Sua looked out the window from the library as she tried reading yet another book on soulmates. Frustrated at the fact that she learned nothing new about soulmates drove her thoughts mad. The only reason why she was in the library in the first place was that she promised Siyeon that she’ll wait for her to finish up with her club activities and then Siyeon told Sua that she really needed to talk to her.

The nervous look on Siyeon’s face made Sua think of the worst-case scenarios. What happens if she is being bullied because of me? What happens if she ends up in the hospital for being friends with me? What happens if she found someone better and doesn’t want to be friends with me? Ah, Sua you should stop with all this negativity. Maybe Siyeon is having a hard time with her parents again and needs someone to lean on. I’ll always be there for her and she knows that. Though if anyone hurts her, I’ll hurt them back no matter the consequences. Sua smiled to herself as she was more worried about Siyeon than herself.

She looked back at the book she had taken out and frowned at the readings saying that they’ll be together forever. That’s a lie. She thought to herself as she was about to chuck the book across the room but stopped herself as she remembered that she didn’t want to get in trouble in school again. She got a warning last time when she “attacked” the seniors behind the school. She didn’t want her parents knowing that she was still being bullied at school. It wasn’t much though since she fought back every time and sometimes, she would defend Siyeon from the senior’s actions without her knowing. Sua was content with Siyeon being happy in high school. She dealt with the students in their school in her own way as it was her own defense mechanism for not getting hurt anymore.

She didn’t need fake friends who wanted to use her for something, she didn’t need to be used and thrown away. Even though, she knew the Jiu wanted to see the world she felt like she was used for Jiu’s own pleasure. Sua shook her head from useless thoughts about her soulmate. After being away from Jiu for two and a half years she learned that she was nothing but an experiment to her. There was no contact from Jiu which made her thoughts go haywire from all the negativity. Sua almost rushed home to talk to her soulmate, to ask her if they were going to be strangers and pretend that they were never an us, to begin with, but Siyeon would always talk her out of it since it was Jiu’s decision to break it off. That it would be her turn to bring them back together because she needed that time alone not her. Sua broke down in Siyeon’s arms as she never felt so hollow and alone in her entire life.

Siyeon had been with Sua after the incident in the bathroom and found herself comfortable with the broken girl. She loathed the fact that one person could bring so much pain to Sua and made sure that no one would hurt her again. So Siyeon did what she could but there was a limit on what she could do to protect Sua. She knew about the bullying and tried to stop it once, but it only ended up with hergetting hurt and Sua started blaming herself for letting it happen.

After that one incident, Sua became increasingly closed off with Siyeon and the rest of the world until she practically pried her way into Sua’s life and each time she made sure that she wasn’t going to be leaving her at any time. It took some time for Sua to let Siyeon back into her life, though she still feared that she might get seriously hurt because as of late she’s been making a lot of enemies in the school especially the boys.

During the years in high school, Sua learned from Siyeon to screw what everyone thinks and be confident with herself and she did. Sua underwent a change that shocked most people and it was with the help of Siyeon. Sua was a little doubtful that a physical change would help her since Siyeon kept showing her very revealing clothing as they went into the shop after shop.

Flashback

“Come on, you never know unless you try it.” Siyeon shoved a leather jacket at Sua and pushed her into the changing room. After a couple of minutes, Siyeon came in with a bunch of other clothes that she found to fit Sua. “Here, try these on and you aren’t leaving this store until you find out what makes you comfortable and strong. Looks show off what you are on the inside and I see a fire inside you that needs to be shown out there for others to see. Now let me hear you roar!” Siyeon’s vocals vibrated and made a light bass line as she sang out a roar. Sua was amazed that Siyeon could have full control of her voice and know which pitch to use when singing songs. It was truly a wonder how a magnificent person can be her best friend.

Present

When Sua was trying on clothes she felt that some of them were much better than others and she was truly having fun for the first time in a while. Timed passed by and Siyeon was right, Sua came out with a new look and bought some clothes that are used for her outside wear since their school had uniforms, they couldn’t show it off in school.

With that small change made Sua change in her personality as high school was more harsher than junior high. It was all about the social classes and Sua was labeled as the dangerous ones while Siyeon was a popular however they didn’t care about status’.

Sua only cared about her grades and her future instead of romance. She had romance once and she didn’t want to go through with it ever again. She knew that she wouldn’t be able to handle the pain and suffering all over again.

She didn’t get invited to a lot of parties as girls wanted to be like her and boys wanted to get in her pants. Sua usually avoided such people as she only hung out with Siyeon. There used to be more friends, but she quickly found out that they were using the information Sua shared in confidence against her to have her crack under pressure of the bullying. She stopped making friends after that and tried to get Siyeon away from her just like Jiu’s case. It’s either her or them kind of thing. That déjà vu usually brought her back to her time with Jiu and she couldn’t help but hate herself for thinking about Jiu. I need to get over you quickly. Sua thought to herself as she placed the book back into the shelf.

She started walking out of the library until someone tapped her shoulder. She turned around and saw that it was someone who she didn’t recognize. She furrowed her eyebrows as she knew what was going to happen next.

“Can I help you?” She said in an icy tone that never seemed to work on people. She tried so many kinds of tones to make people back off before they said anything, but it just never seemed to happen.

“I need to have a word with you.” Dammit, it didn’t work again. Maybe Siyeon is right I should focus with my eyes and brows maybe them they’ll leave me alone. Mom and dad have enough trouble with me already. Sua thought to herself as she let out an annoyed breath.

“Then speak.” She said wanting to get out of this as fast as she could. The person clicked his tongue as the situation wasn’t going his way.

“Not here.” He growled at Sua which made her stare at the person. She narrowed her eyes and looked behind the intruding person and saw some girls giggling with smirks plastered on their faces. That single action made Sua angry as they were using the poor guy for their games.

“Why not here? Is this too public to say? You don’t want to get in trouble for harassing a senior huh.” Sua’s voice was getting louder and she knew that she was attracting attention, but this was nothing new to her. She was used to the constant glares and whispers that she knew how to tune them out.

“Because I said so!” The person yelled out and Sua flinched a little bit but kept herself composed. She didn’t want to deal with this, and she scoffed at his reasoning and started walking towards the clubroom where Siyeon resides in.

When she walked off the guy was really pissed and ran after her. He had his hand on her shoulder and pulled her back and pushed her to the wall. “Listen to me, Ice Queen, you are going to follow me to the back of the school and then we can have the talk.” He demanded as he had Sua pinned to the wall. My back hurts and so does my shoulder. Ah, why can’t people leave me alone? I never did anything and yet I keep finding myself in a bad position. Sua thought as she looked up at the ceiling and then back into the guy’s eyes. He seemed determined to get Sua behind the school for some reason and she didn’t like that one bit.

“I don’t have to go anywhere with you. Last I checked, we are in a country where people have equal rights. So, I can say no to a man-child like you.” Sua replied with venom laced with her words as she didn’t like being treated as a tool. Just like how Jiu played you like a fiddle and left you because you were weak and boring. Now these boys want to play with you too because of the hormones in the air. Sua pushed the guy and started running towards Siyeon. She didn’t care if people saw her running down the halls, all she cared about was finding comfort in Siyeon’s arms as her thoughts started to consume her mind. She told herself not to become dependent on anyone anymore, but she broke that declaration as Siyeon came into her life. She didn’t know what she would do if she lost Siyeon. She was her rock and she is her’s as Siyeon was also going through some tough demons in her life.

Siyeon finished practicing with her band as she began feeling relieved from all the stress, she built up this morning. She loved singing her heart out and going over the small mistakes she made to improve herself for her future as a singer.

Club activities ended and Siyeon was packing in a rush knowing that Sua would most likely be in the library reading who knows what or just plain studying as she struggled to maintain her B average. Siyeon laughed to herself as she remembered asking why Sua would study so hard for something that she might not need.

Flashback

Sua was busy studying for their finals in their freshman year. Siyeon was kicking her legs in the air as she was bored out of her mind and reading one of Sua’s cheesy books in her room.

“Hey! Let’s go out and have some fun like dancing while singing.” Siyeon suggested as she looked at the concentrated girl who was struggling with a math question. “Hey, are you listening to me?” Siyeon got closer to Sua who still didn’t reply to her. Siyeon grabbed Sua’s books from her and started running away from the short girl.

“Ya! Siyeonssi, give that back or else you’ll suffer the consequences.” Sua threatened her as she started chasing her all over her dorm room. Siyeon laughed at the threat and replied.

“You are all bark but no bite. I know you won’t hurt me because the last time you did it you almost cried thinking that you might have broken me.” Siyeon started laughing some more as she remembered the horrified look on Sua’s face when she punched Siyeon on the arm. It was so strong that there was a bruise that didn’t fade away for two weeks.

“You still deserved it for smearing chocolate on my favorite stuffed animal.” Sua huffed as she finally caught up to her and latched herself onto Siyeon’s back. “Give me back what is mine.” She whined right beside her ear and Siyeon couldn’t help but feel butterflies swarming in her stomach. It made her feel warm. Nah… it couldn’t be… It’s just from all the running that we did. There is no way I’m falling for my best friend again. Siyeon cast aside the nice feeling that was growing in her stomach while Sua noticed that Siyeon wasn’t moving and used that to her advantage. She pushed herself from Siyeon’s back which made her fall, however, Sua, who was taking dance classes and natural reflexes got off of Siyeon quickly enough not to get caught in her own plan. Siyeon fell onto Sua’s roommate’s bed and in all that confusion going through Siyeon, Sua successfully obtained her notebook and went back to studying.

After a few minutes, Siyeon finally said something which Sua actually paid attention to as she finished studying for math since she asked the internet for help in showing her what she was doing wrong.

“Why do you study so much?” Siyeon said as she recalled Sua always had her head in the books or lost in something else that didn’t make her happy. Sua just shrugged at Siyeon’s question as she put away her math notebook and pulled out her English one.

“I don’t know, I just feel like I shouldn’t be going down one path you know. If I stay on that one path and it suddenly and unexpectedly becomes lost, then what am I supposed to do then?” Sua said as she recalled Jiu’s words that always seem to be reminding her that even destiny can be taken away.

Siyeon noticing a change in Sua got up from the bed and clasped her hands with Sua’s. It made Sua look at Siyeon with a distant look. A look that was known to her all too well. The reason behind that look was the one who hurt her the most. The one who changed her to the one where she became independent by herself and shut off most people in the world. Her soulmate Kim Jiu. Siyeon frowned knowing that the old lover seemed to still have an effect on Sua, however, she was there now and she wasn’t going to let one person ruin Sua’s life anymore.

“Sua, I’m always going to be here for you. Be it a disaster or life-threatening. I’m by your side, even if you turn into a murderer, I’ll help you with the body since I do know some people who owe me some favors.” Siyeon said and that made Sua laugh.

“Okay, Siyeon, I’ll let you know when there’s a dead body that’s floating around in my room,” Sua said as she didn’t pull her hand from Siyeon’s grasp. “Thank you for being my friend,” Sua said softly enough as if she feared that if she said it out loud the nice mood might be broken.

“No problems, Sua. I told you when I practically barged into your dorm room saying that I’m going to be by your side.” Siyeon heard her and recalled the first step she took into breaking down Sua’s walls. Sua leaned her head on Siyeon’s shoulder just so she didn’t have to think about a certain someone who still made her heartache. They stayed like that until someone rudely interrupted them.

“I’d like to go to my bed now, you disgusting pair of dykes.” Sua’s roommate snarled at the sight of the girl’s in a lovey-dovey position that should be reserved for hetero couples only. Siyeon glared at her which made the girl pale as she had mastered the art of scaring people off with her looks. Sua didn’t look at the girl and just got off of Siyeon and began pulling her out of her room. As she was exiting her dorm room, she bumped into her shoulder hard enough to give it a bruise the next day. As Sua was dragging her best friend too who knows where she was fuming at the fact that people need to stop being all judgmental. Her mind went back to the fact that her lover is a girl and will probably have to go through that her entire life if they do get together.

Siyeon followed Sua for a bit longer until she decided they were far enough from prying eyes since they wounded up in the park. Siyeon halted her footsteps but Sua didn’t. She was still lost in thought as she knew that Jiu might not be able to handle the pressure of people constantly judging her for something, she did not choose herself. While Sua she knew she could handle it since being friends with Siyeon and being in a tough situation in high school has made her strong. Okay, maybe just a little bit stronger but it’s enough for me to ignore the people’s opinions. Sua’s thoughts just kept going until Siyeon flicked her on the forehead really hard just so Sua would stop her deep thinking while doing something else.

“Ya! Siyeon! Why did you do that for?” Sua said as she rubbed the spot that had been hit.

“I needed to get your attention somehow.” Siyeon shrugged as she pouted a bit to know that her friend valued her deep thinking instead of her who had been ridiculed by her roommate. Sua didn’t like her best friend being all pouty and did what she did best. Annoy her to the best of her abilities. She flung her arms around Siyeon and brought out her puppy dog eyes.

“Siyeonssi. I’m sowwie that I ignored you. Forgive me please.” She said as she tried her best to get Siyeon to look at her in the eye. “Siyeonssi~” She tried again as her face had a smile on it as she began laughing. After a couple seconds, Siyeon was smiling and Sua took that smile as a slightly forgiving mood and she planted her face in the crook of Siyeon’s neck. “Am I forgiven?” Sua asked as she was slightly scared of losing Siyeon over something about Jiu. Why is it always Jiu who is messing up the good things in my life? Sua thought as she scolds herself for being a bad friend. Siyeon, on the other hand, was calming herself down while trying not to think about how close Sua’s breathing is to her skin and how warm it was becoming around it. That and the fact that their lips were so close she could just tilt her head towards her and- No! You guys are strictly friends. Siyeon thought to herself as she hugged Sua hoping that her crushing on her friend would pass soon enough.

“You are forgiven.” Was all she said as Sua smiled as she started becoming giddy and jumping around like a child.

Present

Siyeon smiled at the flashback seeing how their friendship grew from then on. Yeah… you definitely fallen for your best friend again. Siyeon told herself after she found herself wanting to be there for Sua as much as possible. She found out everything about Sua including the soulmate thing which made her withdraw from Sua for a couple of weeks. She knew that the world didn’t want them to be together but Sua also told her that in her research soulmates usually get together but sometimes there is a rare case of them never getting together. That little information got Siyeon hoping about it since Sua’s soulmate didn’t want her at the moment. It was her chance and she was slowly getting Sua to fall for her, but she didn’t want to scare her off. As she was thinking Sua burst into the clubroom and looked around frantically. Siyeon saw the alarmed look on Sua and immediately ran to her and engulfed her into a hug.

“It’s okay, Sua. Everything’s going to be okay.” She soothed the girl as she ran patterns on the little girl’s back and used her other one to keep her close. Sua finding comfort in Siyeon’s arms was slowly calming down from her slight panic attack. She buried her face in Siyeon’s neck as she trembled at the thoughts surrounding Jiu invade her mind. Memory after memory came crashing down and then there was the final blow. Her mind making everything worse as she recalled how Jiu didn’t look sad at the breakup at all.

Siyeon watched as Sua broke down in front of her and knew something happened at school. She knew that Sua would talk to her after she was mentally stable enough to recall back to the event. Siyeon would wait for Sua whenever the time was ready and that meant confiding in any information or relationship wise. She would always be there because her affection has been given to Sua and that’s all that matters to her.

“Siyeonssi…” Sua started as she felt no longer lost in the abyss of nothingness and helplessness. Siyeon just hummed in response as she kept her actions up knowing that Sua needed to know that she wasn’t leaving her. “You’ll never use me for your own good right?” Sua said as her voice trembled and insecurity ran through her veins. She couldn’t feel the blood running away from her hands and up her arms. Her limbs tightening with each passing second until Siyeon answered her.

“Of course, I’m going to always be there for you. For me you are irreplaceable. I will never find another you in this world.” Siyeon reassured the frightened girl and swore to herself that once Sua revealed whoever put her in this state will see hell. “Come on, I know you need to vent out your worries and I know the perfect way to do it,” Siyeon said as she lightly pulled Sua towards the exit of the school. Sua being thankful for the fact that Siyeon knew what was good for her made her feel even more grateful that the world gave her an incredible person to be with her.

Siyeon brought Sua to her house which was usually empty as her parents were never at home and she had to basically live by herself. When her parents were home, they would downgrade Siyeon for her actions, appearances, grades and just her life choices that they bring up every single time. There was never a moment where they haven’t told Siyeon on how much a disgrace she was to the family. Siyeon knew that there was so much of the world that thought differently of her and tried not to let her parents’ words get to her but having your own flesh and blood downgrade you, when they were at their lowest point, was just plain mean.

As Siyeon led them to the practice room that her parents didn’t care about as they provided the money for her to take care of herself. Siyeon did as she pleased with the money as well as have a small part-time job herself, so she didn’t have to rely on her parents.

When they entered the room, Siyeon immediately puts their bags down and declared that they were going to have a dance session. Siyeon was going to suggest a singing one as well because she loved hearing Sua sing but decided against it since it was all about Sua and she didn’t want to be selfish at the moment. She would do that later after Sua was more like herself. Sua nodded at Siyeon’s demand and just walked over to the stereo and plugged in her phone. As the music started playing Sua started getting lost in the rhythm of the music as she began letting the perfection in each movement consume her mind. There was no other thought that was going through as she felt her heart beat quicker and quicker as she constantly put in sharp moves.

When she did mess up, she didn’t let it affect her as much at the moment as she continued on with the song. The only reason why she didn’t stop herself was that she was going to criticize herself and let her think about the topic she wanted to avoid as much as possible, so she continued on.

Siyeon watched at the sidelines as she observed her crush dance with all her might. She noticed the ragged breath that Sua was picking up on, but she wasn’t too concerned about it since Sua was used to straining her body to the point of exhaustion, however, Siyeon started noticing the little trembles on Sua’s legs as it began to increase when Sua didn’t rest her body. She knew Sua’s legs couldn’t handle the pressure of constantly practicing for 2 hours straight. They were starting to cramp up and that might hurt her. Siyeon sprung up to action and hugged the distracted girl as she disabled her from dancing anymore. Sua struggled against Siyeon’s embrace but she was weak from the constant use of her limbs. She wanted to push her away and keep dancing, but exhaustion was hitting her at full speed.

“You’re hurting yourself, Sua, and I don’t like that fact,” Siyeon said in a trembling voice as she felt herself breaking at the fact that Sua would willingly hurt herself physically just to keep her thoughts away. “It hurts me so much that you have no idea how much pain I go through whenever I see you,” Siyeon said aloud which wasn’t meant for Sua to hear but she did, and she froze at that fact.

“Siyeon, I’ll be okay I promise.” Sua stopped thrashing in Siyeon’s arms and let her body relax as they slowly dropped to the floor. She never knew that Siyeon would be hurt by the fact that Sua was doing bad things to her body when the thoughts appear. She felt guilty knowing that she was causing her pain when she only wanted to protect her.

Siyeon tightened her grip on Sua as she tried calming her erratic heartbeat that was pounding against her chest. She was surprised that Sua didn’t feel her heart knocking on her back. Without thinking Siyeon blurted out as she was in a daze when Sua let her hold her closer than ever before.

“I’m in love with you Kim Sua.”