Hansol had been sleeping a relatively calm sleep when he felt Seungkwan's hand clutching onto his arm. He opened his eyes and he became aware of Seungkwan's warm body shivering beside him.

“It hurts...” His voice was weak and small.

“What hurts, baby?” Hansol asked as he gently the hair on his forehead. He was burning up.

“Everything...”

Hansol tried his best to remain calm, but felt like he was way out of his depth here. As gentle as he could he got Seungkwan to let go of his arm and he got out of the bed. “It'll be okay.” he whispered.

Seungkwan felt panic rise inside of him when Hansol walked away. His mind wasn't clear and he couldn't tell up from down. All he knew was that he was in pain and that he was alone. He rolled his body into a ball when another sharp pain went through his stomach. Without Hansol there to hold onto he grabbed a fist full of the sheets and pulled them closer. Tears had started to run down his face, but he didn't even notice. He was vaguely aware of hushed voices and two pairs of footsteps approaching. He felt a tender hand on the side of his face.

“Kwannie, I'm going to turn a little bit of light on.” he heard Mingyu say right before the soft light of his nightlight lit up the room. “Can you tell me what's wrong?”

“It hurts...”

“Can you tell me more specific? Where does it hurt?”

“My muscles, my head, my stomach...” Seungkwan's breath kept hitching and he sounded like he was trying to catch his breath after an intense run in the cold.

“Do you feel like you're going to be sick?” Mingyu asked as a follow up.

Seungkwan's head nodded weakly. He was now holding onto Mingyu's hand. With the light on they could see just how pale he was.

“Okay. We're going to get you to the bathroom. Throw up if you have to, okay? We'll get you into some clean clothes after a quick shower.”

“I don't want to take a shower.” Seungkwan sniffed against Mingyu's leg. He had crawled closer when he felt the mattress dip under Mingyu's weight.

“Just a quick one. It'll help your body relax a little bit.” He started getting Seungkwan out of bed, but when he bent over in pain Mingyu decided it would be more effective to scoop him up in his arms and carry him there. On the way to the bathroom he had asked Hansol to bring them a glass of water and once there he tried to get Seungkwan to drink it. But even that proved to be too much for his system. Hansol watched as Seungkwan emptied his stomach in the toilet with Mingyu sitting down next to him, rubbing his back. He sort of hated to admit it, but he was really impressed by how calm and composed Mingyu was in this situation. Perhaps those years in medical school hadn't been completely wasted on him.

After Mingyu had successfully gotten Seungkwan to drink some water and helped him brush his teeth he got up and pulled Hansol to the side. “I'll quickly change the sheets on the bed and come back. He still has a fever so it won't stay fresh for very long, but at least it'll feel nice for a little while. You got this?”

Hansol nodded even though he wasn't so sure that he did. Seungkwan was sitting on top of the closed lid of the toilet, hunched over with his hands across his body. Hansol knelt down and tried to take his shirt off. “Let's get you into the shower.”

Seungkwan weakly slapped his hand away, “It's cold. Leave me alone.”

Hansol couldn't help but contrast this rejection with the way he had let Mingyu help him, but this was not the time for his own insecurities. So he tried again, a bit more determined this time. “The shower will be warm.”

Seungkwan kept his arms wrapped around himself, making it difficult for Hansol to take his clothes off. “I don't want to.”

Hansol sighed in frustration, “Well what do you want then? Just sit there being cold and in pain? I'm just trying to help you!” He hadn't meant to sound angry and he regretted slightly raising his voice the moment he saw the tears forming in his boyfriend's eyes again. He wrapped his arms around the shivering man, hoping it would calm him down. Instead he started mumbling.

“I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm so pathetic...I'm sorry...”

“Don't say that.” Hansol replied, his hair.

“Please don't hate me...”

“Hey!” Hansol unwrapped his arms and took Seungkwan's face in both hands, lifted it so he would look at him, “I love you. And you're not pathetic.”

For a moment Seungkwan stared up at him in silence and let Hansol wipe away the tears on his cheeks. A sad smile formed on his face, “Yes, I am. I feel like and I'm worthless and all I'm thinking about is if there maybe is a place that I've forgotten about where I've hidden some pills.”

“Please don't ever say you're worthless again.” Hansol whispered. After that Seungkwan allowed Hansol to get him undressed and get them in the shower together. Seungkwan was slowly swaying back and forth with his head leaning against Hansol's chest. His legs felt like they could give out at any moment, but he didn't say anything. He didn't want to be even more of a bother. But he did not object when Hansol moved down and got him to sit on this lap with the warm water of the shower pouring over them. They sat on the floor of the shower like this until Mingyu came back.

Together they got Seungkwan back into his bed. The following hours were some of the worst of Hansol's life. He hated seeing him like this. At first the shower and clean bed seemed to have helped, but it wasn't for long. Hansol stayed by Seungkwan's side as he fought his fever and cramping body.

He had a short argument with Mingyu who wanted to give him something to make it easier to bear, but Seungkwan had said he didn't want anything and Hansol was sticking to it. Although as the hours went by he doubted if it was the right choice and if maybe Mingyu was right when he said one of the reasons Seungkwan was letting himself endure all this pain was because on some level he thought he deserved it. He hoped Seungkwan's words from earlier wasn't what he truly believed.

The next couple of days were rough, but Seungkwan's fever went down and he regained some color on his cheeks. Emotionally he was still quite unstable, crying one moment, yelling at Soonyoung for something trivial the next. Hansol and his friends did their best to keep him occupied and away from potential triggers. Soonyoung did what he did best, which was to make Seungkwan laugh. It wasn't all too effective right now, but Hansol was sure it made him feel better than walking on eggshells around him. Seungcheol tried his best to behave like it was business as usually but Hansol also saw a side of him that he hadn't seen much. He was much more physically affectionate and let Seungkwan cling to him whenever he wanted. It was all going well, relatively speaking, but Hansol couldn't help but feel like he was lacking, like it wouldn't make much difference whether he was there or not. If only he knew that to Seungkwan he made all the difference.

<>

Jeonghan had decided to go visit Jihoon. The last few times he had been together with another Daebak, but he felt like seeing him just the two of them. Well, just the two of them and a few prison guards.

“I ended things with Jisoo and Seungcheol by the way.” He told him after a bit of small talk. He didn't make a habit of discussing his relationships with Jihoon, but for some reason he felt like it was important he knew this.

Jihoon straightened his shoulders, but otherwise showed little reaction. “I'm sorry.”

“Don't be. We probably could have worked it out. If we really wanted to.”

Jihoon shifted in his chair, but kept his eyes on the man sitting across from him, “But you didn't really want to?”

Jeonghan sighed and a sad small smile adorned his face, “Those two fit together so well...I think I was just...something to spice things up with.”

“Don't do that.”

“Do what?”

“Refer to yourself as a thing. You always do that. You think people just see you as a toy.”

“A lot of the times they do.” He groaned, “I can't really blame them. I act like one a lot too.”

“I'm sure they didn't think of you like that.”

Jeonghan cast his eyes down, “I know.” He looked back up and took in Jihoon's features. There was a fading bruise on his jaw and his hair had gotten longer again. “You should get a haircut. I wish this glass wasn't here so I could run my hand through your hair just so you could see properly.”

Jihoon ran his own hand through his hair, but the locks just fell back right where they had been before. “Yeah, I guess I could really use your skillful hands right now.” It was a flirty line in the way that they used to talk to each other all the time. Flirty without real meaning behind it. So why did it hit Jeonghan differently this time?

“You're out in a few months. Think you can wait until then?” His voice was drenched in the same silky smoothness as usual, but his stomach was in knots.

“I don't have much choice in the matter.” Jihoon chuckled. It was quiet for a moment before he asked, “Did the letter I sent Jisoo have anything to do with it?”

“Well, it didn't help. A little heads up about that would have been nice by the way.”

“It wasn't my intention to cause trouble. I just thought...after I get out I didn't want any lingering trouble between us and them, you know? Since you were involved with someone from the Carrots and the Rubies. I just thought it was better to start with a mostly clean slate.”

Jeonghan stared at him. Not sure what to say next. Jihoon had never cared about who he was involved with or made an effort to like any of them. His mind shot back to his talk with Jisoo where he pointed out that he and Seungcheol liked doing cheesy couple things and how he wasn't that type of person. That time an image of himself doing exactly those things with someone else flashed through his mind. The same image came to mind again and the person in it was the same as the one sitting across from him now. A shiver went through his body and it woke him up from his thoughts. Jihoon looked at him with a questioning gaze.

“You okay? You're not getting a cold are you?”

“No, no I'm fine. Just a bit chilly in here, isn't it? No matter. I should get going anyway.”

Before leaving he went to the restroom. As he was washing his hands he looked at himself in the mirror. It wasn't weird that he missed him, was it? They had been used to seeing each other almost on the daily. He was his closest friend. His brain had just decided to manifest those feelings as some sort of weird crush and yearnings for his touch. It would definitely go away once Jihoon was out of jail and back into his daily life like usual. All would return to normal. He was going to ignore these ridiculous thoughts until then. He was vulnerable right now, having just ended things with Jisoo and Seungcheol and the mess going on over at the Ruby place.

Maybe he just needed to get laid, get his mind off everything. Once he got home he went through the contacts in his phone. Nobody that he was interested in seeing again, let alone have with. For a brief moment he lingered on his chat with Jisoo and Seungcheol but decided against it. He sighed. Perhaps it was time to hit a bar.

<>

Mingyu was in the kitchen, leaning against the counter waiting for the water in the electric kettle to boil. He checked his phone. More messages from Minghao. He had been ignoring him, avoiding him. He sighed and opened the chat. He wasn't sure what to type. He couldn't just ask him over text if he had been the one to sell Seungkwan those illegal Chinese drugs, but he had to know. He was sure Jun had told him what was going on by now and he didn't know if it was a good thing or not that he hadn't said anything about it himself yet. The water was done boiling and Mingyu put his phone down without sending anything. Something he would regret a few hours later when the doorbell rang and he came out of his studio to answer.

“So you guys finally decided to lock the front door. Kudos.” Minghao said as he stepped inside.

“What are you doing here?”

Minghao sat down on the edge of the table, “You've been ignoring me for days.”

“Well, yeah, I'm a bit preoccupied with helping my friend get through withdrawal.” He snapped. The last few days had been extremely stressful and he wasn't in the mood to justify himself.

“Is it bad? I swear I didn't know he had a problem, okay?”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“He just told me he wanted something to take the edge off. Something a bit stronger than the meds he'd gotten at the hospital.”

“So, what? You just gave it to him?” Mingyu couldn't believe what he was hearing. He didn't even have to ask him about the drugs. He didn't even seem sorry about it nor did he seem to care about what Seungkwan was going through right now.

'Well, no. I sold it to him. I got him a good price, but I don't run a charity.”

“I...I don't even know what to say right now. I'd been worried that you might have had something to do with it, but for you to just admit to it like it's nothing...I didn't think you were this cold and stoic.”

“Come on, Mingyu, what do you want me to say? It can't be news to you that I sell some stuff here and there. I told you I didn't know he had a problem.”

“Don't you care at all? I know you aren't his best friend or anything, but-”

“I care. I do.” He got up from the table. “I like Seungkwan and it was never my intention to see him get hurt. But I don't think it's my fault either. If I hadn't given it to him he would have gotten it somewhere else.”

“So why didn't you ever mention it to me? That you gave, sold, him something to 'take the edge off'? I could have intervened sooner if I had known and-”

“I don't normally discuss my transactions and I didn't think it was such a big deal! It's not like none of you have ever tried anything.”

“This is completely different! He wasn't asking you for some party drug to have a blast for one night! He was asking you for illegal pain medication that are highly addictive and you should have known better!”

Minghao scoffed, “Or maybe you're just trying to blame me for something that isn't my fault. I never sold him much! Maybe he really was in pain and just wanted something stronger.”

“Bull! Would you have given the same stuff to Seokmin? Or would you have told him to go see a doctor?”

Minghao didn't know what to say to that. No. He probably wouldn't have given Seokmin any drugs. He wasn't used to asking question of those who purchased anything from him. The less he knew, the better. But this wasn't just some unknown face. Maybe if he had known about Seungkwan's past problems he would have said something to Mingyu. Maybe he wouldn't have. Maybe he just hadn't been thinking. Maybe he had just been doing what he always did.

He got closer and reached out his hand, but didn't make contact, “I won't sell him anything ever again, okay? Are we cool?”

Mingyu scoffed, “The fact that you even have to clarify that you won't sell him drugs again...I...” He ran a hand through his hair and let out a deep sigh. He looked him in the eyes, “Wonwoo might have my knees for this, but I don't think I can be with someone who is so oblivious to the consequences of their actions or if not oblivious indifferent. I don't know which is worse.”

Minghao pulled his hand back. “What are you saying? Are you dumping me?”

Mingyu didn't reply, but the look on his face said enough. Without another word Minghao walked passed him and out the door, slamming it shut on his way out.

<>

Minghao arrived at the nightclub both he and Jun worked at. But he wasn't working tonight. He had gotten a call from Jun saying that Jeonghan was drunk out of his mind and getting hit on by some shady people. When he walked in Jun approached him first, but he already spotted Jeonghan in the corner on the lap of some man.

“Thank you for coming. I wasn't sure what to do. He was already here when I started my shift. He doesn't seem to exactly mind the attention, but he's completely wasted. I don't know him well enough to know if this is normal for him or if he's about to do something he's going to regret.”

Minghao did know Jeonghan and this was not like him at all. Hooking up with a random stranger, sure, but never drunk like this. He gave Jun a nod to show his thanks for calling him and he made his way over. He tapped the shoulder of the guy with his hands all over his friend's body. Jeonghan wasn't objecting but it was clear to anyone that the was intoxicated to a point where consent was impossible to give. They guy turned his head to see who wanted his attention. He took one look at Minghao, scoffed, and got back to touching Jeonghan. Going for a different approach he got Jeonghan's attention instead. As soon as he saw Minghao he got on his wobbly feet and all but fell into his arms with a wide smile on his face.

“Hao!' he sing-songed and he ran an uncoordinated finger along his jawline. “What are you doing here?”

“I'm taking you home.” He wrapped his arm around Jeonghan's waist and wanted to walk away, but a hand on his shoulder stopped him. He turned around to give a dirty look to the man who had most likely been counting on taking Jeonghan home or to wherever he was planning to take advantage of him.

“What the do you think you're doing?” The man yelled with a loud voice.

Minghao clicked his tongue, annoyed that this guy wasn't just giving up, “Go away or I'll beat the out of you.”

The other man laughed and looked him up and down, “You? You're going to beat the out of me? I think I'll take my chances.” He reached out and tried to grab a hold of Jeonghan's wrist, but before he could lay his hand on him Minghao had intervened and wrapped his own fingers around the guy's wrist instead. In the meantime Jun had joined the scene and was taking care to get Jeonghan away from the situation that was on the edge of escalation. Minghao let go, but had no intention to settle this peacefully. He was already on edge following his confrontation with Mingyu and this 's face seemed a good a place as any to relief some of his frustrations on. All he needed was one more little push. As soon as the man tried to take a swing at him he proved to be the more agile one and after avoiding getting hit he landed a blow of his own. The man stumbled back. Minghao hit him again and again.

+++

The next morning Jeonghan woke up with a headache like he hadn't felt in years. He looked around and took in his surroundings. It wasn't unfamiliar but he couldn't quite place it. With a groan he sat up and realized he wasn't wearing any clothes. He noticed a bathrobe on the chair next to the bed and he wondered if whoever house this was had left it there for him. He put it on and got startled when something soft went by his leg. He looked down and saw Wonwoo's cat. “Oh thank god.” he whispered to himself. He walked out into the living room and found Wonwoo behind his laptop. He sat down across from him. Wonwoo got up, went into the kitchen, and got back with a glass of water.

“Here.”

“Thanks.” Jeonghan mumbled. When he had sat down again Jeonghan bit his lip and looked at him, “I didn't try to sleep with you, did I?”

“Well, you did crawl in bed with me completely , but you fell asleep right away.” He leaned back in his seat. “Are you going to explain to me why my boyfriend had to call me last night and get your drunk from the bar? It's not like you to lose control like this.”

“I know.” Jeonghan mumbled. For a moment he considered telling his friend about everything going on inside his head lately. How he felt sad about ending things with Jisoo and Seungcheol, but also about his strange new feelings for Jihoon. But doing that would mean saying it out loud and saying it out loud meant he had to admit that he had, somewhere along the way, developed feelings for their leader that he didn't know how to handle. But as he had decided that it was just his mind handling the separation from Jihoon in the worst way possible and it would fix itself once he'd get out of jail, there was no need to tell anyone.“I, eh...I just had a bad week.”

“Well next time you have a bad week call one of us or something. Even if you just feel like drinking. Don't do it alone.”

Jeonghan chuckled, “What if I'm looking to get laid?”

Wonwoo didn't laugh. “That's not what you were doing yesterday though, was it? You don't get that drunk when all you want is . You're smarter than that. Jun told me that if you had gone to any other bar, one with no-one looking out for you, there's no telling what would have happened.”

“Oh, I know what would have happened.”

“Why didn't you call Jisoo or Seungcheol if you wanted to get laid anyway? Didn't you guys have a fight about this kind of stuff before?”

Jeonghan swirled the remaining water in his glass and stared at it, “I ended things with them a few days ago.” He got up and slumped down on Wonwoo's couch. When he sat next to him he placed his head on his shoulder. “I'm sorry I worried you, Wonnie.”

Wonwoo sighed, “I'm just glad nothing bad happened to you. But this sure seems to be a ed up week to be dating a Ruby. People getting dumped left and right.”

“What!? Who else got dumped?” Jeonghan yelled out but immediately groaned at his own loudness.

“Minghao...Mingyu found out he had sold some stuff to Seungkwan and didn't take it so well.”

Jeonghan groaned again, but this time not because of his headache. With the night coming back to him in pieces and the mention of Minghao he suddenly remembered, “Was Minghao at the bar too yesterday? I vaguely remember seeing him there.”

Wonwoo sighed, “Oh he was there alright. Jun called him before he called me, probably because he knows he works at a shady place and doesn't like me to visit too often. Anyway, he got there and beat the crap out of the guy who was apparently trying to get into your pants.”

“Is he okay?” Jeonghan asked concerned. He already felt bad enough getting Wonwoo involved, let alone two of his friends.

“The guy? Probably not. Hao went a little crazy.”

“I meant Hao, Won!” Jeonghan wasn't in the mood to pretend to care about the other guy.

“Oh, yeah. He's okay. I mean, his knuckles are a bit ed up, but other than that he's okay. Besides the fact that I think getting dumped by Mingyu really had an impact on him.”

Jeonghan put his head back down onto Wonwoo's shoulder. “I think he really loves him. I've never seen him care for anyone in the way that he cares for Mingyu.”

“Yeah, I know.” Wonwoo agreed.

“What a mess.”

“Yeah, I know.”