Siyeon and Yoohyeon were walking through the not so busy streets. Yoohyeon glanced at their hands and reached out to Siyeon’s hand but every time she tried something at the back of her mind told her not to do it. It nagged her that she couldn’t be brave enough to not listen to her mind. She clenched her teeth at how powerless she was to the social norms. She was afraid of what they might view her when she does accept her soulmate. She feared that all the disgust.d staring, whispering, laughing and maybe more might cause her to go crazy,

Though there was the aching pain of her seeing Siyeon happily run to Sua and how she can easily hold her hand or give her a kiss or engulf her into a big bear hug without those fears around them. She didn’t like how she couldn’t be as free as Siyeon’s girlfriend. She wasn’t her and she knows she can’t change into the one Siyeon somehow likes.

Yoohyeon glanced at their hands every now and then but did nothing. Siyeon didn’t know about the emotional turmoil that was forming in Yoohyeon’s mind. She just kept walking thinking what she could talk about with Yoohyeon. Just three years of her trying to pursue Sua’s soulmate and nothing else. They didn’t talk about life in high school, post-secondary, and life outside after that. What could she do about it though? Yoohyeon already hurt her and she wasn’t keen on getting hurt again by her. Sua holds her heart so there shouldn’t be any room to try and let Yoohyeon take it. Yet… here she was taking a stroll in the city with Yoohyeon and she doesn’t feel the need to just run away.

Though the atmosphere around them was awkward neither girls left each other. Siyeon’s hand brushed against Yoohyeon’s hand when another person was marching down the sidewalk. Siyeon moved aside a bit for the person to pass through. She felt Yoohyeon’s skin for a brief second before pulling her hand and stuffing it into her pocket. She bit her lip cursing how Yoohyeon might get her hopes up just by that small contact which was entirely an accident.

Siyeon’s guess was right as Yoohyeon was joyful by just having a small touch of her hand. She thought that Siyeon might be opening up to her and didn’t know how to express it. She remembered how shy Siyeon was back in middle school and didn’t do things impulsively. She had a small grin on her face as they continued down the city.

“Hey,” Siyeon called out and Yoohyeon felt happy and sad. Happy that Siyeon called out to her but sad that she didn’t call by her name just a mere hey was enough for her to look at Siyeon.

“Yes, Siyeon?” Yoohyeon replied as she tried to bury her inner emotions and just pretended that nothing was wrong with the say she called out to her.

“Want to stroll through the park?” Siyeon suggested as she pointed to the park that quite open and less people were there. Yoohyeon nodded as she was thankful that Siyeon chose a secluded place so she wouldn’t be judged too much if anything were to happen in a public place.

“Sure,” Yoohyeon happily agreed as she hooked her arm with Siyeon’s arm and marched straight to the park. Though before they entered the park Siyeon took Yoohyeon’s arm off of hers. Yoohyeon’s smile fell but still clung onto some hope that Siyeon might come back to her.

“Sometimes I wonder why there is a soulmate bond,” Siyeon wondered out loud and Yoohyeon heard her perfectly.

“So, no one wouldn’t be alone in the world. So maybe they can be happy regardless of what happens in their life.” Yoohyeon answered hoping that Siyeon might not think too badly about the bond. Just one small significant experience made Siyeon not like the bond at all. Just one and her name is Sua. Yoohyeon frowned and cursed Sua with her involvement. Had I known Siyeon was mine… what would I have done about it? Yoohyeon pondered but in the end, she drew a blank. Siyeon stopped walking and Yoohyeon noticed it immediately. She turned around to see what might have caused Siyeon to stop in her tracks but before she could say anything Siyeon stated out her thoughts.

“I’m quite content without the bond. All I ever felt from the bond was pain. I’ve seen what the bond can do to me and Sua. It just hurts and I don’t want to feel that pain anymore. I’m only here because Sua said so. Her word means everything to me.” Siyeon explained as she hated the conflicted feelings she began to feel.

“But-” Yoohyeon started however Siyeon cut her off.

“No, I’m just tired of all this soulmate business,” Siyeon sighed as she closed her eyes. Yoohyeon didn’t know what to say to her while her heart broke as it wasn’t going to feel the bliss of being with it’s paired one in life.

“You can’t give up hope on soulmates though. You make it sound like the soulmate bond is supposed to be this perfect thing that makes everyone’s life just…,” Yoohyeon didn’t know how to finish her sentence.

“Better?” Siyeon finished and Yoohyeon just nodded. “I find it hard to believe that we have this system in place but not everyone is happy,” Siyeon huffed out as all she wanted to do was just cut her soulmate business with Yoohyeon. She didn’t need it, so what was the point in trying.

“Like I said it’s not perfect. We don’t live in a utopia world, Siyeon. The system only paired us together but it’s up to us on what we do with that fact.” Yoohyeon tried to reason but she got a scoff and crossing her arms instead.

“So, you’re blaming the environment that influences the soulmates reactions?” Siyeon began thinking that Yoohyeon was trying to justify herself due to her situation and stuff.

“Yes!” Yoohyeon shouted, “Soulmates are just a system that’s in place for people to have some happiness in life. What we, the people who are getting the system, are the ones who have to deal with the aftermath. It’s like giving a child a toy. They choose to take it to play with it or choose to ignore it and continue what they were originally doing. Take Jiu Unnie for example. She knew who her soulmate was then made the decision to stay with her until she left her and look how she ended up. She chose her way not because the bond told her to but her own free will,” Yoohyeon reasoned with Siyeon trying to get her to see that soulmates aren’t that bad. Sure, she saw the bad side of things but who would be so crazy to throw it all away for fear of unhappiness. Siyeon frowned knowing that what Yoohyeon logically made sense but deep down she didn’t want to believe it. Yoohyeon sighed as her point didn’t persuade Siyeon and just continued walking on the sidewalk letting silence take over.

Siyeon watched Yoohyeon walk away and she felt a turmoil in herself. Part of her wants to run up to her and do something but another part of her wants to turn around and leave her alone. To let her feel what it meant to have no one to be there for her. Siyeon sighed as she was going to hate herself for this. She speed-walked to Yoohyeon and grabbed her wrist to guide her to a bench. Yoohyeon jumped in surprise of the sudden touch and was about to scream until she saw Siyeon leading her somewhere.

When seated on the bench Siyeon allowed herself to think through her thoughts and making sure that Yoohyeon was by her side that way she wouldn’t regret her decision later. She needed to sort out her feelings quickly, but time wasn’t on her side. Yoohyeon, however, wanted to hold hands with Siyeon. Though having Siyeon’s warm hand wrapped around her wrist wasn’t bad at all. She initiated it and she isn’t going to be the one to stop it not when Siyeon was giving her the chance to make up for her mistakes. She sat there waiting to see what Siyeon was going to do next but all she got in response was silence.

Yoohyeon thought of something that made her heart thump loudly repeatedly. She was afraid to follow through with it, but she couldn’t contain it any longer. She slowly pried Siyeon’s fingers off her wrist and slid it down to her hand. She felt her hands become sweaty but that didn’t stop her. She felt Siyeon’s fingers lightly caress the palm of her hand and she smiled at how ticklish it felt. Smoothly locking her fingers in between, hers and tightening her grasp she finally held Siyeon’s hand thought she waited. 1 Mississippi… 2 Mississippi… 3 Mississippi… 4 Mississippi Yoohyeon counted but Siyeon didn’t dare move her hand it was as if she was slowly accepting Yoohyeon as a romantic partner.