Jeonghan arrived at the Carrot hang-out. He rarely came there. Jisoo had asked him to come over, it would be just the two of them. An even rarer occurrence. He knocked, their doorbell still broken, and waited for Jisoo to let him in. Jeonghan leaned in to give Jisoo a kiss on the cheek, but he felt a distance. As he took off his coat Jisoo walked over to the table and picked up a piece of paper.

“You wanted to talk to me?” Jeonghan asked, not sure what to make of this cold vibe. Jisoo didn't reply right away. Instead he started reading from the letter he was holding.

“I acted rash and without proper reason. I see that now and apologize for the role I played in getting you expelled..”

“Jisoo, what-” Jeonghan tried to interject, but Jisoo continued.

“I wrote to you for the sake of peace and even friendship between our gangs. I hope you can see past my mistakes and don't blame Jeonghan. Sincerely, Lee Jihoon.”

Jeonghan needed a moment to process what was happening here. Jihoon seemed to have written a letter to Jisoo confessing and apologizing. Both very unlike him, but it was not something you could make up either.

“You knew all this time that it was Woozi who got me expelled on the grounds of selling drugs. Something I didn't do.” It was obvious Jisoo was having trouble controlling the tremble in his voice, but he continued, “You must have known what that meant for me. Even if we had very little to do with each other at that time, you could have told me later. You-”

“What good would that have done?” Jeonghan interrupted, “It already happened. Seungcheol fixed it anyway.”

Jisoo shook his head, not believing what he was hearing, “Just because someone else fixed it-”

“Look, Jisoo, Jihoon was angry. He thought you guys had something to do with me getting drugged that time.”

“But we, I, didn't.”

“I know that. He knows that, too.”

“That not even the point. I'm angry because you knew and didn't tell me. And all you're doing now is trying to defend what he did.”

“We go way back, I can't just-”

“So that's it? No matter what, he comes first because you go way back? It doesn't matter that you and I have developed a close relationship? No matter what the issue? At some point that's not going to be good enough anymore, Jeonghan!”

“Good enough for what, exactly?”

“For...for this. For us.”

Jeonghan sighed sadly, “I don't even know what that means, Jisoo. Do you?”

Suddenly the mood had shifted. In place of anger and frustration there was a heaviness of uncertainty weighing down on the conversation. They looked at each other.

“I don't think we should continue this conversation without Seungcheol.” Jisoo spoke with a soft voice. Jeonghan let out a small puff of air.

“Of course you don't. That's because the two of you are in a relationship and I'm...I'm just not.” He had been feeling this way for a while. In the beginning it was just the three of them, having fun. The bonds between them grew stronger, but Jeonghan could feel the other two growing closer to each other at a rate he wasn't able to keep up with.

“Jeonghan...”

“Let's be honest here. You two are different together. You don't see the way you look at each other. But I do.”

Jeonghan saw Jisoo was struggling to say something, but the fact that he didn't spoke volumes. It confirmed to him what he had already been thinking. “It's okay, Jisoo. Maybe it's time to face the fact that this is a two person relationship with three people in it.”

He walked closer to Jisoo who was losing the battle with his tears. He reached up and gently wiped his cheek with his thumb. “Shhh, it's okay. Come here.” He wrapped his arms around him and his hair. He felt Jisoo's arms wrap around him too. “I'm sorry for not telling you the truth before and I'm sorry for making you cry now. I don't want to hurt you or Seungcheol. I care for you, I really do.”

“Then why...” Jisoo tried to break free from the embrace, but Jeonghan held on tighter.

“Think about it. I know you and Seungcheol spend time together without me. I know you two like to do all the lame things normal couples do. Have a movie night at home, hold hands while taking a walk, go shopping together. That's just not me.” Up until that point he believed his own words. He wasn't the type of person for a committed domestic relationship. But as he listed some of the things he knew Jisoo and Seungcheol liked to do together an image flashed through his mind. An image where he was doing all of those things. But not with Jisoo and not with Seungcheol.

They stood in silence in each other's arms. Jisoo wanted to tell Jeonghan he was wrong, but he wasn't entirely convinced that he was. He didn't want to lose him, but there was some truth to his words. When he was alone with Jeonghan he felt like a part was missing, like Seungcheol was missing. But when it was just him and Seungcheol he didn't feel the same sense of emptiness.

“I'm sorry.” he whispered against Jeonghan's chest. Jeonghan finally let go. He let his hands slide down to Jisoo's arms and he smiled at him.

“Why are you apologizing?”

Jisoo sniffed. His mind was a mess. He had been angry at Jeonghan after Jihoon's letter, but it almost didn't seem relevant anymore. He couldn't find the words needed to express his own feelings. Everything was tangled up.

“Do you want me to leave?” Jeonghan asked.

Jisoo shook his head.

“Do you want to talk?”

“I don't know what to say...but I think we have to involve Seungcheol in this. We can't just-”

Jeonghan nodded. “Okay. Okay, we'll go talk to him. Do you know where he is?”

“At the Ruby place.”

“I'll drive. We'll pick him up and go somewhere where we can talk, okay?”

++

The ride over was silent. Jeonghan drove and tried to clear his mind. Jisoo sat in the passenger's seat, staring outside. They walked through the door and heard yelling coming from upstairs. They looked at each other with worried eyes and hurried to the sound.

<>

It had been a few weeks since their anniversary date and they hadn't seen much of each other since then. Seungkwan was always busy and tonight at dinner he seemed agitated, annoyed whenever Hansol asked him about anything. He dropped him off back at his house and followed him inside despite Seungkwan telling him the front door was far enough. Upstairs they found the rest of the Rubies along with Seokmin, and Chan playing billiards. Seungkwan let out an annoyed huff at their presence.

“You guys better keep it down. I have an assignment to finish.” He turned to Hansol and folded his arms. “I need to finish an assignment.”

Hansol nodded, “So you said.” He walked over and placed a kiss on his cheek. “I'll just stick around for a bit and join these guys, okay?”

Seungkwan shrugged, “You can do whatever you want. I'll see you later.”

After Seungkwan had disappeared into his bedroom Hansol walked over to the others.

“Did you guys have a fight or something?” Soonyoung inquired.

“Not that I'm aware of.” Hansol replied. “Guys, can I ask you something? Does Seungkwan seem a bit...different lately?”

“Different? Different how?” Seungcheol asked without taking his eyes of the game.

“He just seems more emotional and...a bit different. Do you think it's just stress?”

“I kinda get what you mean.” Soonyoung replied, “A while ago he totally snapped at me just for being in his room! And I mean snapped. He literally dragged me from his chair.”

“Maybe you just shouldn't be in people's rooms without their permission.” Chan joked.

Seungcheol wasn't seeing the funny side of it. “Hansol? How long have you been noticing this?”

Hansol thought back. It was hard to pinpoint because it wasn't like it was always happening and it was more a feeling than anything else. “I'm not really sure...maybe after he got released from the hospital? Do you think it could be some sort of trauma thing...?”

Seungcheol's eyebrows were furrowed and he had stopped playing. Mingyu looked up also.

“Cheol? What are you thinking?”

“I'm not sure, but...this somehow feels awfully familiar.”

“What do you mean?” Hansol asked. The room had gone silent and the air was heavy.

“Is Seungkwan's bag around here?” Seungcheol walked around the living room.

“I think he took it with him to his room. Why?” Hansol didn't like this. At all.

“Seungcheol?” Mingyu asked again, “You don't think...”

Seungcheol met his eyes, “I don't know. But I'm going to find out. You guys stay here.”

He walked towards Seungkwan's bedroom. Hansol wanted to follow, but was stopped by Mingyu's hand on his arm.

“Just...wait a moment. Let him handle it.”

“Handle what?”

Mingyu didn't reply.

Seungcheol knocked on Seungkwan's door, he could hear Seungkwan telling him to wait, but he didn't listen. He opened the door and went inside, closing it behind him. Seungcheol pretended not to notice the way Seungkwan hurriedly slammed his desk drawer shut.

“You really don't understand the point of knocking, do you?” Seungkwan snapped at him.

“What's the big deal? You're just sitting at your desk, right?”

“Look, can I help you with something? I'm busy.”

“Seungkwan,” Seungcheol made sure his friend was looking at him before he continued, “I'm going to ask you a question and I want you to answer me straight, okay? I won't be angry, so please don't lie to me.”

Seungkwan didn't say anything. Maybe he could feel the question coming.

“Are you using drugs?”

“What!? No! Of course not.” His immediate response was defensive and not unexpected, but Seungcheol knew better than to let it end here.

“Hansol is worried about you, Seungkwan. He said you've been acting different, more emotional than usual, and Soon said you snapped at him when he was in your room.”

“Oh so now I can't even get a little emotional? What kind of misogynistic crap is that!?”

“Seungkwan, you're doing it right now. You're blowing up and I just asked a question.”

“No, you're judging me and accusing me is what you're doing.”

“What's in the drawer, Seungkwan?”

“N-nothing.”

“So if I open it I'll find nothing?”

It took Seungkwan a moment to answer, but Seungcheol waited.

“Just my pain medication.” Seungkwan mumbled.

“You're still taking it?”

Seungkwan didn't say anything.

“What else is in there?”

“Nothing.”

“Open it.”

“What?”

“Open the drawer, Seungkwan.”

“No! Mind your own damn business.”

“I'm not going to ask again.”

Seungkwan still didn't move, but when Seungcheol reached down to open the drawer himself he suddenly grabbed his arm. He looked at him with pleading eyes, “Please, don't.”

Seungcheol was much stronger and he pried Seungkwan's hands off of him. He opened the drawer. An open container with pills scattered around. Presumably because Seungkwan had been caught off guard when Seungcheol entered the room. He slowly put the pills back into the container and felt around for the lid. As he did he could feel something underneath the sheet of paper covering the rest of the drawer. Seungkwan tried to stop him but he pulled it aside. His heart stopped as he did. The drawer was filled with small pill bottles and little plastic bags.

“It's not a big deal, okay? I have it under control!” Seungkwan said, sounding like he was trying to convince himself more than anyone.

“Do you?” Seungcheol asked as he picked up a random bottle and checked the label.

“Yes! I only use anything when I really need it!”

“Oh yeah? And when do you really need it?”

Seungkwan didn't answer.

“Are you mixing any of these? You do know how dangerous that is?” He tried not to get angry. He tried to stay calm. He needed to for Seungkwan's sake. He knelt down in front of him and tried to get him to look at him, but Seungkwan's eyes were filling up with tears. “We're going to help you, all right?”

There was a knock on the door. Seungkwan's eyes widened and he shook his head. He didn't want anyone, especially Hansol to see him like this. Seungcheol his cheek, “I'm going to let Hansol in, okay?” Seungkwan still wasn't sure, but he didn't object. Hansol came in wanting to know what was going on. Seungcheol whispered something to him that Seungkwan couldn't hear and showed him the drawer. With one move Hansol pulled the whole thing form the desk. The sound it made caused Seungkwan to cringe. Hansol stormed back into the living room and dropped the whole thing in the middle of the billiard table. Seungcheol followed him.

“What the are you doing? You losing your is not what Seungkwan needs right now.” he hissed at him.

“Well, I'm losing my for a moment.” Hansol yelled back. He picked up one of the small bags mixed in with the pills. “Did you give him this, Chan?”

“W-what?” The whole room was confused, although it was clear what was happening to all the Rubies. They had been through a similar situation before.

“Isn't this your weed? These are your signature bags, right?”

“Hansol, it's just weed...I...”

“Did you give him any of the other stuff?”

“What? No! I don't even know what's going on! Sol, I-”

“Get out.”

“What?”

“Get the out. I don't want to see your face. Ever.”

“What's going on here?” Nobody had heard them come in, but Jisoo and Jeonghan were standing at the edge of the room with shocked faces.

“Great timing. Chan needs a ride away from here.” Hansol replied and he walked back to Seungkwan's bedroom.

“Seungcheol?” Jisoo asked.

“Can you do what he said? I'll explain later, but can all non-Rubies leave? Now.”

Jisoo placed a hand on Chan's shoulder who was clearly shaken. “Come on.”

Seungcheol followed Hansol back to Seungkwan's side. Hansol was now the one knelt down in front of him.

“I'm sorry I got angry. I wasn't angry at you, okay? But I need you to tell me if what was in that drawer was everything.”

Seungkwan nodded before he broke down in tears again and shook his head.

Hansol reached up to wrap Seungkwan in his arms and let him cry.

++

Soonyoung sat on the couch with his head in his hands. He let this happen. He was right there with him in the same house. He had seen this kind of behavior from Seungkwan before and yet he had missed it. He was too wrapped up in his own stuff to notice.

Mingyu was going over the different types of pills that had been in the drawer. Most of the labels made sense to him. Pain medication like Seungkwan had said. But there was one that stood out. One he couldn't read. He couldn't read it because it was in Chinese. He didn't want to think about where he could have gotten that from.

++

Seungkwan had finally tired himself out and was sleeping a restless sleep on Hansol's chest. Hansol was still awake. There was no way he could sleep right now. He was angry, confused, and anxious about what would come next. It was one thing to take away the stuff Seungkwan had been using, but it would be an ugly ride before he would no longer want it back.