so they didn’t have to do anything embarrassing like carry you in.

“Let’s get her somewhere a bit more private,” Jimri murmured to the other girl. Doona nodded before running off.

“Doona?”

“Hold on, I’ll be right back!” she called over her shoulder before disappearing around the corner.

Jimri sighed. “Let’s go this way, Kyungie.” You let her guide you wherever. Not like you cared all that much about something like that now that you were no longer around him.

Him. You actually ran into him. He had been right there in front of you. Neither of you planned on it. That was for sure. It was all purely coincidental. And that still scared you.

Jimri propped open a door for you and you blindly walked in. When you sat down in a chair, you took in your surroundings as Jimri flitted away to grab a chair of her own.

You didn’t like what you saw.

Because there was a reflection. A reflection of how pathetic you looked.

It was a dance studio which meant that the huge and intimidating mirrors ran the whole length and width of the wall. Thanks to this ridiculous gym’s maintenance, there were no smudges whatsoever on the pristine surface. So that left a lot of your image intact though you felt the total opposite.

“Kyungie?” Jimri reached for your clenched hands. She gently pried your fingers from embedding and denting for blood into the palms of your hands. “Kyungie?”

But she had your attention. You didn’t want to see your reflection so you focused on her. And it scared her. Whatever look that was in your eyes, it frightened her. You could see it. Much like how his eyes scared you.

“You saw him?”

“Yes.”

“He was here?”

“No.”

“I mean, not here, here. But somewhere near here.”

“Yes.”

She was squeezing your hands much like Doona had, trying to bring you back to reality. “Are you okay, Mikyungie?”

Your eyes shut yourself from the situation. “No,” you brokenly whispered. And your pain was reflected back when you opened your eyes once more. But it was the good kind of reflection. Because that kind meant you weren’t alone to deal with what happened on your own.

Jimri ducked her head but snapped it back up to meet your eyes once again, despite empathizing with what you were feeling. “It’s okay.” She whispered and added a squeeze to your hands once more. “It’s okay, Mikyungie.”

But it wasn’t. You were beyond freaked out. You were out of your element. You were a lot of things at this very moment. The shock was there. The fear was abundant. The jitteriness was prevalent. There was also impatience and disappointment. But it was the disappointment that really got you. It was what made you run from him in the first place.

“Just because he answered the phone. “

How stupid was that?

“What do you mean, Mikyungie?” Jimri asked. “What phone?”

You were so out of it, you didn’t even know when your thoughts escaped the depths of your mind only to run out of your mouth as if escaping the chaos of you trying to sort out what you were feeling and your reactions.

“He answered his stupid phone.”

She looked truly confused. And it was your fault for your vagueness and nonsense. “Kyungie?”

You took a steady breath and sat up in your seat after slumping down in it since you first sat down. “At the park.”

“Park?”

You nodded in the general direction, though you didn’t know if it was the right direction since there were no windows in here to tell you anything but instead the mirrors were there to show you how broken the encounter fractured you.

“We, I ran into him.” Jimri leaned closer. Not for your comfort, but to hear you. Like him back at that cursed park. “He was there.”

“At the park,” Jimri nodded and you did the same as the fresh memory played in your mind once more. Like it hadn’t been on replay this whole time since the cab ride here.

“He,” you let a sigh out and your voice dropped in tone. “He was surprised.”

“You were too.”

You nodded again. “I was.” It was her gaze that made you continue. “We didn’t do anything. Not for a while.” You took another breath in. “I was the one to walk away,” you finished.

The silence engulfed your short and brief account.

“Um,” Jimri’s hesitation brought you back to the room, your mind just about to go through the replay once more. “How,” she gave you a weak helpless smile. “How did he look?”

Eyes remained trained on each other. “Fine.” No limp, no visible cuts or bruises.

“Were,” she stopped again. But you knew what prevented her from asking straight away. You knew why she hesitated. “Were the others there?”

You sighed, just thinking of how clear their voices were. How familiar it was to hear them calling for him. Like always. “Yes.”

“Who?”

“N and Ken.”

“I’m sorry, Mikyungie.” She smiled sadly at you. “I should have gone with you.”

You were already shaking your head. Her presence would have been dropped out of existence had she been there at that confrontation of sorts. And the two of you together would have been more noticeable. And They would have noticed. N and Ken. The two following Him. You and Jimri would have been a bigger target to spot. Never mind that you hadn’t even told anyone where you were going or that you were going in the first place.

Another breath was inhaled from the both of you. Talking about it with Jimri, your friend, made it easier to regain your bearings. Yes. It happened. You met him again. Move on.

Even as you thought that, you knew there was no moving on now. There never had been. Jung Taekwoon made it impossible.

Everything you had done until now, all of the thinking and reassuring you had done to yourself and others were completely dislodged and thrown out the window.

Who were you kidding?

Just one look into his eyes and he made you face that evasive and buried truth. He existed and he still existed. He was out there and thinking of you. Much like the way you had been thinking of him.

You’d only been closing yourself to the inevitable that had unleashed its force on you today. Forget proving you were okay on your own. You had done so much in order to prove that but now it felt like it was for nothing.

He just taken whatever wall or barrier you had uselessly built these past two years and shattered it without even touching it. No effort at all. That wall must have been some illusion you had believed in. And it was a damn strong one at that. Because you had truly believed you would be okay. Even if you never saw him again. You hadn’t thought about the event should it happen become tangible.

But now, after seeing him, you knew that was a lie. You’d been lying to yourself. Probably since the break up. Definitely since the break up. You remember assuring yourself you had been doing the right thing in setting things up for what had then felt like an inevitability. Only now do you know that was a farce. You had masked the hurt you felt when he had put you aside in order to do what he had always wanted, what he needed to do. To follow the passion that could not be extracted from his very soul. Unlike you. You had done the extracting of yourself on your own in fear and hurt. As a result of both, you had hurt him in turn.

Because he would never have broken up with you had the roles been switched. You knew that without a doubt. If you lived for and were willing to die for a sport, he would never have made you pick. He wouldn’t have picked for you just like the very same way you had done. You had made that choice for the both of you.

And he had let you.

That was where your determination to survive without him had sprouted. In spite of him and his admittance of letting you go.

It was beyond messed up.

And you were the one to blame. For then and now. You admitted as much before but seeing him made that clearer.

“Kyungie?” Jimri nudged you out of your gloomy mindset.

“Hm?”

“Well,” she smiled sadly but with a tinge of her enthusiasm. That put you off a little but her next words made sense. “Do you think you can play today? I mean, our game is going to be starting soon and the team had sent Doona and I out to look for you but I’m sure you can sit on the bench this game.”

You needed to do more reassuring. For her and yourself. You were going to do it since you had been reassuring the both of you these two years. Even if it was still fake.

At your determined nod, she smiled genuinely. “Don’t worry, Mikyungie. It’s all going to work out somehow.”

This time, you gave a weaker nod. She had something very similar the last time you saw him.

So you sat on the bench and it was only when the game had begun did Doona make her appearance once more. She smiled sweetly at you as she knocked her shoulder into yours in a friendly gesture. “Yo Mikyungie.”

You only raised your eyebrows at her, transmitting a question for her late arrival.

She understood what you wanted to know and produced an energy drink at you. She wiggled the can enticingly, “I figured you would need a pick me up.” When you frowned, she continued with her carefree tone. “The closest convenience store didn’t have this brand and I distinctly remember that this is the only brand you like.”

Since she kept wiggling the can at you, it gave you little choice but to accept it. You nodded your thanks as she began to stretch in order to limber up should she be called into the game.

Your team won without you which was what you preferred but there was a part of you dissatisfied at not playing. It wouldn’t be new to exercise to get out your negative feelings but you were feeling disoriented after the Incident.

Jimri and Doona took you to get beef afterwards and you tried to take advantage of their kindness and sympathy but you couldn’t drum up an appetite.

You and Jimri bid Doona a farewell as the dinner came to a somber end. Jimri offered to stay the night but you refused, figuring that she too had a long day with dealing with your dilemma and her own persistent guy who hadn’t taken no for an answer. And surely Yoohyuk would now be privy to your problem since you knew Jimri had to unload the emotions accumulated with her own partner which was perfectly fine. Yoohyuk knew better than to share your business with others. Too bad not everyone was the same.

When you next saw Suho. He knew too. Because N and Ken were at the door right behind him when he came through the café at the allotted time for the two of you to meet up..