Dear Journal,

When I woke up this morning, I didn't get up til an hour has passed. I spent my early morning laying down my bed, thinking about the photos, memories and the phonecall I shared with Seungcheol few nights ago. I hung up on him because I realized i'm doing something wrong. It's like... i'm cheating on Junhui. 

I have to stop myself from this madness i'm putting myself into. Seungcheol clearly shows his feelings and.... I'm just.... why now? Why now that I have

Junhui? I don't want to hurt Junhui for s sake. I want to be honest with him and love him and him only, but my brain and my heart are screaming completely different names. 

Mind, Junhui...

Heart...... Seungcheol

I can't keep on meeting Seungcheol like this. I just can't. Junhui won't like it and I don't want us to fight about this again. I want to be honest with him. Really want to.

But if I come with Junhui, I will most likely not see Seungcheol again. 

If I set out for New York...

I won't be able to see Seungcheol again..

I wouldn't be able to be with him and talk to him...

That...

I couldn't ing let go..

But Junhui...

I love this man and...

I don't want to lie to him or c