*Three months later* 

While Red Velvet was struggling internally and individually. Seulgi had struggled so much by herself, as she used to confide in Wendy in everything. Yeri closed herself off from the world. The amount of celebrity friends she had could not ever equal the amount of love she wanted to shower Wendy with. Wendy took such great care of her before and after they debuted. Is soulless a way to describe Irene? If any of her members looked straight into her eyes, or anyone for that matter, there was just emptiness. And sure, her happiness shouldn’t depend on anyone else except herself. Sure, all of them shouldn’t depend on anyone except themselves, but they shouldn’t expect Wendy to comeback and save them when they couldn’t even try to put an effort into saving her. They didn’t even know she was in that spot until whatever happened, happened.

But Wendy.  

Wendy.

The same girl that almost died and came back to life.

Wendy.

Wendy was in the total opposite state of her group.

When Wendy left, she left a gaping hole of silence that filled the dorm room, to the point where each member had a hard time communicating with each other. They didn’t even talk, unless

“Hi”

“Did you eat?”

“What time are you coming home?”

“Okay.”

Is considered a conversation.

But when she left with the pure intentions of putting herself first, she did whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted. Not to say she was careless, but Wendy had the freedom to do things she wasn’t able to do before, but freedom never comes easy.

The first month by herself was extremely challenging. Every single day she had struggled within her thoughts on whether she should contact them. The way her curiosity rose every morning when she woke up, to every night she silently stared at the ceiling wondering what her members were doing at the moment. But she knew if she were to contact them right now, only more problems would arise… or so she thought. So, she did her best not to contact them, even if she had the tiniest sliver of a feeling that they were trying their best to prove they cared and maybe… just maybe she rushed the decision of moving out. She held back on checking the group chat, asking their manager about them. Every time she would go on Youtube to look for new songs and a Red Velvet video would be in her recommended videos, regardless of it being an official music video or fancam at an airport, she would close the tab.

The moments after she would see their faces while on Youtube, or anywhere, all she could do was blink out the tears that would form unwillingly, and as a way to protect her mind from crashing down, she would just blank out. Tune everything out.

There were days she would sit in the window of her condo. Literally sitting in a wooden chair, which is comfortable for the first hour, until one hour becomes 14 hours and stare down outside the window for the entire day. Watching people return to the same busy street everyday, every other day. She’d shut everything out. No sounds would get through to her head. When the phone rang, it rang until it reached voicemail. If the annoying neighbor would come over and ask if she wanted to go out to eat lunch, no one would hear the knocking. No one could hear the incessant banging of a head