Conversations not me at all
I’m hesitating only to fall
And I’m waiting, I’m hating everyone

Could it be you fell for me?
And any possible similarity
If its all, how would I know?
You never knew me at all but I see you
But I see you

I’m standing across from you
I’ve dreamt alone, now the dreams won’t do

– I See You (MIKA)

***

Every member in a pack has their own role:  the drama queen, the girls next door, the sporty spice, the rich princess, the smart (jack) and the wallflower. Though it’s plotted neatly on the manual, the casts only revealed at the second year of high school. The freshmen year, it would be the same for all of human kind, a confused teenager who hope for a better social status than they used to be at middle school. And when puberty struck in time, POOF, every girl turned into a beautiful swan except me.

For someone who’s in a process of discovering herself, I found my ability nothing’s more than making a mix tape. A mix tape that only had two listeners, me and Kibum.

Ah, Kibum. I wish I were him. The fact that he’d been my best friend since kindergarten year doesn’t bother to change the fact that we had different role in school. He doesn’t need to work extra hard to earn any status. He’s status itself.

Besides his sass diva feeling, Kibum is softer than any silk every king around the world would ever wear. The way he speaks, just like pearls, full of delicate but ready to kill you with the sharp edge once it breaks. No one fit as a shopping buddy, fashion guru, party goers, and social worker in one go more than him. He’s the most honest person I’ve ever know in my entire life.

“ _______! Where’s the other?” AJ let her loud voice roaming around the canteen, making Kibum who sits beside me rolled his eyes.

“MY EAR IT’S NOT FRIGGIN MICROPHONE! Mind your voice!!” Kibum never failed to spoil anything that doesn’t go along with his taste. Like undone hair, or this time, AJ’s voice. And her choice of sweat pants.

“Dew has her musical practice. Gil is busy with the study hall. Kale went to the movie with Minho. Fa just texted me, she’s at the new nail art shop, and shouldn’t you have your Wednesday practice at the gym right now?!”

“A little chat doesn’t hurt, dear. By any chance, do you have a..” I hand her a bottle of isotonic water I just purchased from the vending machine a while ago, “You’re the best! See you around! Bye, Key!”

“Get lost.”

I slapped him right at his back, “Watch your words.”

“Never knew that you like to hang out with such a monster like her.”

“That’s rude, Mr. Kim!”

“You sound like their manager; checking their schedule, providing their need, blah blah blah!“

“You act like one too.”

“That’s because it was you!”

Kibum’s pale cheeks suddenly turned red. Before wondering about him being upset, the first thought came in my mind was he might wearing new shades he won from Anna Sui. He’s always this cute, with sullen face and pouty bow lips, entirely adorable and fierce at once anytime he’s annoyed.

"Are you blushing?”

His cheeks are now already tomatoes, “NO! I am angry!”

I smile right away and try to pinch his small and pointy nose, but he turns his head right away. Another whiny grown up who need to be feed.

“It’s okay, Bum-ah. They love me as much you do.”

“I love you more!”

“Fine. Now put that grudge away.”

“If only you go to the nail shop with me.”

“You never listen to me, do you? Fa went there 30 minutes ago.”

“Crap. That hyena is always on my way.”

“Let’s go to Starbucks. It’s Wednesday.”

“So what?”

“It’s barista day! They’ll be available to tell you all about coffee from A to Z!”

“Oh my precious DocMart. Can you just shot me now?”

***

People who said that kids in high school tent to sleep wherever and whenever they wanted clearly didn’t aware that my inner circle does exist. The entire school got the class canceled due to something important called board meeting which need to be attended by all teachers. Guess there’s no time for sleep for me though because Kibum and Fa involved themselves in a heated conversation.

 “Don’t start what you can’t finish, Chalk Face!”

“Like finish your life? Oh, I definitely could, Mr. Jell-o-Muscle!”

Another sweet talks. They never get along since the dinosaurs still on earth and the asteroid haven’t reached earth yet. Half dozed because I went to bed past 2 last night after made another mix tape, I saw Kibum looking at me, tried to hide his anger.

“Why on earth are we doing here?”

“Trying to sleep?” as I yawned several times trying to catch my surrounding.

“You better wake up sleepy head!!” He smacked my tummy lightly, forced me open my eyes wider to the exposed world, “Look at those bunch of idiots. You’re in the wrong pack!” AJ got her phone on hand. Gil, next to her, reading an old novel I just bought her couple days ago. Under the bulletin board, Kale and Minho lean to each other don’t bother to keep up with the earth rotating around them.

“So are you.” Fa smashed him with her sharp tongue like the other days, stand tall before Kibum.

“Do I ask your opinion? And, basic rule, peasant. You don’t always have to match your eye shadow and your blush with your cardigan. It’s just like someone pour a bucket of paint on you!”

“Take care of yourself. You are the first of my entire life that wear BB cream as thick as your sin!” if we live in cartoon motion, Fa might grow some horns top of her head while white smokes came out both from her nose and her ears.

“So you mean I’m already flawless without any cover? Girl, you turned out have some brain inside your messy head.”

“Kibum, enough.” I turned to find Kibum’s eyes were so in flame, torn a bit and left out in a visible wound.

“Teach him some manner, _______, or I won’t hold myself throwing him to the lowest hell!”

“I’m outta here! Are you coming with me, _______?” Kibum jumped off on his feet and snatched his postman leather bag, tucked his shirt and fixed his bangs, doesn’t even care with some eyes judging him so bad.

Feel like I need to clear this up before leaving, I just sent him a bitter smile, “Later, Kibum-ah. Later.”

The atmosphere is suddenly quieter than before. The storm’s gone as Kibum walked away, left the whole gang stay in tense. When I tilt my head to Fa, she refused to meet my eyes, gazing away and trying to hold her eyes from shedding any tears, “I’m sorry, Fa.”

“This is the very last time I speak to Kim Kibum.”

Fa drown herself in rage. I found that there’s no reason I should stay here any longer.

“How the heck Kibum does aware about eye shadow?”

“He lives for that, hon.” Kale gives Minho an answer while playing with his dark locks.

“Doesn’t make any sense. You should get yourself a real man, _______!”

That’s it. My clue is given in time.

“If you mean someone who could be a bodyguard 24/7, Minho, I think I could kick those erted a-holes with my own feet. And you too, if you can’t stop talking about my friend.”

Something is more important than a real man, or blush on, or BB cream, or cardigan, or high school clique. But some people just missed that value.

***

I thought Dew and Kale just jesting around when they said they gave my number to Jonghyun. Right, that main cast from Dew’s musical who own a beautiful rich voice. So when an unknown number appeared on my phone screen, I thought it was AJ, who lost her phone more than she had breakfast.

A phone call leads to another. He’s not that bad, well, I mean he caught my jokes easily and vice versa. After some consideration, I agreed to go on a date with him this weekend. And let’s say, prior to that, Kibum and I agree to disagree.

“You amazed me!” Kibum slam the book opened in front of him when we’re in the middle of finishing geography tasks at the library.

“Thank you, Sir.”

“No, I’m not kidding! Kim Jonghyun? That moron?! Who never stop talking even on his sleeping time? You can find a better person! Much better!!”

I flip the pages over and over, trying to find the best explanation about the invisible wall barrier between The Native American and the American until this very modern days, “Oh, yeah? Like who?”

“Like me, maybe?”

Sudden surge of laughing hard try to break out of my throat. I’m holding my laughter, suffocating myself try not to give the librarian a chance to scold me like she did last week, “My dearest, you are the least person on the entire universe I favor to have a relationship with.”

Kibum left his mouth wide opened, while his eyes spare me a hurtful gaze. Unlike the usual Kibum, he’s not yelling or filling the atmosphere around with curses. Something is definitely not in the right track because instead of sulked, Kibum somehow looks.. miserable?

“Hey, are you alright? I’m joking! Don’t take it seriously! Let’s finish this before closed hour.”

“I always take it seriously if it came to you.”

He got my full attention right now. Once I trace down his face, I found those eye bags hanging there like a dark cloud ready to break on heavy rain. His broken eyebrow’s is uncovered and those small pimples on his chin definitely need more concealer, “Kibum-ah?”

 “I know I care about you more, but I don’t think it’s necessary to explain it to that extend.”

“What are you talking about?”

Since when Kim Kibum, the almighty one, the most well dressed boy in this school, the sweetest person I’ve ever knew, lost his ability in eloquence? He doesn’t even bother to hide his mental disdain stage and keep tossing stuffs from the table to his bag.

“What the hell are you doing, pretty boy?” Take a grab of his hand, he returns it with shaking my hand off.

“I’m not pretty. I thought you’re different.”

The sound of brown oak floor cracking while he pulled his stool so sudden, leaving in wide steps, drilled a huge whole inside my chest.

***

 “Some little kids need their hero, so I’ve been helping the world to stay in peace..,” Kibum had been MIA since the day he slammed the library table and left me alone with the geography essay. My blood is boiled enough to shower him with some blasphemes.

“You mean doing some favor for bunch of chicks that needs your advice on their wardrobe and hairdo?”

“Close enough.”

A warm feeling oozes my heart making it contented in instance. He apologizes about what happened the other day at the library. Feeling guilty because I’ve failed reading his mood, I ensure him it was alright he exploded like that.

“I’m craving of red velvet. Let’s grab a slice!”

“I can’t”

“Because Jonghyun’s next to you?” He sounds so irritated.

“Course not. Second Friday of the month. Girls sleepover, remember?”

Kibum hold his gasp and let it out in a very gentle tone, “Send my apologize to Fa. I haven’t got a chance talking to her. Good to hear that you’re hanging out with your girls. Not that dino monster named Jonghyun.”

“Actually, I’m having a dinner with him next week.” No sound came out from the other line. I bite my lower lip; patiently wait what would happen next.

“I’m hanging up.”

” Kibum-ah..” In the area of hiding desperation, I’m quite bad too.

“Kidding.”

“Not funny enough! Why do you hate it so much when I talk about him?”

“Well, I just don’t feel comfortable with him between us. Talking about Jonghyun is always put us in distance. And I really really hate that, _______.”

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Are you thinking about new Lanvin shoes right now?”

“Hell no. Let me get this straight. Are you, by any chance, afraid that I would stop being your friend and hanging out on your slouchy couch and.. And enjoying a baking day with your Nana?”

There’s a long pause of hesitation before Kibum made himself clear, “A bit?”

“Are you nuts?! There’s no in’ way I would throw what we had just because the existence of Kim Jonghyun! Get your brain back to its place!”

“No matter what?”

I wonder if I’m talking to a 6 years old kid right now, making me all feeling gooey and happy, “No matter what!”

“Even if I said I like you?” Kibum said that carefully, almost regretting it slipped out from his own mouth.

“Kibum-ah, if you didn’t like me, we’re already poles apart since a long time ago.” Kibum repeated ‘all right’ for several times, but the phone doesn’t lie, “Kim Kibum, listen, you are my best. And I would not, ever, ditch you away, even if you did that to me.”

“I know I know. I’m sorry. Again.”

“Off to go. Go buy some shoes, you’ll be fine.”

“Okay. Bye.” Just before I tap the red icon on my phone, I heard Kibum makes such a noise with my name, “_______!”

“Yeah?”

“I’m not kidding.”

“What?”

“See you on Monday!”

He dashed out from the conversation, let me burrow my brows, questioning his action until this very second, “Weird.”

“Told you not to entail with someone like him.” Fa throws her slender figure onto the bed and crosses her long legs.

“How could I not? He’s been there first before I knew you all. He sent you an apology, by the way.”

“Not accepted.” Fa’s sticking her tongue out. I knew she’s already forgetting the PMS mode Kim Kibum.

After make ups, latest fashion trend, some pizzas and potato salad, the girls keep talking about boys, and finally, the topic that I want to avoid the most came on the surface: Kim Jonghyun, who’s somehow managed to survive hanging out with me. Me myself quite bemused with the fact that he didn’t run away after our first date, or in my point of view is just going to the book café near my house which revealed to the world that Jonghyun doesn’t enjoy coffee as much as I do.

“I don’t know. We’re just well, let me put on a word, like, ummm.. Fine?”

“Girl, you need some education. The world offered you the most beautiful bag in history and you do hesitate not to take it? Other girls might snatch it right away before you even blink!”

Am I not listening well? Did Dew just compare a person with a bag? Seriously?

“Is it because of Key?”

“What?”

Gil fixed her position and pulled the comforter to her chest, “You’ve been friend since ages and now someone slipped in between, not to mention that Key obviously shows how much he wanted Jonghyun vanished away.”

“Holy molly! Is it right that Key’s the reason why you aren’t official yet?” Kale turned over and lay on her tummy.

Fa rolled her magazine, land it on my head, forced me to cuss, “Give your tiny brain a little work out! Jonghyun’s like a feast whilst Key’s leftover! I’m so done with him being jaunty Mr. Know It All, acted like he’s the perfect one! How can a boy prefer watching Gossip Girl and shopping instead playing computer or game all day long? Wacky!”

“He’s not!” I hate it when people looked down at my best friend, “It’s just he has different interest from others! That’s what makes each person unique!”

“Minho is unique! He loves football and working out more than his life but suddenly turned into a sweet fluffy puppy when it came for food!” Kale’s cheeks got pinkish when she mention about her oh-so-macho boyfriend.

“And that’s what we call weird.”

Fa and Kale made a great combo when it comes to Kibum. Fa definitely placed herself as Kibum’s arch enemy while Kale believed the only dateable kind of boy is the one she owned right at the moment. Dew chose to join the force, added fuel to the open fire, gave her opinion about Jonghyun and how confident she was bet on her right hand that Jonghyun would made him way to be a gentleman.

“Why do you stand for Key instead of Jonghyun?”

“It’s not about choosing side. I’m just not sure yet about Jonghyun. Something feels off when I’m with him. I don’t know why.”

“It’s 100% because of Key!”

I send a perfect annoyed glare to Gil who tonight chose not to be as smart as usual, “I told you it’s not!! Jonghyun seems so beyond imagination. Like, inhumane?”

“Isn’t it perfect? You should be grateful!”

“It burdens me! He’s that multi-talented while I’m just a not bad girl, Gil!”

“When will you go out with him again?”

“Next week. Why?” I’m not really excited with Dew’s question.

“Make sure you get it official or you’ll be like AJ! Her taste has been dull since long ago! She can’t distinguish between a good boy material or good jump suit material!”

“YAA! I have my own type!” AJ who’s busy with new basketball game installed on her phone finally breaks out.

And there you go, another discussion about dream boy that had been repeated for hundreds since this innere circle gang up together. Thanks to all the multivitamin I took back in middle school, I almost memorized every single thing they mentioned.

For Dew, the best one is a boy who will be there not only at the ups moment, but also the most devastated moment.

Kibum was there, sat quietly on the hard wood floor, watching me sobbing on the bed, accepting the fact that after so much fight for the past 3 years, my parents finally got divorced.

AJ said, she would’ve died for a boy who accepts every single flaw on her.

For a famous author grandchild and daughter of a lecturer, dyslexia is a nightmare. When my Dad hated me so much but Kibum stayed all night helping me get over it.

On the other hand, Gil always adored someone funny who nailed the silliest joke ever.

No one ever made me burst in laugh as loud as Kibum with his quick sense and wit.

Fa goes to someone who let her free soul express what it desired while Kale prefers the guardian type.

We had a different taste on fashion and body treatment, but not once in my life, Kibum ever forced me to wear or try something that I didn’t like. Kibum never skip a day called me at night, make sure I locked the door well and prayed before I went to bed.

Never.

Until Jonghyun and I started going out together. Everybody know, that Kibum doesn’t like Jonghyun even slightly, but it’s still  a bit vague for me. He said the other day, since Jonghyun and I texted each other, he should the one who called me before bed time.

“_______! Any update on your type? Don’t say it’s Key or I just open the door and jumped off the balcony!”

Dew snapped the string on my head.

Is it?

***

Last night, I poured my concern to Gil through an all night long phone call. Kibum was missing in action for the past couple weeks. Contented with pile of confidence and curiosity after, I dare myself to confront Kibum who wears a pair of pink boots, drop dead skinny washed jeans, and a leather jacket today and stands out in a crowd with his yellow hair.

“Where have you been?”

“Here and there. Just like any other day.”

“Any other day you would came over my house or asked me to grab some cake.”

He just shrugs his shoulder and quietly sips his ice coffee, phone never left his hand, makes me feel more distant. I tap the table in a random rhythm, tongue-tied under the odd atmosphere.

“Why you come to me? Is there something you want to tell me?”

“Am I that bad? Coming after you only if I had purpose?”

Kibum seems aware that I’m not in the mood, “Of course not.. You’re anxious about something. That’s why I ask. Now tell me.”

I take a deep breath before spill it out, “Jonghyun asked me to the indie festival next week.”

“So?”

“It’s kind of our thing.”

“Why bother telling me this? You need permission?” this time I’m the one who shrug my shoulder, “You can go with anyone wherever you want, _______.”

For the first time, Kibum doesn’t debate me or stop me going out without him, “Should we go there together next week?”

“Jonghyun asked you first. I can’t make it next week anyway.”

“Going somewhere?”

“Nana needs help in her shop and I promised her a favor.” He sounds lazier than before.

“Should I help too?” He shakes his head, but I don’t buy it, “Come on, Bum-ah. Nana would never reject some hel..”

“I need to go right now. I’m sorry. Catch you later!”

Kibum dashed right away after keep his phone safe inside his jacket, left my words hang on the air. I should be angry or at least annoyed because he left without any notice in the middle of my argument. But why I feel so sad?

***

It’s Kibum lost he didn’t go to the festival with me. I tried my best asking him at the very last time, but he stick to his words. The festival just got better year by year. It’s such a waste Kibum had to skip this one because it’s the most awesome in its history. I used to stay until at least midnight, but since no Kibum around, I passed after the clock hit nine.

Jonghyun is not too bad as a company, he danced along the numbers even if the songs were strange to his ear. We had very good time and decided to call it a night after grab some refreshment. When we’re waiting for our drink, I caught a figure that shouldn’t be there. Two figure.

To confirm that my eyes are both alright and I’m not hallucinating, I pick up my phone, moving two steps away from Jonghyun who patiently stands close to the counter.

“Key’s speaking!”

“Hi, Key. Can you tell Kibum that I hate backstabbers the most in my existence?”

“What are you talking about? Are you drunk? Is Jonghyun with you?”

“Just wondering why Kibum never told me that Nana had quit the bakery shop and changed the business.”

“You’re completely nonsense. Did you say you’re going to the fest? Where are you? I’ll pick you right now!”

“Oh! No need. Please tell Kibum I’m waiting my frappucino right now and totally fine. Jonghyun will take me home. Also please send my kiss to Gil from me.”

Kibum looks startled on his table, keeps shouting to prolong the talk. He turned his head left and right before finally struck on my stiff face.

“We are done here.” I press the red button on my screen just in time Jonghyun handed me my order. He smiled at me which I tried so hard to go with the flow without ruining someone’s night. Kibum seems doesn’t bother to clear something because nothing’s happened until I reached the front door.

‘I don’t see anything wrong with Jonghyun.’

‘You’ve been friend since ages and now someone slipped between both of you, not to mention that Key obviously shows how much he wanted Jonghyun vanished away.’

 ‘It’s 100% because of Key!’

‘Isn’t it perfect? You should be grateful!’

‘Key’s definitely a blocker! You need to get rid of him to move forward with Jonghyun!’

 ‘One vote for Jonghyun. Minus one for Key.’

‘Is it about Key again? Oh, dear. Just let him go.’

‘Can you just forget Key for once?’

You could just tell me, Gil. At least.

***

There’s no way Kibum didn’t tell her I caught them accidentally bumped to each other and decided to have a nice chit chat – that’s how Kibum supplied me – so I was quite surprised Gil acted like nothing’s happened in the next following morning. Wow.

I stopped wandered around at Kale’s house, I kept myself busy in the library, the point is, I chose to pull myself away from the girls. They got mad, of course, who likes being ditched, anyway? But when I thought of telling them, it wasn’t my job. Gil should’ve done that instead of me.

Kale feels betrayed so she just turned her head away when we faced each other in the hall way. Fa pretends that I didn’t exist. The musical needs more attention, so no time to play around for Jonghyun. And Kibum? He’s gone long time ago. I saw him and Gil some other time, but neither  Kibum nor Gil ever bother to approach me.

Thanks to student board activity that got bunch of schedule to catch due to school anniversary. The anniversary should be in January, but somehow the girl from second year suggested pushing back the festival to February so we can add some Valentine’s Day event on the round of festival.

I thought it was a dumbest idea ever, so nothing more surprising than the student head permission. So here we are, on the middle of February with so many pink shades and heart shaped around the school instead of silver and blue that represents school colors.

“_______!”

I turned myself to AJ’s face which almost paler than Edward Cullen. She’s the only one who still sits around me during the class or lunch time, “All drenched with sweat. Typical AJ. What happened?”

“You should go to the clinic right now.”

“Seems like you’re the one who should.”

“Key injured himself during the games. I thought you wanna know.”

“Don’t trick me. That’s not even his stuff.”

“Then who the heck that Jinki’s piggy backing all the way to the clinic?!”

He needed someone to carry him?! I don’t have time to ask her further and just heading south. Kim Kibum you better alright or I bring your worst nightmare ever and tear you down. The clinic is just after the biology lab, one turn and finally I reached the door knob.

I hate every single clinic or hospital or ER because it reminds me how my grandfather passed away. But I hate it more that now Gil sits on the waiting room bench, both her hand nervously placed on her laps. My hand already back to the door I just slammed behind me when two boys yelled each other behind the white curtain.

“Aw! It hurts!!”

“I told you to stay still! Don’t be such a princess!”

“I don’t! Are you sure you are capable with this?!”

“Remember who brought you here?!”

“You’re still student, Jinx!”

“A student that would save your life!”

What should I do now? Kibum seems really hurt in there. Should I went inside and checked? Wait, he got Jinki taking care of him. And he got Gil waiting outside with those worried eyes. Kibum doesn’t need me.

Before pulled the door opened, I take a glimpse to my left side. Gil observed me from head to toe, bit her lower lips before opened .

“He needs you.”

Does he? Hesitantly, I walked to the source of curse I just heard. I wipe my eyes and comb my hair with hand.

“Don’t go anywhere. Rest here for a while. I’ll call taxi later.” Jinki’s eyes meet mine who shoved inside, “Oh, _______! He’s fine now.  Make sure he visits the hospital for a better check.”

I nod blatantly. Jinki taps my shoulder, smiles so wide calming me down before he left and gave us time alone. Kibum’s back facing me; his stiff neck revealed that he might as awkward as me in this kind of atmosphere.

“Hey.” He hummed in my presence; his pouty mouth looks cute as usual. Nothing has changed from him beside his hair which now’s in jet black. “How are you?”

“You can see yourself.” Kibum answered me half-heartedly, “Did you just cry?”

I shake my head so hard in embarrassment, “Nope. Care to explain what’s happened?”

“This and that, something unfortunate happened. Jinki brought me here and voila, my hand on cast.”

“I just ran for my life here and that’s how you explained what’s just happened? Really, Kibum-ah?”

“Are you mad at me?”

“I don’t know. Are you?”

Both Kibum and I lost in silence. He just sits on the mattress, his mind wander around, while I’m standing in front of him, trying to compose some words to throw at him.

“Why on earth you join those ridiculous couple game? You said yourself that kind of activity just such a waste of time.” Kibum rolled his eyes, broke the eye contact between us, “Look. If you don’t like it, just tell your girlfriend you can’t do that. Should be easier like that.”

“Girlfriend?”

“Yeah, she’s waiting for you outside, looks like facing the dooms day.”

“Gil? Oh, dear. You need some medication.” Kibum’s face suddenly full of joy, his lips curl into a cute smirk, “_______, if she happened to be concern at her boyfriend, it supposed toward Jinki. She just worried that Jinki might trip and got hurt while carried me here.”

Taken a back, I lost my words and swallowed by the quiet inside the examination room. Instead of grimace since his arm wrapped neatly under the cast, Kibum just smile like a 5 year old kid who promised a new car toy by his parents while telling me what I’ve been missed. Unable to hide the feeling inside my heart, I feel my cheek got warmer every single second.

“Stop joking! Jinki has nothing to do here! If you’re not dating her then why you involved yourself in such a stupid game that surely not your area?”

Kibum hesitated a bit before released the pout, “You.”

“Tell me how that’s even making sense!! I’ve been out casted for the past couple months, Kibum!!”

I’m almost dying in frustration. He let out deep sigh then locks his eyes with mine. Kibum’s intense gaze somehow makes me uncomfortable, which he knew it, so he taps the mattress, signaling me to take a seat before he started again.

“I was standing there, covering my face from the sun and dust, when the kids started to get fussy. One and another, they changed the game into a couple triathlon.” He chewed the inside cheek, seems befitting some words into sentences, “Taemin suggesting arm wrestling competition to decide whose boyfriend is the manliest. How immature!”

“You could just leave immediately.”

“I wish. Fa and Kale started to brag their boyfriend. They compare them with AJ’s strength which she had no idea about what’s happened. Until someone shout your name out of nowhere.”

“Me?”

“Minho who’s in charge assumed since you’re and Jonghyun is not a couple, you’re out of the game. Taemin heard that and yelled almost to everyone that you’re too inept for such a girl. A reliable man like Jonghyun would never take a look at you. Instead, you would end up with..,” he stopped for a second, then continues in a super soft voice, “… a boy like me.”

Another stupid encounter that proved some people is just as shallow as my grandmother turtle pond, “They don’t know you at all, Kibum-ah.”

“They treat you as if you’re a trash. They can talk about me whatever they want because I don’t ever care. But it’s you they’re gossiping round and I care about you, _______. I do.”

I must be failed to hold my tears because Kibum flee his free hand and brushed my damped cheek, “So yeah, I’m clearly an impulsive idiot who decided to join that futile games. Of course Minho is too tough for everyone..”

Kibum forced me to chuckle and curse Minho right away, “You’re not idiot. You are my cotton candy and will always be.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

A smile rose upon my face, without double thought, I lean forward to reach his lips, kiss him lightly hoping he knew what my heart has been struggling with until now. When I pulled back, he was taken aback, looks like his life decreased by 10 years.

“Did you just kiss me?”

My cheeks burnt to death, both my hand curled by my side, and my lips curled together before I could throw some words out, “No. I just kicked your . Isn’t it Valentine’s Day? Some said girls supposed to show her feeling and after long contemplating I think I just find tha..”

Before I could finish my words, my chin got pulled, Kibum’s nose barely brushed my face, and the next second he lands his soft and small lips onto mine. His tender flesh and some chapped skin not only mark my lips but also my heart. It feels familiar and I completely save under its spell.

“It does cost an arm to prove that I’m a real man to you, doesn’t it?” he jokes around when finally we break apart.

I pinch his nose and fix his bangs, “You’re always real for me.”

My Dad is evidence that prove me no matter how manly a fellow could be; it doesn’t guarantee him an ability to protect and appreciate what he once loved. Some people just let it shattered and left broken apart.

Because not every man should be a soldier-like to show his true color. The real thing which’s more important is the heart inside, despite how awful, ugly, cramped, or shabby its wrapper is; as it would always find a way to show its magic.

And you don’t need any disguise to make me love you, Kim Kibum.

***

Kibum and I strolled the empty school hallway, enjoying the after party moment, when people already gone to the place where they’re belong to and the confetti smeared all over building face. The vanilla scent from his chest is seeping through my nose, melts me away to the cloud nine.

“You’re talking about cotton candy earlier.”

I hum softly as consent, “Want to grab some?”

“Nope.. I need to watch my sugar intake. Just wondering how would its color look on my hair.”

“Do not even try.”

“Come on, I’ve tried the grapefruit one and it did work.”

“Nope.”

“How about light violet?”

“Not a chance, Kim Kibum.”

“Voodoo blue?”

“Babe?”

“Yeah?”

“How about the pain on your right hand?”

“Oh, hell on earth. Why?”

“Want it moved to your face?”

“………”

***