*Jinki POV*

***

“Watch your tummy. No one able to wash the pukey feeling from inside in the morning.”

“I’m trained. The last time I got drunk is..”

“Exactly last year ago. We remember your schedule very well.”

“You are the best, Jong.”

I supplied him with stupid grin. A weak stupid grin to be exact. My mind is too exhausted to pretend that I would be okay after a bottle of vodka. Or let’s say two bottle soon to be.

“Who’s in charge tonight?” Minho’s half shouting from his seat.

“It’s my turn.”

“Key’s already stayed at mine since last week. Your friend over here seems to be kicked from his apartment. Again.”

“You ungrateful bastard. I can stay whatever I want but I choose your cold and old house!”

“We had so much memory over there!”

“No one deny!”

I pour that poor clear liquid  out from its shell. Before I could fill it bottoms up, a huge hand stop me on the way.

“Stop it, dude. You’re too old for this.”

“I already paid this crap. It would be such a waste if you throw it away!”

“Let Jonghyun finish that. You need to go home right now!”

“Who are you?! My mom? My wife?!”

A sudden slap landed on my left cheek precisely, stung my skin hard, and I’m pretty sure there would be a huge and obvious red mark. I tilt my head to find Jonghyun left the three of us, cursing between the rapid beats, and then vanishing in the dark.

“Come on. No one among us wanted this. Go spent some rest.” Minho tapped my shoulder lightly and slightly lifted me from the stool.

“You need to go home too!”

“I will after I get Jonghyun.”

“But..”

“No more buts today. Come on, Old Man. So many things to sweep tomorrow.” Key put his jacket on and made his way toward me.

I let out a deep sigh. A long and desperate one, that somehow still managed to reach Kibum and Minho’s ear even there’s so much noise in the club. I give up inside Kibum’s steady hold. He keeps repeating ‘it’s okay, I’m with you’ for several times before he waved goodbye to Minho.

“See you tomorrow at 12!”

“Aren’t we supposed to meet at 10?”

“It hits harder this time, Minho. Give him time. Send Jonghyun and Taemin a text. We’re going!”

And I don’t remember anything after two steps away from Minho.

***

The sun slips through the curtain, forcing my eyes to open in such a heavenly way. When finally I could drag myself out of the messy bedroom, a blue envelope is already waiting for me, placed neatly beside my cereal bowl. Key must be didn’t have time to cook this morning. Well, I feel bad since he always take care of me despite my harsh words and cold attitude toward him.

My finger ran to pull a broken white paper out of the wrap, sliding myself to the stool, placing both my elbows on the table. I got my self smiling while noticing the familiar hand writing.

Hey, Love! :)
You must be surprised. If you’re not, I’ll let Minho smack your tummy to make you do. :)
How long it has been since my last letter to you? Ah, I miss those old days. The days that I challenged myself to write a stupid letter and sent it to you along with sketchy shawl. What was the color? Guess I’m too old already just to remember it T___T

Until the last minute I wrote this letter, I still couldn’t believe it all, Jinx. 
You would never knew, how super happy I was, when for the first time you wore that shawl and bragged it to Key and Taemin. 
You would never knew, how amazing it felt, when for the first time you talked to me. 
You would never knew, how wonderful I it was, when we went on first date at Jonghyun’s coffee shop the next following spring.

That day was so beautiful for me, seeing you in front of me, couldn’t stop laughing when I told you all the unfortunate silly things happened since the day I started to knit that shawl until it handed safely to your hand. Well, thanks to Minho, even it did cost a new Manchester United jersey of course :P.

And your smiling eyes, Jinx.. The best thing that I ever had in my life after my mom :P
That smile makes my heart’s racing like a roller coaster and feeling homey save at the same time. And the first time you hold my hand, the only thing that I could think in my mind that time was, ‘Am I dreaming? Am I already dead and this is heaven?’

No no no, I’m not exaggerating, babe.
After dreaming for so long, you did come to my life, making it became a reality that I would cherish until the doom day. I just thought that I’m already crushed by a bulldozer or something so my brain cracked and spoiled that flashed so many things that I just could imagine before.

Just need 5 hours for me to like you. Need 5 days to make my first gift to you. Need 5 months to see you wore it for the first time. Need 5 season to grow this feeling. Need 5 years, after my first letter on our first marriage anniversary, to recall all those beautiful memories upon this very paper.

Thank you for caring me this much. 
Thank you for giving that chance to know you for the rest of my life. 
Thank you for showing me that prettiest smile. 
Thank you for growing up with me until now.
Be happy with your life. Don’t force yourself too far, you’re a human that also able to fall and tired. You should take care and worry yourself more, Jinx.

Don’t worry, I’m not stop loving you. No. Never. Until the doom day, I would be the one who look after you like you always did that for me :)

Happy 5th anniversary my dearest one.
No matter what you did, what you think, with anyone you’re, at anywhere you’re, still, you are the best and the only one for me. You could never imagine it, even at this very now, I’m missing you damn crazy, baby!

Time to go now! Take care always! Kisses and hugs! Lots lots lots!
I miss you, Lee Jinki.

Love always,
Me :)

 

Last night, after Kibum turned off the light and closed the door behind him, I curled under the thick blanket, promised myself not to shed any tears. But I’m sorry, I can’t help but crying.

_______, you always surprised me, again and again. You successfully recalled those precious moments we shared together. I am the one who feel grateful meeting a person like you and finding an ocean heart like yours. I’m so sorry for all the mistakes, all those scars and all those tears. I’m so sorry that I didn’t do all my best all those past years.

It has been the second letter since you’ve gone. Tell me, which one from the boys who did help you planned this stuff? I wonder when did you write all these letters.
Would it come again next year? Should I wait for that, Love?

Rest well my dearest one. Happy 5th anniversary, _______. I miss you more.

***